Daddy Issues..
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
14-11-2014, 12:09 AM
RE: Daddy Issues..
It felt weird waiting, but I got a reply today. Here is what he said.

"I'm not sure where to start so I will keep this short and to the point for you.

I sent you the message after you returned to China because I had no idea you had left already. I did know you were state side but wasn't sure when you were in Tuscaloosa and I don't have a phone number for you.

Yes, I agree my second marriage was a huge mistake but that was my mistake to make and learn from, and believe me I learned a lot.
If you wish to continue to hold that against me then that is up to you.

I am very proud of you and all that you did without my help. I do wish I could have helped you more. I wanted to but couldn't.

It seems that you have already formed your opinions on the other topics so I guess there is no need to address them or attempt to offer information contrary to what you believe.

I do wish to have a relationship with you but I agree that the obligatory visits are worthless and unwanted. I want you to visit because you desire to do so.

I love you very much."


My thoughts after reading:
This is hard for me. On the one hand, I'm glad he was kind. On the other, it would have been much easier if he'd been awful. Still, there's no apology... as expected, but there was a tiny bit of hope for it. And I can't decide if saying "it was a mistake" is just making excuses for his poor decisions and actions or not. I did feel kind of sad when I sent off my first message, and I feel that twinge of pain? reading this. I have conflicting feelings because he has done some pretty shitty things, and while I want to call him out on those things, I am also reluctant to hurt him. At the same time, honesty is refreshing. My biggest question that I come away with here is if he has information that would change my mind about the things that have happened, why wouldn't he tell me? I'm going to sit on this for a while and think about a response.
Any thoughts?

Atheism is the only way to truly be free from sin.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
14-11-2014, 05:20 AM
RE: Daddy Issues..
is it better to just draw a line in the sand and everything that happened before the letter stays there, and everything that happens from the line moving forward is where your new relationship starts.


it sounds to me like he knew he screwed up, he knows he hurt you, and he says that they were his mistakes. There is nothing he can do to change any of it. An apology would be comforting but is it required?


Hug I know this isnt easy.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Bows and Arrows's post
14-11-2014, 08:43 AM
RE: Daddy Issues..
I don't think an apology is required, I can at least accept that.

But I do wonder like, what was he thinking during those conversations we had and when he acted the way he did. Is it worth asking him to give me some insight into his thought processes? I just want to understand his perspective. That's where I think if he has something to offer that could help, it'd be nice if he told me. As if I want to have a view of my dad coloured by negativity? It seems like it'd be better for both of us if he helped me understand where he was coming from.

Atheism is the only way to truly be free from sin.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
14-11-2014, 11:21 AM
RE: Daddy Issues..
It looks positive to me. Also it looks like he owned up to making bad decisions and not doing the right thing by you. Does he need to say, "I'm sorry"?

Who knows what or even if he was thinking then. Not sure if he owes you an explanation or if it would even make a difference.

From that letter it sounds like he wants a relationship with you, which is also the harder choice for him. Walking away would have been easier for both of you. He can not make up for the past. You need to decide if you can get over the past and if it is worth your effort to go forward. Both of you are young enough to have many meaningful years as father and daughter. Not saying you have to jump in neck deep, but you can try baby steps.

Good luck
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like wazzel's post
14-11-2014, 11:48 AM
RE: Daddy Issues..
Yanno one of the hardest things as an adult is having an adult relationship with your parents. If you're not careful you can find that inner child secretly stompping its foot bouncing around in your head when your parents do this or that. Happens to most anybody.
So... You decide & design the relationship you want and make that happen. Parents can fall in line when you take the lead but not if you don't.
And if they don't cooperate then you stick to your guns and hope for the best.
Never allow a parent to turn you into a child ....
That time has passed.

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like WitchSabrina's post
15-11-2014, 08:48 AM
RE: Daddy Issues..
(14-11-2014 11:48 AM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  Yanno one of the hardest things as an adult is having an adult relationship with your parents. If you're not careful you can find that inner child secretly stompping its foot bouncing around in your head when your parents do this or that. Happens to most anybody.
So... You decide & design the relationship you want and make that happen. Parents can fall in line when you take the lead but not if you don't.
And if they don't cooperate then you stick to your guns and hope for the best.
Never allow a parent to turn you into a child ....
That time has passed.

I think this thought will stick with me, whatever it comes to with my dad. I still haven't decided, but between this and Heywood's comment about building my own life and rules for engagement... I'm starting to see the possibility of trying.

Thanks Hug

Atheism is the only way to truly be free from sin.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Colourcraze's post
15-11-2014, 09:08 AM
RE: Daddy Issues..
I'd cautiously agree to cessation of hostilities, but make it clear that if he causes shit he's in big danger of losing you - until he can prove himself to be sincere in his desire to make good with you he's on probation.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like morondog's post
17-11-2014, 11:40 PM
RE: Daddy Issues..
(15-11-2014 08:48 AM)Colourcraze Wrote:  
(14-11-2014 11:48 AM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  Yanno one of the hardest things as an adult is having an adult relationship with your parents. If you're not careful you can find that inner child secretly stompping its foot bouncing around in your head when your parents do this or that. Happens to most anybody.
So... You decide & design the relationship you want and make that happen. Parents can fall in line when you take the lead but not if you don't.
And if they don't cooperate then you stick to your guns and hope for the best.
Never allow a parent to turn you into a child ....
That time has passed.

I think this thought will stick with me, whatever it comes to with my dad. I still haven't decided, but between this and Heywood's comment about building my own life and rules for engagement... I'm starting to see the possibility of trying.

Thanks Hug


You're gonna be just fine.
Smile

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
18-11-2014, 04:30 PM
RE: Daddy Issues..
I suggest journaling to get some of the bitterness or resentment washed from your brain. That or random artwork....do not focus on end result of art, merely express yourself. Using dark colors can help with dark feelings.
Then describe (detail) what you want the relationship to be. First to yourself then to your dad.
Once those self-help steps are taken the rest falls into place. Been there. Done that.
Smile

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes WitchSabrina's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: