Creepy Jehovah's Witness Sex-Ed
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27-05-2013, 10:28 PM
RE: Creepy Jehovah's Witness Sex-Ed
All the Abrahamic faiths have really screwed up and bizarre attitudes when it comes to sex. I remember similar stupid statements from evangelicals when I was a part of those churches. Similar things can be found with the Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons, Catholics, Seventh Day Adventists, Strict sects of Judaism, and Sharia interpretations of Islam.

These people are at war with themselves and their natures, locked in a perpetual cycle of self hatred. They ultimately end up with unfulfilling sex lives or live a life of hypocricy, secretly giving into their desires. Some of these Bible thumpers are some of the most perverted motherfuckers you can imagine.

Ultimately though, a bronze age holy book cannot trump 3 million years of evolution for the human race.

"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

- Joel Chastnoff, The 188th Crybaby Brigade
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28-05-2013, 07:43 AM
RE: Creepy Jehovah's Witness Sex-Ed
I wouldn't be surprised if future editions add how the demons will be positively ecstatic when boys play with each others' penises and girls play with each others' vulvae. Dodgy

. . . all the gods were stories we told the children to make them behave. ~ Thoros of Myr (Game of Thrones, Episode 3:06)
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28-05-2013, 10:17 AM
RE: Creepy Jehovah's Witness Sex-Ed
(28-05-2013 07:43 AM)Scully Wrote:  I wouldn't be surprised if future editions add how the demons will be positively ecstatic when boys play with each others' penises and girls play with each others' vulvae. Dodgy

is it vulvae or vulvi or vulvas........I don't know what the plural for vulva is.

"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

- Joel Chastnoff, The 188th Crybaby Brigade
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28-05-2013, 10:58 AM
RE: Creepy Jehovah's Witness Sex-Ed
(28-05-2013 10:17 AM)Carlo_The_Bugsmasher_Driver Wrote:  
(28-05-2013 07:43 AM)Scully Wrote:  I wouldn't be surprised if future editions add how the demons will be positively ecstatic when boys play with each others' penises and girls play with each others' vulvae. Dodgy

is it vulvae or vulvi or vulvas........I don't know what the plural for vulva is.

vulvae

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28-05-2013, 01:12 PM
RE: Creepy Jehovah's Witness Sex-Ed
It actually gets funnier (or sadder, depending on your perspective).

JW's have (or had, when I was growing up) a book called "Your Youth: Getting the Best Out of It."

In this book, we were warned not to masturbate because masturbation is a stepping stone to homosexuality. Stop laughing! They were serious. The reasoning is this: a masturbating male learns to play with man parts, so he becomes inclined to playing with man parts, so... Gimme some peen!

So according to this book, I should be, you know, Liberace by now.
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28-05-2013, 01:37 PM (This post was last modified: 28-05-2013 02:07 PM by Scully.)
RE: Creepy Jehovah's Witness Sex-Ed
(28-05-2013 01:12 PM)TwoCultSurvivor Wrote:  It actually gets funnier (or sadder, depending on your perspective).

JW's have (or had, when I was growing up) a book called "Your Youth: Getting the Best Out of It."

In this book, we were warned not to masturbate because masturbation is a stepping stone to homosexuality. Stop laughing! They were serious. The reasoning is this: a masturbating male learns to play with man parts, so he becomes inclined to playing with man parts, so... Gimme some peen!

So according to this book, I should be, you know, Liberace by now.

That's what happens when old virgin dudes write instructions for proper living.

I remember that book too. I found it quite peculiar that they described intercourse along the lines of 'the husband's male organ lies inside the wife's birth canal'. Eww. Icky. Not interesting at all. And, of course, way underplaying what actually happens.

I'll have to dig up the old "women are like cows in heat" article sometime. It's hysterical.

ETA: Started a thread - enjoy: no bull... another weird Jehovah's Witness article about puberty

. . . all the gods were stories we told the children to make them behave. ~ Thoros of Myr (Game of Thrones, Episode 3:06)
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28-05-2013, 01:59 PM
RE: Creepy Jehovah's Witness Sex-Ed
(28-05-2013 01:12 PM)TwoCultSurvivor Wrote:  It actually gets funnier (or sadder, depending on your perspective).

JW's have (or had, when I was growing up) a book called "Your Youth: Getting the Best Out of It."

In this book, we were warned not to masturbate because masturbation is a stepping stone to homosexuality. Stop laughing! They were serious. The reasoning is this: a masturbating male learns to play with man parts, so he becomes inclined to playing with man parts, so... Gimme some peen!

So according to this book, I should be, you know, Liberace by now.

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Dear Kingdom Hall of the Jehovah's Witness

Thank you for your letter warning on the evils of masturbation. After reading this, George and I laughed all the way to the bank.

Warmest regards,
Liberace

"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

- Joel Chastnoff, The 188th Crybaby Brigade
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28-05-2013, 02:04 PM
RE: Creepy Jehovah's Witness Sex-Ed
Well, best way to get 'em at that age: tell them some completely natural feelings are demonic. Then they're sure to feel the need to find salvation through the church, because they're making the demons happy, etc.
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28-05-2013, 02:24 PM
RE: Creepy Jehovah's Witness Sex-Ed
(28-05-2013 02:04 PM)amyb Wrote:  Well, best way to get 'em at that age: tell them some completely natural feelings are demonic. Then they're sure to feel the need to find salvation through the church, because they're making the demons happy, etc.

And, of course, if you are getting those feelings, it's because you're not praying enough, not reading the bible enough.... It's totally YOUR fault that your body is doing what jehovah created it to do in the first place.

. . . all the gods were stories we told the children to make them behave. ~ Thoros of Myr (Game of Thrones, Episode 3:06)
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