Dealing with my Muslim family; Advice?
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15-05-2015, 12:04 PM
Dealing with my Muslim family; Advice?
Hi all, I just made an account immediately after hearing of this site.

I don't know what to do, I feel trapped and isolated. I grew up in a very religious Muslim household in the middle east, and we moved to the west back in 2008. Ever since my youth I had strong doubts about Islam and religion in general, and I have been an atheist in secret for the past two years.

I don't know what to do about my family. I am very tired of pretending to be a Muslim just to keep the home peaceful. There is no way to just sit my parents down and talk to them about respecting my religious rights - to them, Islam is the only right religion and anyone else (even other sects) are going to hell. One time, my younger brother was telling me about some of his doubts, and our father heard us, we had to call the police that night.

I am stuck at home and can't move out, I am poor and so is my family. Lately, my parents - especially my mother - is putting a lot of pressure on me to start practicing again. They know I have 'infidel and satanic' ideas about religion but I have not told them that I am an atheist, as I honestly fear for my safety, and I have two younger siblings (not adults) and I don't want my parents to take them back to the middle east so that "they do not get corrupted".

So what do I do? I feel absolutely miserable and trapped, I have no one to talk to about my feelings and I feel trapped. On top of it all, Ramadan is coming up and my parents get even more hyper religious during that month...

Any advice on how to best deal with the situation would be appreciated. Thank you.
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15-05-2015, 12:21 PM
RE: Dealing with my Muslim family; Advice?
First off , welcome to the forum. I don't envy your situation, it's especially tough coming from a Muslim background. You say you live in the west. There are probably people who have been in the same situation as you and have started up help groups. Check the web for such groups in your area and they may be able to help you out.

“The first duty of a man is to think for himself” ― José Martí
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15-05-2015, 12:25 PM
RE: Dealing with my Muslim family; Advice?
I can't give any specific advice (despite living in an officially Muslim country) but the general advice is what has been offered very often to christians in the same position (apart from the Ramadan and apostasy bits)....

Play along.

While you are dependent, there is not much choice. Stoicism, my friend, stoicism in the face of the craziness.

When you get to higher education / financial independence then you can be yourself ... and more importantly for the future of mankind, raise your own children in the one true non-faith.

I know that's not what you want to hear ... sorry.

In the meantime ... we can help you stay sane.

Stay sane and stay safe.

Hug

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15-05-2015, 01:40 PM
RE: Dealing with my Muslim family; Advice?
(15-05-2015 12:25 PM)DLJ Wrote:  Play along.

While you are dependent, there is not much choice. Stoicism, my friend, stoicism in the face of the craziness.

When you get to higher education / financial independence then you can be yourself ... and more importantly for the future of mankind, raise your own children in the one true non-faith.
I agree with DLJ, you can't ignore the realities of your current situation. It is what it is.

Your biggest challenge is to alter your own perspective.

At the moment your goal "has to be" to please your parents, it seems from what you say, you have no other choice.

But, you possibly feel trapped and a traitor to your own integrity.

When do you turn 17-18? How many years to go until you move out and start becoming an independent individual?
In the time being focus on getting yourself an education and giving yourself a great launch pad to the rest of your life.
Focus on being the perfect son/daughter. Please mum and dad, make them happy. When you move out you will progressively spend less and less time with them. You will start your own life, start your own family, the idea of pleasing your parents becomes much less important. But for now is your best opportunity to make them happy.
Don't over do it though, they will probably feel betrayed when you come out. So just go along with things for now, don't try to be enthusiastic about it, but don't appear reluctant either.
Religion is BS we all know it, but just focus on keeping mum and day happy for now. Otherwise life can be miserable within the home. It makes much more sense to save "coming out" to a time where, when you get in those arguments with your dad, you can simply kiss him on the check and go home and let things cool down.
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15-05-2015, 01:52 PM
RE: Dealing with my Muslim family; Advice?
Fake it till you make it.

Pretend until the day you can move out. And remember to come here to post/vent as to keep you sane.

Someone advised another guy to remember to clear your internet history/cache when ever you have been here as to keep yourself safe. Safety come first.
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16-05-2015, 05:10 AM
RE: Dealing with my Muslim family; Advice?
I agree with everyone else here. You need to quietly work towards leaving. You don't say how old you are... you say you are poor, so look for a job to help you get started... until you can get on your own feet you will have to deal with your family. Coming out now is just too risky for you. Let us know your progress, we will be happy to listen and maybe have some advice for you. Come here when you need to vent. Take good care of yourself.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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16-05-2015, 08:50 AM
RE: Dealing with my Muslim family; Advice?
(15-05-2015 12:04 PM)AtheistAl Wrote:  Hi all, I just made an account immediately after hearing of this site.

I don't know what to do, I feel trapped and isolated. I grew up in a very religious Muslim household in the middle east, and we moved to the west back in 2008. Ever since my youth I had strong doubts about Islam and religion in general, and I have been an atheist in secret for the past two years.

I don't know what to do about my family. I am very tired of pretending to be a Muslim just to keep the home peaceful. There is no way to just sit my parents down and talk to them about respecting my religious rights - to them, Islam is the only right religion and anyone else (even other sects) are going to hell. One time, my younger brother was telling me about some of his doubts, and our father heard us, we had to call the police that night.

I am stuck at home and can't move out, I am poor and so is my family. Lately, my parents - especially my mother - is putting a lot of pressure on me to start practicing again. They know I have 'infidel and satanic' ideas about religion but I have not told them that I am an atheist, as I honestly fear for my safety, and I have two younger siblings (not adults) and I don't want my parents to take them back to the middle east so that "they do not get corrupted".

So what do I do? I feel absolutely miserable and trapped, I have no one to talk to about my feelings and I feel trapped. On top of it all, Ramadan is coming up and my parents get even more hyper religious during that month...

Any advice on how to best deal with the situation would be appreciated. Thank you.

Get out of there as soon as possible. You do not owe your parents anything. Get out on your own and away and be who you are. If your father is that irrational I would break contact with him. Sorry to be so blunt but your life is too great a value to live in that situation one minute longer than you have to.

Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. - Ayn Rand.

Don't sacrifice for me, live for yourself! - Me

The only alternative to Objectivism is some form of Subjectivism. - Dawson Bethrick
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16-05-2015, 09:01 AM
RE: Dealing with my Muslim family; Advice?
(16-05-2015 08:50 AM)true scotsman Wrote:  
(15-05-2015 12:04 PM)AtheistAl Wrote:  Hi all, I just made an account immediately after hearing of this site.

I don't know what to do, I feel trapped and isolated. I grew up in a very religious Muslim household in the middle east, and we moved to the west back in 2008. Ever since my youth I had strong doubts about Islam and religion in general, and I have been an atheist in secret for the past two years.

I don't know what to do about my family. I am very tired of pretending to be a Muslim just to keep the home peaceful. There is no way to just sit my parents down and talk to them about respecting my religious rights - to them, Islam is the only right religion and anyone else (even other sects) are going to hell. One time, my younger brother was telling me about some of his doubts, and our father heard us, we had to call the police that night.

I am stuck at home and can't move out, I am poor and so is my family. Lately, my parents - especially my mother - is putting a lot of pressure on me to start practicing again. They know I have 'infidel and satanic' ideas about religion but I have not told them that I am an atheist, as I honestly fear for my safety, and I have two younger siblings (not adults) and I don't want my parents to take them back to the middle east so that "they do not get corrupted".

So what do I do? I feel absolutely miserable and trapped, I have no one to talk to about my feelings and I feel trapped. On top of it all, Ramadan is coming up and my parents get even more hyper religious during that month...

Any advice on how to best deal with the situation would be appreciated. Thank you.

Get out of there as soon as possible. You do not owe your parents anything. Get out on your own and away and be who you are. If your father is that irrational I would break contact with him. Sorry to be so blunt but your life is too great a value to live in that situation one minute longer than you have to.

He has siblings to think about, one of whom already has doubts about Islam.
There's a thin line between getting out, and not putting his parents into a religious frenzy that his younger siblings will have to endure alone.
Caution, and well thought out actions seem wise.
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23-05-2015, 06:34 AM
RE: Dealing with my Muslim family; Advice?
Thank you for your responses. I am 22 years old, but like I said we are very poor. I do have a job but all the money I make goes to supporting the household. I guess I will have to keep pretending until I finish my university degree and get work that doesn't pay minimum wage.

I just hope I don't lose my sanity by that time.
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28-05-2015, 05:18 PM
RE: Dealing with my Muslim family; Advice?
In which country do you live ?
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