Coping with death as an Aethist
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09-02-2014, 07:49 PM
RE: Coping with death as an Aethist
We are all that is, we manifest as points of consciousness in a cosmic ocean. One flowing, connected universe where even in death, we remain as one with the cosmos.

"You didn’t come into this world. You came out of it, like a wave from the ocean. You are not a stranger here."
- Alan Watts
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10-02-2014, 05:02 AM
RE: Coping with death as an Aethist
Thank you everyone for the thoughts I really appreciate all the advice. I'm glad I'm no at lunatic and not alone in feeling this amount of grief.
@dom thank you very much Smile
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10-02-2014, 05:36 AM
RE: Coping with death as an Aethist
Some very very wise advice has already been given. To this I would like to add Kristie that your grandmother would of known how much you loved her, we don't always have to use three words (I love you) as we show it in other ways through our thoughts and our actions.

I used to feel the same when both of my parents died. That I wished I could tell them that I loved them but deep down I know they knew. However I do find myself telling my brother and my sister and my closest friends I love them when we part company ever since and that was 17 years ago.

Right now you are grieving, this is normal and perfectly healthy (Like Dom mentioned) but slowly over time this will turn into acceptance and we begin to move on with life. Moving on does not mean we do not miss those who we have lost, nor does it mean we ever forget them, so don't feel guilty about moving on at all when your ready.

I don't believe in an afterlife, however I imagine that if I died and could somehow look back at the people around me when I was alive. I would not wish to see them suffer, I would want them to celebrate my life and remember the good times we had. I would want them to feel and remember happy, smiley memories.

You will be OK, you are probably stronger than you give yourself credit for.

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
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10-02-2014, 05:41 AM
RE: Coping with death as an Aethist
@bemore - thank you so very much
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10-02-2014, 06:04 AM
Re: Coping with death as an Aethist
It does get better.

While it may not relate completely, I have gained some comfort from the concept discussed in A physicist at your funeral
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10-02-2014, 01:18 PM
RE: Coping with death as an Aethist
When someone would say to me "they are in a better place.." I just mentally change it to, "they are in a different phase" As in, phase of life. Or the Circle of it, if you will.

We know that energy is never created or destroyed...only transferred. So for me, I took comfort in knowing that my loved one's energy was now all around me. As they decay, their body returns to the earth, and plants draw nutrients from the very ground, and their energy becomes apart of those plants. Then those plants become a part of herbivores, which in turn become a part of carnivores. As time goes on, your loved one is literally all around you.

So when I would see a butterfly bump into me, I liked to think that it was my dad saying hello, as he would always bump me instead of hugging me. Now is this actually true? I don't care! It is the way that I self-comfort and no deity is required.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
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10-02-2014, 01:49 PM
RE: Coping with death as an Aethist
(09-02-2014 05:49 PM)kristielee22 Wrote:  @dom - my problem is at night I lie there and think of how she died and all the things I wish I could have said/done before she passed away(it was sudden) and I can't seem to get a grip on it. I cry and carry on like it's the end of the world but I'm more reasonable than that so I do my best to suck it up, but it just seems to be very difficult for me. Maybe I am just one of those people who don't cope well with death. Thank you for the insight Smile

Let it go. Her body is gone, but her spirit lives through you and those who she made an impact on.
Do not dwell on what could have been, but remember what is.
Forgive yourself, let all those pesky "what if's" and "I could have's" go. You can't change the past, though you can use it as a lesson.
Life is short, and this situation will happen again. Are you doing everything you want to with others? If you died today would you have regrets? -If so, then fix them.
It's natural to feel sad and contemplate on what could have happened, but just remember there are still people here that love/need you.

Be the person you wish you were for your grandma to those who are still around to use it. Honor her name through your actions.

Atir aissom atir imon
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10-02-2014, 02:06 PM
RE: Coping with death as an Aethist
Losing my dad, gramma and granpa didn't affect me much. They were all old and their deaths weren't particularly unexpected. Losing my younger 47 yo brother to "sudden cardiac arrest" which my Doc interpreted for me as "we don't know what the fuck happened, circuit breaker just tripped" has pretty much rocked my socks off. Don't know what to make of it. Be well, Kristie Lee.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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10-02-2014, 04:48 PM
RE: Coping with death as an Aethist
Well I am satisfied with the fact that nobody will bother em again and they won't be able to suffer.
Also don't forget that there are plenty of people who are still alive and they need attention to.
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11-02-2014, 08:45 AM
RE: Coping with death as an Aethist
much great advice in the posts before this one.

Night time was always the most difficult time for me, my body is tired, my brain is tired from the day, and it seemed to be my weakest time of day that the emotions would flow and I couldn't sleep…which then screwed up my next day, leaving me weak mentally and physically. Usually if I fell asleep, I stayed asleep. It was just turning off the thoughts so I could fall asleep that was the problem. I went to the doc and got a script for Ambien. I take the smallest dose ….just enough to get me asleep. A good nights rest gives you a productive day and mental clarity to work thru the grief. After awhile you reach a point that you have worked thru it enough that you no longer need help to fall asleep. Your brain is quiet and you have better control of your emotions.

Don't let the grief control your days by taking over your nights. We need sleep for our health.

Cathy kind of touched on it, but I find comfort in knowing that we are never really gone-just different. Find the article about why you want a physicist at your funeral.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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