Day 35 of the clown invasion
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11-10-2016, 08:59 PM
RE: Day 35 of the clown invasion
Heart Fireball Heart

But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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11-10-2016, 09:34 PM
RE: Day 35 of the clown invasion
(11-10-2016 08:59 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Heart Fireball Heart

Judy's got the voice. Heart And the eyes. Heart
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11-10-2016, 09:57 PM
RE: Day 35 of the clown invasion
Holy mother of shit! Invading opera clowns too. Shocking

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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11-10-2016, 10:08 PM
RE: Day 35 of the clown invasion
I'm not afraid of clowns. They generally leave jesters alone. The rest of you are fucked, though.
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11-10-2016, 10:11 PM
RE: Day 35 of the clown invasion

Don't let those gnomes and their illusions get you down. They're just gnomes and illusions.

--Jake the Dog, Adventure Time

Alouette, je te plumerai.
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11-10-2016, 10:17 PM
RE: Day 35 of the clown invasion

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11-10-2016, 10:19 PM
RE: Day 35 of the clown invasion

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12-10-2016, 08:56 PM (This post was last modified: 13-10-2016 08:16 PM by cactus.)
RE: Day 36 of the clown invasion
4:36 am
Been driving all night. This 5 Hour Energy stuff has done absolutely nothing except make me pee. This damn thermos is almost entirely full. I'm gonna have to dump it soon. Note to self: Do not ever drink from this thermos again.

I swear, you guys, I almost got myself killed on the detour around Kansas City. I thought I'd chance it and take some back roads that circled around downtown. I was cutting it way too close, though. There were still clowns on pretty much every street corner. Some of them chased me as I drove past, and I had to run a couple of red lights. Even got my picture taken by a red light camera. Haha, good luck enforcing that, bitches.

Anyway, I made sure to be extra careful entering into Nebraska. I'm not going anywhere near downtown Lincoln. I'm at a gas station in some tiny town in the middle of nowhere, called... uh, hang on... "Friend"? Weird-ass name for a town. So the lights are on inside the convenience store, but the ones over the pumps are all turned off. All the houses across the street have their lights off, except for one upstairs window. Their blinds are drawn shut, but there are two shadowy figures positioned right behind them. I think they're staring at me.

4:41 am
Of course, why wouldn't they be staring at me? Who the hell stops at a closed gas station at 5 in the morning when there are mad clowns on the loose? I've been waiting here for the pumps to open up, and... oh, it looks like they're already operating. The lights over the pumps are still off, though. I'm afraid to get out of the car.

5:30 am
Shit. Shit shit! Stuck in the mud! God damn it, I'm in the middle of a fucking cornfield, and I can't move my car AT ALL. Fuck, why did I do this?
Ugh, so that creepy couple across the street, yeah, they were goddamn clowns! I was sitting in the back seat of my car trying to pump gas, reaching out my back window so I wouldn't have to step outside. I was keeping a close eye on that couple across the street, and all of a sudden I saw them dart away from their window. Just a few seconds later, their front door was wide open, with about a couple dozen little kids, all wearing glow-in-the dark clown masks, pouring out of it. They started to cross the street toward me, but then the older couple, I'm guessing the parents of all these kids, came trailing behind, motioning for the kids to get into the minivan in the driveway. I was fumbling with the gas pump, trying to get the damn thing to shut off. It had only filled about half way. Then just as I put my keys back in the ignition, BAM, their minivan slammed into my rear bumper.

I peeled out and floored it out onto the main road. I don't think I've ever driven that fast in my life. I looked back and the minivan was swerving wildly behind me, tipping up onto two wheels with each successive zig and zag across the entire width of the two lane road. I thought maybe they had just damaged their suspension or something with all those people crammed in there, but then I looked in my rear view mirror and saw that the person behind the wheel was not one of the parents, but a little kid. That little brat couldn't have been older than 5 or 6, and yet this car was still on my tail for a good 2 to 3 miles, tipping precariously from side to side the entire way. Hoping to throw them off, I took a sharp pulloff onto a side road into this corn field, and my rear bumper started shooting sparks as it bounced up and down over the gravel. Just as the minivan was rounding that corner, my bumper flew off and slid under their front wheel, causing them to overturn and skid into a ditch. There's no way they'd still try to follow after me on foot, right? I still have no idea why they'd let their little kid drive. Maybe the parents didn't know how to drive? Maybe they just thought it would be funnier to let their kid take the wheel? I don't know, but I wasn't about to take any chances on letting them follow me.

I kept driving farther down the road, taking random turns at every opportunity hoping to get as far away from that insane clown posse as I possibly could. The gravel gave way to dirt, dirt to mud, and well, here I am. This damn road isn't even listed on my car's piece of shit GPS. Cell reception is spotty, and fucking Google won't even load, so I have absolutely no clue how to get out of this field. The sun's about to come up. I DEFINITELY need a nap. I just hope I'm far enough away from civilization to stay undetected right now. I think the closest McDonald's should be at least what 10, 15 miles away right now? Oh great, Judy fucking Collins is playing on my radio now. No, Judy, you can keep your goddamn clowns.
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13-10-2016, 07:58 PM (This post was last modified: 13-10-2016 08:29 PM by cactus.)
RE: Day 36 of the clown invasion
1:30 pm
What the hell is this? Last thing I knew, I was asleep in the back seat of my car. Now I'm trapped in some bedroom with windows covered in black paper, and wallpaper that looks like it's made out of... aluminum foil? What the fuck??? There's no cell signal in here, either. This has to be a dream, but it seems so real. The windows won't budge, and the door is locked from the outside. I can see a light on in the hallway through the crack under the door. It's eerily quiet. Sweet Jeebus, I think I might be going insane. Is this what it feels like to turn into a clown?

1:32 pm
I can hear someone walking around in the hallway. She's mumbling to herself. It sounds like an elderly woman. I'm hiding in the closet right now, staying as quiet as I can. There's a mirror on the inside of the closet door, warped slightly like a funhouse mirror. Ugh, no. My distorted reflection is creeping me out way too much. I'm just gonna turn the screen off now and start recording. My headphones do a pretty good job of amplifying the sounds out in the hall.

You: shit

Unknown Voice: Now I know there's not a lock on this closet door. You don't need to hide from me, dearie.

Unknown Voice: Oh, come now. I'm not going to hurt you. Open up.

You: Tell me what you want.

Unknown Voice: Just checking to see how you're doing.

You: I'm not opening this door. If you need something, tell me through the door. Are there any clowns in the house?

Unknown Voice: Oh, all sorts, haha. Not the dangerous kind, though. Don't worry.

You: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Unknown Voice: Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't mean to worry you. I was just referring to my lovely porcelain clown collection.

You: Umm, why did you lock me in this room?

Unknown Voice: Oh, I'm so sorry about that, but I saw you wandering around in my field early this morning. I thought you-

You: The corn field?

Unknown Voice: Yes. You looked so exhausted. I offered to let you come in and lie down, and you just walked right in without saying a word and fell asleep on my bed. I'm sorry about the safety precautions, but I wanted to make sure you weren't about to turn.

You: Into what?

Unknown Voice: One of... them. Those... Oh, those... dreadful clown... things.

You: So this is your bedroom? What's with all weird the funhouse crap?

Unknown Voice: Oh, you mean the wallpaper, haha. I suppose the foil does look a bit garish. But you know, function over form.

You: Huh?

Unknown Voice: I can never be too careful. I've been keeping a pretty low profile around here, until you walked in. You didn't seem like a threat, though.

You: You're telling me your little tin foil barrier keeps them from finding you?

Unknown Voice: Oh, that's a long story, but yes, that's the gist of it. I'm sure this house is no safer than any other house around here, but I'm far enough away from a McDonald's, there's just been hardly anyone around to bother me. I know it's only going to get worse, though. It's only a matter of time before, well...

You: So you know about McDonald's?

Unknown Voice: Oh my, yes! It's been all over the news. You really don't have to hide in that closet, you know. I promise I won't bite... There now, that's better. Oh, your eyes look so much brighter now.

You: What do you mean?

Unknown Voice: They were all droopy this morning. You were squinting just barely enough to see.

You: Huh... Wow, I guess I could have been sleep walking out there.

Unknown Voice: You were asleep? I thought maybe you'd been running from those awful clowns.

You: I was. My car, it umm, it's still stuck in the mud out in your field. I thought I had outrun a group of them, so I tried to take a nap in the back seat.

Unknown Voice: A group of them? Well I've had better luck than you. It's been at least a week since I've seen one. That mud should be dried up by now. It's been awfully hot today.

You: There were at least 20 of them, all kids, except for two adults.

Unknown Voice: Oh, heavens, no. That could be-

You: Right across the street from the gas sta-

Unknown Voice: Oh! No no no, not the McQuivers! Oh, they were such a sweet family. Their kids were so lovely, too... So many kids, I could barely even count them all. They wanted to throw a birthday party for their youngest, let's see, three, maybe four months ago. They took them all to the McDonald's play place. I warned them not to go, but they-

You: You warned them? Over three months ago?

Unknown Voice: Umm.... yes. It's, uhh-

You: Back in St Louis, this whole thing started just over a month ago. I never heard anyhting about-

Unknown Voice: St Louis!?

You: Yes. The clowns... got both of my parents.

Unknown Voice: An orphan...

You: Uhh... umm, yeah. I hadn't thought about it like that, but I guess it's-

Unknown Voice: Why are you here, child? Where were you headed?

You: I was headed to Nevada, actually. There's a spot out there that's as far as you can get from a McDonald's and still be-

Unknown Voice: An orphan fleeing from his fate. Oh, yes! yesyesyes.

You: Excuse me?

Unknown Voice: must return to seal the gate!

You: Umm, are you okay?

Unknown Voice: The prophecy! Oh, dear child, I believe you may be the one from my vision.

You: Could you please move? You're blocking the doorway.

Unknown Voice: I can't believe It's really happening! Ah, the amulet, the amulet!

You: I think I'm gonna go-

Unknown Voice: Here. Take this.

You: It's a... Umm, it's... a Happy Meal toy.

Unknown Voice: The Amulet... of R'nald!

You: Umm, Okay, thanks but I think, uhh-

Unknown Voice: You must listen! The amulet holds the key to the salvation of all mankind. With it's power you-

You: and Ronald's face lights up when you press his nose.

Unknown Voice: NO! You mustn't activate the beacon prematurely! You're lucky we're in this foil room. I keep the walls covered for this very reason. You can never be too careful.

You: Yeah, umm... where did you hear all of this?

Unknown Voice: I was but a child. My mother took me to McDonald's for my 11th birthday. I was so excited to order my first Happy Meal. You see, we didn't get to go out to fast food places very often back in those days. I opened up that box like it was a present on Christmas morning. Inside... was this beautiful amulet.

You: This plastic clown necklace, yeah.

Unknown Voice: Ah, but it's far more than a mere necklace. It wields a great power. For you see, inside that very same box, was a-

You: Yeah, they don't use boxes anymore. They just-

Unknown Voice: Shh!! Nestled among the chicken nuggets was... a severed human finger!

You: Oh my god

Unknown Voice: yes. YES. My mother and I were absolutely distraught. I was sitting there crying, wearing my beautiful amulet. I pressed its red button, and out of nowhere a clown materialized right before my very eyes!

You: You mean one of the restaruant employees.

Unknown Voice: No. Definitely NOT. It was an evil clown, with huge, yellowed teeth protruding out from its rotting gums. Uhh, I almost can't bare to think about it. I mashed down hard on that button again, and the clown looked down at the severed finger on the table, then put his finger up to his mouth, as if to say "Shh, don't tell anyone," and then, just like that, he was gone.

You: and you say you were 11 when this happened?

Unknown Voice: I know what I saw. I've been having these strange visions ever since then. They always end with me standing in front of the McDonald's double arch, but one half of the sign keeps flickering on and off. Then I look down and find myself wearing clown shoes. I've been trying to piece together what all of this means. Now that you're here, I think I've got it pinned down.

You: So... What about me?

Unknown Voice: St. Louis. The arch, it's the great gateway to the west, right? I've been getting the phrase "seal the gate" a lot in my visions lately.

You: So you think the arch has something to do with the clowns?

Unknown Voice: Yes. I've been watching on the news, and there's been a huge influx of clown activity around the base of the St. Louis arch. The're all looking up to the top of it as if they're expecting something to happen.

You: Maybe they think they're at a McDonald's?

Unknown Voice: Maybe, but I think it could be the other way around, that the ones gathered around the McDonald's restaurants are actually trying to reach St. Louis! "In the keystone, the lit beacon rests. Savior of the human race."

You: That doesn't even rhyme.

Unknown Voice: Who said it had to rhyme? I'm just telling you what I've heard.

You: Yeah, okay, I'll keep all of that in mind. I think I'm gonna go now.

Unknown Voice: Don't bother going to Nevada. The clowns will be swarming over there, too.

You: Why do you thnk that?

Unknown Voice: McDonald's just announced they're opening over seven... thousand... new locations. With all this business they've been getting, they're going to start spreading like wildfire.

You: Oh my god

Unknown Voice: Now do you see? It's got to be you. Why else would you have just wandered in through my front door? Look, I know it's a long shot. I'm an old woman. There's no way I'm about to climb to the top of that thing. I'm not even leaving my house. I've got enough food stockpiled to last for years. You look like a nice, strong, young man. Unless you trust that amulet with some other orphaned survivor from St. Louis, I don't see what other choice we have.

You: Okay, umm, what's your name, anyway?

Unknown Voice: Susan. Here's my number. I'll let you know more as soon as it's revealed to me. Call me as soon as you can see the arch. You'll probably have to go on foot from there, and it's not going to be easy. There's a secret underground entrance in the sewers that leads straight into the gift shop.

You: Phone, Add contact Susan.

Susan: Stay safe out there, child.

You: Hey, how do you know there's a secret entrance?

Susan: I heard about it from a wise prophet, Alex Jones. Go to his blog, Infowars, and seek out his guidance on your journey. Safe travels, child.

You: Hey, wait. I just- Ugh, god damn it. Alex Jones? Really? Fuck.

- Sent from my Phantom Phablet Phour-Point-Oh via da TextaTalk
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14-10-2016, 05:46 AM (This post was last modified: 14-10-2016 07:00 AM by Commonsensei.)
RE: Day 35 of the clown invasion
Found letter 10/10/16

Yesterday I found a new friend. We first meet in the park, behind the bushes near the monkey bars. He told me that he'd came to the park often and saw me from time to time. Turns out he loved clowns just like me. I didn't believe him at first, so he took my hand and lead me to his house. Luckily for us it wasn't far from the park. We walked up the stairs to his bedroom and he quietly closed the door not to let it slam. He showed me the small lamp that sat on the side of his bed. It had a clown holding a sting and the light bulb was a balloon. It was so beautiful. I'd never seen it on before. Normally his room was so dark when I walked in. Watching him breath, under his bozo the clown sheets. I can only think now what would have happened, If only his mother didn't walk in.

“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” Plato
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