Debilitating loneliness
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14-12-2013, 02:29 AM
RE: Debilitating loneliness
It's good you know you are awesome man. Just as long as you aren't overly insistent about it Thumbsup haha.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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14-12-2013, 03:03 AM
RE: Debilitating loneliness
(14-12-2013 01:24 AM)Gordon Wrote:  
(13-12-2013 06:58 PM)Caveman Wrote:  Oh, I know I'm awesome. That's not it.
Just need someone to agree more than all the others.

Was that a joke or are you serious when you say that? Unsure

(14-12-2013 02:29 AM)Adrianime Wrote:  It's good you know you are awesome man. Just as long as you aren't overly insistent about it Thumbsup haha.

Don't worry Gordon, I don't consider myself the best thing since sliced bread.
I am, however, pretty satisfied with who I am and how I live my life.

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14-12-2013, 05:43 AM
RE: Debilitating loneliness
(13-12-2013 06:58 PM)Caveman Wrote:  
(13-12-2013 05:32 PM)Dom Wrote:  Take the job, you need a change, and it sounds like a good opportunity, and you can save some money and if you still want to go back to Holland, you can do so with some money in your pocket.

In Brussels, find a group, any group. An atheist group, a sports group (Basket ball?), collectors group of something, a volunteer group, any group whatsoever that interests you.

You'll meet the people in the group, through them you meet other people. You got to get yourself out there, where people can see you.

I don't know what all interests you, but whatever it is, there will be groups out there.

Oh, I'm definitely taking the job. Signed the papers thursdaymorning.
4 more weeks in the dump, 4 days off, 4 pony!
I've considered the taking an active hobby thing but I can't find anything that interests me.
I like watching food, movies and reading comicbooks. (among other things ofc.)
But even finding someone to get dinner and a movie is nearly impossible.

Easy peasy, take a cooking class!

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24-12-2013, 07:41 AM
RE: Debilitating loneliness
Heres another thought as to some hobbies..... I dont know how much has changed in Europe since I grew up in Germany , but a social network comes along with RC (remote controled) boats,planes, helicopters and cars. Also HO model train sets was a big thing for us all then. Marklin and such are beautiful products and really gets people involved in friendships with the hobby,and that in turn will build other like interests with people.

I know the loneliness you feel, as I tend to be very hard and mistrusting of other people. I do wish you well with whatever you decide. Dont give up ! Thumbsup
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24-12-2013, 08:01 AM
RE: Debilitating loneliness
Don't drive yourself nuts trying to fill your life with others. The reality for most people is that they can count their true friends and true loved ones on one hand.

As far as having a love life, you cant look at others "happiness" and delude yourself into thinking that "happy" couple is always happy. No one in reality, married, dating or single, is happy every second of every day year round.

I am 47. I went through a lot of what you described. I was dorky kid, unpopular, sensitive, pimples and braces, no luck with the girls in school. Dated a few times all bad relationships I stayed in because I was in love with being in love, and actually had nothing in common with the person other than a need for affection.

My one true love, my x wife, was the most healthy and filling relationship I have ever had. But it is a myth that we smiled all the time and never got angry with each other. She left me because we simply grew apart and were not on the same page. I was able to handle that loss because I'd accepted that change is part of life. We still talk occasionally and I am very happy for her.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to be yourself and find things to make YOU happy first. Others cannot make you happy, only you can make you happy. Don't kick yourself for feeling sad over anything, that is normal. It is a myth that happiness is something you have 100% of the time. But don't envy others or measure yourself by what others have.

I find company with my two best friends online. I am thrilled that my younger sister is now an atheist. My mom is my biggest supporter and spoils me rotten. My cat oh boy, is also my best buddy. And just being online beating the crap out of theists arguments fills me. So those are who and what are important to me and fill me. Having a relationship is one aspect of life, but only one aspect and it isn't a cure anymore than anything is a cure.

I live alone now, it isn't fun all the time, but I also don't have the problems I had when I was dating and married. Relationships are work, and nothing to get into just to get into them. You will never be happy with what you can get until you are happy with yourself first.

Hope this helps.

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24-12-2013, 09:11 AM
RE: Debilitating loneliness
Caveman I hope you're feeling a little better. How can you be lonely when you have all of us. Buwwaahaaa (bad joke?)

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24-12-2013, 02:29 PM
RE: Debilitating loneliness
(24-12-2013 09:11 AM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  Caveman I hope you're feeling a little better. How can you be lonely when you have all of us. Buwwaahaaa (bad joke?)

I did feel better for a little while, met a woman, chatted on Facebook for a while, hooked up (my first ever spontaneous hookup!) and the next day she texts she wants to "take a step back because it went too fast". IE, ditch. And now I feel miserable again.

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25-12-2013, 09:26 PM
RE: Debilitating loneliness
It sounds like you are wearing your emotions on your sleeve for all to see. Your focus seems to be on the negative aspects of your life, rather than the positive. Have you ever sorted out what you'd really like to spend time doing rather than moaning and groaning? You've landed a better job, try various activities and maybe one will click. Then invariably you'll meet someone with the same interest.
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26-12-2013, 05:21 AM
RE: Debilitating loneliness
(24-12-2013 02:29 PM)Caveman Wrote:  I did feel better for a little while, met a woman, chatted on Facebook for a while, hooked up (my first ever spontaneous hookup!) and the next day she texts she wants to "take a step back because it went too fast". IE, ditch. And now I feel miserable again.

Caveman, this is a very telling statement. Stop looking for other people to make your life complete. Find yourself first, have fun, enjoy life, and dont worry so much about 'hooking up' (its over rated anyways), and things you need in life will find you.

In other words, take a deap breath, slow down and take care of number one first.
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26-12-2013, 07:39 AM
RE: Debilitating loneliness
(25-12-2013 09:26 PM)Takelababy Wrote:  It sounds like you are wearing your emotions on your sleeve for all to see. Your focus seems to be on the negative aspects of your life, rather than the positive. Have you ever sorted out what you'd really like to spend time doing rather than moaning and groaning? You've landed a better job, try various activities and maybe one will click. Then invariably you'll meet someone with the same interest.

I think you're getting the wrong idea.
This is the first time I talked about any of this.
Because it has reached a certain point where it's starting to affect my daily work. I'm losing my concentration and am feeling physically bad.

Have you ever been there? Ever gone months on end without even a handshake, where that time a near-total stranger hugged you felt like warmest embrace you have ever felt and almost started crying?

Sure the job will shake things up for a while during the day, but that's still just the day.

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