Dangers of dating a religious person
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16-02-2016, 08:55 AM
RE: Dangers of dating a religious person
(16-02-2016 06:40 AM)FreeBeer Wrote:  Imo give her time and space, her dad passed away. If things change in time, great, if not move on. Idk, provide some kind of support.

(16-02-2016 06:27 AM)jennybee Wrote:  There are atheists and believers who are able to make things work in rships but in many cases, at least in my situation and in reading many of the stories on here of rships with believers/nonbelievers, these differences can cause major problems. My advice: Browse through the personal issues section and use each and every one of those posts as a cautionary tale before jumping into a rship with a believer. Personally, I could not date a believer-I love living in reality and being free too much and want to be able to share that with the person I love.

Gasp.... Weeping ...b-but finding Atheists is freaking difficult...

You're right--depending on where you live, it's not easy to find another atheist. But, after coming out of religion, I really have no desire to go back, I would rather remain single than date a religious person. I just can't do it. Everyone is different though and some can date a religious person, but I know myself and I know that's not for me. While my preference is atheist, I would date an agnostic or someone who is spiritual as long as their spirituality was not in woo territory. For example, I have a friend who was raised Catholic like me, is agnostic, but would like to believe and is open to the idea that there is something out there watching out for us, even though he doesn't necessarily believe that anything like that exists. So something like that I would be okay with but again not my preference but it does open the dating pool a bit.
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16-02-2016, 10:12 AM (This post was last modified: 16-02-2016 10:36 AM by Krypttonigt.)
RE: Dangers of dating a religious person
Just want to say thank you everyone for your lovely replies and generally being cool and welcoming people :-)
It's nice to find a little corner of the internet where people aren't being petty and mean to each other...a round of high fives to all of you!

As for my heart-wrenching breakup situation I've decided to take this as a learning experience that I'll take with me as I move forward with my life. I'm grateful for having known her and our time together and still love her, but I'm forever going to be wary of becoming entangled with a religious person again no matter how nice she otherwise is. What I've learned from this is that when the poo really hits the fan it's not reality that they will likely turn to - it's superstitious religious nonsense. Feelings of shame that stem from tyrannical opinions of female sexuality will also likely be dredged up, if it isn't already there from the start.

Cynical? Probably, but it's better to be cautious. I don't want this to happen again.

LITTLE ADDITION TO MY ORIGINAL POST: I did my best to help her through this rough patch and be there for her by any and all means...even going so far as to shoulder some of her workload so she'd have time to grieve without her a-hole boss giving her hell on top of it all. Sticking it through with her, basically. In the end she *still* decided that what she wanted was "God's love and support" and became hamstrung by the guilt of being sexually attracted to me, choosing instead to toss aside what was REAL (me) and made it very clear that she never wanted to see me again for fear of temptation. Seriously messed up!

**No gods, only humanity. There's only ever been us.**
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16-02-2016, 10:16 AM
RE: Dangers of dating a religious person
(16-02-2016 10:12 AM)Krypttonigt Wrote:  Just want to say thank you everyone for your lovely replies and generally being cool and welcoming people :-)
It's nice to find a little corner of the internet where people aren't being petty and mean to each other...a round of high fives to all of you!

As for my heart-wrenching breakup situation I've decided to take this as a learning experience that I'll take with me as I move forward with my life. I'm grateful for having known her and our time together and still love her, but I'm forever going to be wary of becoming entangled with a religious person again no matter how nice she otherwise is. What I've learned from this is that when the poo really hits the fan it's not reality that they will likely turn to - it's superstitious religious nonsense and feelings of shame that stem from tyrannical opinions of female sexuality.

Cynical? Probably, but it's better to be cautious. I don't want this to happen again.

Well stated.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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16-02-2016, 10:27 AM
RE: Dangers of dating a religious person
(16-02-2016 10:12 AM)Krypttonigt Wrote:  Just want to say thank you everyone for your lovely replies and generally being cool and welcoming people :-)
It's nice to find a little corner of the internet where people aren't being petty and mean to each other...a round of high fives to all of you!

As for my heart-wrenching breakup situation I've decided to take this as a learning experience that I'll take with me as I move forward with my life. I'm grateful for having known her and our time together and still love her, but I'm forever going to be wary of becoming entangled with a religious person again no matter how nice she otherwise is. What I've learned from this is that when the poo really hits the fan it's not reality that they will likely turn to - it's superstitious religious nonsense. Feelings of shame that stem from tyrannical opinions of female sexuality will also likely be dredged up, if it isn't already there from the start.

Cynical? Probably, but it's better to be cautious. I don't want this to happen again.

Not trying to poop in the punch bowl but I will say that people under emotional stress can act in weird ways regardless of religious beliefs. I have seen atheist who had given up their belief go back to being believers and I have seen atheists who've never believed turn to god ideals for comfort just like we've seen people turn away from god ideals in anger or disgust.

Being an atheist is not a guarantee that they will always be so BUT it's at least a level playing ground. Secular and atheist groups can be comforting in times like these. You might consider that going forward. They are also a place to find other possible mates who're like minded. Smile

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21-02-2016, 12:56 PM (This post was last modified: 21-02-2016 01:27 PM by larry-new.)
RE: Dangers of dating a religious person
In the end, it would prove impossible, IMO, for true intimacy depends on a shared worldview.

I wouldn't lead with my atheist beliefs, as in on a profile for a dating site. Intellectual curiosity being what it is, I found my partner attractive in an intellectual sense first, and the atheist conversations flowed from that a bit later. It so happened she had had the same thoughts, but had noone to explore them with.

"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?" -Epicurus (341-270B.C.E.)
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21-02-2016, 01:35 PM (This post was last modified: 21-02-2016 01:51 PM by GenesisNemesis.)
RE: Dangers of dating a religious person
I don't see why it would be worth it if the other person believes you're not a worthy human being if you don't believe in god (even if they don't believe in Hell, they'll still believe you're not worthy of Heaven, and that you're worthy of obliteration, which to them is as bad as Hell. How nice of them!), and especially if they love god more than their partner. That seems like a strained relationship to me, at best, if there's any relationship at all.

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22-02-2016, 11:27 AM
RE: Dangers of dating a religious person
My personal experience is that dating a religious person never ends well. However, some on here seem to make it work so it is obviously not completely a lost cause.

At this point in my own life I would rather be single than to date a theist.
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22-02-2016, 01:03 PM
RE: Dangers of dating a religious person
The last time I dated a christian I was pretty much done when during a discussion about children he mentioned he'd be worried about kids being raised by atheists. Fuck that. I now have an amazing atheist partner and we have a child who is great.

Id never do it again. As I've said before you cant have such different bases of how you view the world and expect it to work forever. Sure it can be great for a while, but eventually something is going to happen that one or the other person can't ignore anymore.
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22-02-2016, 01:06 PM
RE: Dangers of dating a religious person
(21-02-2016 12:56 PM)larry-new Wrote:  In the end, it would prove impossible, IMO, for true intimacy depends on a shared worldview.

I wouldn't lead with my atheist beliefs, as in on a profile for a dating site. Intellectual curiosity being what it is, I found my partner attractive in an intellectual sense first, and the atheist conversations flowed from that a bit later. It so happened she had had the same thoughts, but had noone to explore them with.

There is no way I could not lead with my atheist foot. If I have to hide something that important I dont want to date them. I'm glad it worked out for you though.
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02-03-2016, 10:04 AM (This post was last modified: 02-03-2016 10:09 AM by EmberImpressions.)
RE: Dangers of dating a religious person
(22-02-2016 11:27 AM)ohio_drg Wrote:  At this point in my own life I would rather be single than to date a theist.

Me, too. I enjoy my beliefs and areas of study (science, philosophy/logic) and want someone who will not merely tolerate those things, but be as passionate about the science of the physical universe as I am.

The way I explained it to someone recently who claimed to be agnostic because he rejects religions but who is still Theist --- He insisted that it didn't matter to dating that he is theist and I am an atheist . I told him I want someone who is at least at the same point in this journey, so that we can go forward together. That I want someone who knows where I'm coming from, not that I'd have to explain it. He said he is open minded. I told him yes he may be open minded but I've no interest in converting him.

If I were twenty-something or even thirty-something I might feel differently but at my age, as the saying goes, "I'm too old for that s#*t!" Blink
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