Conplete and utter bitch fit.
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19-08-2014, 03:41 PM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
I just realized now we have TWO TTA babies on the way! Thumbsup

Banana_zorro


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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19-08-2014, 04:07 PM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
(19-08-2014 02:50 PM)GodlessRN Wrote:  Wow- I am so sorry for what you are going through. That sucks on so many levels.

From what you are saying, holding it all in is tearing you up inside. Not that you are wrong to feel this way, in fact it is very understandable. But it seems you really don't need that right now. I am wondering if there is a way for you to tell them how you feel, but write your message down in advance. Then leave it overnight and come back to it the next day, before you send it. Let another person or two read it as well. Something along the lines of...

"When my son died you did not come to his funeral. I am sure you had your reasons at the time, but that left me feeling very hurt and let down at a time I really would have benefited from people rallying around me. I am struggling now to feel that your concern for my current pregnancy is genuine because of this. Was it your intention to appear uncaring and distant at the time of my son's funeral?"

Then let someone else read any replies before you do. You may not want the last line. It is kind of an attack, but puts the onus on them to defend their actions, and not on you to defend your feelings. Otherwise you they can come back with "you shouldn't be feeling that way, that's not why we didn't come", which is bullshit- you have plenty of right to feel the way you do. I am concerned that, if you don't face this and take ownership and control, then you will explode and create a lot more problems down the line.

Alternatively put pictures of them on a dart board and start throwing darts- usually works for me. Smile[/i]

I don't know your whole situation- maybe this is the worst thing you could do. If this is terrible advice and I totally missed the point, then I apologize now. You have other choices, such as to just vent on this forum and to friends, etc. Maybe that is enough. I do know that I cannot comprehend what you are going through, the pain you are feeling, the fears you must be having. Please keep us updated on how things are going.

I hope for the best for you, whatever happens with these folks.

That's actually a really good idea. I feel like if I at least got it out, even just writing it down and throwing it away, that may help.
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19-08-2014, 04:10 PM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
Writing it out and just throwing it away (or burning it) is an awesome idea- if it does not help you have not lost much anyway.
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19-08-2014, 04:13 PM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
(19-08-2014 04:10 PM)GodlessRN Wrote:  Writing it out and just throwing it away (or burning it) is an awesome idea- if it does not help you have not lost much anyway.

Exactly. Husband is very much into attempting to keep peace. He understands why I feel the way I do and supports me, but he's more "Wait until this baby is born before you start shit." Which makes sense.

It also doesn't help much that before our son's passing, I had the emotional iq of a brick. I've never been emotional, never too happy, too sad, to pissy, always even tempered and essentially a drone.

So the whole feeling thing is new to me lol.
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19-08-2014, 04:35 PM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
Exactly. Husband is very much into attempting to keep peace. He understands why I feel the way I do and supports me, but he's more "Wait until this baby is born before you start shit." Which makes sense.

It also doesn't help much that before our son's passing, I had the emotional iq of a brick. I've never been emotional, never too happy, too sad, to pissy, always even tempered and essentially a drone.

So the whole feeling thing is new to me lol.
[/quote]

I know what you mean about the brick thing. I recently completed my Master's in nursing and part of the course was a class on Emotional Intelligence. Got me thinking more about emotions and how we use them. I came to the (over simplified) conclusion that emotions help us figure out how much things are important to us. Our intellect helps us identify what to do with that revelation. Both need practice to be used effectively.

Maybe this is something many folks figure out early, but I come from a British, private Catholic school, stiff upper lip, show no fear background, so handling emotion is not something that comes naturally.

Now if I could jut put that class into practice...
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19-08-2014, 04:38 PM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
I am sorry for all you are going through but I must say that I chuckled when I saw the term "bitch fit". It's been a while since I have heard that one.

Take the best of care and don't get too riled up this late in your pregnancy.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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19-08-2014, 04:39 PM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
(19-08-2014 04:35 PM)GodlessRN Wrote:  Exactly. Husband is very much into attempting to keep peace. He understands why I feel the way I do and supports me, but he's more "Wait until this baby is born before you start shit." Which makes sense.

It also doesn't help much that before our son's passing, I had the emotional iq of a brick. I've never been emotional, never too happy, too sad, to pissy, always even tempered and essentially a drone.

So the whole feeling thing is new to me lol.

I know what you mean about the brick thing. I recently completed my Master's in nursing and part of the course was a class on Emotional Intelligence. Got me thinking more about emotions and how we use them. I came to the (over simplified) conclusion that emotions help us figure out how much things are important to us. Our intellect helps us identify what to do with that revelation. Both need practice to be used effectively.

Maybe this is something many folks figure out early, but I come from a British, private Catholic school, stiff upper lip, show no fear background, so handling emotion is not something that comes naturally.

Now if I could jut put that class into practice...
[/quote]

My dad has always been very stoic. I've only ever seen him cry twice in my life, once when he lost his best friend in the 9/11 tower collapse and then when our son passed.

My mother has always been almost over emotional about everything. I remember rolling my eyes A LOT when I was a kid because of that.

I think that's what did it. I was like "I don't want to cry about everything, jesus" and kind of favored my dad's responses.
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19-08-2014, 04:43 PM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
I am so-so sorry for your losses!

I had 3 miscarriages as well and nearly died during my 2nd one, but horrible as they were, it was always in my first 3 months. My ex was extremely dominating and abusive. My nerves were frazzled 24/7. He never hit me per se, so I never had the bruises, black eyes, etc. He did other cruel things, that honestly were far scarier to me, and the cause of my miscarriages. He always used the bible as his source of dominance. Alright, that's my rant for the day. Angry

On a much brighter note, my daughter is due October 1st with my first grandchild, a little girl - Lilly Rain Heart On a not-so-bright note, her hormones have her all over the place too! She's my little Jekyll and Hyde right now, so don't feel bad. Yes

Anyway, I wanted you to know that I understand and congrats on the baby!

It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. ~Mark Twain
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19-08-2014, 04:58 PM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
(19-08-2014 04:43 PM)CindysRain Wrote:  I am so-so sorry for your losses!

I had 3 miscarriages as well and nearly died during my 2nd one, but horrible as they were, it was always in my first 3 months. My ex was extremely dominating and abusive. My nerves were frazzled 24/7. He never hit me per se, so I never had the bruises, black eyes, etc. He did other cruel things, that honestly were far scarier to me, and the cause of my miscarriages. He always used the bible as his source of dominance. Alright, that's my rant for the day. Angry

On a much brighter note, my daughter is due October 1st with my first grandchild, a little girl - Lilly Rain Heart On a not-so-bright note, her hormones have her all over the place too! She's my little Jekyll and Hyde right now, so don't feel bad. Yes

Anyway, I wanted you to know that I understand and congrats on the baby!

I never "grieved" my miscarriages, partially because I didn't know that was a thing, and we didn't have much emotional investment. Plus it happened so frequently, I almost was numb to it. No nursery set up, no plans yet, but again. Emotional iq of a brick.

It was only after our son that I was like "Hey, maybe I should have addressed those losses..." But we live and learn.

I'm so sorry for your losses. It seems, in the loss community, that a lot of men don't recognize miscarriages or early pregnancy loss as traumatizing. But they absolutely are to the majority of women.

Congrats on your daughter!!
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19-08-2014, 06:38 PM
RE: Conplete and utter bitch fit.
(19-08-2014 09:13 AM)MrsFarrow Wrote:  You'll hear me reference this a lot, so please don't think of me as a debbie downer.

After years of fertility issues and numerous miscarriages with no explanation, we finally got pregnant last year. I was due October 2013. The pregnancy was text book, no hiccups, not even gestational diabetes. Nothing. Our last ultrasound, we found out our son's heart stopped beating. Bleh. Shitty.

Fast forward to now, I'm pregnant with our daughter, due in October again, the 24th ish.

This one is giving me all sorts of trouble. Physically and mentally. I was prepared for the mental aspect, the grief, the guilt, I got it. Totes prepared. Physically, not so much prepared for my body to be a little bitch, but whatever.

Right now I'm having an EXTREMELY hard time not coming out and saying every nasty, cave dwelling, catty thought that comes to my mind, in regards to a certain off shoot of my husband's family. They're super religious, which I can handle. You keep your shit away from mine and we'll be good. And they do, for the most part.

However.

This specific branch of the family, in all their godly glory, couldn't be bothered to come to our son's funeral.

The majority of them live in town. The town in which he's buried.

My coworkers came, they shut down my specific office, managers from other offices in the area came, my husband's coworkers came, my family from Pittsburgh and Maryland came (we're in central PA), even people we went to high school with, people we haven't physically seen in 7 years showed up.

All these people. People who had essentially NO BLOOD TIES to either of us, they all took time off work to come to our son's funeral.

A baby funeral.

And this shitty branch of his family couldn't be bothered to take a half hour out of their day.

A lot of these feelings are exacerbated by his one cousin checking in via Facebook every fucking week. "You ok? How are you doing?" And wishing us "good luck" every time we have an appointment, so every week.

The good luck especially bothers me, like we don't know it's a fucking gamble on whether you get to take your kid home or not. Who the hell do you think you are?

I know he means well, I know a lot of this is me, a lot of it is in my head and I'll have to deal with it, I'm just afraid I'm going to blurt out something insanely obscene and sacrilegious before I'm able to deal appropriately.

I'm also afraid if I essentially tell any of them to mind their business, it's going to start a war of wars and then I'll really not be able to hold my tongue.

UGH.

Hug I'm so sorry you went through this. My son was strangled during my 8th month. I feel your pain.

Congratulations on your daughter. I wish you the best of health.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
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