Dating Believers
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13-10-2015, 07:48 AM
RE: Dating Believers
One shouldn't get into a relationship thinking they can or desiring to change something about another person to that degree. I don't think it's an issue to date them if you're comfortable that they won't be pushy or rudely forcing things on you. If both sides have no desire to force or guilt the other one to change it really is fine.

I've only reeeally dated wishy washy hippy I believe in my personal sense types of believers but I just let it at that. It was never anything of an issue at any point. I think the most clashing of it ever happened one time we were hanging out after having broken up but that was just simply saying like, I disagree or talking with friends about what one would say to kids about afterlife.

"Allow there to be a spectrum in all that you see" - Neil Degrasse Tyson
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13-10-2015, 08:56 AM
RE: Dating Believers
My wife and I dated for about 2 years before she even realized I was an Atheist. At the start of our relationship I was already about 6 months into my acceptance of my postion. I didn't do anything different, I was respectful of her family. They prayed at their dinners and I just sat in silence. I would join them for Christmas Mass but wouldn't join in singing or the beliefs.

Now I love my wife. She drives me crazy, but I love her. The hardest part of our relationship is our religious differences. It's the cause of our loudest arguments. She seems to believe that I can be "saved". I never bring up the subject unless she's trying to force her beliefs on me or she's acting stupid because of them.

That being said, I have every plan on spending the rest of my life with her. But if I could avoid the fighting over if should pray over every meal. Or where we should hang the dead man on the stick I would.




Don't Live each day like it's your last. Live each day like you have 541 days after that one where every choice you make will have lasting implications to you and the world around you. ~ Tim Minchin
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13-10-2015, 09:25 AM
RE: Dating Believers
Bill Maher freakin' dated Cara Santa Maria, which is absolutely ridiculous. I mean, look that girl up! That has nothing to do with your topic, just your name reminded me of that.

Regarding the topic. I think dating a believer is going to at least lead to harsh challenges if the believer follows any specific religion closely. Just dating/marrying somebody isn't the problem, they can believe whatever they want. It's when you have kids, and they think the correct way for the kids to think is to have their religion...that's when the real issue starts. I absolutely could not allow my children to be indoctrinated (as I consider that child abuse).

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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13-10-2015, 03:18 PM
RE: Dating Believers
If you think that you may indeed deconvert your new significant other, then the converse must also be true:
Can you forsake the knowledge and logic you have now and become a believer in their faith?
If that seems unthinkable, then you probably have a clear answer.
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13-10-2015, 03:42 PM
RE: Dating Believers
In my experience changing their minds and deconverting them is not realistic.

I used to be open to dating believers but - although it's not impossible for others and can be done - I have now as a personal choice decided not to. Religion - or absence thereof - is too personal and significant a subject for me to feel that I could really "gel" with the person if we differed so much on it.
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13-10-2015, 06:59 PM
RE: Dating Believers
I settled down at 17 with a 'bad boy' who swept me off my feet, but I cringe to think of myself ever being back out in the dating world. The second he (or she? Tongue) would mention any hint of jesus, zeus, allah, etc., I would react the same as if they said they still believed in Santa Clause, or the Tooth Fairy.

My first thoughts are either undeveloped intellect or plain stupidity. Then, mental illness.

Unfortunately for me, it seems almost everyone around me is religious in some form. My 21 year old brother is facing this right now as an atheist at college in the bible belt, and he seems to just let it go. I think the older he gets, the more it will matter.
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13-10-2015, 10:30 PM
RE: Dating Believers
Thanks to all for the very helpful advice and opinions!
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14-10-2015, 12:01 AM (This post was last modified: 14-10-2015 12:05 AM by Logisch.)
RE: Dating Believers
Seth's wife is a Christian if memory serves me correctly and he seems to be happy just the way things are. There used to be a time when I thought, "I will ONLY date atheists because no one else is capable of being compatible." Then I met my girlfriend. My girlfriend is "kind of" a believer, but doesn't attend church or anything. She holds most all of the same views on things I do, we never argue about our beliefs and she doesn't care that I'm an atheist in the slightest. We still go check out space, talk science and philosophy, and share a shit ton of stuff in common.

I think mostly it depends on whether or not your views on things are compatible.

In my eyes the most important parts of a relationship are:

- Communication
- Trust
- Separate Identities (alone time, being yourself, being ok with them being themselves)
- Honesty
- Mutual respect
- Understanding

Belief in a god or gods is simply one stance on one subject. Her believing sky daddy is real has had zero effect on our trust, communication, respect, etc. She's never tried to push it on me, I've never tried pushing my views on her. Our views on people, the world, and many other things are very compatible.

I think if she were fundamentalist or less open minded about things it would probably drive me nuts. But she loves people for who they are and is the first believer I've dated in a very long time, and it hasn't bothered me the slightest.

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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15-10-2015, 12:08 PM
RE: Dating Believers
It depends upon the past religion plays in their life. Some people are practical atheists, they believe but it doesn't really effect their day to day lives. Some, like me, are thoroughly religious, even the littlest action is motivated by my Faith.
The biggest effect of this is that it means that people may have different ends for getting married. While it may seem cold, I believe every relationship is a means to an end (because I believe every action is done for an end, and consider forming a relationship to be an action). Some relationships, such as friendship, are because you enjoy their company. Romantic relationships are not different although they should have higher ends, since they are not ended so easily. For me, and most theologically literate Catholics. The end of marriage is to better get to God. Thus for me, having a wife who would not be Catholic would be difficult as it would be harder to fulfil the purpose of the marriage. Thus I think it important that both members understand what they intend to get out of the relationship. The ends, there can be multiple, do not need to be the same but they must be complimentary.

I'm homophobic in the same way that I'm arachnophobic. I'm not scared of gay people but I'm going to scream if I find one in my bath.

I'm. Also homophobic in the same way I'm arachnophobic. I'm scared of spiders but I'd still fuck'em.
- my friend Marc
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15-10-2015, 12:23 PM
RE: Dating Believers
I married a believer. What a person believes isn't as important as what kind of person one is.
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