Conplete and utter bitch fit.
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19-08-2014, 09:13 AM
Conplete and utter bitch fit.
You'll hear me reference this a lot, so please don't think of me as a debbie downer.

After years of fertility issues and numerous miscarriages with no explanation, we finally got pregnant last year. I was due October 2013. The pregnancy was text book, no hiccups, not even gestational diabetes. Nothing. Our last ultrasound, we found out our son's heart stopped beating. Bleh. Shitty.

Fast forward to now, I'm pregnant with our daughter, due in October again, the 24th ish.

This one is giving me all sorts of trouble. Physically and mentally. I was prepared for the mental aspect, the grief, the guilt, I got it. Totes prepared. Physically, not so much prepared for my body to be a little bitch, but whatever.

Right now I'm having an EXTREMELY hard time not coming out and saying every nasty, cave dwelling, catty thought that comes to my mind, in regards to a certain off shoot of my husband's family. They're super religious, which I can handle. You keep your shit away from mine and we'll be good. And they do, for the most part.

However.

This specific branch of the family, in all their godly glory, couldn't be bothered to come to our son's funeral.

The majority of them live in town. The town in which he's buried.

My coworkers came, they shut down my specific office, managers from other offices in the area came, my husband's coworkers came, my family from Pittsburgh and Maryland came (we're in central PA), even people we went to high school with, people we haven't physically seen in 7 years showed up.

All these people. People who had essentially NO BLOOD TIES to either of us, they all took time off work to come to our son's funeral.

A baby funeral.

And this shitty branch of his family couldn't be bothered to take a half hour out of their day.

A lot of these feelings are exacerbated by his one cousin checking in via Facebook every fucking week. "You ok? How are you doing?" And wishing us "good luck" every time we have an appointment, so every week.

The good luck especially bothers me, like we don't know it's a fucking gamble on whether you get to take your kid home or not. Who the hell do you think you are?

I know he means well, I know a lot of this is me, a lot of it is in my head and I'll have to deal with it, I'm just afraid I'm going to blurt out something insanely obscene and sacrilegious before I'm able to deal appropriately.

I'm also afraid if I essentially tell any of them to mind their business, it's going to start a war of wars and then I'll really not be able to hold my tongue.

UGH.
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19-08-2014, 09:21 AM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
Well, if it helps... why not let it out here?

Not a lot of people know this but TTA is code for "obscene and sacrilegious".

The Ranting Corner thread might be of particular use to you.

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19-08-2014, 09:31 AM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
As DLJ pretty much said, if you need to vent (i.e. throw a shit fit), this is a good place to do so.

And that branch of the family has their heads up their asses. Yes

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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19-08-2014, 09:36 AM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
You sound very emotional - and no wonder, even a pregnancy by a young woman who has had other perfect pregnancies and babies can have emotional spells like that. Add in the amount of conflicting feelings you must have, and you definitely need to find an outlet for all of this.

We don't mind bitch fits here, many of us came riding in on one of those, myself included. Smile

So, be our guest and vent, rant and bitch all you like. Many of us will identify.

Hug

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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19-08-2014, 09:43 AM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
I think you need some distance with these people. Move them to a restricted or acquaintance list on Facebook, or hide their posts.

I have creationist Inlaws, many on Facebook, they drive me crazy, I had to do the things above just to keep family peace. I am only 'friends' with my husbands siblings. I had to unfriend and block his parents because they are just too far out there for me.

The good luck might be a way of trying to show support, but they know you aren't into blessings, so just trying to find something nice to say but failing miserably. But you know them best and can judge what the intent is.

Maybe have your husband contact and explain that you just want some breathing room?



OT: Pittsburgh? There's a few of us here from there. Smile


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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19-08-2014, 09:53 AM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
First off, good luck with this pregnancy.

Them not showing up when you needed the support and sticking their nose in you business now sucks. You can not control their actions, just your reaction. If this is a facebook feed problem either un-friend or block their feed.

The one wishing you good luck may indeed be genuine. I do not know the person so actually gauging the intentions is impossible. It may help your situation to keep your medical status private for a while. If you are publicly talking about you doctors visits you are going to get the random "good luck" wishes from "friends".

Vent as you need. Random internet strangers seem to do the trick at times. We have a different perspective and no personal ties to the situation.
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19-08-2014, 10:03 AM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
(19-08-2014 09:53 AM)wazzel Wrote:  First off, good luck with this pregnancy.

Them not showing up when you needed the support and sticking their nose in you business now sucks. You can not control their actions, just your reaction. If this is a facebook feed problem either un-friend or block their feed.

The one wishing you good luck may indeed be genuine. I do not know the person so actually gauging the intentions is impossible. It may help your situation to keep your medical status private for a while. If you are publicly talking about you doctors visits you are going to get the random "good luck" wishes from "friends".

Vent as you need. Random internet strangers seem to do the trick at times. We have a different perspective and no personal ties to the situation.

I think that's what bugs me the most. We aren't broadcasting anything. They're getting the info from someone else, I'm pretty sure his parents, which is fine. I get that they're concerned.

I guess I'm just bitter. They weren't there before, what gives them the right or entitlement to be there now?
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19-08-2014, 01:43 PM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
I have an old saying when droves of my husband's showed up at his grandmother's funeral, when they came to me and said it was terrible "she died in a home" and they certainly would have "taken her in." I replied, "that's funny, the whole time our phone never rang...don't pretend to care now."


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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19-08-2014, 01:48 PM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
(19-08-2014 01:43 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  I have an old saying when droves of my husband's showed up at his grandmother's funeral, when they came to me and said it was terrible "she died in a home" and they certainly would have "taken her in." I replied, "that's funny, the whole time our phone never rang...don't pretend to care now."

Ooooh. Yikes. I love that.

Absolutely sorry for your loss.

But I like that.

Also, "complete". Fat fingers and jerk phone.
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19-08-2014, 02:50 PM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
Wow- I am so sorry for what you are going through. That sucks on so many levels.

From what you are saying, holding it all in is tearing you up inside. Not that you are wrong to feel this way, in fact it is very understandable. But it seems you really don't need that right now. I am wondering if there is a way for you to tell them how you feel, but write your message down in advance. Then leave it overnight and come back to it the next day, before you send it. Let another person or two read it as well. Something along the lines of...

"When my son died you did not come to his funeral. I am sure you had your reasons at the time, but that left me feeling very hurt and let down at a time I really would have benefited from people rallying around me. I am struggling now to feel that your concern for my current pregnancy is genuine because of this. Was it your intention to appear uncaring and distant at the time of my son's funeral?"

Then let someone else read any replies before you do. You may not want the last line. It is kind of an attack, but puts the onus on them to defend their actions, and not on you to defend your feelings. Otherwise you they can come back with "you shouldn't be feeling that way, that's not why we didn't come", which is bullshit- you have plenty of right to feel the way you do. I am concerned that, if you don't face this and take ownership and control, then you will explode and create a lot more problems down the line.

Alternatively put pictures of them on a dart board and start throwing darts- usually works for me. Smile[/i]

I don't know your whole situation- maybe this is the worst thing you could do. If this is terrible advice and I totally missed the point, then I apologize now. You have other choices, such as to just vent on this forum and to friends, etc. Maybe that is enough. I do know that I cannot comprehend what you are going through, the pain you are feeling, the fears you must be having. Please keep us updated on how things are going.

I hope for the best for you, whatever happens with these folks.
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