Debilitating loneliness
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26-12-2013, 07:42 AM
RE: Debilitating loneliness
(26-12-2013 05:21 AM)War Horse Wrote:  
(24-12-2013 02:29 PM)Caveman Wrote:  I did feel better for a little while, met a woman, chatted on Facebook for a while, hooked up (my first ever spontaneous hookup!) and the next day she texts she wants to "take a step back because it went too fast". IE, ditch. And now I feel miserable again.

Caveman, this is a very telling statement. Stop looking for other people to make your life complete. Find yourself first, have fun, enjoy life, and dont worry so much about 'hooking up' (its over rated anyways), and things you need in life will find you.

In other words, take a deap breath, slow down and take care of number one first.

I'm not focused on any hookup, on the contrary, I'd rather like to see her again. I'm just pissed that I ruined it.
I took care of number one as much as one can.
Now I need to take a step forward, and that's just fucking hard.

Aspiring optimist
Eternal Pragmatist.
With the uncanny ability to see all sides in every argument.
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26-12-2013, 08:37 AM
RE: Debilitating loneliness
(24-12-2013 02:29 PM)Caveman Wrote:  
(24-12-2013 09:11 AM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  Caveman I hope you're feeling a little better. How can you be lonely when you have all of us. Buwwaahaaa (bad joke?)

I did feel better for a little while, met a woman, chatted on Facebook for a while, hooked up (my first ever spontaneous hookup!) and the next day she texts she wants to "take a step back because it went too fast". IE, ditch. And now I feel miserable again.

Aww Caveman - that sounds terrible. Sorry that one gal didn't turn out to be cool. BUT you proved that you're spontaneous and available for someone wonderful....so don't forget that.

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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26-12-2013, 09:14 AM
RE: Debilitating loneliness
You're needing human contact. That's absolutely normal. I'm not talking just a hug here and there, I'm talking physical.

Figuring out what you want is key. In my experience, it's good to start with understanding what type of a relationship would go good with your mindset. There isn't much given on what you're looking for besides what you see happening around you, so I'll just put out a few ideas.

Having a social circle is always good to start out with. Online there are a few meetup sites from which you can navigate to specific meetup groups that meet your social needs - hobbyist group, activist group, atheist groups, hell, chess groups (all depending on your area, there will be different places offering different styles of groups). Yes, there will be quirks within groups - it's human nature. Some people you'll like, others you will probably want to stay away from. I've gone through that.

Finding someone who can meet your needs on the physical, well, what are you into? I'm not talking preferences, I'm talking relationship style. Short term? Long term? No terms (aka friends with benefits or a fuck buddy)? The last two might be really strange ideas, but sometimes those types of relationships can come out as something that just does it and fulfills your needs for that moment in time.

You need a plan - you've ruled out online dating. Social circle meetup groups are online, but they don't have that "I'm meeting up with a person who has the sole purpose of either a. being interested or b. not being interested in me, and vice versa" stress attached. You get to get a feel for things and meet up with people and kill more than one bird with one stone.

So yeah - figure out what you want and what you need. Make a plan from there, a rough sketch, and build from there, enacting your plan.

It's good that you have a healthy view of yourself. Some people (me included) suck at that when it's not online, 'cause well, it's face to face, and lets face it; it's tougher. Don't give up on yourself, and it's a very positive thing you're doing for yourself by posting on here. The act of reaching out can be like pulling teeth. You're doing good by reaching out and that's a great thing to see.

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26-12-2013, 09:49 AM (This post was last modified: 26-12-2013 02:45 PM by Bucky Ball.)
RE: Debilitating loneliness
Don't mean to be 'glib" here, but I think Cheapsy is on to something.
1. You need a community FIRST, to operate from, and for support.
2. Most of all what struck me was that you MUST bring an (already) happy person TO any relationship, or it's doomed. No one is going to "make you happy". Either you're happy with yourself, by yourself, or bringing an unhappy lonely person to a friendship or relationship just brings an unhappy lonely person and all ya get is two of those. Sorry if that's a bit brutal, but it's a fallacy that someone else can "make" you happy. Might take some counseling to figure that one out, and what's not going right about it. Do an "inventory", and work on yourself. People are attracted to others that are content.

There's also the either Chinese or Japanese concept that happiness is a by-product, and not possible by direct effort. I think Thoreau got it from the East somewhere.
“I am a happy camper so I guess I’m doing something right. Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.”

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Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music - Friedrich Nietzsche
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26-12-2013, 09:52 AM
RE: Debilitating loneliness
(26-12-2013 09:49 AM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  Don't mean to be 'glib" here, but I think Cheapsy is on to something.
1. You need a community FIRST, to operate from, and for support.
2. Most of all what struck me was that you MUST bring an (already) happy person TO any relationship, or it's doomed. No one is going to "make you happy". Either you're happy with yourself, by yourself, or bringing an unhappy lonely person to a friendship or relationship just brings an unhappy lonely person and all ya get is two of those. Sorry if that's a bit brutal, but it's a fallacy that someone else can "make" you happy. Might take some counseling to figure that one out, and what's not going right about it. Do an "inventory", and work on yourself. People are attracted to others that are content.

That is very true. In order to be attracted to someone you must first BE someone worthy of attraction. Taking care of your health - physical, mental and emotional is good foundation for good relationship. Waiting for someone to waltz in and fix everything is destined to fail.

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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