David and his bag of foreskins
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18-04-2017, 10:15 AM
RE: David and his bag of foreskins
(18-04-2017 05:09 AM)TheInquisition Wrote:  
(17-04-2017 09:28 PM)Fatbaldhobbit Wrote:  No, he had them sewn into a wine-skin and presented it to Saul.

Saul was unimpressed. "As your king I sent you out to bring me 100 foreskins and all you have made from them is a wine-skin?"

David said: "Your Majesty, rub it for a moment and that wine-skin will turn into a tent."

I would have made them into a hat for Saul to wear, then he could literally be a dickhead.

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Yamaka, that when rubbed becomes a sombrero?!
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18-04-2017, 02:48 PM
RE: David and his bag of foreskins
(17-04-2017 09:17 PM)Rachel Wrote:  
(17-04-2017 09:03 PM)Walluin Wrote:  King Saul asked David to bring him 100 philistine foreskins.. but David was an achiever, he didn't bring Saul 100 foreskins, he brought him 200.
...
Lol, the imagery cracks me up. Did he walk in and pour them all out on the floor, "you wanted foreskins King Saul? you got foreskins!"

What's with the OT foreskin fixation? YHWH is fascinated with them even though he allegedly created them. It's just weird.

Gawd loves dicks, he hates shrimps, but loves dicks.
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18-04-2017, 03:15 PM
RE: David and his bag of foreskins
Fore Shame

Did the Vatican steal Jesus’ foreskin so people would shut up about the savior's penis?

By David Farley
In 1983, as the residents of Calcata, a small town 30 miles north of Rome, prepared for their annual procession honoring a holy relic, a shocking announcement from the parish priest put a damper on festivities. "This year, the holy relic will not be exposed to the devotion of the faithful. It has vanished. Sacrilegious thieves have taken it from my home." Not since the Middle Ages, when lopped-off body parts of divine do-gooders were bought, sold, and traded, has relic theft been big news. But the mysterious disappearance of Calcata's beloved curio is different.

This wasn't just the residuum of any holy human—nor was it just any body part. It was the foreskin of Jesus Christ, the snipped-off tip of the savior’s penis, the only piece of his body he supposedly left on earth.

[Image: dPeoPet.gif?zoom=2]

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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18-04-2017, 04:14 PM
David and his bag of foreskins
The history of the Holy Prepuce is pretty funny. Various churches and cathedrals claimed to have a holy prepuce, 15 or possibly 16 in total. One by one, they all disappeared. Imagine that. Maybe the RCC doesn't want people testing for the DNA test of Jesus. Or maybe they knew they were all fraudulent. Or...maybe that's how the ancients knew Jesus was God: they kept snipping off the foreskin and it would magically grow back! No wonder the fictional gospel accounts gloss over the mythical Jesus' childhood! Even Harry Potter had a more believable origin story!
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18-04-2017, 04:41 PM
RE: David and his bag of foreskins
(18-04-2017 04:14 PM)Rachel Wrote:  The history of the Holy Prepuce is pretty funny. Various churches and cathedrals claimed to have a holy prepuce, 15 or possibly 16 in total. One by one, they all disappeared. Imagine that. Maybe the RCC doesn't want people testing for the DNA test of Jesus. Or maybe they knew they were all fraudulent. Or...maybe that's how the ancients knew Jesus was God: they kept snipping off the foreskin and it would magically grow back! No wonder the fictional gospel accounts gloss over the mythical Jesus' childhood! Even Harry Potter had a more believable origin story!
Yeah there are many duplicate Catholic relics, it is a regular cottage industry. But a guy with 16 foreskins is disturbing imagery, I must admit.
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19-04-2017, 01:24 AM
RE: David and his bag of foreskins
(18-04-2017 04:41 PM)mordant Wrote:  ... But a guy with 16 foreskins is disturbing imagery, I must admit.

Certainly not the kind of image you want to have with transubstantiation fizzing in your mouth at communion Tongue
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19-04-2017, 02:15 AM
RE: David and his bag of foreskins
God let the interns handle one thing...

I have a website here which discusses the issues and terminology surrounding religion and atheism. It's hopefully user friendly to all.
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21-04-2017, 10:36 AM
RE: David and his bag of foreskins
(17-04-2017 09:03 PM)Walluin Wrote:  King Saul asked David to bring him 100 philistine foreskins.. but David was an achiever, he didn't bring Saul 100 foreskins, he brought him 200.
...
Lol, the imagery cracks me up. Did he walk in and pour them all out on the floor, "you wanted foreskins King Saul? you got foreskins!"
He didn't bring them in a bag. He strung them on a wire. Drinking Beverage

Sapere aude
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21-04-2017, 10:47 AM
RE: David and his bag of foreskins
David went around grabbing a bunch of dead guys' dicks?

Don't let those gnomes and their illusions get you down. They're just gnomes and illusions.

--Jake the Dog, Adventure Time

Alouette, je te plumerai.
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21-04-2017, 11:16 AM
RE: David and his bag of foreskins
(17-04-2017 09:03 PM)Walluin Wrote:  ...
Lol, the imagery cracks me up. Did he walk in and pour them all out on the floor, "you wanted foreskins King Saul? you got foreskins!"

That passage always cracked me up. Although there's really nothing funny about it. Mutilating the dicks of corpses just shows what kind of heros the OT worships.

But David didn't stop there. There are other passages where he sawed people apart and burned them alive in furnaces. A true hero, so to speak.

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