Day 35 of the clown invasion
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11-10-2016, 05:12 PM
Day 35 of the clown invasion
5:35 pm
It's getting really bad out there, you guys. Clowns hiding behind bushes, clowns hiding behind the gas pump when I step out of my car, clowns wandering around in the park after hours. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm holed up in my house, just hoping that this onslaught will end soon. I should have enough rations to last at least another couple of weeks. if I run out of th- Oh, shit there's one looking into my window right now!

5:37 pm
Ok, I'm in my bathroom now. They're standing next to the power lines in my front yard with a giant pair of novelty scissors, the kind that gets used at ribbon cutting ceremonies. I'm afraid they're going to try to cut off my power, so If anyone out there can still read this, please send hel- fuck they're clawing at my window! It's dddddddddddddddddfffffffffffggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnmmmmmmmmmmm,​,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,....................................​................................................................................​........................................................................ qsccqsqsccqsdq........scdqscdcqsdcqsdqc.........llllllllllll................scds​csdqcqsdqscdxxxxxxxxxxzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

6:02 pm
I'm safe, guys. One of them grabbed my tablet right out my my hands, and tried to eat it. Luckily, I snatched it back, ran downstairs, grabbed my keys and wallet, and made it to the garage. I'm sitting in the YMCA parking lot right now. I don't see any clowns around, but it's getting dark soon, so I need to GTFO. I tried calling the police already, but it sounds like they've already been hit. The emergency line was just playing circus music on an endless loop. I'm just gonna drive around for a while until I run across a police officer who can help, because there's no fucking way I'm about to walk into the police station right now.
If anyone out there can still read this, please stay as far away from the McDonald's restaurants as you can. I repeat, stay away from McDonald's, especially at night.

Godspeed, and good luck. Heart
and let me know how you're faring out there. From the looks of things, there don't seem to be many survivors left.

If we came from dust, then why is there still dust?
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11-10-2016, 05:36 PM
RE: Day 35 of the clown invasion
I am not afraid of clowns. My uncle was a clown. When he died all his friends came to the funeral in the same car.

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11-10-2016, 05:56 PM
RE: Day 35 of the clown invasion
6:50 PM-
Oh, thank the gods, you guys are still out there.
The clowns started chasing my car, and I had to get out of town.

Also, Fuck. FUCK! You guys, I called my parents and got the same fucking circus music. Damn it!
UUUhhhhhhh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Fuuu. Okay. Okay, there's a small chance they MIGHT have made it out of their house and out of the city, but I'm not betting on it. I should have warned them sooner. fuck

I think I have a plan, though. It's a bit crazy, but it just might work.

I've been doing some research, and it seems like McDonald's is not just a hotspot for clown activity, but an actual vector of transmission for this... disease?... contagion? I don't think anyone really knows at this point, but what we do know is that it's spreading, and fast. So I'm hoping that if I can get as far away as possible from the McDonald's restaurants, I should stand a chance at getting through this alive.

I found a map that may prove useful. It shows the farthest point away from any McDonalds location within the contiguous US.
http://www.datapointed.net/2010/09/dista...sept-2010/

But god damn, 27 fucking hour drive from St Louis. No, even longer than that since I'm trying to avoid the major cities. Shit, you guys, I don't know if it's even worth it, but I'm willing to try anything at this point. I've got some of that 5 Hour Energy shit in the back seat. Tastes like ass, but it might just do the trick. I can't afford to fall asleep right now. I'm still way too fucking close to McDonald's to risk it.

I'd consider going up to Canada, but I don't want to take any chances with the border patrol. They get paid so little, they probably eat at McDonald's all the time. They don't stand a fucking chance, those poor souls.

If anybody wants to meet me out there in Mc-No-Man's land, heh, please please be careful and plan your route to avoid the major cities. Traffic jams are your worst enemy right now. AVOID THEM. Stay safe, friends. Hug

I'm gonna go text my parents again, for like the 4th time. I've been texting and driving at the same time. Heh, I am 3 edgy 5 u... *sigh*. Ok, need to focus on driving. I know I can get through this.

If we came from dust, then why is there still dust?
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11-10-2016, 06:04 PM
RE: Day 35 of the clown invasion
AAARRRRMMM YOURSELVES!!!1!1ONE!

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11-10-2016, 06:30 PM
RE: Day 35 of the clown invasion
(11-10-2016 05:56 PM)cactus Wrote:  6:50 PM-
Oh, thank the gods, you guys are still out there.
The clowns started chasing my car, and I had to get out of town.

Also, Fuck. FUCK! You guys, I called my parents and got the same fucking circus music. Damn it!
UUUhhhhhhh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Fuuu. Okay. Okay, there's a small chance they MIGHT have made it out of their house and out of the city, but I'm not betting on it. I should have warned them sooner. fuck

I think I have a plan, though. It's a bit crazy, but it just might work.

I've been doing some research, and it seems like McDonald's is not just a hotspot for clown activity, but an actual vector of transmission for this... disease?... contagion? I don't think anyone really knows at this point, but what we do know is that it's spreading, and fast. So I'm hoping that if I can get as far away as possible from the McDonald's restaurants, I should stand a chance at getting through this alive.

I found a map that may prove useful. It shows the farthest point away from any McDonalds location within the contiguous US.
http://www.datapointed.net/2010/09/dista...sept-2010/

But god damn, 27 fucking hour drive from St Louis. No, even longer than that since I'm trying to avoid the major cities. Shit, you guys, I don't know if it's even worth it, but I'm willing to try anything at this point. I've got some of that 5 Hour Energy shit in the back seat. Tastes like ass, but it might just do the trick. I can't afford to fall asleep right now. I'm still way too fucking close to McDonald's to risk it.

I'd consider going up to Canada, but I don't want to take any chances with the border patrol. They get paid so little, they probably eat at McDonald's all the time. They don't stand a fucking chance, those poor souls.

If anybody wants to meet me out there in Mc-No-Man's land, heh, please please be careful and plan your route to avoid the major cities. Traffic jams are your worst enemy right now. AVOID THEM. Stay safe, friends. Hug

I'm gonna go text my parents again, for like the 4th time. I've been texting and driving at the same time. Heh, I am 3 edgy 5 u... *sigh*. Ok, need to focus on driving. I know I can get through this.

But what about the tunnels? Aren't the McDonalds connected through tunnels so Obama can quietly invade everything and take us all? Aren't the clowns hiding there now? How do you know you are not driving over one of those tunnels? What if the clowns start coming up through the man holes?

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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11-10-2016, 06:39 PM
RE: Day 35 of the clown invasion
Please be careful and remember, if a mob of them surround you there’s only one way out...
[Image: TheChortle2084_Clownz.png]

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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11-10-2016, 06:55 PM
RE: Day 35 of the clown invasion
I'm tired of threads about the election.

'Murican Canadian
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11-10-2016, 07:23 PM (This post was last modified: 11-10-2016 07:31 PM by cactus.)
RE: Day 35 of the clown invasion
Looks like I was right. They got to my parents Sad

shit, I'll keep checking on Snopes to make sure I'm not headed toward any clown-infested areas. I'll try not to stop near any manholes or drainage grates either. Thanks for the tip, Dom. I've got a long drive ahead of me. Wish me luck, guys

----------------------------------------------------
Conversation saved Oct 11, 2016 - 8:20 PM

Mom: Hey, little squirt, it's your dad.
Mom: glad to hear you made it back from the game safely. We stopped by McDonald's on the way home. Man, you should have seen how crowded the place was.
Mom: Is your power out, too?

You: You're at home???
You: Where's mom?
You: I thought you got all my messages

Mom: I did, little squirt.

You: No, you didn't
You: Someone broke into my house and attacked me

Mom: Hahahahahahahahahaha

You: dad, I'm serious!
You: Where's mom?

Mom: You always loved that name, "Squirt"
Mom: You used to laugh and laugh and laugh

You: you've never called me that
You: Put mom on the phone

Mom: We'd go out to the park
Mom: your mom would pick flowers

You: dad wtf stop

Mom: and then she'd squirt you with the flowers

You: Dad, this isn't funny

Mom: Squiiiiiiiirt

You: put mom on the phone now!

Mom: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

You: stop it

Mom: oh sweetie, you remember don't you?
Mom: and you'd always wrinkle your little red nose, too

You: mom?

Mom: just like your father's big red honker hahaha

You: damn it mom

Mom: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Mom: hahahahaahhahahahahaha

Conversation ended
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11-10-2016, 08:45 PM
RE: Day 35 of the clown invasion
(11-10-2016 06:55 PM)yakherder Wrote:  I'm tired of threads about the election.

Send in the clowns....


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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11-10-2016, 08:55 PM
RE: Day 35 of the clown invasion
Ohmy



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