Crulax's Guide to getting rid of Jehovah's Witnesses!
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09-12-2013, 09:18 PM
Crulax's Guide to getting rid of Jehovah's Witnesses!
Not sure where to put this so I will put it here.

Tired of Jehovah's Witness worshipers knocking on your door once a week! Try one of the following!

1. A friend of mine claims that he drew a pentagram on his front porch with some candles and was sitting in the center of it with a frozen chicken mumbling. He said it was extremely effective. (This would require you to know in advance at what time they are going to arrive but they do seem punctual.)

2. Another friend answered the door with towel a wrapped around her and when she went to take the WatchTower magazine or whatever her towel fell and well they bore witness to her full glory. (She also touts it effectiveness.)

3. After about the fourth time of being woken up by them and them immediately asking me when I open the door. "Have you found Jesus?" Shout "For fucks sake you lost him again" This one was highly effective and I will vouch for it.

Onward, my faithful steed!
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09-12-2013, 09:22 PM
RE: Crulax's Guide to getting rid of Jehovah's Witnesses!
I was hoping for a spray, maybe these will work too.

"I don't have to have faith, I have experience." Joseph Campbell
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09-12-2013, 09:25 PM
RE: Crulax's Guide to getting rid of Jehovah's Witnesses!
A sign on the door saying "No Proselytizers" works pretty well. The occasional stray doesn't know what a proselytizer is (or claims so), and a terse explanation runs them the fuck off. Heh.

It's Special Pleadings all the way down!


Magic Talking Snakes STFU -- revenantx77


You can't have your special pleading and eat it too. -- WillHop
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09-12-2013, 09:30 PM
RE: Crulax's Guide to getting rid of Jehovah's Witnesses!
(09-12-2013 09:25 PM)Taqiyya Mockingbird Wrote:  A sign on the door saying "No Proselytizers" works pretty well. The occasional stray doesn't know what a proselytizer is (or claims so), and a terse explanation runs them the fuck off. Heh.

Ya, but that takes all the fun out of it!Evil_monster

Onward, my faithful steed!
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09-12-2013, 09:35 PM (This post was last modified: 09-12-2013 09:38 PM by cheapthrillseaker.)
RE: Crulax's Guide to getting rid of Jehovah's Witnesses!
Tell them you're disfellowshipped and that they probably (emphasis on including the word PROBABLY) shouldn't talk to you. Don't forget to say it very nicely with a sheepish grin.

Problem solved.

I'm an ex witness. I know my stuff.

It will be funny, trust me. Excruciating for them, but funny for you.

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09-12-2013, 09:45 PM
RE: Crulax's Guide to getting rid of Jehovah's Witnesses!
Shit, I thought you meant all of them.

Me so disappoint.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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09-12-2013, 09:49 PM
RE: Crulax's Guide to getting rid of Jehovah's Witnesses!
(09-12-2013 09:35 PM)cheapthrillseaker Wrote:  Tell them you're disfellowshipped and that they probably (emphasis on including the word PROBABLY) shouldn't talk to you. Don't forget to say it very nicely with a sheepish grin.

Problem solved.

I'm an ex witness. I know my stuff.

It will be funny, trust me. Excruciating for them, but funny for you.

Interesting, if I get a new batch I will try it.

Onward, my faithful steed!
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09-12-2013, 09:53 PM
RE: Crulax's Guide to getting rid of Jehovah's Witnesses!
(09-12-2013 09:30 PM)Crulax Wrote:  
(09-12-2013 09:25 PM)Taqiyya Mockingbird Wrote:  A sign on the door saying "No Proselytizers" works pretty well. The occasional stray doesn't know what a proselytizer is (or claims so), and a terse explanation runs them the fuck off. Heh.

Ya, but that takes all the fun out of it!Evil_monster

Well.....okay.....sorry....

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It's Special Pleadings all the way down!


Magic Talking Snakes STFU -- revenantx77


You can't have your special pleading and eat it too. -- WillHop
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09-12-2013, 10:08 PM
RE: Crulax's Guide to getting rid of Jehovah's Witnesses!
You can always ask them if they have heard of The One who will return some day to deliver us from the false reality in which we are all trapped.

You can impress them with tales of his miracles, such as moving faster than any human possibly could, defeating Agents of the evil overlords who maintain our prison, coming back to life after being killed by several shots to the chest, and flying.

If something can be destroyed by the truth, it might be worth destroying.

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09-12-2013, 10:13 PM
RE: Crulax's Guide to getting rid of Jehovah's Witnesses!
So far:

"We're atheists, sorry, not interested." has worked just fine for me. Mormons and JWs....

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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