Crying over the heat death of the universe
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03-01-2017, 10:37 AM
RE: Crying over the heat death of the universe
(03-01-2017 10:17 AM)DLJ Wrote:  
(03-01-2017 09:20 AM)arethosemyfeet? Wrote:  Unfortunately, I think I do it all. No sadness too small to hurt. From the baby mouse who died in my kitchen to the fate of the most massive super-galaxy and everything in between.

Ah! OK. Sounds like you've got an empathy imbalance.

Other than some chemical assistance, which I personally prefer to avoid, I reckon you have two choices. Think about how nurses manage to cope with all the suffering they witness daily:

a) Learn to compartmentalise - it's a mental exercise where you are imagining that you are physically placing the thoughts that distress you in a box in your mind and marking the box with a label.

b) Follow Blake's advice and go for overload: "You never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough."
Perhaps a trip to the Philippines or to Cambodia (lots of charities looking for volunteers there) to experience ... well, I'm not going to preempt what you'll experience... but it will change you.

(03-01-2017 09:20 AM)arethosemyfeet? Wrote:  Also agreed. But how would you begin? What would be the first tiny step?
...

Wanting to ... is the first step.

(03-01-2017 09:20 AM)arethosemyfeet? Wrote:  ...
I can't dance, btw, GirlyMan.
...

Both Girly and I were using the same metaphor. Not literal dancing... although being literal for a moment: you don't have to be able to dance to want to dance. It's the wanting that counts.

(03-01-2017 09:20 AM)arethosemyfeet? Wrote:  ...
Or at least try to quantify what helped you.
...

You and I are not the same. Our baselines are different, our tolerance thresholds are different and most likely, our coping mechanisms will be different.

For me, it usually involves consuming less wheat, cuddling naked firm-breasted Asian girls and writing (the irony being that I write best (and most) when doped on wheat).

Here's an example of cathartic writing after coming through a re-calibration after a major life change 10 years ago ... just as another example of the same 'dance' metaphor:

Learning To Dance Again

With some effort, we’re
learning to dance again

The steps
once easy
but now …
so many years

We’ve forgotten how
to move
to invent
to hear our music

New dance partners
New steps

Not too fast,
not too quick, quick
slowly does it.

He leads

Light on the toes
hand on arm
fingers touch
sway to the rhythm
movement in the hips

Off we go

Make her spin

Wait, was that about sex or dancing Tongue
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03-01-2017, 11:02 AM
RE: Crying over the heat death of the universe
DLJ - Sorry, I missed you before I posted.

Compartmentalisation - an admirable skill that I wish I had, understand in theory and have no real sense of how to implement. Since all the bad things first came seeping out of containment in my early teens, I haven't been able to put them back. The thoughts are so big and overwhelming, it would be like stuffing rhinos in a matchbox. I try, obviously. I... will continue to try.

As to overloading - I overloaded myself in 2011 and I think it burnt out part of my brain. That was when I finally stopped having feelings for people. Honestly, I am scared to try again.

I was being flippant about the dancing, although it was sadly completely true. I have a degree in metaphor (almost - English Literature) and a ton of sources (WB Yeats is lurching out of my deep memory) but the true living essence of the dance escapes me. Again, cognitively fine but emotionally cut off.

And I know we're not the same, I know your answers are not my answers, but so many people have no real idea how they survive, cope or enjoy life at all. They just know that they do or don't. I thought it might be easier to speak from personal experience as a starting point, rather than universals. Although maybe I've spent years looking in the wrong places and actually Asian ladies *would* be the answer to my problems... That would be novel.

You saying wanting is the first step. I never know what I want. I try to listen to the innermost voices but they only know what they don't want. This has been a lasting problem. I don't know if I can want something if I don't truly understand it, or whether that would only be wanting the idea of something.

Urgh.

(03-01-2017 10:25 AM)Mr. Boston Wrote:  I tend to take the attitude of Walter Sobchak in such matters, "Fuck it, Dude. Let's go bowling."

"Yeah, well, y'know, that's just like... your opinion, man." Wink
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03-01-2017, 01:09 PM
RE: Crying over the heat death of the universe
ATMF, embrace serenity and live in the now. It'll help.
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03-01-2017, 01:52 PM
RE: Crying over the heat death of the universe
Perhaps you'd enjoy the creation story of Gwynnite:

After the breaking of perfection, the universe consisted of a binary star and an orbiting planetoid. Within, under the pressures of gravitation of gravitation, magnetization, and entropy the first life evolved. Self awareness led the LC (the star of the previous story) to concoct organic life (as opposed to his mechanistic development) to perhaps escape entropy's inevitable grasp.

Ya don't cry in sorrow for what is lost.

Ya cry in joy for what is, in being.

Be.

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03-01-2017, 02:04 PM
RE: Crying over the heat death of the universe
(03-01-2017 10:37 AM)jennybee Wrote:  
(03-01-2017 10:17 AM)DLJ Wrote:  Ah! OK. Sounds like you've got an empathy imbalance.

Other than some chemical assistance, which I personally prefer to avoid, I reckon you have two choices. Think about how nurses manage to cope with all the suffering they witness daily:

a) Learn to compartmentalise - it's a mental exercise where you are imagining that you are physically placing the thoughts that distress you in a box in your mind and marking the box with a label.

b) Follow Blake's advice and go for overload: "You never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough."
Perhaps a trip to the Philippines or to Cambodia (lots of charities looking for volunteers there) to experience ... well, I'm not going to preempt what you'll experience... but it will change you.


Wanting to ... is the first step.


Both Girly and I were using the same metaphor. Not literal dancing... although being literal for a moment: you don't have to be able to dance to want to dance. It's the wanting that counts.


You and I are not the same. Our baselines are different, our tolerance thresholds are different and most likely, our coping mechanisms will be different.

For me, it usually involves consuming less wheat, cuddling naked firm-breasted Asian girls and writing (the irony being that I write best (and most) when doped on wheat).

Here's an example of cathartic writing after coming through a re-calibration after a major life change 10 years ago ... just as another example of the same 'dance' metaphor:

Learning To Dance Again

With some effort, we’re
learning to dance again

The steps
once easy
but now …
so many years

We’ve forgotten how
to move
to invent
to hear our music

New dance partners
New steps

Not too fast,
not too quick, quick
slowly does it.

He leads

Light on the toes
hand on arm
fingers touch
sway to the rhythm
movement in the hips

Off we go

Make her spin

Wait, was that about sex or dancing Tongue
Yes. Consider

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03-01-2017, 02:10 PM
RE: Crying over the heat death of the universe



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03-01-2017, 06:14 PM
RE: Crying over the heat death of the universe
(03-01-2017 01:09 PM)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:  ATMF, embrace serenity and live in the now. It'll help.

I appreciate the sentiment, Thumpalumpacus. But it sounds a lot like all the strangers who shout at me "Cheer up!!! It might never happen!!!!!" Just... I would if I knew how.

Oddly, I've had multiple people tell me I *look* serene. I seem to have that down. I would rather look chaotic and feel serene.

(03-01-2017 01:52 PM)houseofcantor Wrote:  Perhaps you'd enjoy the creation story of Gwynnite:

After the breaking of perfection, the universe consisted of a binary star and an orbiting planetoid. Within, under the pressures of gravitation of gravitation, magnetization, and entropy the first life evolved. Self awareness led the LC (the star of the previous story) to concoct organic life (as opposed to his mechanistic development) to perhaps escape entropy's inevitable grasp.

You are a false prophet and I smite thee.

Quote:Ya don't cry in sorrow for what is lost.

Ya cry in joy for what is, in being.

Be.

How would you define joy? That may not sound important but I'm no longer sure what I'm aiming for.

I was very anxious and shy as a young child. Bullied from the age of 6. Did not form stable friendships. I may have created some compensation techniques, but there were a lot of emotional and social experiences I missed out on. So I don't know really what I don't know. I've read a lot and I understand the emotional aspects of what I read, but I can't apply it.

Being told to find joy in being is a little like being told to let god into your life. It's not intrusive in the same way, or offensive or something I don't want. But it feels similarly non-intuitive and potentially impossible. That's not meant to be inflammatory or a criticism of anyone in this thread and it's obviously a very imperfect simile. I am just trying to convey the scale of the emotional challenge that finding joy or having fun or embracing serenity poses to me.

I find positive emotions to be rare, fragile, capricious and perverse. This thread suggests that other people manage them better or at least expect to be able to. So I need more context or development in this area to be able to apply people's advice. I don't know whether I should be approaching the problem psychologically or philosophically, but I'll take whichever works right now. Maybe a reading list would help, if anyone can suggest anything? It seems a bit much to ask for a precise and detailed outline of your guide to life (with diagrams and FAQs).
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03-01-2017, 07:46 PM
RE: Crying over the heat death of the universe
The advice I offered has a much deeper component than your summary; it saw me through the deep anxiety I experienced when I entered recovery for my alcoholism.

Maybe it can work for you, maybe it won't. I know it worked for me.

Best of luck.
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04-01-2017, 01:26 AM
RE: Crying over the heat death of the universe
(03-01-2017 09:20 AM)arethosemyfeet? Wrote:  Morondog: Enjoy life now. You will die, we all will, but... since it is inevitable, why not have some fun first?

Can you break down for me what fun actually is? What it is to you, anyway? I seem to be very bad at it.
Er... you know. Kicking a football. Looking after small animals. Whatever you enjoy doing? Reading? Growing tomatoes? There must be *something* you do which doesn't involve worrying that there's no ultimate meaning? Invade Poland if you can't think of anything.

Quote:Morondog: Fuck ultimate meaning, what's wrong with something less grand?

Nothing at all. But what if you can't have that either? Sometimes it is easier to conceptualise the grand rather than the humble if both are absent.
Just... I mean, honestly I can't really get inside your head. You're telling me that there's nothing that makes you happy? I think then that your problem is less heat death of universe and more that you're depressed. In which case, get treatment.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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04-01-2017, 07:25 AM
RE: Crying over the heat death of the universe
I agree that trying meditation would be beneficial. Giving yourself a break from your conscious patterns of thought.

If you do decide to begin, then try to agree to do it daily. If you joined a gym to get fit, you won't see results after your first session. Change will only happen through repetition, time and dedication. It is the same with your brain.

I'm no psychologist, however I believe your issues are deep down in your sub-conscious. That they are beyond 'rational conscious thought' and are possibly rooted as memories, feelings, images, sounds etc. There was some sensitising event, some learning in your past, that causes you to feel the way you do now. It sounds obvious, however we dont always see the wood for the trees.

Have you considered hypnotherapy? It can help greatly at helping aspects emerge and with the right therapist, reframe those aspects.

I feel so much, and yet I feel nothing.
I am a rock, I am the sky, the birds and the trees and everything beyond.
I am the wind, in the fields in which I roar. I am the water, in which I drown.
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