De-Conversion Story (continuing)
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30-05-2016, 04:29 PM (This post was last modified: 02-07-2016 12:43 PM by Momsurroundedbyboys.)
De-Conversion Story (continuing)
Hello, my name is Daniel, and to anyone who reads this, it pleases me to know that you’ve taken the time to do so. This will be the first document in a series of stories that will explain why I de-converted from Christianity, all the parts will tell the same story, but from different angles. If you’re a new skeptic or a doubting Christian who might be reading this, I highly encourage you to do so. Now, without further ado, let me explain in detail about what happened…
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I was born in a Methodist family with two of the greatest parents that I could ever ask for. My mother and father sacrificed everything for my livelihood and future so that I can be everything that I am today. Growing up, I had two friends (who I’m still in contact with even till this day). As children, we all had so much fun playing Power Rangers together and what not, and we also went to the same Methodist Church together, so it was a really fun childhood. However, both my friends moved away to Florida, which caused me to withdraw socially. The Methodist church that we went to was a well-proportioned facility with a playground for the children, nurseries, and a chapel for prayer. As a child, church really wasn’t all that interesting – especially when you have a whole lot of energy. I would sometimes misbehave in those classes because I was bored, like for instance, running out of the rooms and slamming the legs of the plastic chairs onto my foot, one of the male church leaders scolded me greatly for it. There were things that I actually did remember from those early days. Basic things, like, the Ten Commandments, and there were stories in the Bible that I did like a lot actually, such as David and Goliath, Noah’s Ark, Jonah and the Whale, and of course, Daniel and the Lion’s Den. However, I never knew what would happen to people when they die. I remember when I was either 3 or 4; I was talking with my dad about this. My dad told me something like this: he said, “When good people die, God says ‘You go to heaven.’ But when bad people die, he says ‘You’re not going to heaven.’” – Well, where do they go? I wondered, not knowing years later, I would get a rather horrifying answer.

I started school when I was 5 years old, and because of my social awkwardness, I withdrew from the other children. I had some "friends" at that school, but most of the time they left me, turned against me, back-stabbed me or bullied me, so as you could imagine, I didn’t really trust anyone at that school very well. However, the one thing that did give me comfort was knowing that God was on my side, and knowing that he was with me, even when my mother dropped me off at school. It was around 7 years old when I was formally diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, which explained the reason for my social awkwardness. Around 8 years old, I finally got the answer to my question about what happens to bad people when they die according to the Christian worldview. They go to a place called, Hell, a realm of eternal fire, torment and “weeping and gnashing of teeth” as it says over, and over, and over, and over again in scriptures of the New Testament. It was an experience that I would never forget. One Sunday, our whole family was in church, and our pastor was conducting a sermon about Matthew chapter 13:

Quote:“He answered and said unto them, He that soweth the good seed is the Son of man; The field is the world; the good seed are the children of the kingdom; but the tares are the children of the wicked one; The enemy that sowed them is the devil; the harvest is the end of the world; and the reapers are the angels. As therefore the tares are gathered and burned in the fire; so shall it be in the end of this world. The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.”

– Matthew 13:37-42

The grizzly, brutal, violent, hateful and sadistic description of Hell terrified me, and that fear stayed with me for the next several years, in which it accumulated for the next 3 years and got worse over time. I couldn’t understand it at all! Why would the God of the Bible, “loving” as the people who worship him claim that he eyes later do something so brutal and so cruel to his own creation? How could he take such pleasure to describe the “wailing and gnashing of teeth” within the fires so many times within the New Testament? This terror was one of the greatest fears that haunted me throughout my entire life. As an 11 year old boy, the thought of dying and ending up in the endless fires of Hell frightened me so much. I tried to not think about it, but no matter what I did, it would always seem to come back in some way.

I was twelve years old when I started sixth-grade, and I was looking forward to it. I was finally out of what I believed to be my worst possible time in school ever the previous year – but that’s a whole different story. Anyway, a year prior, my dad had given me “the talk.” So I had a pretty vague idea about how sex and puberty worked, and boy did it ever work when I was in sixth grade. Everywhere I looked around in my middle school; there were lots of pretty girls. However, I was very shy at the time, so I could never really talk a lot with them. At that time in my life, I had begun to really resent the Ten Commandments, but I had to no choice but to believe them, because if I didn’t… well, you know what would happen. So sixth grade came and then ended, much like any other school year as well did seventh grade, which I will not bother to mention, frankly because there is nothing to mention about that year that I’m aware of. Eighth grade, on the other hand, was the more pivotal year. I was fourteen at the time. In that time, I’d become even more attracted to girls, but I was extremely shy to tell anyone about it, even my own family. It was at age fourteen when I began to become – shall we say, “Anti-social?” I didn’t like school at all; it was just another obstacle to get through in life, as well were the students in my classes. There was a particular group of students in my eighth grade class that I couldn’t stand at all. They were the jockey sort of guys, the kind who the girls like and well-respected. I hated them, they would always tease me. So, like the rest of those years, eighth grade ended as soon as it came, and it was off to high school.

It was my freshman year of high school where I can truly say that I developed actual, legitimate romantic feelings for another person. She was a young, pretty blonde soccer player with a heart of gold. Her skin was beautiful as well and her eyes were bright. I remember one day in class, she was wearing a pair of denim shorts. I thought her entire form was beautiful; it was interesting, and I desired it, just like any normal, heterosexual fifteen year old boy my age would. I don’t know why, but, for some odd reason, she was kind to me my first year of high school, which was something that I honestly was not expecting from a very pretty girl like herself. Why was she being so kind to a socially awkward boy like me of all people? No one had ever done that to me before in middle school the previous year. Perhaps maybe this was because of her Christian faith? So, we began to develop a bit of a friendship. Later on, the more and more I was around her, I began to develop feelings for her. I was so happy with her, and I wanted her to know how I felt, but I was just too shy, and I didn’t know how to say it. It would be the whole remaining half of freshman year that I remained silent about my feelings for her. Then, on the summer of 2009, I found out that she had started a relationship with someone else; I was devastated, because I really and truthfully wanted to tell her how I felt. But, I guess I just missed my chance, permanently. And who would have guessed who she would have fallen for? A high school jock! It was totally unfair that all the pretty girls seemed to dislike the smart guys like me.

It was when I was 16 years old, that I felt a spiritual awakening. I began to read the Bible as well as study it, and wanted to do everything that I could to save souls to Christ. Unfortunately, the church that I went to didn’t really seem all that interested in saving souls from Hell. They only seemed interested in tractor rides, amusement parks and youth groups rather than mission trips. This in turn caused me to wonder if I really was in the right church. So, I went to the internet for advice (really bad idea in retrospect) and got exposed KJV-onlyism, which is a teaching that the Authorized 1611 version of the King James Bible was the only real Bible, and that others were Satanic counterfeits. The biggest proponent of this idea I saw was a mysterious man by the name of David J. Stewart, who ran the website http://www.jesus-is-savior.com. which I followed for a while, and believed everything that he said.

Mr. Stewart also said that stuff like secular music, even Christian music was “of the devil” and that certain magazines such as Sports Illustrated (the swimsuit kind) and certain restraunt chains like Hooters were sinful because they were “lascivious” (i.e. “sexually exciting”) – I believed what he said about that, too. This in turn began to make me resent my own sex-drive, which is part of the human identity. Even a normal and healthy behavior such as masturbating was sinful, and liking the female form was sinful. In addition, he also believed that secular television such as Star Trek was sinful because it depicted aliens and women in short skirts (he said something about the Bible saying that there’s no life anywhere else but Earth and that Spock is really a demon or something like that). This was a hard blow, because I am a Sci-Fi fan. But, I had no choice but to believe him. But it was the doctrine of modesty that he taught from the Bible that was something that haunted me for a very long time. Mr. Stewart taught that women needed to dress modestly, because if they didn’t they would cause men to lust, which would also be a sin. He had rules that were something like this:

Quote:i. Pants are for men only

ii. Dresses are for women only (particularly the frumpy kind, if you will)

iii. No pants on women

iv. No short shorts

v. No miniskirts

vi. No bikinis

vii. No tight outfits

viii. No cleavage

I wholeheartedly agreed with his rules, after all, he was using the Bible, and the Bible is never wrong. But it got even stranger than that. Mr. Stewart also taught that men were to set “no wicked things before their eyes” according to Psalm 101 (i.e. Hooters, Sports Illustrated, bikinis, etc.) and I obeyed those rules. I had no choice; the Bible said it that settled it, period. I remember very vividly his articles about the subject as seen in the excerpt below:

Quote:“Any child knows that women wear dresses and men wear pants. Women who love and respect the Lord won't wear bikinis at the beach, or wear miniskirts, or wear pants, or pose in Playboy. There's not an honest normal man alive who doesn't know what's wrong with women wearing pants—they are extremely revealing of a woman's flesh.”

SOURCE: http://www.jesus-is-...orno/nudity.ht…

Around this time, I’d also started my junior year of High School, and had fallen in love a second time. This girl was very pretty, no doubt about that. She had shining blonde hair, beautiful dark eyes, and her body was toned and athletic (well, it had to be, she was a track runner after all), and kind hearted too, and best of all, we shared the same faith. I felt deep inside of me that it was my secret duty to be like her guardian angel, if you will. I would constantly be praying for her well-being, and it seemed like God would always be taking care of her, and I was very happy that he did. I dare say that I was also romantically attracted to her as well, and I seriously wanted to tell her, but, I didn’t know how to because of my severe shyness. But sadly, the doctrines of Mr. Stewart began seeping into my mind like the refuse from a septic tank. My attention then focused on her wardrobe choices, which were things that God, according to Mr. Stewart, would not approve. She would sometimes wear her track shorts to school as well as short dresses and skirts. Whenever she did this, my mind would go into panic mode. All that I could think about were the articles Mr. Stewart had written about the modesty subject. His modesty articles brought chills down my spine, making me sick to my stomach.

This was especially bad during the summer of 2011, probably one of the worst summers I’ve ever had in my entire life. I gradually began to feel hatred for women because of this, especially if they were attractive women in bikinis (aka the “wanton and shameless whores”) on the beaches where my family and I would go to on vacation. I felt so ashamed every time I saw a girl that I thought was attractive. However, there was one person in my mind that kept me sane, that certain girl. But then, my thoughts shifted back to her again. I began obsessing about the clothes that she would be wearing and how “lewd” and “immodest” they were, so much that I forgot about how kind of a person she was. She would be in hell for all eternity, burning and roasting day in and day out – just for the way she dressed? Billions of years would pass and she would still be there, screaming and wailing in pain in the fires. This was completely unfair, but again, I had no choice but to believe it, it would be apostasy if I didn’t. The feeling of her roasting for eternity for her wardrobe choices caused me much misery during that summer. I remember obsessively looking over her Facebook posts to make sure that she was right with God. The feelings of fear and obsession were tormenting, much like how the man in that Edgar Allen Poe story, “The Tale to Tell Heart” felt about the old man’s eye. I wanted so badly to talk to someone about this, but I didn’t know who to trust. It would be very difficult for someone to explain this weird sort of issue. Even if I could’ve found someone, how would I have explained what was going on? Any non-Christian psychiatrist would have no idea of what I was talking about, and the pastor of the Church that I was attending at the time probably wouldn’t be much help, either because modesty was just something that was rarely and almost never mentioned in the Methodist Church. I started to begin doubting if I was even in the right church, or if my parents were going to hell for believing false doctrine.

To the reader, let me ask you one question? How would you feel if had this thought in your head that everyone you knew and loved was going to roast in hell for all eternity, and no matter how much you pray or memorize scripture, you’re unable to save them? You would feel awful wouldn’t you, suicidal possibly? Does that sound like the way you’d want to live your life? No! No one deserves this kind of mental torture. Now imagine going through this, not for weeks, not for months, but for four years! This is how it was for me. All throughout the summer before my senior year, I would be crying at night, pleading and begging for God to save her and keep her safe, and he did. But no matter how much I prayed, the horrible thoughts and nightmarish depictions of her in hell wouldn’t go away! This isn’t any way for a 17 year old boy to be living his life; he’s supposed to be enjoying life, not living in fear of it! (This paragraph was the most painful one for me to write. I’m not kidding; I was in tears while writing the last part of it. It was like all these haunting memories that I’d kept repressed for so long were finally coming back like some form of terminal cancer, spreading, growing and infecting everything in sight.)

My senior year started, and that’s when things seemed to really get bad. I discovered that the girl I met in my junior year had gotten into a relationship with another guy. I was crushed, yet again, just like how it was with the other girl my freshman year. All throughout senior year it haunted me, and all through the summer of that year it got worse and worse. By that time, my nana had died of cancer, which totally devastated me; she’d been in remission for 3 years. At the funeral, as was broken, unable to hold back the tears. I felt that it was because of my desire for the girl, my “selfish” desire for myself and not anyone else had caused my Nana’s death, as well as my inability to save souls. In other words, I was being selfish, so God punished me by killing one of the most loving people I knew in my life. But how was I being selfish when I legitimately cared for this girl? Is it really so selfish to desire someone to love? Apparently so, and now, because of that, my nana had died. The only thing remaining that I have of my nana is the senior letter that she wrote me for my graduation. There are still times when I feel so upset about my nana. Then, the thoughts shifted to my late nana, what if she was in hell?

It got even worse during my first year of college. I was just 19 years old at the time, and things were getting out of control. This time, I was following a different teacher named Steven Anderson. His teachings were almost exactly the same as Mr. Stewart’s, as seen in this excerpt below:

Quote:“We are living in a day when the overwhelming majority of Christians and non-Christians alike believe in situational ethics. “The end justifies the means” seems to be the philosophy of today’s independent Baptist churches. God, on the other hand, has always been the God of moral absolutes.

Is nudity before the opposite gender a sin? Well if it is, then it must always be a sin, whether at an xxx theater, a swimming pool, or in a doctor’s office.

In the Bible, the only nakedness allowable between a man and a woman is between husband and wife. Genesis 2:25 reads, “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” Within the confines of marriage nakedness is totally permissible. However, in Leviticus 18, God goes into great detail condemning nakedness between brother and sister, father and daughter, mother and son, aunt and nephew, uncle and niece, grandfather and granddaughter, and the list goes on and on.

God also admonishes us repeatedly throughout the Bible to be fully clothed. Nakedness in the Bible is associated with the word “shame.” One of the many examples of this association is found in Isaiah 47:3a, “Thy nakedness shall be uncovered, yea, thy shame shall be seen:” as well as in Revelation 3:18 (above). Exodus 28:42 reads, “And thou shalt make them linen breeches to cover their nakedness; from the loins even unto the thighs they shall reach.” God is commanding here for a man to wear pants or shorts that cover his entire thigh (down to the knee) in order not to be naked. Isaiah 47:2-3 reads, “Take the millstones, and grind meal: uncover thy locks, make bare the leg, uncover the thigh, pass over the rivers. Thy nakedness shall be uncovered, yea, thy shame shall be seen: I will take vengeance, and I will not meet thee as a man.” God shows us again here, in this case with a woman, that the thigh being uncovered is considered nakedness by God. Repeatedly throughout the New Testament, God commands women to be clothed in modest apparel because nakedness is undoubtedly a sin.”

Source: faithfulwordb...ecologists.htm…

Again, like with Mr. Stewart’s teachings, a sickening feeling would form within my stomach. Again, I didn’t want to believe it, but I had no choice because the Bible said so. Pastor Anderson also preached against watching television, mixed swimming, alcohol, women wearing pants, secular music, and again, I believed everything that he said to be Biblical truths. In fact, Mr. Anderson would also say in his hissy-fit sermons from the pulpit that his church was the only Biblical church, and if we went to any different church, we’d be in a false church and going to Hell. But nothing could’ve have been worse than what he talked about looking at women:

Quote:“You see, if something catches my eye—listen to me, sir, listen to me, men—when something catches your eye, you are driving down the road and that billboard catches your eye, that magazine catches your eye, that sleazy hutchie momma or that woman that is dressed inappropriately, you are in department stores. She has got the short skirt on or she has got the tight fitting clothes on. Hey, when that catches your eye, sir, do you know what you ought to do? You ought to look away.

Now this is common sense, but this is what needs to be preached because people don’t believe this. You have to look away. And I am going to tell you something. When you look back the second time, you have just committed a sin.

“Oh, I didn’t think anything. I didn’t think anything about it. I just looked at it.”

Looking at it is a sin in and of itself, period. And so when you look at something and then you look away what begins in your heart, then, could be an intense desire to look back a second time. Why? Because you are going to commit adultery with the woman in the picture? No. You don’t even know who that woman is. Your desire is to look at it again because your eyes are out of control and because the lust of the eyes is dominating your heart.”

Source: http://www.faithfulw...t.org/lust.htm…

So, basically, what Mr. Anderson taught was that if you ever looked at a woman, either scantily dressed or not and liked what you saw, you’ve committed a sin – which if you ask me today is one thousand percent insane. This was an even worse blow to my sex drive.

My situation got even worse the more and more I delved deeper into the whole modesty issue. I then began to become involved with multiple modesty teachings from not only Pastor Anderson, but the Church of Christ as well, and I think the teachings from the Church of Christ might have been worse. The Church of Christ taught that it was a sin to go to the beach and that men should be ashamed for seeing what they called “half-naked” women on the beach (i.e. bikinis) and that if no man felt guilt for it, then he had a “seared conscience.”

Quote:“Immodesty has become so commonly accepted that it doesn't bother most people. Most people feel no shame if they see someone on television or in public who is dressed immodestly, and wouldn't have any problem dressing the same way. As summer temperatures rise standards of modesty seem to fall. In the U.S.A., as well as many other nations of the world, our societies have become the most sexually saturated societies.”

Source: voices.yahoo....ke-6014534.htm…

(I should note that this article is almost entirely plagiarized from other modesty articles on the web. I’m serious, just read parts of the source above and the source after it, they’re both eerily similar.)

Throughout my first year of college, most of the time I would be on the college campus on my laptop, looking obsessively at articles on the topic of modesty, and my mental condition just got worse. I was desperate. I just wanted some bit, some small bit of re-assurance that all this clothing issues were just a bunch of lies, that it was all a joke, but there was nothing. So, I eventually gave up all hope. I then became a member of another Bible study group, the Alpha and Omegas, hoping that maybe they would be able to help, but this never happened. It turns out that they too were involved with the Church of Christ. I friended a few of the members of the group on Facebook, and it became a nightmare. I was afraid to post things because I knew that they would be watching, and so would God, similar to the George Orwell book 1984. I being Winston, any girl that I felt attracted to being Julia, the Alpha and Omega members being The Party, the Alpha and Omega leaders being O’Brien, and of course, God being Big Brother.

Eventually it all just became too much, and I decided that I was going to take my own life. One night I went inside of my closet and began to cry for about 15 to 20 minutes at most. My perception of women had been completely shattered. I decided that I just couldn’t live in the world anymore because there was no way to possibly be a good, sexually pure, righteous Christian with all the “immodest” women around me, I would have to repent of my sin, but they would be punished and burn in hell forever, I cried my eyes out on that night, begging for God to have mercy on them for being “stumbling blocks” and objects of lust. I then went into my bathroom filled up the sink with ice-cold water, and dunked my head underneath in an attempt to drown myself. My head was under the water for no less than a minute when my hand slipped and broke the drain rod which kept the sink sealed, and the water drained out. I tried to cut myself with a hobby knife, but I kept myself restrained. One night, I found myself in my bedroom walking around and incoherent, crying and saying to me “Stop abusing me, leave me alone!” and clawing and scratching myself.

Enough was enough; it was time to look for truth in other places. I thought about the Bible, and everything that I’d been taught about it. I thought about the idea of the original sin. I thought about the concept of salvation. I thought about the idea of Hell, and I asked myself, “Can I go along with the torture of someone else?” I thought about it for a long time, and eventually, I decided that I couldn’t. At that point I realized that I could no longer be a Christian.

I hope you all enjoyed reading this, and I apologize if the story was a bit too long.
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30-05-2016, 05:33 PM
RE: De-Conversion Story, Part I
Christianity is a first class mind fuck, they can get to you in the most primal of ways and everyone of them is insidious.

Here are a few of the most prominent control mechanisms:

1. Fear of hell- this is a biggie, it enables all of the other control mechanisms.

2. Guilt about everything, you see they peddle the concept of perfection in the avatar of Jesus. You can never ever measure up to the perfect avatar, therefore you must commit every bit of your life to genuflecting to god and constantly asking for forgiveness for everything, because if you don't- goto point 1, hell.

3. Fear of mortality- we all die, this is a simple fact, but of course they will peddle the idea of eternal life. We will all live for eternity, but some of us will be in heaven and the others- goto point 1, hell.

I came out of a fundamentalist cult as well, I had a slow deprogramming that took decades, but when I finally realized it was all bullshit, it wasn't as traumatic as others that had quick deconversions. I hadn't really believed for a long time, so it was more of a "yeah, I knew it all along" attitude.

Science was important to me, it peeled back the layers of superstition one by one. Ultimately I had to decide if this stuff was real or not, I learned enough science to know things in the bible were simply ridiculous.

In what other context does a talking snake sound like a reasonable thing to believe in? Nothing but a religious context.

I'm glad you made it out with your insanity intact, well maybe you're not completely sane, how can anyone be after such a mindfuck? But you're doing a hell of a lot better than those that are still part of the cult. Thumbsup

Gods derive their power from post-hoc rationalizations. -The Inquisition

Using the supernatural to explain events in your life is a failure of the intellect to comprehend the world around you. -The Inquisition
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30-05-2016, 05:43 PM
RE: De-Conversion Story, Part I
(30-05-2016 04:29 PM)SkepticalDaniel Wrote:  Hello, my name is Daniel, and to anyone who reads this, it pleases me to know that you’ve taken the time to do so. This will be the first document in a series of stories that will explain why I de-converted from Christianity, all the parts will tell the same story, but from different angles. If you’re a new skeptic or a doubting Christian who might be reading this, I highly encourage you to do so. Now, without further ado, let me explain in detail about what happened…
[/i]
I was born in a Methodist family with two of the greatest parents that I could ever ask for. My mother and father sacrificed everything for my livelihood and future so that I can be everything that I am today. Growing up, I had two friends (who I’m still in contact with even till this day). As children, we all had so much fun playing Power Rangers together and what not, and we also went to the same Methodist Church together, so it was a really fun childhood. However, both my friends moved away to Florida, which caused me to withdraw socially. The Methodist church that we went to was a well-proportioned facility with a playground for the children, nurseries, and a chapel for prayer. As a child, church really wasn’t all that interesting – especially when you have a whole lot of energy. I would sometimes misbehave in those classes because I was bored, like for instance, running out of the rooms and slamming the legs of the plastic chairs onto my foot, one of the male church leaders scolded me greatly for it. There were things that I actually did remember from those early days. Basic things, like, the Ten Commandments, and there were stories in the Bible that I did like a lot actually, such as David and Goliath, Noah’s Ark, Jonah and the Whale, and of course, Daniel and the Lion’s Den. However, I never knew what would happen to people when they die. I remember when I was either 3 or 4; I was talking with my dad about this. My dad told me something like this: he said, “When good people die, God says ‘You go to heaven.’ But when bad people die, he says ‘You’re not going to heaven.’” – Well, where do they go? I wondered, not knowing years later, I would get a rather horrifying answer.

I started school when I was 5 years old, and because of my social awkwardness, I withdrew from the other children. I had some "friends" at that school, but most of the time they left me, turned against me, back-stabbed me or bullied me, so as you could imagine, I didn’t really trust anyone at that school very well. However, the one thing that did give me comfort was knowing that God was on my side, and knowing that he was with me, even when my mother dropped me off at school. It was around 7 years old when I was formally diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, which explained the reason for my social awkwardness. Around 8 years old, I finally got the answer to my question about what happens to bad people when they die according to the Christian worldview. They go to a place called, Hell, a realm of eternal fire, torment and “weeping and gnashing of teeth” as it says over, and over, and over, and over again in scriptures of the New Testament. It was an experience that I would never forget. One Sunday, our whole family was in church, and our pastor was conducting a sermon about Matthew chapter 13:

Quote:“He answered and said unto them, He that soweth the good seed is the Son of man; The field is the world; the good seed are the children of the kingdom; but the tares are the children of the wicked one; The enemy that sowed them is the devil; the harvest is the end of the world; and the reapers are the angels. As therefore the tares are gathered and burned in the fire; so shall it be in the end of this world. The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.”

– Matthew 13:37-42

The grizzly, brutal, violent, hateful and sadistic description of Hell terrified me, and that fear stayed with me for the next several years, in which it accumulated for the next 3 years and got worse over time. I couldn’t understand it at all! Why would the God of the Bible, “loving” as the people who worship him claim that he eyes later do something so brutal and so cruel to his own creation? How could he take such pleasure to describe the “wailing and gnashing of teeth” within the fires so many times within the New Testament? This terror was one of the greatest fears that haunted me throughout my entire life. As an 11 year old boy, the thought of dying and ending up in the endless fires of Hell frightened me so much. I tried to not think about it, but no matter what I did, it would always seem to come back in some way.

I was twelve years old when I started sixth-grade, and I was looking forward to it. I was finally out of what I believed to be my worst possible time in school ever the previous year – but that’s a whole different story. Anyway, a year prior, my dad had given me “the talk.” So I had a pretty vague idea about how sex and puberty worked, and boy did it ever work when I was in sixth grade. Everywhere I looked around in my middle school; there were lots of pretty girls. However, I was very shy at the time, so I could never really talk a lot with them. At that time in my life, I had begun to really resent the Ten Commandments, but I had to no choice but to believe them, because if I didn’t… well, you know what would happen. So sixth grade came and then ended, much like any other school year as well did seventh grade, which I will not bother to mention, frankly because there is nothing to mention about that year that I’m aware of. Eighth grade, on the other hand, was the more pivotal year. I was fourteen at the time. In that time, I’d become even more attracted to girls, but I was extremely shy to tell anyone about it, even my own family. It was at age fourteen when I began to become – shall we say, “Anti-social?” I didn’t like school at all; it was just another obstacle to get through in life, as well were the students in my classes. There was a particular group of students in my eighth grade class that I couldn’t stand at all. They were the jockey sort of guys, the kind who the girls like and well-respected. I hated them, they would always tease me. So, like the rest of those years, eighth grade ended as soon as it came, and it was off to high school.

It was my freshman year of high school where I can truly say that I developed actual, legitimate romantic feelings for another person. She was a young, pretty blonde soccer player with a heart of gold. Her skin was beautiful as well and her eyes were bright. I remember one day in class, she was wearing a pair of denim shorts. I thought her entire form was beautiful; it was interesting, and I desired it, just like any normal, heterosexual fifteen year old boy my age would. I don’t know why, but, for some odd reason, she was kind to me my first year of high school, which was something that I honestly was not expecting from a very pretty girl like herself. Why was she being so kind to a socially awkward boy like me of all people? No one had ever done that to me before in middle school the previous year. Perhaps maybe this was because of her Christian faith? So, we began to develop a bit of a friendship. Later on, the more and more I was around her, I began to develop feelings for her. I was so happy with her, and I wanted her to know how I felt, but I was just too shy, and I didn’t know how to say it. It would be the whole remaining half of freshman year that I remained silent about my feelings for her. Then, on the summer of 2009, I found out that she had started a relationship with someone else; I was devastated, because I really and truthfully wanted to tell her how I felt. But, I guess I just missed my chance, permanently. And who would have guessed who she would have fallen for? A high school jock! It was totally unfair that all the pretty girls seemed to dislike the smart guys like me.

It was when I was 16 years old, that I felt a spiritual awakening. I began to read the Bible as well as study it, and wanted to do everything that I could to save souls to Christ. Unfortunately, the church that I went to didn’t really seem all that interested in saving souls from Hell. They only seemed interested in tractor rides, amusement parks and youth groups rather than mission trips. This in turn caused me to wonder if I really was in the right church. So, I went to the internet for advice (really bad idea in retrospect) and got exposed KJV-onlyism, which is a teaching that the Authorized 1611 version of the King James Bible was the only real Bible, and that others were Satanic counterfeits. The biggest proponent of this idea I saw was a mysterious man by the name of David J. Stewart, who ran the website http://www.jesus-is-savior.com. which I followed for a while, and believed everything that he said.

Mr. Stewart also said that stuff like secular music, even Christian music was “of the devil” and that certain magazines such as Sports Illustrated (the swimsuit kind) and certain restraunt chains like Hooters were sinful because they were “lascivious” (i.e. “sexually exciting”) – I believed what he said about that, too. This in turn began to make me resent my own sex-drive, which is part of the human identity. Even a normal and healthy behavior such as masturbating was sinful, and liking the female form was sinful. In addition, he also believed that secular television such as Star Trek was sinful because it depicted aliens and women in short skirts (he said something about the Bible saying that there’s no life anywhere else but Earth and that Spock is really a demon or something like that). This was a hard blow, because I am a Sci-Fi fan. But, I had no choice but to believe him. But it was the doctrine of modesty that he taught from the Bible that was something that haunted me for a very long time. Mr. Stewart taught that women needed to dress modestly, because if they didn’t they would cause men to lust, which would also be a sin. He had rules that were something like this:

Quote:i. Pants are for men only

ii. Dresses are for women only (particularly the frumpy kind, if you will)

iii. No pants on women

iv. No short shorts

v. No miniskirts

vi. No bikinis

vii. No tight outfits

viii. No cleavage

I wholeheartedly agreed with his rules, after all, he was using the Bible, and the Bible is never wrong. But it got even stranger than that. Mr. Stewart also taught that men were to set “no wicked things before their eyes” according to Psalm 101 (i.e. Hooters, Sports Illustrated, bikinis, etc.) and I obeyed those rules. I had no choice; the Bible said it that settled it, period. I remember very vividly his articles about the subject as seen in the excerpt below:

Quote:“Any child knows that women wear dresses and men wear pants. Women who love and respect the Lord won't wear bikinis at the beach, or wear miniskirts, or wear pants, or pose in Playboy. There's not an honest normal man alive who doesn't know what's wrong with women wearing pants—they are extremely revealing of a woman's flesh.”

SOURCE: http://www.jesus-is-...orno/nudity.ht…

Around this time, I’d also started my junior year of High School, and had fallen in love a second time. This girl was very pretty, no doubt about that. She had shining blonde hair, beautiful dark eyes, and her body was toned and athletic (well, it had to be, she was a track runner after all), and kind hearted too, and best of all, we shared the same faith. I felt deep inside of me that it was my secret duty to be like her guardian angel, if you will. I would constantly be praying for her well-being, and it seemed like God would always be taking care of her, and I was very happy that he did. I dare say that I was also romantically attracted to her as well, and I seriously wanted to tell her, but, I didn’t know how to because of my severe shyness. But sadly, the doctrines of Mr. Stewart began seeping into my mind like the refuse from a septic tank. My attention then focused on her wardrobe choices, which were things that God, according to Mr. Stewart, would not approve. She would sometimes wear her track shorts to school as well as short dresses and skirts. Whenever she did this, my mind would go into panic mode. All that I could think about were the articles Mr. Stewart had written about the modesty subject. His modesty articles brought chills down my spine, making me sick to my stomach.

This was especially bad during the summer of 2011, probably one of the worst summers I’ve ever had in my entire life. I gradually began to feel hatred for women because of this, especially if they were attractive women in bikinis (aka the “wanton and shameless whores”) on the beaches where my family and I would go to on vacation. I felt so ashamed every time I saw a girl that I thought was attractive. However, there was one person in my mind that kept me sane, that certain girl. But then, my thoughts shifted back to her again. I began obsessing about the clothes that she would be wearing and how “lewd” and “immodest” they were, so much that I forgot about how kind of a person she was. She would be in hell for all eternity, burning and roasting day in and day out – just for the way she dressed? Billions of years would pass and she would still be there, screaming and wailing in pain in the fires. This was completely unfair, but again, I had no choice but to believe it, it would be apostasy if I didn’t. The feeling of her roasting for eternity for her wardrobe choices caused me much misery during that summer. I remember obsessively looking over her Facebook posts to make sure that she was right with God. The feelings of fear and obsession were tormenting, much like how the man in that Edgar Allen Poe story, “The Tale to Tell Heart” felt about the old man’s eye. I wanted so badly to talk to someone about this, but I didn’t know who to trust. It would be very difficult for someone to explain this weird sort of issue. Even if I could’ve found someone, how would I have explained what was going on? Any non-Christian psychiatrist would have no idea of what I was talking about, and the pastor of the Church that I was attending at the time probably wouldn’t be much help, either because modesty was just something that was rarely and almost never mentioned in the Methodist Church. I started to begin doubting if I was even in the right church, or if my parents were going to hell for believing false doctrine.

To the reader, let me ask you one question? How would you feel if had this thought in your head that everyone you knew and loved was going to roast in hell for all eternity, and no matter how much you pray or memorize scripture, you’re unable to save them? You would feel awful wouldn’t you, suicidal possibly? Does that sound like the way you’d want to live your life? No! No one deserves this kind of mental torture. Now imagine going through this, not for weeks, not for months, but for four years! This is how it was for me. All throughout the summer before my senior year, I would be crying at night, pleading and begging for God to save her and keep her safe, and he did. But no matter how much I prayed, the horrible thoughts and nightmarish depictions of her in hell wouldn’t go away! This isn’t any way for a 17 year old boy to be living his life; he’s supposed to be enjoying life, not living in fear of it! (This paragraph was the most painful one for me to write. I’m not kidding; I was in tears while writing the last part of it. It was like all these haunting memories that I’d kept repressed for so long were finally coming back like some form of terminal cancer, spreading, growing and infecting everything in sight.)

My senior year started, and that’s when things seemed to really get bad. I discovered that the girl I met in my junior year had gotten into a relationship with another guy. I was crushed, yet again, just like how it was with the other girl my freshman year. All throughout senior year it haunted me, and all through the summer of that year it got worse and worse. By that time, my nana had died of cancer, which totally devastated me; she’d been in remission for 3 years. At the funeral, as was broken, unable to hold back the tears. I felt that it was because of my desire for the girl, my “selfish” desire for myself and not anyone else had caused my Nana’s death, as well as my inability to save souls. In other words, I was being selfish, so God punished me by killing one of the most loving people I knew in my life. But how was I being selfish when I legitimately cared for this girl? Is it really so selfish to desire someone to love? Apparently so, and now, because of that, my nana had died. The only thing remaining that I have of my nana is the senior letter that she wrote me for my graduation. There are still times when I feel so upset about my nana. Then, the thoughts shifted to my late nana, what if she was in hell?

It got even worse during my first year of college. I was just 19 years old at the time, and things were getting out of control. This time, I was following a different teacher named Steven Anderson. His teachings were almost exactly the same as Mr. Stewart’s, as seen in this excerpt below:

Quote:“We are living in a day when the overwhelming majority of Christians and non-Christians alike believe in situational ethics. “The end justifies the means” seems to be the philosophy of today’s independent Baptist churches. God, on the other hand, has always been the God of moral absolutes.

Is nudity before the opposite gender a sin? Well if it is, then it must always be a sin, whether at an xxx theater, a swimming pool, or in a doctor’s office.

In the Bible, the only nakedness allowable between a man and a woman is between husband and wife. Genesis 2:25 reads, “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” Within the confines of marriage nakedness is totally permissible. However, in Leviticus 18, God goes into great detail condemning nakedness between brother and sister, father and daughter, mother and son, aunt and nephew, uncle and niece, grandfather and granddaughter, and the list goes on and on.

God also admonishes us repeatedly throughout the Bible to be fully clothed. Nakedness in the Bible is associated with the word “shame.” One of the many examples of this association is found in Isaiah 47:3a, “Thy nakedness shall be uncovered, yea, thy shame shall be seen:” as well as in Revelation 3:18 (above). Exodus 28:42 reads, “And thou shalt make them linen breeches to cover their nakedness; from the loins even unto the thighs they shall reach.” God is commanding here for a man to wear pants or shorts that cover his entire thigh (down to the knee) in order not to be naked. Isaiah 47:2-3 reads, “Take the millstones, and grind meal: uncover thy locks, make bare the leg, uncover the thigh, pass over the rivers. Thy nakedness shall be uncovered, yea, thy shame shall be seen: I will take vengeance, and I will not meet thee as a man.” God shows us again here, in this case with a woman, that the thigh being uncovered is considered nakedness by God. Repeatedly throughout the New Testament, God commands women to be clothed in modest apparel because nakedness is undoubtedly a sin.”

Source: faithfulwordb...ecologists.htm…

Again, like with Mr. Stewart’s teachings, a sickening feeling would form within my stomach. Again, I didn’t want to believe it, but I had no choice because the Bible said so. Pastor Anderson also preached against watching television, mixed swimming, alcohol, women wearing pants, secular music, and again, I believed everything that he said to be Biblical truths. In fact, Mr. Anderson would also say in his hissy-fit sermons from the pulpit that his church was the only Biblical church, and if we went to any different church, we’d be in a false church and going to Hell. But nothing could’ve have been worse than what he talked about looking at women:

Quote:“You see, if something catches my eye—listen to me, sir, listen to me, men—when something catches your eye, you are driving down the road and that billboard catches your eye, that magazine catches your eye, that sleazy hutchie momma or that woman that is dressed inappropriately, you are in department stores. She has got the short skirt on or she has got the tight fitting clothes on. Hey, when that catches your eye, sir, do you know what you ought to do? You ought to look away.

Now this is common sense, but this is what needs to be preached because people don’t believe this. You have to look away. And I am going to tell you something. When you look back the second time, you have just committed a sin.

“Oh, I didn’t think anything. I didn’t think anything about it. I just looked at it.”

Looking at it is a sin in and of itself, period. And so when you look at something and then you look away what begins in your heart, then, could be an intense desire to look back a second time. Why? Because you are going to commit adultery with the woman in the picture? No. You don’t even know who that woman is. Your desire is to look at it again because your eyes are out of control and because the lust of the eyes is dominating your heart.”

Source: http://www.faithfulw...t.org/lust.htm…

So, basically, what Mr. Anderson taught was that if you ever looked at a woman, either scantily dressed or not and liked what you saw, you’ve committed a sin – which if you ask me today is one thousand percent insane. This was an even worse blow to my sex drive.

My situation got even worse the more and more I delved deeper into the whole modesty issue. I then began to become involved with multiple modesty teachings from not only Pastor Anderson, but the Church of Christ as well, and I think the teachings from the Church of Christ might have been worse. The Church of Christ taught that it was a sin to go to the beach and that men should be ashamed for seeing what they called “half-naked” women on the beach (i.e. bikinis) and that if no man felt guilt for it, then he had a “seared conscience.”

Quote:“Immodesty has become so commonly accepted that it doesn't bother most people. Most people feel no shame if they see someone on television or in public who is dressed immodestly, and wouldn't have any problem dressing the same way. As summer temperatures rise standards of modesty seem to fall. In the U.S.A., as well as many other nations of the world, our societies have become the most sexually saturated societies.”

Source: voices.yahoo....ke-6014534.htm…

(I should note that this article is almost entirely plagiarized from other modesty articles on the web. I’m serious, just read parts of the source above and the source after it, they’re both eerily similar.)

Throughout my first year of college, most of the time I would be on the college campus on my laptop, looking obsessively at articles on the topic of modesty, and my mental condition just got worse. I was desperate. I just wanted some bit, some small bit of re-assurance that all this clothing issues were just a bunch of lies, that it was all a joke, but there was nothing. So, I eventually gave up all hope. I then became a member of another Bible study group, the Alpha and Omegas, hoping that maybe they would be able to help, but this never happened. It turns out that they too were involved with the Church of Christ. I friended a few of the members of the group on Facebook, and it became a nightmare. I was afraid to post things because I knew that they would be watching, and so would God, similar to the George Orwell book 1984. I being Winston, any girl that I felt attracted to being Julia, the Alpha and Omega members being The Party, the Alpha and Omega leaders being O’Brien, and of course, God being Big Brother.

Eventually it all just became too much, and I decided that I was going to take my own life. One night I went inside of my closet and began to cry for about 15 to 20 minutes at most. My perception of women had been completely shattered. I decided that I just couldn’t live in the world anymore because there was no way to possibly be a good, sexually pure, righteous Christian with all the “immodest” women around me, I would have to repent of my sin, but they would be punished and burn in hell forever, I cried my eyes out on that night, begging for God to have mercy on them for being “stumbling blocks” and objects of lust. I then went into my bathroom filled up the sink with ice-cold water, and dunked my head underneath in an attempt to drown myself. My head was under the water for no less than a minute when my hand slipped and broke the drain rod which kept the sink sealed, and the water drained out. I tried to cut myself with a hobby knife, but I kept myself restrained. One night, I found myself in my bedroom walking around and incoherent, crying and saying to me “Stop abusing me, leave me alone!” and clawing and scratching myself.

Enough was enough; it was time to look for truth in other places. I thought about the Bible, and everything that I’d been taught about it. I thought about the idea of the original sin. I thought about the concept of salvation. I thought about the idea of Hell, and I asked myself, “Can I go along with the torture of someone else?” I thought about it for a long time, and eventually, I decided that I couldn’t. At that point I realized that I could no longer be a Christian.

I hope you all enjoyed reading this, and I apologize if the story was a bit too long.

Goddam. You put a lot of effort into that. Unless you just cut and paste from interwebz of tubes.

There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. -Camus
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30-05-2016, 06:02 PM
RE: De-Conversion Story, Part I
Thank you for the introduction, I felt like I got to know a lot about you this way. Sometimes people just post a short paragraph, but I prefer something longerSmile
Welcome!

The biology of mind bridges the sciences - concerned with the natural world - and the humanities - concerned with the meaning of human experience. Eric Kandel
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30-05-2016, 07:00 PM
RE: De-Conversion Story, Part I
(30-05-2016 06:02 PM)carol Wrote:  Thank you for the introduction, I felt like I got to know a lot about you this way. Sometimes people just post a short paragraph, but I prefer something longerSmile
Welcome!

Thank you, Carol! I'm glad you enjoyed reading this story. I'll be sharing Part 2 of it some time as well. You really have no idea how hard it was living this way, in fact, I've even shared this on the forum page of ex-christian.com, and one guy commented back saying this:

Quote:"What kind of "loving" message would turn a healthy teenager into a neurotic misogynist? Yet, that's what fundamentalism is doing."


It's only going to get better, I'm sure of it! With all the help I'm getting, there's no way anything can stop me!

I hope you'll continue to read some of my other posts as well. Smile
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31-05-2016, 10:38 AM
De-Conversion Story, Part 2
In this part of the story, I will be focusing more about my time in high school, right where things really started to fall apart for me. If you haven't read Part 1 yet, I recommend that you do so: http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/forum/...ory-Part-I

Anyway, onto the story...

I was 15 years old when I started high school. Because of my Asperger’s, I was socially withdrawn from the other students, and did my best to keep to myself, as it had always been back in Elementary, and even Middle school. However, my freshman year of High School was when all this would change. In my English class, I met someone who would change my life forever. She, a lovely blonde soccer player on the freshman team. Unlike most girls, who ignored me, she showed interest in me. When no one else wanted to talk to me, she’d talk to me, when no one else showed interest in me, she showed interest in me. I couldn’t understand it at all. I assumed that all of this was because of her Christian faith, which was something she was very proud of. I can honestly say that it was most likely her, who influenced my decision to probably be more social around other people – even igniting my curiosity to look into Christianity even deeper, as well. Unfortunately, I would never be able to tell her how I truly felt, because of my social awkwardness, and eventually, I found out via Facebook, that she’d found someone else. It was also during my freshman year that I was exposed to the theory of Darwinian Evolution in biology class, which I never understood, even though I passed the class. I never took the idea seriously, and disregarded it as unscientific nonsense.

My sophomore year was when I had a spiritual awakening at the new church that my family was attending. I decided that following the church would be the way for me to find meaning in my life, and it was there that I began to look at the Bible as book to rely on for comfort, as well as guide for all the answers to life’s many problems. I feeling of innumerable joy seemed to fill my soul, and I guess you could say that I felt like I was “on fire for Jesus”, and I wanted to save souls for Christ. Unfortunately, it wasn’t long until I started to notice problems with the church. Most notably was the fact that the church I went to allowed women to speak, never mind the fact Bible states that it’s shameful for women to do so (1 Corinthians 14:34-35). Another serious issue was that the church really didn’t seem all that concerned about the lost souls burning forever in Hell, if we didn’t do something to save them. Sure, the church sponsored mission groups and preached against sin, but it had absolutely no sense of urgency, and thus the Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20) would never be achieved. This in turn made me wonder, was I even in the right kind of church?

My problems got even greater during the summer of my sophomore year, when I discovered the website, http://www.jesus-is-savior.com, a King James Version only (KJV only) fundamental Christian website which was very keen on the practice of soul-winning, which is a term that the Fundamental Baptists use for going door to door with the King James Bible and talking to people about how to be saved. This website was hosted by a man named David J. Stewart, who believed certain things like secular music, even Christian music was “of the devil” – which I naively accepted. Furthermore, he also stated that certain magazines such as Sports Illustrated (the swimsuit kind) and certain restaurant chains like Hooters were sinful because they were “lascivious” (i.e. “sexually exciting”) – I believed what he said about that, too. I felt absolutely ashamed of my own sexuality, and to make matters worse, were his clothing guidelines for women:

Quote:i. Pants are for men only

ii. Dresses are for women only (particularly the frumpy kind, if you will)

iii. No pants on women

iv. No short shorts

v. No miniskirts

vi. No bikinis

vii. No tight outfits

viii. No cleavage

I didn’t want to believe it, but I had no choice. It would be apostasy if I didn’t, and Stewart really pounded it into my head.

Quote:“Any child knows that women wear dresses and men wear pants. Women who love and respect the Lord won't wear bikinis at the beach, or wear miniskirts, or wear pants, or pose in Playboy. There's not an honest normal man alive who doesn't know what's wrong with women wearing pants—they are extremely revealing of a woman's flesh.”

SOURCE: http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Evils%20i...nudity.htm

Furthermore, Stewart also had information on his website that he used to “debunk” evolution, such this:

Quote:“Recently, a thought captivated my mind that proves that the theory of evolution is a big hoax. The thought is simple and yet profound ... why is there no recorded history before approximately 4,000 B.C.? The answer is obvious ... there was no history! Think about it! Evolutionists claim that man evolved over billions of years (that's billions with a "B"). If there were any truth to these false claims by unscrupulous scientists, then man's historical record should span back at least hundreds-of-thousands of years, if not millions…

The truth is that evolutionists are hardhearted against the truth of God's Word. The Word of God declares that God created the world at approximately 4,000 B.C.—YOU'D BE A FOOL NOT TO BELIEVE IT, BECAUSE THERE'S NO HISTORY PRIOR TO 4,000 B.C. As incredible as this fact is, it is undeniable proof against evolution.”

Source: http://jesus-is-savi...n Hoax/4000.htm

I took everything that Stewart said at face-value. In addition to David J. Stewart, there was another KJV-only advocate online who I took at face-value as well, and I’m ashamed to say that, too. His name was Steven Anderson, a pastor of an Independent Fundamental Baptist church in Arizona. This man taught pretty much the same things that Stewart taught, but took it to an even more extreme level. Anderson believed that homosexuals should be executed because of what the Bible said:

Quote:“If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.”

– Leviticus 20:13

So, my junior year of high school began, and that’s when the depression really began to hit hard. By this time, I’d met another girl, and had secretly fallen in love again. She was everything that I wanted in a girl, kind-hearted, intelligent, and best of all; we shared the same faith (even though she didn’t really use the KJV). I had a very strong feeling that she was woefully ignorant in her Christian faith, so I wanted to help her, and watch her grow. But then, I remembered what Mr. Stewart had said on his website, and my heart sank.

Quote:“American is filled with professed "Christians" who do business at bars, nightclubs and other worldly places of entertainment. Elvis Presley lived his life glorifying the works of the flesh. Elvis would sing disgusting worldly lyrics to rock-n-roll rhythms for most of his songs... and then sing ONE gospel song at the end.

The term "Christian" was first given to believers by the heathens at Antioch, Syria (Acts 11:26). It was the Christlike testimony of those early believers that caused the unsaved people to label them as "Christians."

The average believer knows the TV Guide better than they do the Bible. Jesus warned us not to become "choked" by the cares, pleasures and riches of this world...”

Source: http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Believer'...stians.htm

I knew in my heart that more than likely, the new girl was one of those “entertainment Christians” that Stewart spoke about, and I knew that there would be absolutely no way for me to convert her to the right path. During this time, I had very little regard for my own life and livelihood, and would spend most of my free-time constantly checking Stewart’s website, and progressively coming sicker, and sicker, and sicker, even looking at some sermons that Stewart had collected from other IFB pastors. I couldn’t bare the idea of her ending up in hell, a place of eternal fire, and agony and torment and wailing and gnashing of teeth. I can’t begin to tell you how many sleepless nights I spent praying, saying the same prayer over and over and over again, but to no avail.

Then came the summer of my junior year, which would be a harrowing time of absolute misery. The summer filled me with sickening thoughts of female modesty and sexual purity, which made it all the more unbearable.

Quote:“When Sports Illustrated decided to feature immodest, lewd, and impudent women, their profits soared and have continued. Sex sells! Truly the LOVE OF MONEY is the root of all evil as 1st Timothy 6:10 warns in the Bible. Sports Illustrated is immoral, of the Devil, and an embarrassment to every decent and God-fearing American citizen.

THERE IS NO FEAR OF GOD BEFORE THEIR EYES (Romans 3:18) at Sports Illustrated, for only hard-hearted sinners would sexually exploit womanhood to make money. May I say, it is ill-gotten money (what the Bible calls, “filthy lucre”). Matthew 6:24, “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.” The word “mammon” comes directly from the Greek word mammonas, meaning “wealth.” The Bible teaches that wealth and serving God are diametrically opposed to each other. You CANNOT serve them both! You will love one, and hate the other.

Sadly, many Christians today are living a lie, kidding themselves that they are still serving God, when in reality they have sold out to the almighty dollar! Increasingly we see so-called Christian organizations which sell magazines, books, subscriptions and publications featuring psychology, beauty and diet as primary topics. It's the love of money! The Doctrine of Christ has been abandoned by most professed Christians these days.

The Bible commands women to dress themselves in MODEST (Greek: of good behavior) clothing. The type of clothing that a woman wears speaks much about her moral character and attitude toward womanhood. A woman who strips down naked for the camera disrespects all women by cheapening herself. Virtue is more valuable than rubies the Bible says...

Proverb 31:10, “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”

Every woman must choose between virtue and rubies. Take your pick! Do you want the virtue of MOTHERHOOD, or the rubies that a CAREER will bring instead. A Career has no place for genuine motherhood.

Virtue chooses to dress modestly, not whorishly...

1st Timothy 2:9, “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.

Jude:1:19: “These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit.”

The Bible commands us to seek after WISDOM above all else, which begins with the fear of the Lord...

Proverb 3:13-15, “Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding. For the merchandise of it is better than the merchandise of silver, and the gain thereof than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her.”

The word “lady” has become a novelty in today's lewd, rude and crude world. Asian women are notoriously whorish and dress whorishly. They are degraded down to the level of animals in their cultures, being slaved out as comfort girls for money or for a place to live and some food. Most young women, and older as well, do it voluntarily because the alternative is to work for pennies a day in a sweat shop factory under high-pressure, fast-pace, dangerous workings conditions. The temptation to make a lot of money fast by having sex is why the criminal syndicate worldwide is involved. The Philippines have been referred to as “The Devil's Playground” because of all the prevalent sexual sins. This includes Costa Rica and most third world nations. Sadly, American military men are notorious for fornication worldwide.”

Source: http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Evils%20i...trated.htm

As a result, I began resenting my own sex-drive as a teenager, especially when I saw beautiful girls (aka the “wanton and shameless whores”) on the beaches where my family and I would go to on vacation. I felt so ashamed every time I saw a girl that I thought was attractive. The one verse that haunted me from the Bible constantly was the verse in which Jesus spoke about lust.

Quote: “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

– Matthew 5:27-28

With that verse in mind, the summer became absolutely unbearable. Furthermore, Pastor Steven Anderson drove the same point about lust and nudity down, but arguably even harder than Stewart did.

Quote:“We are living in a day when the overwhelming majority of Christians and non-Christians alike believe in situational ethics. “The end justifies the means” seems to be the philosophy of today’s independent Baptist churches. God, on the other hand, has always been the God of moral absolutes.

Is nudity before the opposite gender a sin? Well if it is, then it must always be a sin, whether at an xxx theater, a swimming pool, or in a doctor’s office.

In the Bible, the only nakedness allowable between a man and a woman is between husband and wife. Genesis 2:25 reads, “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” Within the confines of marriage nakedness is totally permissible. However, in Leviticus 18, God goes into great detail condemning nakedness between brother and sister, father and daughter, mother and son, aunt and nephew, uncle and niece, grandfather and granddaughter, and the list goes on and on.

God also admonishes us repeatedly throughout the Bible to be fully clothed. Nakedness in the Bible is associated with the word “shame.” One of the many examples of this association is found in Isaiah 47:3a, “Thy nakedness shall be uncovered, yea, thy shame shall be seen:” as well as in Revelation 3:18 (above). Exodus 28:42 reads, “And thou shalt make them linen breeches to cover their nakedness; from the loins even unto the thighs they shall reach.” God is commanding here for a man to wear pants or shorts that cover his entire thigh (down to the knee) in order not to be naked. Isaiah 47:2-3 reads, “Take the millstones, and grind meal: uncover thy locks, make bare the leg, uncover the thigh, pass over the rivers. Thy nakedness shall be uncovered, yea, thy shame shall be seen: I will take vengeance, and I will not meet thee as a man.” God shows us again here, in this case with a woman, that the thigh being uncovered is considered nakedness by God. Repeatedly throughout the New Testament, God commands women to be clothed in modest apparel because nakedness is undoubtedly a sin.”

Source: http://faithfulwordb...ecologists.html

Quote:“You see, if something catches my eye—listen to me, sir, listen to me, men—when something catches your eye, you are driving down the road and that billboard catches your eye, that magazine catches your eye, that sleazy hutchie momma or that woman that is dressed inappropriately, you are in department stores. She has got the short skirt on or she has got the tight fitting clothes on. Hey, when that catches your eye, sir, do you know what you ought to do? You ought to look away.

Now this is common sense, but this is what needs to be preached because people don’t believe this. You have to look away.

And I am going to tell you something. When you look back the second time, you have just committed a sin.

“Oh, I didn’t think anything. I didn’t think anything about it. I just looked at it.”

Looking at it is a sin in and of itself, period. And so when you look at something and then you look away what begins in your heart, then, could be an intense desire to look back a second time. Why? Because you are going to commit adultery with the woman in the picture? No. You don’t even know who that woman is. Your desire is to look at it again because your eyes are out of control and because the lust of the eyes is dominating your heart.”

Source: http://www.faithfulwordbaptist.org/lust.html

I wanted so badly for this depression to go away, but I didn’t know who to talk to. No psychologist would be able to understand my bizarre disorder and problems, not to mention, the IFB had clearly condemned the practice of secular psychology.

The summer past, and then my senior year began, and coming in with it were even more compulsions. I soon learned that the new girl, much like much like the other girl from my freshman year, and found someone else. The person that she found worried me greatly, as I feared that he would influence her to do “immoral” things. I constantly prayed, and prayed much like last year, but got no result. Towards the time of Spring Break, I was so worried that she’d be out committing debauchery, and thus damning her soul to hell, the place which I feared most. Sadly, towards the end of the semester, I received the worst news possible. I discovered that after three years of remission, my Nana had developed a terminal cancer; she later died three days after I graduated. When I received the news that she’d died, I was devastated. I felt as though my inability to save souls to Christ had somehow contributed to her death, and that God had punished me for it. Her funeral was absolutely unbearable. I shall never forget the moment that I saw her in her casket. I cried, and I quietly said to myself as I stood over her body, “I’m sorry, Nana, please forgive me…”

My entire world at that moment had fallen apart completely.
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10-06-2016, 04:15 PM
De-Conversion Story, Part 3: The IFB Church
This shall be Part 3 of my de-conversion from Christianity. Unfortunately, for the sake of time, I'm going to have to make this one a bit shorter than the other two.

There is a sect of Christianity that I think is by far the most toxic of them all, and that is the Independent Fundamental Baptist Church. As mentioned before in Part 1 and 2 of my de-conversion, I was exposed to this group via the internet, and spoke briefly about what they believed, but in this section, I will try to elaborate a little bit more on what they actually believe. For those who are unfamiliar with the IFB church, here's some of their beliefs in a nutshell:

Quote:The King James Version is the only true Word of God; all other translations of the Bible are the work of the devil. Meant to be taken literally, the KJV is inspired, inerrant, infallible, and the supreme and final authority in all things. It is therefore literally true that, for instance, God created the world in six 24-hour days; Satan is real, the enemy of God, and the instigator of all false religions; the theory of evolution is unscriptural and therefore without merit; and hell is a real place where all who die without having accepted Christ as their Savior suffer consciously being roasted alive for eternity.

Each IFB church is wholly autonomous and free from any outside governance. Its pastor is divinely appointed and accountable to no earthly authority. He speaks for God, and God alone may judge him. To question the sovereignty of the pastor is to disturb God’s order and invite upon oneself separation from the church, and therefore from the very source of salvation and hope.

Men alone are suited to be the head of home and church.

For a woman to be pleasing to God she must always and in all things remain perfectly submissive, first to her father and then to her husband. The primary function of a woman is to have children, who then become her “mission field.”

It is sinful for a woman to dress in any way that might cause a man to “spiritually stumble” by having a lustful thought.

Human life begins at conception. Every abortion, without exception, is murder.

Homosexuals are evil perverts who despise God and should be kept away from society generally and children especially. There is no appreciable moral distinction between homosexuality and bestiality, incest, child molestation or rape.

Black people bear the “mark of Cain,” and so are cursed.

Christians are called to remain steadfastly separate from the world and its sinful practices and temptations, such as movies, dancing, and any music with an addictive rock beat.

Educating children at home or in IFB K-12 schools is necessary in order to protect them from the knowledge and ways of a fallen and corrupt world.

IFBs also generally believe that the will of a child must be broken before it ever has a chance to develop: a fussing or crying baby is exerting its selfish will. That will needs to be eliminated, since wherever human will is God’s will cannot be.

By way of justifying infant “training” and the continued “submission of the will” of children, IFB parents point to these lines in The Book of Proverbs:

Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. (Pr 23:14)

The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. (Pr 29:15)

Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. (Pr 22:15)

He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes [early on; speedily]. (Pr 13:24)

Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. (Pr 19:18)

The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil. (Pr 20:30)

SOURCE: http://www.patheos.c...nes-university/


My first exposure to the IFB was from the website http://www.jesus-is-savior.com, run by David J. Stewart (I will try not to go too much into detail about the site anymore than I have to, as I've already spent copious amounts of time speaking about it in part 1 and 2). It was these tenants that caused me to really question what I believed in. But what really ignited doubt was a book from the late Jack Hyles called "How To Rear Children":

Quote:1. Let the child realize that you are simply representing God in the execution of the punishment. Explain to him that parents represent God before their children and that they are ministers to execute His judgment. Psalm 103:13 says, "Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear Him." So God is like a father and He chooses fathers and mothers to represent Him in the punishing of little children. Let the child realize that if you as a parent do not punish him properly, you are being disobedient to God and committing the same sin the child is committing. Explain to him that you are a child of God and if you refuse to obey God in the execution of His judgment upon your children, God will pour out His wrath upon you. For you to be a good child of God requires that you be a good parent to the child. Let him understand this. He will get the idea that God is a holy and just God, One Who loves and yet One Who wants us to become out best. For this to be so He must punish us when we are deserving.

2. Sometimes spanking should leave stripes on the child. Proverbs 20:30 says, "The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil; so do stripes the inward parts of the belly." Our natural man rebels a such punishment, but we are reminded in I Corinthians 2:14 that the natural man cannot understand the things of the Spirit. Hence, we have to trust the God Who knows more than we and obey Him.


I remembered crying when reading this, realizing that my very own Bible, the book that I'd loved and admired all my life, was advocating child abuse. Not spanking, mind you, but outright child abuse. Unfortunately, as I will discuss in later parts of the story, this is not the worst of it. Oh no, the worst was yet to come.
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10-06-2016, 07:01 PM
RE: De-Conversion Story, Part 3: The IFB Church
That sounds to me about as disgusting as it gets. Undecided

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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12-06-2016, 12:02 PM
De-Conversion Story, Part 4: More About the IFB
I know, that Part 3 of my story was a little bit short, so I think I need to explain a little bit more in greater detail about what the IFB actually preaches in this part so that the people who read this can get a better understanding about what I went through. To illustrate, here's a collection of IFB sermons, which years ago, severely traumatized me (CAUTION: Some of the videos in this post contain disturbing content):

Here, we have Pastor Steven Anderson making his YouTube debut with one of his most absurdest sermons yet:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNCoevpt5TE

Here, we have a Baptist Pastor, Phil Kidd, demonstrating "love" through Biblical discipline: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUtSjmPqa-I (CAUTION: This video goes into descriptions of violence towards children. PLEASE DO NOT WATCH IF YOUR BACKGROUND INVOLVES CHILD ABUSE!)

Here, we have another Baptist Pastor, Danny Castle ranting about how he has proof that Nikki Minaj, Beyonce, Denzel Washington and Oprah Winfrey are POSSESSED BY DEMONS! (he's not really hurting my feelings, though, I'm not even a fan of Nikki Minaj or Beyonce to begin with):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2HE-VeLzgI

Here, we have another on of Danny Castle talking about the dangers of Alcohol:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bP-GS0M3y0I (CAUTION: This video contains illustrations of extremely graphic violence perpetrated against infants. DO NOT WATCH IF THIS CONTENT OFFENDS!)

I hope this post can give more insight into exactly just what the IFB preaches, because I believe it's not enough just to tell people what they preach, I need to SHOW people what they preach if there's ever going to be any help.
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12-06-2016, 12:10 PM
RE: De-Conversion Story, Part 4: More About the IFB
Well, I can't watch these types of things, but I certainly get the point anyway.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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