Conflicted
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18-03-2014, 10:13 AM
RE: Conflicted
Are you totally happy with being gay muffs?
What I mean by that is we are all who we are, however there are things we can wish were different about ourselves sometimes.
Does some of your confliction lie there?

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

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18-03-2014, 11:02 AM
RE: Conflicted
(18-03-2014 08:07 AM)Chas Wrote:  
(17-03-2014 11:28 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  With all due respect 1) Your nephew isn't me 2) That's only your opinion of him, you can't speak for everyone in his life, his friends, his work colleges/school mates, other assorted people in his life.
Everything may be all well and good from your point of view but it could be a very different picture from his eyes. It's only a thing for you in a "he's my nephew" sense, it's a thing for him in a "this is my whole life" sense.

If you don't actually want support, why did you post it in this forum? Consider

I honestly think he wants support. I could be way off beam here but I have this instinctive feeling when I read through this thread that there may be one or two things eating away at Muffs that he can't quite put his finger on. ... He's possibly posting on here with a view to use us as a sounding board or a mirror which is completely fine. ... He may not know what it is he's trying to put his finger on so to speak but he does know what it isn't.

I think it's more likely that when we get it way wrong (as in not near to the particular aspect that's bothering him), Muffs being Muffs, he handles the rebuttals of those posts with his usual ... erm ... lets call it panache and flair! I don't think he's rejecting support Big Grin

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18-03-2014, 04:32 PM
RE: Conflicted
I say if you're gonna do it, do it proper.

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(17-03-2014 11:28 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  If I had cancer you'd hear about it.
I'd get $150,000 from my life insurance policy if I did.

I'm not sure you understand how life insurance works MuffinHead. No

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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18-03-2014, 05:19 PM
RE: Conflicted
(17-03-2014 11:28 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  
(17-03-2014 07:12 AM)bemore Wrote:  Write down everything your scared of, make a list. Spend 5 minutes on each item rationalising it, is it as bad as you think? are there alternatives? Picture the scenes going your way.

As you get older bro you will pick up a thicker skin and start to give less of a fuck what others think of you.

It's not what they think of me.

Quote:Our attitude and behavior to our nephew didn't change much - we already knew.

The only changes were positive - everyone could acknowledge relationships, for instance. His sexuality was never, and isn't now, a big deal. He's one of my five nephews, that's all. He happens to be gay. The one we do talk about is the one with Asperger's - his life gets weird sometimes. Yes

With all due respect 1) Your nephew isn't me 2) That's only your opinion of him, you can't speak for everyone in his life, his friends, his work colleges/school mates, other assorted people in his life.
Everything may be all well and good from your point of view but it could be a very different picture from his eyes. It's only a thing for you in a "he's my nephew" sense, it's a thing for him in a "this is my whole life" sense.

Quote:*Chuckle*

Coming out as gay....and cancer.

That escalated fast.

Silly muffs.

If I had cancer you'd hear about it.
I'd get $150,000 from my life insurance policy if I did.


When I'm at the airport next year heading to Europe I might just yell it out across the customs fence as I'm about to board my plane.
"Oh mom and dad by the way I'm gay. Gotta catch my flight, bye"

Why would you get money from your own life insurance if you had cancer?
I mean if you die your beneficiary would get money but I have never heard of anyone getting money for getting cancer...

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Swing with me forever, we can count up every flower, we can weather every storm.
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18-03-2014, 05:26 PM
RE: Conflicted
(18-03-2014 05:19 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  
(17-03-2014 11:28 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  It's not what they think of me.


With all due respect 1) Your nephew isn't me 2) That's only your opinion of him, you can't speak for everyone in his life, his friends, his work colleges/school mates, other assorted people in his life.
Everything may be all well and good from your point of view but it could be a very different picture from his eyes. It's only a thing for you in a "he's my nephew" sense, it's a thing for him in a "this is my whole life" sense.


If I had cancer you'd hear about it.
I'd get $150,000 from my life insurance policy if I did.


When I'm at the airport next year heading to Europe I might just yell it out across the customs fence as I'm about to board my plane.
"Oh mom and dad by the way I'm gay. Gotta catch my flight, bye"

Why would you get money from your own life insurance if you had cancer?
I mean if you die your beneficiary would get money but I have never heard of anyone getting money for getting cancer...

There are companies who will purchase your policy at a discount if you are terminal if you make them the beneficiary. Death stalking vultures and shit circling the hospice. You'll be lucky to get a dime to the dollar though and if you don't die, well then you're really fucked.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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18-03-2014, 05:29 PM
RE: Conflicted
(18-03-2014 05:26 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(18-03-2014 05:19 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  Why would you get money from your own life insurance if you had cancer?
I mean if you die your beneficiary would get money but I have never heard of anyone getting money for getting cancer...

There are companies who will purchase your policy at a discount if you are terminal if you make them the beneficiary. Death stalking vultures and shit circling the hospice. You'll be lucky to get a dime to the dollar though and if you don't die, well then you're really fucked.

Oh that's crazy!

Swing with me a while, we can listen to the birds call, we can keep each other warm.
Swing with me forever, we can count up every flower, we can weather every storm.
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18-03-2014, 06:12 PM
RE: Conflicted
Quote:Take it from me, try to make it in the nicest way you can manage. It can be hard on them too, and you might regret it down the road if you make it harder than it needs to be for them.

Hard for them, lol.

(18-03-2014 08:07 AM)Chas Wrote:  
(17-03-2014 11:28 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  With all due respect 1) Your nephew isn't me 2) That's only your opinion of him, you can't speak for everyone in his life, his friends, his work colleges/school mates, other assorted people in his life.
Everything may be all well and good from your point of view but it could be a very different picture from his eyes. It's only a thing for you in a "he's my nephew" sense, it's a thing for him in a "this is my whole life" sense.

If you don't actually want support, why did you post it in this forum? Consider

I do, but you said isn't support. You relayed your situation which is absolutely nothing like my situation. I'm not asking advice regarding accepting a family member who's gay, I'm asking support as that gay family member.
It's easy for you because he's your nephew. You accept him and that's it.
If he has a hard time at school/work or with other family members, you don't see that.
You're not thinking about the situation from his/my point of view. You're only thinking about it from your point of view.

I do appreciate everything people say but when people say "well so and so in my family/gorup of friends was gay and I accepted them" that doesn't help me.
I think it's great BUT you're not my family, you're not my friends and you're not in that persons shoes, you don't see all the people in their life who don't accept them, all the shit they go through. It's a completely different story being someone who is accepting someone who is gay and being gay asking others to accept you for being gay.

Quote:Are you totally happy with being gay muffs?
What I mean by that is we are all who we are, however there are things we can wish were different about ourselves sometimes.
Does some of your confliction lie there?

Do I sometimes wish I was not an anti-social gay narcissistic nerd loner with huge aspirational dreams of world domination who doesn't smoke, drink, go out Friday nights, date, have any real friends and feels shut in constantly by his limitations? Instead that I was a normal human being that had friends, socialized, gets invited to drinks after work, had girlfriends and normal dreams of a regular 9-5 job with 1 and a quarter kids and would be content and happy with such a boring regular life?
Yea.
If given the opportunity to trade my life who something that fits that description would I?
Unrealistic and thus irreverent.

Quote:I'm not sure you understand how life insurance works MuffinHead. No

If I acquire a terminal illness (which I suppose with cancer would depend on the timing and type of cancer) they'll pay me out before I die.

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18-03-2014, 07:18 PM
RE: Conflicted
(18-03-2014 06:12 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  If I acquire a terminal illness (which I suppose with cancer would depend on the timing and type of cancer) they'll pay me out before I die.

Never heard of such a thing. What happens if you survive? You owe $150K at some ridiculous interest rate you'll never be able to pay off? You sure that ain't part of that sketchy deal you made with Maori for your release? 'Cause other than the vultures who will pay you pennies on the dollar and hope you die quick, shit don't work that way here.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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18-03-2014, 07:53 PM
RE: Conflicted
I say come out of the closet. But I think these conversations should come up naturally- I'm not one for big announcements (giving or receiving), because they never seem to go as planned and backfire. You end up with a bigger mess than you started with.

I say be who "you" are with those you love and care about.

Heart


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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18-03-2014, 09:44 PM
RE: Conflicted
(18-03-2014 06:12 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  
(18-03-2014 08:07 AM)Chas Wrote:  If you don't actually want support, why did you post it in this forum? Consider

I do, but you said isn't support. You relayed your situation which is absolutely nothing like my situation. I'm not asking advice regarding accepting a family member who's gay, I'm asking support as that gay family member.
It's easy for you because he's your nephew. You accept him and that's it.
If he has a hard time at school/work or with other family members, you don't see that.
You're not thinking about the situation from his/my point of view. You're only thinking about it from your point of view.

I do appreciate everything people say but when people say "well so and so in my family/gorup of friends was gay and I accepted them" that doesn't help me.
I think it's great BUT you're not my family, you're not my friends and you're not in that persons shoes, you don't see all the people in their life who don't accept them, all the shit they go through. It's a completely different story being someone who is accepting someone who is gay and being gay asking others to accept you for being gay.

My, and others', comments were to the point. You said you are worried about how people in your family will react and how they will treat you: "...but if I do I know people in my life are gonna take issue with it and I don't want it to be that defining topic of conversation thing whenever I'm in the room."

We were reassuring you that that is not necessarily, or even the likely, outcome.

But, fine, don't listen to us. Drinking Beverage

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Science is not a subject, but a method.
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