David and his bag of foreskins
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17-04-2017, 09:03 PM
David and his bag of foreskins
King Saul asked David to bring him 100 philistine foreskins.. but David was an achiever, he didn't bring Saul 100 foreskins, he brought him 200.
...
Lol, the imagery cracks me up. Did he walk in and pour them all out on the floor, "you wanted foreskins King Saul? you got foreskins!"
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17-04-2017, 09:17 PM
David and his bag of foreskins
(17-04-2017 09:03 PM)Walluin Wrote:  King Saul asked David to bring him 100 philistine foreskins.. but David was an achiever, he didn't bring Saul 100 foreskins, he brought him 200.
...
Lol, the imagery cracks me up. Did he walk in and pour them all out on the floor, "you wanted foreskins King Saul? you got foreskins!"

What's with the OT foreskin fixation? YHWH is fascinated with them even though he allegedly created them. It's just weird.
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17-04-2017, 09:26 PM
RE: David and his bag of foreskins
Eww. D:
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17-04-2017, 09:28 PM
RE: David and his bag of foreskins
(17-04-2017 09:03 PM)Walluin Wrote:  King Saul asked David to bring him 100 philistine foreskins.. but David was an achiever, he didn't bring Saul 100 foreskins, he brought him 200.
...
Lol, the imagery cracks me up. Did he walk in and pour them all out on the floor, "you wanted foreskins King Saul? you got foreskins!"

No, he had them sewn into a wine-skin and presented it to Saul.

Saul was unimpressed. "As your king I sent you out to bring me 100 foreskins and all you have made from them is a wine-skin?"

David said: "Your Majesty, rub it for a moment and that wine-skin will turn into a tent."

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17-04-2017, 09:43 PM
RE: David and his bag of foreskins
(17-04-2017 09:17 PM)Rachel Wrote:  
(17-04-2017 09:03 PM)Walluin Wrote:  King Saul asked David to bring him 100 philistine foreskins.. but David was an achiever, he didn't bring Saul 100 foreskins, he brought him 200.
...
Lol, the imagery cracks me up. Did he walk in and pour them all out on the floor, "you wanted foreskins King Saul? you got foreskins!"

What's with the OT foreskin fixation? YHWH is fascinated with them even though he allegedly created them. It's just weird.

I wonder what YHWH's tinder account would look like:
Turn ons: Prayers, sacrifices, water-sports
Turn offs: FORESKINS!!!! also other deities and their temples.
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18-04-2017, 05:09 AM
RE: David and his bag of foreskins
(17-04-2017 09:28 PM)Fatbaldhobbit Wrote:  
(17-04-2017 09:03 PM)Walluin Wrote:  King Saul asked David to bring him 100 philistine foreskins.. but David was an achiever, he didn't bring Saul 100 foreskins, he brought him 200.
...
Lol, the imagery cracks me up. Did he walk in and pour them all out on the floor, "you wanted foreskins King Saul? you got foreskins!"

No, he had them sewn into a wine-skin and presented it to Saul.

Saul was unimpressed. "As your king I sent you out to bring me 100 foreskins and all you have made from them is a wine-skin?"

David said: "Your Majesty, rub it for a moment and that wine-skin will turn into a tent."

I would have made them into a hat for Saul to wear, then he could literally be a dickhead.

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18-04-2017, 05:41 AM
RE: David and his bag of foreskins
I just started re-reading Ulysses yesterday and actually laughed out loud when I got to this:

An old woman came forward and stood by Stephen's elbow.
—That's a lovely morning, sir, she said. Glory be to God.
—To whom? Mulligan said, glancing at her. Ah, to be sure!
Stephen reached back and took the milkjug from the locker.
—The islanders, Mulligan said to Haines casually, speak frequently of the collector of prepuces.

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18-04-2017, 06:07 AM
RE: David and his bag of foreskins
(17-04-2017 09:03 PM)Walluin Wrote:  King Saul asked David to bring him 100 philistine foreskins.. but David was an achiever, he didn't bring Saul 100 foreskins, he brought him 200.
...
Lol, the imagery cracks me up. Did he walk in and pour them all out on the floor, "you wanted foreskins King Saul? you got foreskins!"
In fairness, you are benefitting in constructing your humor from the lack of cultural context. Thanks to what god (or actually, of course, some wily early proto-priest) dreampt up, membership in the club was represented by cutting off one's foreskin. Lifelong genital mutilation was what made you, with a literal physical symbol, Jewish. It was also doubtless symbolic of the hardcore nature of Jewish exceptionalism.

Taking a bunch of foreskins from outsiders against their will was a demonstration of ruthless and merciless dominance over them. That is what Saul was actually asking for, a demonstration of David's ability to dominate his opponents. I don't recall if the text mentions that he killed these Philistines (probably) or at least in some cases just made them scream like little girls and then set them loose to be accused for the rest of their lives of being Jewish, I don't pretend to know.

The real irony in this, is that many groups of gentiles have co-opted the Jewish "secret handshake" such that a headless dick is no longer a reliable indicator that you're a "real Jew". Although the ubiquity of the practice is decreasing, it's still, at least in the US to my knowledge, the default. Back in the 90s my now-wife had some difficulty heading circumcision off at the pass when her son was born. Her reason was just that she saw it for what it was ... genital mutilation ... and did not want it for her son, given that the bogus health benefits that had once been advanced for it are now thoroughly discredited, and there is some evidence that it interferes with sexual enjoyment.

The history of circumcision in Britain and the US is quite interesting. Here's a good read on it if you're interested. Real SMH material.
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18-04-2017, 07:52 AM
RE: David and his bag of foreskins
And thus is the origin of the phrase, "Give me some skin!".
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18-04-2017, 08:27 AM
RE: David and his bag of foreskins
(17-04-2017 09:03 PM)Walluin Wrote:  King Saul asked David to bring him 100 philistine foreskins.. but David was an achiever, he didn't bring Saul 100 foreskins, he brought him 200.
...
Lol, the imagery cracks me up. Did he walk in and pour them all out on the floor, "you wanted foreskins King Saul? you got foreskins!"

> When I first began studying the Bible in Catholic grammar school, I had to use a bowdlerized version of the St. Jerome Bible. Certain objectionable verses were omitted, like David's foreskin battlefield trophies or the incident of Lot having sex with his daughters. Consider
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