Coping with death as an Aethist
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12-02-2014, 03:02 PM
RE: Coping with death as an Aethist
My sympathies. I'm 28 and lost my grandfather last summer. He was my best friend.
Now for agnosticism.
We do not know what death is or does. We're pretty sure, but there's only one way to find out.
There could be a heaven, there could be reincarnation, there could be nothing.
No one knows for sure. Your grandma does, though.
And maybe I'm a little envious off the knowledge.

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12-02-2014, 03:59 PM
RE: Coping with death as an Aethist
(10-02-2014 01:18 PM)Cathym112 Wrote:  When someone would say to me "they are in a better place.." I just mentally change it to, "they are in a different phase" As in, phase of life. Or the Circle of it, if you will.

We know that energy is never created or destroyed...only transferred. So for me, I took comfort in knowing that my loved one's energy was now all around me. As they decay, their body returns to the earth, and plants draw nutrients from the very ground, and their energy becomes apart of those plants. Then those plants become a part of herbivores, which in turn become a part of carnivores. As time goes on, your loved one is literally all around you.

So when I would see a butterfly bump into me, I liked to think that it was my dad saying hello, as he would always bump me instead of hugging me. Now is this actually true? I don't care! It is the way that I self-comfort and no deity is required.




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12-02-2014, 06:03 PM
RE: Coping with death as an Aethist
(12-02-2014 03:59 PM)Dom Wrote:  
(10-02-2014 01:18 PM)Cathym112 Wrote:  When someone would say to me "they are in a better place.." I just mentally change it to, "they are in a different phase" As in, phase of life. Or the Circle of it, if you will.

We know that energy is never created or destroyed...only transferred. So for me, I took comfort in knowing that my loved one's energy was now all around me. As they decay, their body returns to the earth, and plants draw nutrients from the very ground, and their energy becomes apart of those plants. Then those plants become a part of herbivores, which in turn become a part of carnivores. As time goes on, your loved one is literally all around you.

So when I would see a butterfly bump into me, I liked to think that it was my dad saying hello, as he would always bump me instead of hugging me. Now is this actually true? I don't care! It is the way that I self-comfort and no deity is required.




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12-02-2014, 06:43 PM
RE: Coping with death as an Aethist
(12-02-2014 03:59 PM)Dom Wrote:  
(10-02-2014 01:18 PM)Cathym112 Wrote:  When someone would say to me "they are in a better place.." I just mentally change it to, "they are in a different phase" As in, phase of life. Or the Circle of it, if you will.

We know that energy is never created or destroyed...only transferred. So for me, I took comfort in knowing that my loved one's energy was now all around me. As they decay, their body returns to the earth, and plants draw nutrients from the very ground, and their energy becomes apart of those plants. Then those plants become a part of herbivores, which in turn become a part of carnivores. As time goes on, your loved one is literally all around you.

So when I would see a butterfly bump into me, I liked to think that it was my dad saying hello, as he would always bump me instead of hugging me. Now is this actually true? I don't care! It is the way that I self-comfort and no deity is required.




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12-02-2014, 08:12 PM (This post was last modified: 12-02-2014 08:24 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Coping with death as an Aethist
(12-02-2014 03:59 PM)Dom Wrote:  [Image: sleep_zpsa9c84335.jpg]

As much as I bitch at you lazy bitches for not grounding your own fucking goddam dangling references and cleaning up after yourself and shit, I encounter a Mary Elizabeth Frye which makes cleaning up after you slobs all worthwhile. How has Girly never heard that before? Thumbsup








As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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13-02-2014, 01:59 AM
RE: Coping with death as an Aethist
(09-02-2014 05:21 PM)kristielee22 Wrote:  Hi,
I'm new to this forum and I am looking for some answers. I live in the deep south and about 4 years ago I stopped keeping up appearances and lending to the fact that I believed in god or the bible. My significant other is southern Baptist so I'm constantly having to explain myself and my lack of conviction.
About 6 months ago my grandmother died who I was very close to. At the age of 22 she was the first person I'd lost that was that close to me. After hearing "she's in a better place" from a hundred relatives and family friends and replying (quietly, to myself, in my head) "no she's in a wooden box in the dirt decaying" I've had to live with my thoughts and I seem to be having a difficult time coping with her death. Sometimes I wish that I believed in god and heaven because that must be so comforting when losing someone you deeply care about. I would like some advice from a fellow free thinker on how to deal with the grief.
Thank you
What all the believers say goes against these things, but these things are true:
It is all right to die. We all do it.
It is all right to feel grief and loss, to be sad.
She is not in a better place - there is just no such thing as "she" anymore. This is what we get, we don't exist, then we exist, and we don't exist again.
It is all right not to exist.
It is not all right to invent special magical rules for people that forbid us from feeling natural feelings and prevent us from honoring and remembering our love to the dead relatives. By insisting on the magical rules they want to repress your feelings, which make them uncomfortable, they must repress your feelings in order to keep their feelings repressed, is that right?

Regardless of my personal experiences, this is the objective, rational way to see things, that is relevant also for you.
Also, nobody important yet died on me, but a couple of people's beloved relationships died for me, while their bodies are still living and talking. But maybe their death will allow me to revive some other relationships.

In the same way, your grief should serve to bring you closer to other honest people who also loved and honored your grandmother.
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13-02-2014, 06:42 AM
RE: Coping with death as an Aethist
(12-02-2014 08:12 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(12-02-2014 03:59 PM)Dom Wrote:  [Image: sleep_zpsa9c84335.jpg]

As much as I bitch at you lazy bitches for not grounding your own fucking goddam dangling references and cleaning up after yourself and shit, I encounter a Mary Elizabeth Frye which makes cleaning up after you slobs all worthwhile. How has Girly never heard that before? Thumbsup








Thanks, Girly! Shy

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15-02-2014, 05:16 AM
RE: Coping with death as an Aethist
all I can contribute is my personal way to deal with death. My grandparents have died not far apart from each other, my grandfather died pretty unexpectedly, my grandmother followed 2 years after. Since I never was really religious, I didn't cling to the notion of an "afterlife", I kind of blended out the topic as a whole when I was younger. Now, as an adult, death becomes a harsh reminder of one own's finite fate plus the pain of having lost someone close. I did allow myself to have all the feelings associated with it, and though they were intense over a period of time, I now can tell afterwards, that they were kind of freeing.

Does it make any difference whether w/o the belief of an "afterlife"? From what I can tell, no. At the end of the day, even believers would cry over the losses of their loved ones, probably b/c deep down they know that this is the end and the same fate is awaiting them. They're left to deal with it, and imagining some "afterlife" can be seen as an escape from the emotions grief brings along with it. Yet, nothing changes, regardless.

Either way, death isn't a fun topic. Death does suck, b/c it causes fear and pain. But, there is something very profound about it. We, as living beings are made of fundamental building blocks, that have been traveling through space and time for billions of years before - and it will continue to do so ever after. As Carl Sagan has put it (repeating my sig quote):

"Some part of our being knows this is where we came from. We long to return. And we can. Because the cosmos is also within us. We're made of star-stuff. We are a way for the cosmos to know itself."

"Some part of our being knows this is where we came from. We long to return, and we can, because the cosmos is also within us. We're made of star stuff. We are a way for the cosmos to know itself." (Carl Sagan)
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16-02-2014, 03:51 AM
RE: Coping with death as an Aethist
(09-02-2014 05:21 PM)kristielee22 Wrote:  Hi,
I'm new to this forum and I am looking for some answers. I live in the deep south and about 4 years ago I stopped keeping up appearances and lending to the fact that I believed in god or the bible. My significant other is southern Baptist so I'm constantly having to explain myself and my lack of conviction.
About 6 months ago my grandmother died who I was very close to. At the age of 22 she was the first person I'd lost that was that close to me. After hearing "she's in a better place" from a hundred relatives and family friends and replying (quietly, to myself, in my head) "no she's in a wooden box in the dirt decaying" I've had to live with my thoughts and I seem to be having a difficult time coping with her death. Sometimes I wish that I believed in god and heaven because that must be so comforting when losing someone you deeply care about. I would like some advice from a fellow free thinker on how to deal with the grief.
Thank you

Well firstly, as my Dad always used to say, 'the person isn't there' - said at cemetary. That is just their 'remains'. What I think it is good to talk about when someone dies is what they meant to you, what memories you want to keep alive - what they have given you ... I think that's the [my] atheist way of achieving some sort of immortality .... I think the good things of what someone was [including my Dad in that quote] keeps them alive, means they lived for a purpose ... and just feels good and lessens the pain.

Ya can't love without pain though - thems the rools - sorry for your loss - maybe tell us what your grandmother was like, about the good times .....

Moodie x
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