Cursed Step Parents!
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14-12-2011, 10:25 AM
RE: Cursed Step Parents!
We all have problems though, you can't dread on them. I don't let my parents get to me cause i don't care really. Living a life with no care is the best thing to do
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14-12-2011, 10:38 AM
RE: Cursed Step Parents!
Ive been a step parent myself for two years when I was with my ex. Its quite a tough challenge to take on but very very rewarding. Jakob was 9 and had a lot of medical issues when born that are still ongoing and this had battered his confidence to almost zero (he is prone to wee himself due to the issues he has and at school you can only imagine what THAT is like)

With some help and guidance from me and some brave determination from Jakob we managed to find ways for him to properly deal with what he was going through. To give him a sense of power over his condition and although he still had limitations....he could try to overcome them.

The thing is I knew what I was getting myself into when I met my ex.....that is that she had a son and he had medical issues. A lot of the time I think that when people meet new partners with children they are not willing to accept the child as part of the relationship.....which is obv just completly shit for the child involved.

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
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15-12-2011, 12:24 PM
RE: Cursed Step Parents!
(14-12-2011 10:02 AM)insidemyownmind Wrote:  
(14-12-2011 09:54 AM)FlashbackToWinter Wrote:  Step Parents should have no say so in what you do. If i had a step parent say im grounded i would look at him and be like "This Dick!"

Who is my step-mom to tell me "You need to grow up."
That pisses me off more than ANYTHING that ANYONE has EVER told me.
They don't know the real me.
They don't read my blogs.
They don't know what I think about, everyday.
They don't know about the shit I put up with, everyday.
They don't know the names that I get called.
They don't know anything about me, and I wish they would stop acting like they do.

The thing to remember is that most of this doesn't matter. In 20, 10, or even 5 years you will be a different person living a different life than now. I find that most kids, myself included, are just young and dumb and can't stand authority. Just do what they say for a few years and be done with them. You'll find out later in life that the teenage years were the least important.

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

-Mark Twain
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15-12-2011, 12:39 PM
RE: Cursed Step Parents!
(15-12-2011 12:24 PM)germanyt Wrote:  
(14-12-2011 10:02 AM)insidemyownmind Wrote:  
(14-12-2011 09:54 AM)FlashbackToWinter Wrote:  Step Parents should have no say so in what you do. If i had a step parent say im grounded i would look at him and be like "This Dick!"

Who is my step-mom to tell me "You need to grow up."
That pisses me off more than ANYTHING that ANYONE has EVER told me.
They don't know the real me.
They don't read my blogs.
They don't know what I think about, everyday.
They don't know about the shit I put up with, everyday.
They don't know the names that I get called.
They don't know anything about me, and I wish they would stop acting like they do.

The thing to remember is that most of this doesn't matter. In 20, 10, or even 5 years you will be a different person living a different life than now. I find that most kids, myself included, are just young and dumb and can't stand authority. Just do what they say for a few years and be done with them. You'll find out later in life that the teenage years were the least important.

Very true germanyt.. Just put up with the parents for a few more years.. you'll be 18 and then you can hit the road. I'd say just hit the road and don't look back till either of 2 things happen... You've made your life a success and wanna go back to flaunt it in their faces.... or you go crawling back because you failed and have realized that all the shit they were saying was true. Only you can make it happen.. nobody else.

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. -- Voltaire
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22-12-2011, 09:45 AM (This post was last modified: 22-12-2011 09:50 AM by Malleus.)
RE: Cursed Step Parents!
I have to say a few things which will most likely make me very unpopular, but I honestly believe them to be true.

More than external factors, the real thing you have to deal with is your age and all the changes happening inside and outside you. I know it's easier to blame everybody else (and step parents are inherently a huge target), but the sooner you understand your role in designing your own life and working with external influences, the more respect and independence you receive from the ones you blame.

I know that talking about how things were when I was your age makes me old, but I wish that my examples of cruelty and neglect were along the lines of "not being allowed to use my computer". Hint: Beating your child used to be considered "education" in my part of the world when I grew up. And, according to most people who are older than me, my upbringing was "revolutionary" compared to what their own parents did to them. At least I was allowed to study, they never asked me to do hard labor (as they did when they were young) and I only got a beating when I actually did something to deserve it - it was just for education, not stress relief for my parents' frustrations.

I'm not saying that what happens to you is ok just because I had a much worse (and sometimes better) childhood than you did. What I am saying is (you just wait and see if I'm wrong) that your children are most likely to call you pricks because you make them push their own remote buttons, which, judging by how sensitive people are nowadays, will be considered cruel and unusual.

Now:

Quote:Who is my step-mom to tell me "You need to grow up."
If she uses money she worked for to pay for *anything* you consume (including but not limited to: rent, electricity, school, food, clothes, shoes etc.) she does get to have an opinion about your performance since she contributes to it.

I promise you: in 10 years if you will remember anything about this age, you will justify any stupid thing you did with the words "I was not mature enough to know any better" a.k.a. "I needed to grow up."

Quote:They don't know the real me.

Before 18 *you* don't know the real you. You're changing so fast that you will need a few more years to figure out that at some point it stops changing and then you discover what you have become. And, statistically, it turns out that the parents actually had an idea how you'd turn out and you just lacked the experience to judge their assessment. Or sometimes they're simply wrong and really don't know who you are, but still, at this stage, you are unable to assess it simply because the "you" right now is unlikely to stay that way for too long and it's very unlikely to be like it was 2 years ago. Why do you think is it that I am not allowed to fuck you when you are at this age? Right. You're still under development and I could damage the process.

Quote:They don't read my blogs.

Be thankful. They allow you to have your own space. Some parents do read the kid's blogs and then the complaint is "they won't even leave me alone when I'm on line. Why don't they get a fucking life?"

Quote:They don't know what I think about, everyday.

Nobody ever will. Deal with that. It's not a requirement for having a relationship of any type with any person. That's why people invented speech AND they decided not to speak out everything that goes on in their skull. They know as much as you tell them and that already gives you enough power to gain as much independence AND closeness as you seek. It's your fault if you don't tell them and it would be their fault if they didn't care. Or still your fault, from case to case.

Quote:They don't know about the shit I put up with, everyday.

I think they have an idea. Remember, they went through the same stages you do at some point. However, their appetite for teenage drama went waaaaay down ever since they got smashed in the face by real life. The same will happen to you soon enough. Save everything you write in those blogs and read them in 5 to 10 years. That will be an eye-opener. And please remember to forgive your parents for everything that doesn't make sense right now. It will do you a world of good.

Quote:They don't know the names that I get called.

If you look and think anything like they did when they were your age, chances are they received the same call-names.

Quote:They don't know anything about me, and I wish they would stop acting like they do.

I know, you're unique, just like everybody else. Enjoy your age and please remember to look back one day.

Oh, no Hallucinations 4:11 says the 'gilded sheep should be stewed in rat blood' but Morons 5:16 contradicts it. (Chas)

I would never shake a baby unless the recipe requires it.
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22-12-2011, 03:23 PM
RE: Cursed Step Parents!
In just a few moments some people in this forum will hate me because I am going to say uncomfortable things:

First of all I think it is very unfair to act up just because it is a step parent. EVERY parent gives time outs / decides things for you / forbids you certain things / tells you what to do. And it is their right to do so because if anything happens to you not only will YOU be the one who is going to blame them but also will they have to answer to the police / social services / school / neighbours / your friends.
Step parents might not have the same relationship with you as your birth parents but they are trying their best.

Now for one of the posts:

(14-12-2011 10:02 AM)insidemyownmind Wrote:  Who is my step-mom to tell me "You need to grow up."
That pisses me off more than ANYTHING that ANYONE has EVER told me.
They don't know the real me.
They don't read my blogs.
They don't know what I think about, everyday.
They don't know about the shit I put up with, everyday.
They don't know the names that I get called.
They don't know anything about me, and I wish they would stop acting like they do.

Your step mom already grew up, she was your age already, and now she is the one looking after you. As long as she puts her money into the household with your dad she has every right to tell you stuff and to forbid you the computer (or did you buy it yourself, and are you paying the electricity and the internet?)

They don't know the real you? Well guess what? If you want them to know, tell them. If not, don't complain about it.

They don't read your blogs. Same, if you want them to, tell them, if not don't complain.

They don't know what you think everyday. Are you serious???? Be happy they do not know everything you think. They don't have to and they better not. Tell them what you want them to know, that is what speech is for.

They don't know what you have to put up with? Well what may that be? You are growing up, your body and hormones are changing, as are those of your school mates. Everyone has drama at school and problems with themselves and with grades and teachers and assholes at school and stupid neighbours and with the fact they can't keep up with homework well. You have wishes for your future but maybe you don't know yet how to get there, you are worried about your friend's worries and you are pissed about everything that doesn't go right like you would like it to.
There are some things you simply have deal with when you are a teenager.
We have all been that age and EVERYONE goes through that stage. Also your parents have been at that point. Somehow everyone turns out to grow out of that at some point. At least most people do, would you like to stay at this stage or would you like to grow up?

Same goes for name calling. It is normal to be called names at school, everyone has been at some point. The more you show anger the worse it will get just as a hint.

And about knowing about you. Well if it is a problem for you, then, again, talk to them. Tell them your worries. They can't read your mind, you have to talk. They don't know when you are angry about them / school / some assholes / yourself...

Just talk to them.
Don't act like you are the only one going through that, you are not.



If I may add something general to close this:
I have the feeling that teenagers nowadays in the "modern" world are brought up a bit too fluffy and flowry.
I have to think about those teenagers not even that far from us who are brought up, not allowed or financially able to go to school, working all day in the house on the field or begging.
I have to think about those who are actually getting beaten up everytime they speak ill.
I have to think about 12 year olds having to sell their bodies.
I have to think about children who call themselves lucky to get one meal per day.
I see pictures of children and teenagers sleeping under bridges sniffing glue just to get high and escape reality for once.
I think about those who freeze to death because they don't even have a roof over the head.

And then I see someone complaining that their parents ground them and take away their toy?
Seriously guys, make up your minds....

You are on a Freethinker Forum, so think a big wider then your arm range. Get things into proportion please...


Now tar and feather me

cheers

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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23-12-2011, 12:08 PM
RE: Cursed Step Parents!
Eh, I think the reality is, we all have our own crosses to bear, if I may borrow from literary allusions of my past. It's all well and fine to discount the feelings of a 15 year old when someone like me is 30+ years past that point, but the reality for the person going through the experience is still raw, emotional pain.

I agree with the comments made by Leela and Mall in the bigger picture sense of the issue, but the fact is, for IMOM, the emotions are real and shouldn't be belittled. Hopefully insight comes from the comments of we old farts, but probably won't if they're given without being accompanied by a strong measure of compassion for what each individual goes through in their unique and individual way.

That said, I like germanyt's thought that once a few more years are lived on this planet, it's easier to look back with the perspective of age and see that present concerns of youth melt away with time to be replaced with different concerns for the stage you are at now. I hope that a year or more from now I'll look back at my current problems with depression and anxiety see these feelings as being as silly as I look back on the angst of my teen years. I have a StepBob, but he married my mom when I was 28, not 15. If he had been my StepBob at age 15, I would have most certainly said, "Who the fuck are you to think you can come into my life as a stranger and tell me what to do?" Nothing at all wrong with those thoughts. In fact, you can remove the "Step" and have that reaction to a parent in general. It's a natural process of development as an adolescent moves from being under the dominance of parental units to becoming an independent adult.

You're ok in my book IMOM. You have permission to be who you are and react the way you react. And with that permission comes the responsibility to be ever learning and growing into the fine person you are learning and growing to be. Many times that growth will come from hearing things you might disagree with from an adult, and then processing it to fit who you are, or discarding the advice that really has nothing to do with your situation. But you can't discard that advice until you've given a thorough examination of it first.

Be well, Padawan, you shall overcome.

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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23-12-2011, 12:47 PM
RE: Cursed Step Parents!
Yes, I believe you balanced the issue well, wise Erxomai. By being analytic, Leela and I may have failed to show the due compassion.

I understand what you guys are going through, I really do, but we, as the fucking adults that we are, need your help to deal with you when you're going through all that. We can't give you all the independence and take all responsibility, because you *will* keep blaming us for all your failures, no matter how we approach you.

I keep a close eye on my child? I destroyed his/her youth. I am to blame for all the fun s/he didn't have and that's why s/he made that horrible mistake as soon as s/he left the nest. I gave my child freedom? What the fuck was I thinking? Wasn't I supposed to be a responsible adult? Why did I not insist that s/he works harder in school so s/he didn't turn out the fuck-up that s/he did?

Think about it this way: the way I see it, your step-mom took your computer away because she actually cares. She cares about your dad and yes, she cares about you too. Do you know what people do with young people they don't care about? Nothing. Any kind of something is a sign that she's trying. You have something to work with. Try to work with her rather than against her and your life, I promise, will become more comfortable.

If you really want to help yourselves and help us to help you, make us understand, take some more responsibility and accept a little more help from us. By "us" I mean your parents, step parents included. [/preach]

Oh, no Hallucinations 4:11 says the 'gilded sheep should be stewed in rat blood' but Morons 5:16 contradicts it. (Chas)

I would never shake a baby unless the recipe requires it.
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23-12-2011, 01:01 PM
RE: Cursed Step Parents!
(23-12-2011 12:47 PM)Malleus Wrote:  [B]ut we, as the fucking adults that we are, need your help to deal with you when you're going through all that. We can't give you all the independence and take all responsibility, because you *will* keep blaming us for all your failures, no matter how we approach you.

If you really want to help yourselves and help us to help you, make us understand, take some more responsibility and accept a little more help from us. By "us" I mean your parents, step parents included.

Excellent point, Mall, because as the "fucking adults" (Smile) we do know these issues will evolve into something else later...or should evolve if the young'n will indeed take responsibility for his or her actions and attitudes. I did leave out the greatest life advice Uncle Ben ever gave Peter Parker: "With great power comes great responsibility." We have the power think and feel however we wish about other people, particularly about an adult in a position of authority, no matter what that authority is or how it was attained.

BUT, we also have to take responsibility for our own behavior and realize that we have a role to play in the way others will treat us. I still go back to my prior "advice" in this thread that the best way to get through the sort of situation in the OP is to adopt a sort of Ghandi-esque attitude of civility. If a teen reacts in anger and resentment, they're only going to receive more "abuse" (i.e., parental restrictions) because the adult is going to sense an unwillingness from the teen to take personal responsibility. So there definitely needs to be a two-way street of communication, and in IMOM's specific case I think it's not bad advice to adopt the Old Testament proverb, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Just because it's in the Bible doesn't mean it's a bad tactic to use in a difficult situation. Smile

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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