Dating as an Atheist
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12-12-2015, 01:02 PM (This post was last modified: 12-12-2015 05:28 PM by zellerscrossing.)
Dating as an Atheist
Greetings All,

I'm a 32 YO man, very passionate about my atheism. As an introvert and someone that isn't as hot as Thor, I really struggle with dating. To compound that, it's really important to me to date an atheist or secularist.

So I guess my question is; does anyone have any tips? I've been on all the dating sites which it's easy to choose "atheist" as a descriptor, but it hasn't really lead anywhere. I feel like when I ask a lady out, I just want to skip straight to that question as to not waste my time or hers (I have not yet done it this way).

When I do go on dates (of the unknown), I find that I lose a lot of respect for the person once they tell me they believe in a sky wizard. I dated a girl that was a christian for several years and it tore us apart in the end and was our biggest struggle throughout.

So, dating as an atheist - how do you guys (and gals) make it happen?
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12-12-2015, 01:12 PM
RE: Dating as an Atheist
I also don't have much respect for people with inaginary friends, that is a big turn off. I kind of avoid the dating scene so I don't know how to find atheist ladies either.

A man should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself. -Ferris Bueller

That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs but what a ship is... what the Black Pearl really is... is freedom. -Jack Sparrow
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12-12-2015, 01:21 PM
RE: Dating as an Atheist
Hi Welcome to TTA Smile

I think it can be a lil difficult dating as an atheist--especially if you live in certain areas where religion is paramount.

I really hate dating sites. I prefer to join a group, go out and do something fun, and meet like-minded people that way. Meetup.com is great for that sort of thing. If nothing else, you have an opportunity to make some great friends.
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12-12-2015, 01:29 PM
RE: Dating as an Atheist
Here's the best advice I can give.

Lower the standers.

What are you looking for in a woman? Obviously non religion is important to you. But let's say whoever she is hits 9 out of the 10 things that make her attractive to you. And that one thing is her faith. Most of the time the religion is a backdrop. Are you looking for someone purely for physical reasons? Or are you a long term commitment type of guy? First dates should never involve Politics, Religion, or Past Partners. You need to find value in her company. Physical attraction i do think is important, but let's face it neither of us are going to be dating Kate Upton anytime soon.

See if there are any secular or atheist groups in your area. Who knows who you may meet? Maybe just a religion that doesn't have gods? Buddhism, Jainism, and schools of Nāstika Hinduism are just some examples on nontheistic religions.

My wife is Christian. We've been together for 6 years. 4 of which she knew I was an Atheist. 2 we've been married. We have major difference of opions on the matter of religion. But we still love each other and are active in each other's lives. We have a lot more things in common then differences so we look past that.

51% of this country Christian. 40% is another is some other type of religion and 7-10% is Atheistic. It's a small pool to choose from. And who knows maybe you could lead the poor girl to a life of reason?

Don't Live each day like it's your last. Live each day like you have 541 days after that one where every choice you make will have lasting implications to you and the world around you. ~ Tim Minchin
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12-12-2015, 01:44 PM
RE: Dating as an Atheist
(12-12-2015 01:29 PM)Commonsensei Wrote:  Here's the best advice I can give.

Lower the standers.

What are you looking for in a woman? Obviously non religion is important to you. But let's say whoever she is hits 9 out of the 10 things that make her attractive to you. And that one thing is her faith. Most of the time the religion is a backdrop. Are you looking for someone purely for physical reasons? Or are you a long term commitment type of guy? First dates should never involve Politics, Religion, or Past Partners. You need to find value in her company. Physical attraction i do think is important, but let's face it neither of us are going to be dating Kate Upton anytime soon.

See if there are any secular or atheist groups in your area. Who knows who you may meet? Maybe just a religion that doesn't have gods? Buddhism, Jainism, and schools of Nāstika Hinduism are just some examples on nontheistic religions.

My wife is Christian. We've been together for 6 years. 4 of which she knew I was an Atheist. 2 we've been married. We have major difference of opions on the matter of religion. But we still love each other and are active in each other's lives. We have a lot more things in common then differences so we look past that.

51% of this country Christian. 40% is another is some other type of religion and 7-10% is Atheistic. It's a small pool to choose from. And who knows maybe you could lead the poor girl to a life of reason?

I dunno if I could date a Christian. I'm so glad it worked out for you though. Tongue That sort of thing is just not something I can compromise on. I lived in delusion for so long--I love being free of that and I want to share that freedom and living in reality with someone I love. Sure, you might be able to sway a believer to reason--but what if you can't? I do think there are different levels of faith though--some people aren't extremely religious, yet they still believe. Depending on what type of person you are--that may work for you. I had such a horrible, oppressive experience being involved in religion--I just don't want it anywhere near me or my life.

Another thing I can't compromise on: Someone who is not an adventurous, outdoorsy person. I just can't be with someone who only wants to sit on the couch, living in their comfort zone.

Anything else I'm willing to compromise on. I know it limits my dating pool significantly, but I'd rather be happy and single than to settle for somebody I don't really want to be with.
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12-12-2015, 02:00 PM
RE: Dating as an Atheist
(12-12-2015 01:44 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(12-12-2015 01:29 PM)Commonsensei Wrote:  Here's the best advice I can give.

Lower the standers.

What are you looking for in a woman? Obviously non religion is important to you. But let's say whoever she is hits 9 out of the 10 things that make her attractive to you. And that one thing is her faith. Most of the time the religion is a backdrop. Are you looking for someone purely for physical reasons? Or are you a long term commitment type of guy? First dates should never involve Politics, Religion, or Past Partners. You need to find value in her company. Physical attraction i do think is important, but let's face it neither of us are going to be dating Kate Upton anytime soon.

See if there are any secular or atheist groups in your area. Who knows who you may meet? Maybe just a religion that doesn't have gods? Buddhism, Jainism, and schools of Nāstika Hinduism are just some examples on nontheistic religions.

My wife is Christian. We've been together for 6 years. 4 of which she knew I was an Atheist. 2 we've been married. We have major difference of opions on the matter of religion. But we still love each other and are active in each other's lives. We have a lot more things in common then differences so we look past that.

51% of this country Christian. 40% is another is some other type of religion and 7-10% is Atheistic. It's a small pool to choose from. And who knows maybe you could lead the poor girl to a life of reason?

I dunno if I could date a Christian. I'm so glad it worked out for you though. Tongue That sort of thing is just not something I can compromise on. I lived in delusion for so long--I love being free of that and I want to share that freedom and living in reality with someone I love. Sure, you might be able to sway a believer to reason--but what if you can't? I do think there are different levels of faith though--some people aren't extremely religious, yet they still believe. Depending on what type of person you are--that may work for you. I had such a horrible, oppressive experience being involved in religion--I just don't want it anywhere near me or my life.

Another thing I can't compromise on: Someone who is not an adventurous, outdoorsy person. I just can't be with someone who only wants to sit on the couch, living in their comfort zone.

Anything else I'm willing to compromise on. I know it limits my dating pool significantly, but I'd rather be happy and single than to settle for somebody I don't really want to be with.

Dating advice should be taken with a grain of salt . My past relationships always ended the same way. Me sitting near a phone wondering what I did wrong, a computer, and a box of tissues.

Don't Live each day like it's your last. Live each day like you have 541 days after that one where every choice you make will have lasting implications to you and the world around you. ~ Tim Minchin
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12-12-2015, 02:01 PM
RE: Dating as an Atheist
Maybe move somewhere multicultural... Everyone in my city either sees how ridiculous the various religions are, or they're an oblivious idiot... So all I have to do is have a 5 minute conversation about anything, and if they aren't a moron, were usually good. None of the women I've dated have been religious. The few that were even theist had no issues with my atheism.

The only down side to such a diverse city is that it seems people from different backgrounds are somewhat less likely to find each other attractive... And even when they do, the old fucks who created them tend to have a problem. Dating a brown girl is really more about avoiding the gaze of her racist, disapproving parents.
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12-12-2015, 02:02 PM
RE: Dating as an Atheist
Fuck the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me and for the entire human race

There are
People dying
... I forgot the rest of the song

Just fuck em.

Caveat: I might be quite drunk.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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12-12-2015, 02:15 PM
RE: Dating as an Atheist
(12-12-2015 02:00 PM)Commonsensei Wrote:  
(12-12-2015 01:44 PM)jennybee Wrote:  I dunno if I could date a Christian. I'm so glad it worked out for you though. Tongue That sort of thing is just not something I can compromise on. I lived in delusion for so long--I love being free of that and I want to share that freedom and living in reality with someone I love. Sure, you might be able to sway a believer to reason--but what if you can't? I do think there are different levels of faith though--some people aren't extremely religious, yet they still believe. Depending on what type of person you are--that may work for you. I had such a horrible, oppressive experience being involved in religion--I just don't want it anywhere near me or my life.

Another thing I can't compromise on: Someone who is not an adventurous, outdoorsy person. I just can't be with someone who only wants to sit on the couch, living in their comfort zone.

Anything else I'm willing to compromise on. I know it limits my dating pool significantly, but I'd rather be happy and single than to settle for somebody I don't really want to be with.

Dating advice should be taken with a grain of salt . My past relationships always ended the same way. Me sitting near a phone wondering what I did wrong, a computer, and a box of tissues.

Awww Hug well you sound like you have the girl of your dreams now Smile
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12-12-2015, 02:27 PM (This post was last modified: 12-12-2015 02:39 PM by yakherder.)
RE: Dating as an Atheist
I could pretend to be Jewish for one of those IDF girls. Beyond that, being atheist has always been the least of my issues in regards to dating Tongue

'Murican Canadian
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