Conflicted
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16-03-2014, 12:49 PM
RE: Conflicted
If not coming out holds no consequences for you, then why do you agonize about it so much?

The answer is obvious, it HAS direct immediate and POWERFUL consequences for you, and they're all mental, and very important to deal with and understand before you make a choice.

Other people's summations of you will change if you do come out because you will encompass something they're either unaware of or unable to deal with, you will have to live with the new reality of their knowing who you are in a more complete way. I don't see that as being bad in the slightest! Very difficult yes. It will show you who your true friends are and will put you into the public in a way that you've never existed before and you may not be comfortable with it but you'll be forced to deal with it because it is who you are.

The real question is are you comfortable with yourself enough to be yourself around others and are you prepared for the good and bad that will come from that? You have to have a certain reservoir of strength within you to survive a change of this magnitude (even if it's not you that's changing just other people's perceptions) make sure you have that before you decide, but don't not do it because you're afraid. Whatever way you think it will go it will go some other way, and THAT is what you must be prepared for.
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16-03-2014, 01:05 PM
RE: Conflicted
I'm guessing you're talking about members of your family and their reactions.

A few years ago, my sister made a point to call each of her siblings to break the news that her 19 year old son was gay.
Our reactions were all like "yeah, so? I've known that since he was about 5."

I don't know your family, but some of them might surprise you. Drinking Beverage

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Science is not a subject, but a method.
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16-03-2014, 01:10 PM
RE: Conflicted
Pffft! This thread is totally gay.









Naw, seriously. I say come out. It's not like you have to take an ad out in the local paper, but those close to you should know. It's part of who you are. And it sounds like your situation will be similar to mine. Anti-climactic. Different situation, but hell, my folks were more upset to find out I was poly amorous than they were to find out I was bi. (Fuck I hate that term.....rant elsewhere Stark, rant elsewhere....)

In the end, you'll never know the outcome until you do what you're gonna do. So you may as well just get on with the doing.

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16-03-2014, 01:29 PM
RE: Conflicted
Theres no reason to go around anouncing that your gay,hetro, bi or whatever, if it comes up in conversation, that would be different.

Either way, keep a sense of humor about it. We had a guy in the club years ago that made way to many comments about guys, and it finally came out that he was bi (leaning towards gay), no biggie to the rest of us, but he did get some ribbing about it at times from us, and gave us some serious cuts back to the pussy sniffers as well.

Anyone else giving him shit would have eaten dirt in a heartbeat, by him and the rest of us. He was a brother and thats all that mattered.

Yeah, I'm in a different lifestyle than you may be in, but the point I'm trying to make applies all the same.

If bullshit were music some people would be a brass band.
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16-03-2014, 01:57 PM
RE: Conflicted
Wait, what...I just reread this while totally awake...Muffs is gay! Shocking

Love ya Muffsybooboo...I bet it won't be the shock you think it will be to those closest to you. Right now it's probably just the elephant in the room.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
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16-03-2014, 02:26 PM
RE: Conflicted
(16-03-2014 07:40 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  I guess I'm conflicted though because I think by not coming out I guess I'm letting them win. By not saying it's not ok it's like I'm saying it is ok.
I haven't come out and told people that I am heterosexual, my sexual interests are my private business. They aren't public domain to be discussed, debated, analysed and judged. I'm sure people have worked it out because I have a wife and two kids, but hopefully it was just a passing, non important observation rather than one of relief or despair.

Why should your being gay require an announcement?
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16-03-2014, 03:11 PM
RE: Conflicted
(16-03-2014 02:26 PM)Stevil Wrote:  
(16-03-2014 07:40 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  I guess I'm conflicted though because I think by not coming out I guess I'm letting them win. By not saying it's not ok it's like I'm saying it is ok.
I haven't come out and told people that I am heterosexual, my sexual interests are my private business. They aren't public domain to be discussed, debated, analysed and judged. I'm sure people have worked it out because I have a wife and two kids, but hopefully it was just a passing, non important observation rather than one of relief or despair.

Why should your being gay require an announcement?

So you're now comparing homosexual acceptance with heterosexuality? Yeah straight people are disowned all the time, or beat up because of their straightness. It doesn't matter...If you can't be supportive in the personal issues and support section then go away.


God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

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16-03-2014, 03:21 PM
RE: Conflicted
Moms is right. That is a false analogy.

We live in a society where, barring any indicators to the contrary, it is assumed you are straight. And no, that doesn't mean people walk around "assuming everyone's sexuality." It it DOES matter in your personal life since that is where you usually find intimacy.

Often being out is a choice made for no other reason than to satisfy loneliness that can be taken for granted by all of us sometimes.

JS

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16-03-2014, 03:30 PM
RE: Conflicted
Nor has he mentioned an announcement. ... He's talking about whether or not to continue hiding an intrinsic part of his self identity. ... There's that.

A man blames his bad childhood on leprechauns. He claims they don't exist, but yet still says without a doubt that they stole all his money and then killed his parents. That's why he became Leprechaun-Man

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16-03-2014, 04:05 PM
RE: Conflicted
(16-03-2014 02:26 PM)Stevil Wrote:  
(16-03-2014 07:40 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  I guess I'm conflicted though because I think by not coming out I guess I'm letting them win. By not saying it's not ok it's like I'm saying it is ok.
I haven't come out and told people that I am heterosexual, my sexual interests are my private business. They aren't public domain to be discussed, debated, analysed and judged. I'm sure people have worked it out because I have a wife and two kids, but hopefully it was just a passing, non important observation rather than one of relief or despair.

Why should your being gay require an announcement?

My best friend is a lesbian. We've been friends for many years and she only revealed it to me 3-4 years ago.

She told me how hard it was to keep it a secret, pretending that she liked guys, having to answer to questions like "why don't you start dating?" or to things like "I know a guy who would be perfect for you".

When you are different than what your family and friends think or expect you to be, it can be quite stressful keeping it a secret.

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