Conflicted
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
18-03-2014, 10:49 PM
RE: Conflicted
I think it all comes down to, "Do you want to be out?".

You're the only one with any insight as to what that might entail when it comes to your particular family and social groups, we can only offer what we know within our own particular family and social groups.

What this thread really needs is a good ole' DLJ risk vs. reward assessment breakdown. Yes

In the end, all of the potential negative outcomes vs. all of the potential positive outcomes will be the sum of whether or not you "want" to come out.

I can't personally imagine how hard it would be to have to add all of that up and decide when, or if that's something that will be beneficial to you. I hate that you even have to worry about it, muffs, so I'm sorry. But here's hoping for the best of all possible outcomes regardless of whatever decision you make in the future.

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
19-03-2014, 01:44 AM
RE: Conflicted
(18-03-2014 07:18 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(18-03-2014 06:12 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  If I acquire a terminal illness (which I suppose with cancer would depend on the timing and type of cancer) they'll pay me out before I die.

Never heard of such a thing. What happens if you survive? You owe $150K at some ridiculous interest rate you'll never be able to pay off? You sure that ain't part of that sketchy deal you made with Maori for your release? 'Cause other than the vultures who will pay you pennies on the dollar and hope you die quick, shit don't work that way here.

It's through my bank (which is a major bank). I had to have it with the loan I got out to buy my motorbike and I've just kept it (though I lowered it at one stage).
I pay $2 a fortnight for $150,000 cover. And yea, if I get a terminal illness I need to have it clarified and confirmed by a slew of doctors (as you'd expect) and they (the bank) will pay me out the $150,000. They also pay it out to my folks if I die (has to be accidental death iirc), so if I "die suddenly" let the police know... Dodgy If I survive than it's lucky me I don't have to pay it back.
My parents were surprised by it too, but meh, competition here is fierce in the banking/insurance industry and there's only 4million of us Kiwi's so offering shit like this happens all the time. Bit like the banks giving people money (a couple grand) to take their home loan out with them instead of the other banks. All the banks are doing that now. It started with one bank offering $1,000 to "help set up your life in your new house" to every bank offering at least $2,000 to some banks offering now $4,000. Keep in mind that the interest rate is practically the same across all the banks too so...
Anyway, tad off topic sorry, this stuff excites me because it's like the one market where we don't have a duopoly and have actual good competition.

Quote:I say come out of the closet. But I think these conversations should come up naturally- I'm not one for big announcements (giving or receiving), because they never seem to go as planned and backfire. You end up with a bigger mess than you started with.

I say be who "you" are with those you love and care about.

Just slip it in the middle of a facebook post?

Quote:My, and others', comments were to the point. You said you are worried about how people in your family will react and how they will treat you: "...but if I do I know people in my life are gonna take issue with it and I don't want it to be that defining topic of conversation thing whenever I'm in the room."

We were reassuring you that that is not necessarily, or even the likely, outcome.

But, fine, don't listen to us. Coffeedrinker

I don't think you understand the position I'm in at all.
I get what you're saying and responding to it with what I'm saying.
I don't think you appreciate what I'm saying.
Think on it. I'm not not listening too you.

[Image: 3cdac7eec8f6b059070d9df56f50a7ae.jpg]
Now with 40% more awesome.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
19-03-2014, 01:59 AM
RE: Conflicted
How old are you Muffsy?
I know you said that you don't really show who you really are. Not even in other areas of your life, right?
Do you feel like you're tired if that? Do you feel like you just want to be able to relax and be yourself?
For those who you think would have serious issues with your being gay, do you feel like you're prepared to have your relationship with these people drastically change? Have you accepted the possibility of possible losing people over this?

Swing with me a while, we can listen to the birds call, we can keep each other warm.
Swing with me forever, we can count up every flower, we can weather every storm.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
19-03-2014, 11:15 AM
RE: Conflicted
The difference of 'coming out' as gay and heterosexual is pretty obvious.. While at the edges, telling the wrong person can get you killed. Now it's almost never that serious of course but comparing them is silly!

(16-03-2014 03:11 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  
(16-03-2014 02:26 PM)Stevil Wrote:  I haven't come out and told people that I am heterosexual, my sexual interests are my private business. They aren't public domain to be discussed, debated, analysed and judged. I'm sure people have worked it out because I have a wife and two kids, but hopefully it was just a passing, non important observation rather than one of relief or despair.

Why should your being gay require an announcement?

So you're now comparing homosexual acceptance with heterosexuality? Yeah straight people are disowned all the time, or beat up because of their straightness. It doesn't matter...If you can't be supportive in the personal issues and support section then go away.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
21-03-2014, 11:24 AM
RE: Conflicted
(18-03-2014 06:12 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  Do I sometimes wish I was not an anti-social gay narcissistic nerd loner with huge aspirational dreams of world domination who doesn't smoke, drink, go out Friday nights, date, have any real friends and feels shut in constantly by his limitations?

You basically described me, except for the narcissistic and world domination part as well as the part about not being a drinker. Sometimes, I do go out mainly to jog with earphones so no one is tempted to bother me, and once in a while I even go out to a club. I found that alcohol allows me to overcome the anti-social tendencies, and I become quite social under the influence. You should try it, unless you are the type of non-drinker who is the way he is because he prefers to remain in control at all times. If that is the case, phooey on that. Let loose once in a while. It won't kill you.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
22-03-2014, 07:57 AM
RE: Conflicted
(19-03-2014 01:59 AM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  How old are you Muffsy?
I know you said that you don't really show who you really are. Not even in other areas of your life, right?
Do you feel like you're tired if that? Do you feel like you just want to be able to relax and be yourself?
For those who you think would have serious issues with your being gay, do you feel like you're prepared to have your relationship with these people drastically change? Have you accepted the possibility of possible losing people over this?

I'm 8012 days old.
Correct.
No. No.
That's the question isn't it..
That wouldn't happen.

Quote:You basically described me, except for the narcissistic and world domination part as well as the part about not being a drinker. Sometimes, I do go out mainly to jog with earphones so no one is tempted to bother me, and once in a while I even go out to a club. I found that alcohol allows me to overcome the anti-social tendencies, and I become quite social under the influence. You should try it, unless you are the type of non-drinker who is the way he is because he prefers to remain in control at all times. If that is the case, phooey on that. Let loose once in a while. It won't kill you.

I don't drink, and I've never told anyone this I always just use that it's foul and I hate it (which is true also) as an excuse, because I don't wanna end up like my alcoholic father. Alcohol causes too many issues, I find that it's better just to avoid it.
Plus have you seen the amount of energy drink and cola I drink? And you're telling me to add alcohol to that mix...

[Image: 3cdac7eec8f6b059070d9df56f50a7ae.jpg]
Now with 40% more awesome.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: