Dealing With Death
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18-05-2013, 07:33 AM
RE: Dealing With Death
Egor you have been warned before about abusive posting in this section. Consider this a last chance. Do it again and i will ban you from this section.

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18-05-2013, 12:56 PM
RE: Dealing With Death
(18-05-2013 07:02 AM)Dom Wrote:  This is the personal support section and you two go stand in the corner or go to another section to have it out.

my bad guys and gals, apologies.

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18-05-2013, 01:25 PM
 
RE: Dealing With Death
Quote:Egor you have been warned before about abusive posting in this section. Consider this a last chance. Do it again and i will ban you from this section.


No warning for Adenosis, huh? Typical.

Atheist bigotry and fundamentalism. Ban away. I couldn't care less at this point.

Isn't it ironic that when I ditch Christianity, it's only about a week later I start seeing atheism for exactly the same thing Christianity is--just another way for one person to hate another. Isn't it ironic.

And you all say I don't understand atheists! Laughat Sure I do...I was a Christian fundamentalist!
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18-05-2013, 01:33 PM
RE: Dealing With Death
(05-02-2013 11:39 PM)Peanut Wrote:  In 2010, my [ex] brother-in-law killed himself. He was apart of my life since I can remember. He left two sons, ages 4 and 7 at the time. I cried for a majority of the day for days straight. He hung himself. I kept putting myself in his final moments. Did he regret it? Did he instinctively try to save himself? Anyway, I found myself talking aloud to him! I was doing the dishes and just talking to him. It made me feel so confused. If I believe someone is gone, then why was I compelled to talk to someone who ceased to exist? I still feel a void.

In July, 2012, my stepfather died in his sleep. He had a bad heart but he lived a full life at age 76. He and I bonded about our nonbeliefs. We were part of our own little club. But apparently nobody respected him enough when he died because when it came time for his funeral, they did the most generic sermon for him. "Walking through the valley..." blah, blah, blah. If he were there, he woulda been rolling his eyes alongeith me. He didn't need a prayer. He would've loved just hearing stories of the good old times. I didn't feel I needed to talk to him as I felt the need to talk to my brother-in-law. I knew he was headed out. I'm still lost. How do I cope with loss? They were the first loved ones I lost. Many of my friends and family say they pray for me. That's cool. They care. But eh...



I've done this, too, where I've talked out loud.

There are many reasons, like Dom listed, on the hows and whys of grieving. However it seems from reading about how you explain your experiences and relationships that you know what your stepfather would say or how he'd react. There are no questions or mystery surrounding his thoughts and feelings. For your brother in law, there are questions, there is unresolved mystery. Perhaps this could be the way your subconscious is trying to figure out or come to terms. It doesn't want to let go because it doesn't understand.

I agree that it's okay to just go with it, if it happens again. It's part of processing your feelings and understanding of the death and that's important to do. Doing something instead of 'having someone pray for you' passively is taking control of what is left and finding a place for all the misplaced things. Everyone grieves differently and at different times. Come back here and post more if there is more you need. Smile
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18-05-2013, 02:48 PM
RE: Dealing With Death
(18-05-2013 01:25 PM)Egor Wrote:  No warning for Adenosis, huh? Typical.

Atheist bigotry and fundamentalism. Ban away. I couldn't care less at this point.

Isn't it ironic that when I ditch Christianity, it's only about a week later I start seeing atheism for exactly the same thing Christianity is--just another way for one person to hate another. Isn't it ironic.

And you all say I don't understand atheists! Laughat Sure I do...I was a Christian fundamentalist!

He didn't aim it at the OP. I'm referring to your posts in the Depressed Family Rejection thread, it was easier to inform you here since you continued your shit here and would see it.

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18-05-2013, 02:57 PM
 
RE: Dealing With Death
(18-05-2013 02:48 PM)FSM_scot Wrote:  He didn't aim it at the OP. I'm referring to your posts in the Depressed Family Rejection thread,

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Quote: it was easier to inform you here since you continued your shit here and would see it.

That's just ridiculous.
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18-05-2013, 02:59 PM
RE: Dealing With Death
I think emotion of any kind and whatever way it's processed, is healthy. I think not processing or trying to not feel is not going to do much; eventually, some kind of reaction will happen whether you want it to or not.

I also think that some of the grief experience helps us to deal with our own eventual mortality. We often don't consider out of the blue, that one day the world will just keep going on as usual, but we won't. But during a time of grief, we can be just standing there and all of a sudden, a wave of grief will hit and there it is; a void experienced. It can be extremely powerful - staggering, even. I think we have to take it for what it's worth.

Eventually, I think it kind of helps to give us a real sense of how precious life is and that it does not last.

***
And uh... I usually yell at my dead loved ones. Not all of them. Sometimes I yell at myself. I yell at them louder, though. Dodgy

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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18-05-2013, 03:16 PM (This post was last modified: 18-05-2013 03:26 PM by TheGulegon.)
RE: Dealing With Death
It's sounds silly, but I "talk to" the grandpa I never met. My father's father died before I was born, but some of his DNA lives on inside me. Apparently, I have his eyes (which I thought was creepy when first told that)! I don't want to call it woo so much as .... a "wish"? An "I wish you were here" thing. Maybe since I never knew him it's like a conceptualized thing; the perfect grandpa. To meet him. To get advice. To share a joke. I don't know why, but sometimes I think a little clearer afterwards. As much as I proselytize atheism, I'm not ashamed of it. You shouldn't feel ashamed, either.

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18-05-2013, 03:34 PM (This post was last modified: 18-05-2013 03:37 PM by kim.)
RE: Dealing With Death
Well, we do have a mechanism in the brain in which we carry on internal dialogue. It's nothing to be freaked out by. That internal dialogue has been ambiguously referred to as the conscience and it provides us with an innate sense of morality.

Freud described three states of consciousness which help us decide stuff. Our id (subconscious) can even have a different voice and personality than us.

Ego is free floating in the conscious, the preconscious, & the subconscious states so really, it's all us. It's quite healthy - in fact, it is there to help us survive.

I try to stay away from psychology in general but it really is pretty fascinating. Shy

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18-05-2013, 03:54 PM (This post was last modified: 18-05-2013 04:58 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Dealing With Death
(18-05-2013 02:59 PM)kim Wrote:  I also think that some of the grief experience helps us to deal with our own eventual mortality. We often don't consider out of the blue, that one day the world will just keep going on as usual, but we won't. But during a time of grief, we can be just standing there and all of a sudden, a wave of grief will hit and there it is; a void experienced. It can be extremely powerful - staggering, even. I think we have to take it for what it's worth.

Eventually, I think it kind of helps to give us a real sense of how precious life is and that it does not last.

That. But even when I'm bawling like a little girl I know from experience it's going to lead to me being resigned to that's just the way it is. I can't help Legume with the suicide of her brother-in-law. I can only hope that it was the result of a clear, rational deliberation. When it's a spur of the moment thing, it confuses the shit outta me and rocks my foundations. Think I'd be talking to him too.








(05-02-2013 11:39 PM)Peanut Wrote:  In July, 2012, my stepfather died in his sleep. He had a bad heart but he lived a full life at age 76. He and I bonded about our nonbeliefs. We were part of our own little club. But apparently nobody respected him enough when he died because when it came time for his funeral, they did the most generic sermon for him. "Walking through the valley..." blah, blah, blah. If he were there, he woulda been rolling his eyes along with me. He didn't need a prayer. He would've loved just hearing stories of the good old times.

I think I can relate to her Stepdad's funeral, though. Brother Bill passed away a month or so ago now and while listening to his eulogy the pastor's theme was "It's better to be in a House of Mourning than a House of Feasting" but because of his Asian accent it came out as "It's better to be in a House of Moaning than a House of Fisting". I swear I could see my brother in his casket laughing every bit as hard as me. Big Grin

Shit ... Girly's bawling again, but it's all good. She said "There's one thing you've got to learn is not to be afraid of it." I said "No, I like it, I like it, it's good." She said "You like it now But you'll learn to love it later."




As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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