Death
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
02-09-2011, 11:42 AM
Death
I know my posts haven't inspired many comments lately, but I'm very interested to hear what your thoughts are on this! Smile

http://centersolid.blogspot.com/2011/09/...death.html

"Like" my Facebook page
Brain Droppings Blog
[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT16Rq3dAcHhqiAsPC5xUC...oR0pEpxQZw]
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
02-09-2011, 12:04 PM
RE: Death
I handle death situations as close to reality as possible. I console the bereaved with good memories of the deceased; the moments I enjoyed with them and how much they will be missed. After all, when death comes, the only thing that remains alive is the memories of them in the living. There is nothing sectarian in wanting to hang on to those memories and put them to text.

I had a favorite Aunt who died in the late 1990's. Before she died, she gave me all of the diaries she created during her lifetime. Now that a good period of time has passed, I've created a Facebook group in her honor and am posting the diary entries there day-by-day that match the current date. Two diaries bookend the site - one from 1932, the other from 1977. It is being done both as a tribute to her and a way to explore our family history as seen through her comments.

Death is one the bookends of our life and is the second most important day of our time on the planet. Reminding ourselves and others of this not only can offer comfort to the bereaved but seal the memories of the lost ones within ourselves and to history.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
02-09-2011, 12:06 PM
RE: Death
Are you asking what the author is asking: How do/ should non-believers console other people who have suffered a loss?

First, nobody should foist their own belief on anyone else, especially when the other one is emotionally fragile. That's simply not fair, because etiquette or their own common decency prevents them expressing the legitimate anger they feel when offered religious platitudes they can't credit or a contentious opinion they don't share, and so they have that frustration to deal with, on top of their grief.

Second, think less about what you are heard saying and more about what the other person needs. If you can't offer anything real and original, send a printed card, or just repeat the standard formula, so they know you were thinking of them - it doesn't matter what you were thinking.

Third, if you possibly can, offer practical solace: take on some chore or duty connected with the funeral, or bring food, or take away food, as needed. Keep the peskier mourners occupied and out of the bereaved and their family's way. Sit up with them, if they are lonely; make tea; listen if they need to talk or cry.
Just pay attention.

If you pray to anything, you're prey to anything.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Peterkin's post
02-09-2011, 03:25 PM (This post was last modified: 02-09-2011 03:44 PM by Seasbury.)
RE: Death
Peterkin - That's it exactly.

My father passed away after suffering, seriously suffering, nearly a 9 year battle with MS. When my mother called to tell me he passed, my immediately reply was "Good! - He won't have to deal with the pain any longer." I was sorry he died, but I was happy that it was over. My mother couldn't understand that response - maybe it was callous - not sure - but it was what I felt. For the record - my parents had been divorced for decades, so it wasn't like they were close...

This is all about the consolation of others, not necessarily how you deal with it on a personal level.

"Like" my Facebook page
Brain Droppings Blog
[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT16Rq3dAcHhqiAsPC5xUC...oR0pEpxQZw]
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
02-09-2011, 03:27 PM
RE: Death
Death is part of life, the end if existence. You will be the same way you were before you were born. Not very comforting but reality seldom is.

I lost my mother in 1999 to cancer and my father is in the final stages of battling pancreatic cancer now. I hate to lose him but I know his suffering will end and I have memories that will last forever. Right now I am doing all I can to let him know I love him.

I learned many years ago that the best way to deal with grief is to head straight into it and allow yourself to experience it fully. Allow yourself to mourn, scream and cry as much as you want. Then it's over, you still miss them but it hurts less every day. If you try to avoid it, it will follow you for years while you keep avoiding it, never allowing you to heal. When I think of my mother now, I only remember the good things and mostly smile.

As for my own death, I could never lie to myself and believe there is life after death no matter how comforting it might be. Funny it doesn't bother me that much as I get older.

I don't know if I would be qualified to tell others how to deal with it, but that's how I have coped.

“There is no sin except stupidity.” Oscar Wilde
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
02-09-2011, 06:55 PM
 
RE: Death
I hate the fact that we must die. It pops into my head atleast 20 times a day and I literally get angry. I am at a point where my wife and I are thinking of having kids and although I know I will have children I often wonder why I would bother bringing a child into this horrible world just so they can realize it will all be for nothing.

Theres nothing, you're born, you go your whole life trying to find out what its all about, memories fade, and in the end it was all for nothing. In etenity anything you have done or where will be long forgetten and meaningless.

Theres a thought excercise I run through my mind to try and put death into prespective. It really gets me thinking about what existance is.

You know how someone can go into a coma for 10 years and snap out of it? Lets say they go into the coma and awake to the shock of bring in a hospital room. Their last memory was of having dinner with their loved one. The next mornng they got into a car accident that caused the coma. They have no memory of what happend. In this case the person has almost jumped into the future going from dinner with the loved on to waking up in a hospital.

Everyday I leave the house I know I will either die on the way to work or not go into a coma such as this. If I was to go into the coma I would already be awaking in the hospital bed with no recalection of ever waking up and getting into my car.

Following the outline of this thought excercise. If our entire memory was erased upon death wouldnt our whole life essentially be a blink and jump to the "hospital bed"(point of death). This thought used to give me hope of a potential life after deal but as my meories fade everyday I realize the same will happen the instance my brain dies. But that doesnt answer my question of why dont we just instantly jump to death such as a person in the given coma would jump into the future.
Quote this message in a reply
02-09-2011, 07:57 PM
RE: Death
The fear of nothing after death bothered me for many years. To just be done is a scary notion. Then I read a great quote by Mark Twain. Paraphrased, "I was dead for billions of years before I was born and it didn't inconvenience me one bit". For some reason this gives me consolation. Our existence is a blip on the screen of time. The only difference between me and my primate ancestors is there are photos showing I was here.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
03-09-2011, 03:36 AM
RE: Death
(02-09-2011 06:55 PM)Skeluhtor Wrote:  I hate the fact that we must die. It pops into my head atleast 20 times a day and I literally get angry. I am at a point where my wife and I are thinking of having kids and although I know I will have children I often wonder why I would bother bringing a child into this horrible world just so they can realize it will all be for nothing.

Theres nothing, you're born, you go your whole life trying to find out what its all about, memories fade, and in the end it was all for nothing. In etenity anything you have done or where will be long forgetten and meaningless.

Theres a thought excercise I run through my mind to try and put death into prespective. It really gets me thinking about what existance is.

You know how someone can go into a coma for 10 years and snap out of it? Lets say they go into the coma and awake to the shock of bring in a hospital room. Their last memory was of having dinner with their loved one. The next mornng they got into a car accident that caused the coma. They have no memory of what happend. In this case the person has almost jumped into the future going from dinner with the loved on to waking up in a hospital.

Everyday I leave the house I know I will either die on the way to work or not go into a coma such as this. If I was to go into the coma I would already be awaking in the hospital bed with no recalection of ever waking up and getting into my car.

Following the outline of this thought excercise. If our entire memory was erased upon death wouldnt our whole life essentially be a blink and jump to the "hospital bed"(point of death). This thought used to give me hope of a potential life after deal but as my meories fade everyday I realize the same will happen the instance my brain dies. But that doesnt answer my question of why dont we just instantly jump to death such as a person in the given coma would jump into the future.

Hi! Your comments concern me. You sound depressed! Hey....the answer is this. Live in the moment. Enjoy the present. Embrace every day. Love the great things about life. When you die its all over...but it doesn't matter, because you are not there to miss it. LOL. You sound like you are already dying!
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
03-09-2011, 06:29 AM
 
RE: Death
(03-09-2011 03:36 AM)Mark Fulton Wrote:  Hi! Your comments concern me. You sound depressed! Hey....the answer is this. Live in the moment. Enjoy the present. Embrace every day. Love the great things about life. When you die its all over...but it doesn't matter, because you are not there to miss it. LOL. You sound like you are already dying!

Thanks for your concern. I thought I may have been depressed aswell and knew I had to step back and take a look at why I was pondering death. I talked with my wife about it and did alot of soul searching.

I didnt go into great detail because I rambled enough. I think about alot of thing and I would say I ponder death at most 2% of any given day. I stepped back and tried to find out why I thought of death. I came to the conclusion that its not bad to ponder death and what I was trying to acomplish is 2 things, to find some understanding on my side, and to pay homage to all the people who have actually died. It upsets me how many peole die from ignorance. I feel if I atleast acknowledge it, then their death wasent in total vain.

I came to the conclusion its ok to think about death aslong as it doesnt take over your life and your not depressed. Theres no reason why I souldnt ponder it besides taboo. I also came to the conclusion theres not really a reason I shouldnt get upset about it. I think its actually a healthy response and people have differant ways of coping.

I am trying to turn these thoughts into something constructive because I really feel like people should pay death and dieing more attention. I am thinking of getting some books on thanatology and looking into it further.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thanatology
Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: