Contemplating proposing.
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20-04-2014, 03:00 PM
Contemplating proposing.
So I've known my gf for quite sometime and she has helped me with so so much these last 2 year(deployments, me coming out to my folk, etc). I think it's time I pop the question Blush .

I was worried about her folks and all seeing as the last little spat we had she revealed to them about me being an atheist. They strongly disapprove. I was worried about this being a problem until we had a conversation yesterday. She let it be known that she doesn't want a big wedding hell she doesn't want one at all she'd rather spend the money on future stuff(house, trips, etc) She insist she won't end up regretting her parents not being there or even approving but I will admit I am a bit worried. Me personally I have no emotional attachment to having to have family their because in my mind I'm starting my own(minus kids of course)

Anyway just wanted to see if anyone has had to deal with this and/or had any advise. Thanks.
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20-04-2014, 03:26 PM
RE: Contemplating proposing.
Do you currently live together? If not, give that a go for at least a year. ...
That way, if either of you needs time, it's there right along with you. Sort of slide into partnership - which is what a married relationship is.

If all goes well throughout a year's time... or maybe a couple of years ... share your excitement with everyone and each other - plan to be "publicly wedded" on some special anniversary for you both.

After you've both pretty much decided that this is the partnership you intend to work on for the long haul (at least through 18 to 23 years of kids) THEN... try the surprise, public proposal.

Frankly, I wouldn't get married - been there, done that - it didn't improve or change anything in any big way. Contrary to popular belief, a legal, public or private marriage ceremony does not change love... it only changes your tax situation... and maybe your social situation.

But hey - to each his own... whatever way you go ... Mazel tov! on finding that special someone to learn about love with. Clap

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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20-04-2014, 03:48 PM
RE: Contemplating proposing.
(20-04-2014 03:26 PM)kim Wrote:  Contrary to popular belief, a legal, public or private marriage ceremony does not change love... it only changes your tax situation... and maybe your social situation.

We've both brought up this point and I strongly feel that marriage is only beneficial in terms of legality(i.e. taxes and such). We understand that it won't change anything except for that which I think will help keep us from doing thinking this changes the love. That's already great. Thumbsup
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20-04-2014, 03:53 PM
RE: Contemplating proposing.
(20-04-2014 03:26 PM)kim Wrote:  Do you currently live together? If not, give that a go for at least a year. ...
That way, if either of you needs time, it's there right along with you. Sort of slide into partnership - which is what a married relationship is.

If all goes well throughout a year's time... or maybe a couple of years ... share your excitement with everyone and each other - plan to be "publicly wedded" on some special anniversary for you both.

After you've both pretty much decided that this is the partnership you intend to work on for the long haul (at least through 18 to 23 years of kids) THEN... try the surprise, public proposal.

Frankly, I wouldn't get married - been there, done that - it didn't improve or change anything in any big way. Contrary to popular belief, a legal, public or private marriage ceremony does not change love... it only changes your tax situation... and maybe your social situation.

But hey - to each his own... whatever way you go ... Mazel tov! on finding that special someone to learn about love with. Clap


I completely agree with the living together before marriage route, twice I was happy I didn't have to pay for lawyer and just had to break up and kick them out. The third time living with someone, we married after five years of living together, two houses and a move across the country.

When it works- it's great. When it doesn't - it's a friggin nightmare.

YMMV


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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20-04-2014, 03:56 PM
RE: Contemplating proposing.
In the immortal words of Kenny, plumber extraordinaire: "Buy a house and car, give her the keys, and save yourself 15 years."

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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