December Depression
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06-12-2016, 03:58 PM
RE: December Depression
(06-12-2016 03:08 PM)jennybee Wrote:  It seems like you are also scared to be happy since you found someone who really loves you--you're scared to lose it.

Yes! I think you hit the nail on the head with this one. I spent so much of my life in a marriage that, if my ex had at any time told me she wanted out I would have been relieved. Now I am in a relationship with someone that I feel is so perfect for me. I am terrified that I have simply deluded myself into believing that she is as wonderful as she is. I have a tendency to be overly self-aware. And, I know that I am in a state where I am vulnerable to self-delusion. So, I have been hyper-vigilant looking for any red flags that I am missing something. In the nine months we've been together, we have had a couple of very minor issues, mostly stemming from negative coping mechanisms we both developed in response to our exes controlling behaviors. But any time something comes up it has been easily resolved with a little open and honest communication. We have both been surprised by how readily the other has listened to a complaint and willingly made an adjustment or concession to resolve it. So, my mind wants to turn that around and argue that maybe she really is that wonderful. But if that is the case, then I'd better be wonderful too or else someone else will steal her away from me. And then I start seeing all these things about myself that I know aren't perfect and that other people can do better. And I worry that she is the one being delusional about me and ... blah, blah, blah... you see where I am going with it.

Anyway, I'll get over it. I'll get used to being happy and eventually just learn to enjoy the fuck out of it instead of worrying about if it will end.

I just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now. Heart
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06-12-2016, 04:13 PM
RE: December Depression
(06-12-2016 03:58 PM)TurkeyBurner Wrote:  
(06-12-2016 03:08 PM)jennybee Wrote:  It seems like you are also scared to be happy since you found someone who really loves you--you're scared to lose it.

Yes! I think you hit the nail on the head with this one. I spent so much of my life in a marriage that, if my ex had at any time told me she wanted out I would have been relieved. Now I am in a relationship with someone that I feel is so perfect for me. I am terrified that I have simply deluded myself into believing that she is as wonderful as she is. I have a tendency to be overly self-aware. And, I know that I am in a state where I am vulnerable to self-delusion. So, I have been hyper-vigilant looking for any red flags that I am missing something. In the nine months we've been together, we have had a couple of very minor issues, mostly stemming from negative coping mechanisms we both developed in response to our exes controlling behaviors. But any time something comes up it has been easily resolved with a little open and honest communication. We have both been surprised by how readily the other has listened to a complaint and willingly made an adjustment or concession to resolve it. So, my mind wants to turn that around and argue that maybe she really is that wonderful. But if that is the case, then I'd better be wonderful too or else someone else will steal her away from me. And then I start seeing all these things about myself that I know aren't perfect and that other people can do better. And I worry that she is the one being delusional about me and ... blah, blah, blah... you see where I am going with it.

Anyway, I'll get over it. I'll get used to being happy and eventually just learn to enjoy the fuck out of it instead of worrying about if it will end.

I think just take it day by day. If red flags appear, they're usually very obvious *only we choose to ignore them.* The point is, you don't have to go looking for red flags, just be aware of them if they crop up. You'll get that "oh shit" feeling which is very different than over-analyzing something. And you can always run a red flag by a friend and see what their take on it is.

I hope she is as truly wonderful as she seems. The only way unfortunately for all of us to know whether or not someone really is as good as they seem is with time and by their actions. But you can enjoy the journey with them in finding out if they are who you truly want to be with. If they aren't, there are tons of other people out there.

And don't forget, you're wonderful too. Don't try and change yourself to be something you think she would like. Just be yourself. Women like guys who are confident in themselves and who are happy in their own skin--just like I'm sure many men appreciate these same qualities in women. You have a lot to offer, TB, don't forget that or sell yourself short Smile
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06-12-2016, 09:07 PM
RE: December Depression
I came back to post from the computer, but I see our Jennaey <Forrest GUMP voice> is all over it. Snipples and all Tongue
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06-12-2016, 09:15 PM
RE: December Depression
(06-12-2016 09:07 PM)skyking Wrote:  I came back to post from the computer, but I see our Jennaey <Forrest GUMP voice> is all over it. Snipples and all Tongue

Laugh out load



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06-12-2016, 10:57 PM
RE: December Depression
Factor in the shorter days. It could just be Seasonal Affective Disorder. I know that I have problems with that. Shit that can affect you comes from strange places, sometimes.
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