Dealing with negative emotions
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
21-08-2016, 04:25 PM
RE: Dealing with negative emotions
Depending what the emotion is.
If I have a low and battle a depression (which happens less and less), I can acknowledge that and most of the time get myself out of it or at least reach out to my husband for him to help me.
If I feel my anxiety surfacing, I have absolutely no tools to battle that and just need to let it wash over me. When it doesn't go away, I shut down and need to be pulled out of it.
When it is something simple like anger or sadness, I can deal with it fine by now. I learnt how to deal with it in the past few years and again my mr was great help there.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
21-08-2016, 06:11 PM
RE: Dealing with negative emotions
Leela asked the question I was going to ask ... what type of negative emotions?
(for me it would be stage-fright or the normal daily existential doubts).

I'm guessing from your hints that you mean, in the main, anger.

[Image: 8d4dff5fbc3a03cf898878faca8e60ce.jpg]

I have three methods that I used to permanently eradicate all these:
1. Withdrawal*
2. Divorce
3. Denial

*I think "withdrawal" was something I saw in Eric Berne's The Games People Play ... a list of "anger levels" with 'rebellion' as the strongest and 'boredom' as the weakest. But this didn't seem right to me as some things in the list were feelings whereas others e.g. petulance or withdrawal, were actions.

(20-08-2016 09:14 PM)unsapien Wrote:  ...
I shut down.
...

Exactly... withdrawal.

I did a quick search on feeling vs. action and I thought this was quite a good summary:

[Image: anger-management-know-amp-manager-your-a...1265198423]
[Image: anger-management-know-amp-manager-your-a...1265198423]

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like DLJ's post
21-08-2016, 07:26 PM
RE: Dealing with negative emotion
Besides understanding that an immediate feeling is not forever, similar to mindfulness, I do a couple of other things. The first is writing. I tend to get bored with writing about my negative emotions, so I quickly pass through that element to a story or essay or poem. The second is to check with someone else to get another opinion about my stress response--is it exaggerated or appropriate? Maybe paradoxically, if an expert ( or trusted friend) affirms my negative/stressed feelings, it's easier for me to let those feelings pass. Hope this makes sense.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like julep's post
22-08-2016, 12:36 AM
RE: Dealing with negative emotions
(21-08-2016 07:26 PM)julep Wrote:  Besides understanding that an immediate feeling is not forever, similar to mindfulness, I do a couple of other things. The first is writing. I tend to get bored with writing about my negative emotions, so I quickly pass through that element to a story or essay or poem. The second is to check with someone else to get another opinion about my stress response--is it exaggerated or appropriate? Maybe paradoxically, if an expert ( or trusted friend) affirms my negative/stressed feelings, it's easier for me to let those feelings pass. Hope this makes sense.

julep,

Totally agree about "..get bored with writing about negative emotions". Thumbsup

My depression diary became so 'samey' with that stuff that I cut it out and just wrote down what I was doing and observations on the world around me. Even used coloured pencils and drew pictures of the weather and sky each day. These days I will only note a major up/down/trigger and the rest is about people that I meet and things happening.

Also agree about the stress response test. As soon as we are clear what is happening, we can say "Oh you again" to the emotion and pass on. My daughter is the litmus on this one, and is a trusted counsellor.

DLJ,

Yes, anger. Thanks for your post, which bears careful study.

D.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Dworkin's post
22-08-2016, 02:51 AM
RE: Dealing with negative emotions
Hi guys. First, I'm really enjoying this forum, as the diverse membership is fascinating to me- although I spent my life traveling, it's not like you have deep, meaningful conversations with people you pass in the airport or in hotel lobbies.

But coming from the world I do, where the men are pretty stoic and emotions are not exactly...shared, I guess, or even admitted, posts like this just baffle me. Listening to all of you discuss these things is like listening to a foreign language I don't speak or understand. To be honest, I feel alienated...out of touch.

Dworkin...I'm really struggling to understand what you're talking about, the basic idea behind this post. I hope this isn't disrupting the thread, but it seemed as if things had wound down a bit so, if y'all don't mind...

What does that mean, "How do you deal with negative thoughts and emotions"? Do you mean others are being negative towards you, or your own internal dialogue is negative? I'm getting the impression, from context, that you mean the latter. If this is so...you are having negative thoughts that you...can't control? Or...hell, I'm not even sure what questions to ask. I don't want to pull the focus away from helping you, so if I am I'm happy to create another thread, but everyone here is having this conversation about a concept I just don't follow, and you're all doing it so naturally, well, this seemed like a good place to ask.

I haven't ever suffered from depression, thank goodness- I mean, I've been sad about things, my father dying, etc...but you're supposed to be sad at a time like that, right? Depression is more like sadness that has no obvious cause or that won't go away, correct? See, I have an advanced degree and I can't even define depression very well. Not that I'm complaining, but...I am a person who feels a great deal of empathy when others hurt, and I have never been able to understand issues like this, other than in a purely clinical and/or theoretical way.

Negative emotions, it seems to me, are as healthy as positive ones, if felt at the correct times. I'm not even certain why they are called negative, if they are appropriate to the events occurring around you. If someone wrongs you, is anger negative? If a girlfriend dumps you, is sadness or loneliness negative? I can see letting yourself wallow in those emotions for an extended period being negative, but feeling them in a situation that is appropriate, well...that is what they are for, right?

Perhaps that is what the point is here, inappropriate emotions or emotions you can't escape from? Why would you feel something without cause? Why couldn't you engage in an activity that forces you to change your mood? Go...I don't know, ride a roller coaster. How can you stay depressed on a roller coaster? (Grossly simplified response, but representative of- I think- a valid concept)

I've read this entire thread 4 or 5 times now. I just don't get it, my initial reaction is that you all really overthink things, but then I think, there are a lot of them and one of me here, so...am I UNDERthinking things? Everyone on this thread seems to be comfortably on the same page, while I don't even quite understand what you're talking about.

I've seen several mentions about suppressing emotions. Why would you do that? If someone makes me angry, I say "Hey, you're making me angry", if someone makes me happy, same thing. That way everyone knows what's going on with me, and how whatever they're doing is affecting me, and thus can modify their behavior if appropriate, or tell me why I'm misunderstanding their motivations or intent. I expect the same from them, it's only...logical.

I had to google CBT.
Quote: Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a short-term, goal-oriented psychotherapy treatment that takes a hands-on, practical approach to problem-solving. Its goal is to change patterns of thinking or behavior that are behind people's difficulties, and so change the way they feel.

Wow...to me, that's at least as hokey as religion. No disrespect, don't get me wrong- if it works then so be it- but just seeing that in writing looks...well, like psychobabble. When something happens in your life, you do what has to be done, and move on. If your dog has rabies, you shoot him and bury him, tomorrow is a new day. (To borrow from Old Yeller) Be sad about your dog, be angry that you were forced to put him down, miss him...and get on with your life. What else is there to do?

I'm sorry, guys. I really am struggling to understand this stuff. I enjoy helping people, and I think- hope- that I have some skill at it, in some areas at least. But I just cannot grasp this concept of...not being in charge of your own emotions, or allowing another person to be in charge of your emotions, or...whatever this is. Maybe I'm just not understanding the basic premise correctly here?

Quote:Its goal is to change patterns of thinking or behavior that are behind people's difficulties, and so change the way they feel.
So...a person is always, for instance, blaming himself/down on himself for screwing up, and CBT makes him realize he doesn't ALWAYS screw up, he can't take responsibility for failures that were beyond his control...like that? Isn't that patently obvious without CBT? Is this about denial? Refusal to admit one's own limitations?

ARGH! I just don't follow. Thanks for bearing with me, and again, my apologies if I sidetracked the thread at all. I can't stand knowing that I don't know something. Shy
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
22-08-2016, 04:20 AM (This post was last modified: 22-08-2016 04:23 AM by DLJ.)
RE: Dealing with negative emotions
(22-08-2016 02:51 AM)The Dark One Wrote:  ...
To be honest, I feel alienated...out of touch.
...

Feeling alienated? That's such a negative emotion.

Therapy sessions available. $300.00 p/h. Apply within.

Wink

(22-08-2016 02:51 AM)The Dark One Wrote:  ...
you're all doing it so naturally,
...

Not all of us. Some of us fake our sincerity. Angel

Tbh, there is a degree on anonymity on-line that affords greater openness. IRL ...
[Image: 2qi7p7k.png]

(22-08-2016 02:51 AM)The Dark One Wrote:  ...
How can you stay depressed on a roller coaster?
...

Because I'm allergic to my own adrenaline. And the queues piss me off. Angry

(22-08-2016 02:51 AM)The Dark One Wrote:  ...
Everyone on this thread seems to be comfortably on the same page,
...

Speaking as a stereotypical, stiff-upper-lipped-anally-retentive, British male, "comfortably" is not necessarily the right word.

Being on the same page simply requires having had a shared experience. This could be from a sufferer's perspective or from a therapist's perspective (or both) or perhaps having family, friends or members of staff who have needed help with self-destructive patterns of behaviour about which they were in denial.

(22-08-2016 02:51 AM)The Dark One Wrote:  ...
I had to google CBT.
Quote: Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a short-term, goal-oriented psychotherapy treatment that takes a hands-on, practical approach to problem-solving. Its goal is to change patterns of thinking or behavior that are behind people's difficulties, and so change the way they feel.

Wow...to me, that's at least as hokey as religion. No disrespect, don't get me wrong- if it works then so be it- but just seeing that in writing looks...well, like psychobabble.
...

For me, CBT = Computer-Based Training

Nah! It's more like marketing spin than psychobabble. Psychobabble would have more sciencey words.

Essentially, it's about utilisating the tried and tested management techniques of Incident(s) --> Problem --> Change.

(22-08-2016 02:51 AM)The Dark One Wrote:  ...
When something happens in your life, you do what has to be done, and move on. If your dog has rabies, you shoot him and bury him, tomorrow is a new day. (To borrow from Old Yeller) Be sad about your dog, be angry that you were forced to put him down, miss him...and get on with your life. What else is there to do?
...

Which is fine for a specific event but what if we're talking about e.g.
Symptoms: Short temper, palpitations.
Incident: Punched colleague at work.
Problem: Undiagnosed alcoholism.
Fix: Take more drink.

What approach would you take for changing that last line to "self-restraint" for a friend who has no self-restraint because of their drinking problem?

You're on the right lines when you mentioned 'denial'... which as I mentioned in my earlier post should not be underestimated as an excellent coping mechanism.

Big Grin

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like DLJ's post
22-08-2016, 09:56 AM (This post was last modified: 22-08-2016 01:29 PM by GenesisNemesis.)
RE: Dealing with negative emotions
(22-08-2016 02:51 AM)The Dark One Wrote:  I've seen several mentions about suppressing emotions.

I'm not for suppressing emotions. I'm for having a dialogue with yourself so that you can understand why you're feeling those emotions. The goal is not to no longer feel any negative emotions whatsoever. That would be nice, but obviously we're human beings and we have to account for that. The goal is simply to look at the beliefs which may be causing you distress and to get rid of those beliefs. It's simply just rational thinking applied to the thoughts/beliefs which give rise to certain negative emotions. It's about clarity and realization and uprooting our ignorance about these things. It's entirely possible to change our beliefs about things, so why not do it if it can increase our well being?

Yes, if your dog dies you can feel sad. What happens if the person doesn't move on? They have two options, they can go on medications (which is entirely viable, obviously) but if they do not want to go on medications, then certainly they have to examine what they're feeling and why they're feeling it? Wouldn't it count as them being "misguided" if they for example believe they can no longer be happy, because their dog died? That's clearly a false belief, isn't it? How would someone recognize that if they completely ignored their thoughts/beliefs? That's ultimately where self-analysis comes in.

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like GenesisNemesis's post
22-08-2016, 01:49 PM
RE: Dealing with negative emotions
(22-08-2016 09:56 AM)GenesisNemesis Wrote:  
(22-08-2016 02:51 AM)The Dark One Wrote:  I've seen several mentions about suppressing emotions.

I'm not for suppressing emotions. I'm for having a dialogue with yourself so that you can understand why you're feeling those emotions. The goal is not to no longer feel any negative emotions whatsoever. That would be nice, but obviously we're human beings and we have to account for that. The goal is simply to look at the beliefs which may be causing you distress and to get rid of those beliefs. It's simply just rational thinking applied to the thoughts/beliefs which give rise to certain negative emotions. It's about clarity and realization and uprooting our ignorance about these things. It's entirely possible to change our beliefs about things, so why not do it if it can increase our well being?

Yes, if your dog dies you can feel sad. What happens if the person doesn't move on? They have two options, they can go on medications (which is entirely viable, obviously) but if they do not want to go on medications, then certainly they have to examine what they're feeling and why they're feeling it? Wouldn't it
count as them being "misguided" if they for example believe they can no longer be happy, because their dog died? That's clearly a false belief, isn't it? How would someone recognize that if they completely ignored their thoughts/beliefs? That's ultimately where self-analysis comes in.

See, this is where my understanding falls short. It occurs to me to take medicine for a physical ailment- pain, runny nose, etc. Sadness? A pill to combat sadness? That would never occur to me. Not because I don't know pills for sadness exist- I watch TV, sure. But...why? Sadness is a temporary condition. I've been through terrible things in my life, like most people have. Some have been just devastating, but with time, that feeling fades. You have to replace it with other feelings, you can't just sit on the floor in your closet focusing on that devastation.
So what you're saying is that some people don't understand that or can't make it work? So they take a pill? How is that anything but a band aid? You peel the band aid and the wound is still there. So to my view, pills are rarely appropriate, and maybe that's the problem, our society has chosen the fast and simple cure (No!) and we're finding out that the pills were actually a lousy idea except maybe in people with TBI or something.
I have always been baffled by most psychiatric disorders. Sure, the...hard core?..problems, that can be easily linked to brain discrepancies and chemical disorders, but many of these problems that it seems like every other person in the cities suffers from, well, the links to chemical imbalances seem spurious, to me. Less a cause than an excuse to medicate.

I don't want to give the impression that I am unfeeling about mental illnesses. Just the opposite, I'm afraid the mental health industry is doing many of them a grave disservice.
PTSD. I don't believe PTSD, as it is stated, exists. Do some people have trouble letting go of traumatic events in their past, and require treatment? Certainly. No argument whatsoever. But as soon as they gave it a cool sounding name and began awarding disability checks for it...people started getting PTSD from fireworks, and barking dogs, and wind. Seriously- all three of those are real. The straight-up scammers, the ones just chasing the check, are one thing- that happens in any place there is money to be had.
But I think there are a lot of people who have been CONVINCED that they have PTSD so the doctor can get paid, or so the relatives can scam the disability check, etc.

I was blown up in a jet aircraft and had to eject. Actually, to be more accurate, I was an instructor aboard a military aircraft which exploded, and if my student hadn't ejected us, I'd be dead. He did not survive.
I am very sad about this- and it happened 26 years ago. ButI do not have PTSD, and I continued to fly, after a few years in the hospital. Why not? Well, partly, everyone is wired differently, sure. But also...I didn't have a doctor force feeding me the idea that I was damaged. Rather the opposite in fact.

I'm glad I didn't go into psychology. This stuff makes my head spin. Thanks for trying to explain things to me from your perspectives, guys.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes The Dark One's post
22-08-2016, 02:14 PM
RE: Dealing with negative emotions
(22-08-2016 01:49 PM)The Dark One Wrote:  
(22-08-2016 09:56 AM)GenesisNemesis Wrote:  I'm not for suppressing emotions. I'm for having a dialogue with yourself so that you can understand why you're feeling those emotions. The goal is not to no longer feel any negative emotions whatsoever. That would be nice, but obviously we're human beings and we have to account for that. The goal is simply to look at the beliefs which may be causing you distress and to get rid of those beliefs. It's simply just rational thinking applied to the thoughts/beliefs which give rise to certain negative emotions. It's about clarity and realization and uprooting our ignorance about these things. It's entirely possible to change our beliefs about things, so why not do it if it can increase our well being?

Yes, if your dog dies you can feel sad. What happens if the person doesn't move on? They have two options, they can go on medications (which is entirely viable, obviously) but if they do not want to go on medications, then certainly they have to examine what they're feeling and why they're feeling it? Wouldn't it
count as them being "misguided" if they for example believe they can no longer be happy, because their dog died? That's clearly a false belief, isn't it? How would someone recognize that if they completely ignored their thoughts/beliefs? That's ultimately where self-analysis comes in.

See, this is where my understanding falls short. It occurs to me to take medicine for a physical ailment- pain, runny nose, etc. Sadness? A pill to combat sadness? That would never occur to me. Not because I don't know pills for sadness exist- I watch TV, sure. But...why? Sadness is a temporary condition. I've been through terrible things in my life, like most people have. Some have been just devastating, but with time, that feeling fades. You have to replace it with other feelings, you can't just sit on the floor in your closet focusing on that devastation.
So what you're saying is that some people don't understand that or can't make it work? So they take a pill? How is that anything but a band aid? You peel the band aid and the wound is still there. So to my view, pills are rarely appropriate, and maybe that's the problem, our society has chosen the fast and simple cure (No!) and we're finding out that the pills were actually a lousy idea except maybe in people with TBI or something.
I have always been baffled by most psychiatric disorders. Sure, the...hard core?..problems, that can be easily linked to brain discrepancies and chemical disorders, but many of these problems that it seems like every other person in the cities suffers from, well, the links to chemical imbalances seem spurious, to me. Less a cause than an excuse to medicate.

I don't want to give the impression that I am unfeeling about mental illnesses. Just the opposite, I'm afraid the mental health industry is doing many of them a grave disservice.
PTSD. I don't believe PTSD, as it is stated, exists. Do some people have trouble letting go of traumatic events in their past, and require treatment? Certainly. No argument whatsoever. But as soon as they gave it a cool sounding name and began awarding disability checks for it...people started getting PTSD from fireworks, and barking dogs, and wind. Seriously- all three of those are real. The straight-up scammers, the ones just chasing the check, are one thing- that happens in any place there is money to be had.
But I think there are a lot of people who have been CONVINCED that they have PTSD so the doctor can get paid, or so the relatives can scam the disability check, etc.

I was blown up in a jet aircraft and had to eject. Actually, to be more accurate, I was an instructor aboard a military aircraft which exploded, and if my student hadn't ejected us, I'd be dead. He did not survive.
I am very sad about this- and it happened 26 years ago. ButI do not have PTSD, and I continued to fly, after a few years in the hospital. Why not? Well, partly, everyone is wired differently, sure. But also...I didn't have a doctor force feeding me the idea that I was damaged. Rather the opposite in fact.

I'm glad I didn't go into psychology. This stuff makes my head spin. Thanks for trying to explain things to me from your perspectives, guys.

I'll just say that the pills you mention aren't to combat sadness, they're to combat depression. Depression is chronic and can't be fixed just by "moving on". Sadness is just sadness.

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes GenesisNemesis's post
22-08-2016, 03:07 PM
RE: Dealing with negative emotions
(22-08-2016 01:49 PM)The Dark One Wrote:  I was blown up in a jet aircraft and had to eject. Actually, to be more accurate, I was an instructor aboard a military aircraft which exploded, and if my student hadn't ejected us, I'd be dead. He did not survive.

I'm very sad about this- and it happened 26 years ago. ButI do not have PTSD, and I continued to fly, after a few years in the hospital. Why not? Well, partly, everyone is wired differently, sure. But also...I didn't have a doctor force feeding me the idea that I was damaged. Rather the opposite in fact.

Dark One,

Two years ago I had a bike accident; wrote off a Kawasaki zx10r at speed. I was taken to a head injury unit by air ambulance. I had concussion, dislocations, a fractured hand and multiple lacerations. It took about 4 months to recover to 90%, after some setbacks with infected wounds and stuff. Physio was helpful.

Now I am riding two bikes: Yamaha R1 and Yamaha Thunderace, both on the road and on track. My lap times are better than ever.

All the above is a walk in the park compared to dealing with negative emotions. Total doozy. Smile

You are a lucky guy if you haven't walked the walk, and that is said without rancour or irony. Just be glad that you don't know.

Good thoughts.

D.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: