Dealing with my death sentence...
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
20-02-2018, 10:13 AM
Dealing with my death sentence...
I really don't know why I'm writing this, I'm not the kind of person who usually rants on a public forum; I guess I just need to put a bit of order in my thoughts... anyway, a bit of background:

Last year in May I started having intestinal problems: pains, nausea, vomit; at first I was diagnosed with an intestinal flu but, as things didn't get better, I was prescribed some exams. Finally, on 9th July I went to ER because I couldn't take it any more - in the meanwhile I lost 10kg (22 lbs) - and was diagnosed with an occlusion of the small intestine; I got emergency surgery as the first half of my small intestine was so swollen that it was going to rupture and it turned out that the occlusion was caused by a carcinoma. It was removed and I recovered pretty well and quickly but a CAT scan revealed that I also had a suspect nodule on my right lung.

I underwent a chemotherapy cycle and finally last November I got lung surgery. It was indeed another carcinoma, which at the time had not spread to the neighbouring lymph nodes. Once again, I was up and running in almost no time and everything looked fine.
At the beginning of the year I started having some light abdominal pains. A PET scan revealed that I have several metastasis in the peritoneum, as well as one on the right adrenal gland.

To cut a long story short, it looks like there's no way out. I have been put on palliative chemotherapy and was told that, statistically, I have little more than a year left. Two years, if I am lucky.

Now, I'm not afraid of death but I'm very keen on fighting this thing as much as I can. I also know that, if and when there will be no way out and the suffering will be too much to bear, I will ask for assisted suicide (here in Switzerland it's legal). My wife is devastated but promised me to respect my wish for the assisted suicide if I will want to go for it.

We have a little kid (he turned 7 last Saturday) and, for the time being, he doesn't know the whole story; sure, we told him that I'm ill and I need therapy, but he doesn't know yet that I'm basically condemned. Frankly speaking, both my wife and I are quite lost on this point; we know he should know the truth, but how can you tell your little kid that dad is going to die soon? Is there even a way to say that without destroying him?

For the time being I'm feeling pretty well, besides some abdominal pains, but these are easily taken care of by some light pain killers. Otherwise, I'm still living a normal life, although I know that soon my situation will start getting worse. To be frank, I'm scared of the moment when we will have to tell our kid the whole truth.

Right, I've been already ranting too much... thanks for reading this, if you made it up to this point!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
20-02-2018, 10:18 AM
RE: Dealing with my death sentence...
I have no words...I'm so very sorry that you're going through this.

Hug


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
20-02-2018, 10:25 AM
RE: Dealing with my death sentence...
I am saddened by your situation. My heart goes out to you.

I think that one approach is for you and your wife to sit down with your son and very gently, very calmly explain that Daddy is very sick and will die - he doesn't need the details at that point. And then show him that it's ok for everyone to cry and hug.

He can't be shielded from reality forever, and the longer you take to tell, the more hurt and resentful he is likely to be. It is kindest to share the journey as a family.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
[Image: flagstiny%206.gif]
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Chas's post
20-02-2018, 10:26 AM
RE: Dealing with my death sentence...
My sympathies.
I think positiveness is your friend.

Personally I'd try to spend as much time as I can with your boy.
The best gift you can leave him is the certainty that you loved him and god forbid that the worst happens fond memories of your love.
You can break it to him slowly rather than a bomb. Make him understand that his life is going to be happy.
It's a trauma but you can lay some groundwork.
Spend as much time with him as you can.

Boy. That is a tough one.
I hope you can get past this and if not make your time count.
I'm pulling for you.

[Image: barfly_condenados_pelo_vicio.gif]
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes BikerDude's post
20-02-2018, 10:28 AM
RE: Dealing with my death sentence...
I am very sorry, having an expiration date is a hard thing to swallow.

I am with you on the assisted suicide - my state has a "death with dignity" law that does the same and I support it whole heartedly.

I don't have any advice on how to break it to your kid - he is quite young and I don't know him.

I do have a suggestion though - think about him at different ages -what would you want to tell him when he's 12? 15? 17?

Make some videos for him, and have your wife give them to him at the appropriate age. The world always changes rapidly, and things will be different when he listens to them, but some things always stay the same.

Just some food for thought - it won't be easy making the tapes, either.

If you want to talk, you can PM me. I don't have experience with kids, but I do have experience with death and dying.

Heart

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 6 users Like Dom's post
20-02-2018, 10:31 AM
RE: Dealing with my death sentence...
I am so sorry to hear this. Cancer is a monster and unfortunately there are many types that don't show symptoms until well-advanced.

Whenever you need to talk/rant/cry you can come here and get it out. There can be things you need to say that are difficult to say to those around you who are also trying to come to terms with the way things are.

Hugs to you and your family.

I am very sorry to hear this news.

A

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. -JF
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Anjele's post
20-02-2018, 10:47 AM
RE: Dealing with my death sentence...
Hug Hug Hug Sad
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
20-02-2018, 10:54 AM
RE: Dealing with my death sentence...
I am truly, deeply sorry...

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderĂ²."
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
20-02-2018, 10:58 AM
RE: Dealing with my death sentence...
Hugs to you and your family Heart
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
20-02-2018, 11:09 AM
RE: Dealing with my death sentence...
So many hugs to you. I'm not sure if this is a possibility, but it may be worthwhile to look into therapy for your son. If you start it now, it will be a good outlet for him as he processes his feelings and emotions.

More hugs and love to you. Heart

"If you don't have a seat at the table, you're probably on the menu."

[Image: beb1339cfc76b95693fe0fd59c12ec05.jpg]
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes ShadowProject's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: