Poll: "We accept the love we think we deserve."
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Deserving of Love
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21-12-2015, 09:20 PM
Deserving of Love
[Image: 7000-sam-why-do-i-and-everyone-i-love-pi..._width.png]

I'm not sure about this. If I'm being short sighted. Is it just clever phrasing or is there some truth behind this? "We accept the love we think we deserve."


*I put this in the P&I section so no one will come along and be a trolling dick on a sensitive topic, but I'd love a discussion.


Why this topic is on my mind and why it is sensitive:
I'm not being treated well, like I'm someone. Like I'm valuable. I just have so little and so few people in my life right now it's better than absolutely nothing. At least I think it's better than nothing. And I keep getting my hopes up thinking things are going to change.

I'm not crazy, I'm not terribly eccentric, I'm not ugly, I like to have a good time and have a wide variety of interests, I'm intelligent, I'm kind to everyone I meet until they're an asshole first. So what the fuck gives? Why is it that I'm spending my fourth New Year's in a row alone? Well, I say alone, I may be crashing my parents' NYE they've done with my aunt and uncle every year for the past 27 years.

Personally, I think the quote is bullshit. I asked for a divorce because he treated me poorly (that he was able to jump into a "serious" relationship with a girl he "started" dating a week after he moved out speaks volumes). A quote that does have merit - "nice guys finish last." But then why am I putting up with my current scenario? Do I really think nothing of myself? Until this, I was convinced I was self absorbed.

Part of me wants to say I don't "deserve" shit, it is what it is and it's how the chips fall.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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21-12-2015, 09:34 PM
RE: Deserving of Love
I think it's somewhat natural for us to feel like we're getting what we deserve when things start going south on us.
I try not to look for patterns, or see patterns where there aren't any. It can be so easy to accept blame when we see ourselves as the common denominator in bad relationships. I think more often than not it's just plain bad luck.
Try to keep your chin up, someone will come along who is worthy of you. Smile
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21-12-2015, 09:41 PM (This post was last modified: 21-12-2015 09:50 PM by jennybee.)
RE: Deserving of Love
Hug

I do think we accept the love we think we deserve. However, I also think sometimes people are just lonely (and even if they know they deserve more), they cling to whatever cute person happens to give them attention--even if he/she treats them like shit. Additionally, some people are just good at slinging bullshit--they will tell you what they think you want to hear and build themselves up and make you think you are getting what you deserve and instead you are getting a nightmare wrapped up like a daydream.

I don't know enough about your personal situation, but I know when I dated a nightmare wrapped up like a daydream, I was kicking myself up about it afterward. I felt like I was so stupid for believing all of his bullshit lines and believe me, there were many. I remember my best friend saying to me, "You shouldn't be beating yourself up. You didn't do anything wrong. Why shouldn't you believe it when someone tells you nice things about yourself?" I think the same applies to you--maybe he was just a good bullshit artist and you got sucked in--it happens to the best of us. I will say my bullshit artist detector is much better than it ever was thanks to that asshole I dated. Use whatever happened as an experience. Think about what drew you in/what attracted you to this situation and to this particular person? Then you'll have your answer and you'll be better able to avoid that type of person/situation in the future.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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21-12-2015, 09:55 PM
RE: Deserving of Love
(21-12-2015 09:20 PM)Nurse Wrote:  [Image: 7000-sam-why-do-i-and-everyone-i-love-pi..._width.png]

I'm not sure about this. If I'm being short sighted. Is it just clever phrasing or is there some truth behind this? "We accept the love we think we deserve."


*I put this in the P&I section so no one will come along and be a trolling dick on a sensitive topic, but I'd love a discussion.


Why this topic is on my mind and why it is sensitive:
I'm not being treated well, like I'm someone. Like I'm valuable. I just have so little and so few people in my life right now it's better than absolutely nothing. At least I think it's better than nothing. And I keep getting my hopes up thinking things are going to change.

I'm not crazy, I'm not terribly eccentric, I'm not ugly, I like to have a good time and have a wide variety of interests, I'm intelligent, I'm kind to everyone I meet until they're an asshole first. So what the fuck gives? Why is it that I'm spending my fourth New Year's in a row alone? Well, I say alone, I may be crashing my parents' NYE they've done with my aunt and uncle every year for the past 27 years.

Personally, I think the quote is bullshit. I asked for a divorce because he treated me poorly (that he was able to jump into a "serious" relationship with a girl he "started" dating a week after he moved out speaks volumes). A quote that does have merit - "nice guys finish last." But then why am I putting up with my current scenario? Do I really think nothing of myself? Until this, I was convinced I was self absorbed.

Part of me wants to say I don't "deserve" shit, it is what it is and it's how the chips fall.

I know exactly what you mean. I spent 30yrs giving and feeling like for some reason I didn't deserve to be given to. I was invisible, a non-entity as long as the chores were done, the meals cooked and shopping finished. My needs were met last and not at all the last ten years. I finally said "no more". I'd rather be alone than lonely with someone.

That was 4.5yrs ago. I'm still alone, though I have dated some but not for almost 2yrs now. It is better to be alone than invisible. I meet my own needs for the most part but for the coupling and companionship. I think that line, whoever's quote that is, is BS.

You're still young, so there's hope for you. Be open to a new adventure. For some of us it's just too late in the game. I've finally come to terms with that beast, so it's a bit better.

I am a kind and loving person who puts others first and enjoys being a caregiver if I get a little in return, everyone needs a little... so I do deserve it and I do think there is someone or many someone's out there that would be a good match for me but that I'll just happen to bump into them, no.

That's just life, sometimes chance sucks. Sad

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21-12-2015, 10:18 PM (This post was last modified: 21-12-2015 10:24 PM by JDog554.)
RE: Deserving of Love
(21-12-2015 09:20 PM)Nurse Wrote:  we think we deserve."

I think that is the issue. Not everyone is the same, some may think they deserve a lot but they may not because they are assholes nd some may think they do not deserve much but do because they are amazing people. Also I think that limits you because if you have it stuck in your mind, I can only accept this kind of love because I do not deserve more, you may miss out on actually getting much better love that you do actually deserve that turns your life around and puts you in a very happy position.

I guess I would say, don't accept what you think you deserve, accept what you know you want. Sorry I'm not the best with words but I hope it helps and I know what it is like to be alone, almost 22 years old and never even kissed a girl but anyways I hope you find the happiness you want because you do deserve it.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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21-12-2015, 11:05 PM
RE: Deserving of Love
I know nothing about this love thing, so I can't answer on it.

If what I say bothers you, let me apologize in advance.

I will tell you what people tell me. It will come in time. Finding the right mate is a hard thing for many. But if you ask me you are a great person. Any person dating you will be happy if they love you, I promise bro. Love will come your way, and when it does, it will be great. You got this bro.

[Image: Guilmon-41189.gif] https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOW_Ioi2wtuPa88FvBmnBgQ my youtube
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21-12-2015, 11:46 PM
RE: Deserving of Love
Here's what I think: You are awesome and what you deserve is to be happy in this one and only lifetime. If what you are experiencing is subpar then end it now because life is too precious to waste on mediocrity. And it will only get harder to end down the road, which seems like the direction this relationship is destined to follow. You are witty, caring, attractive and know what you want out of life. Any man should be willing to move mountains to be with a woman like that, a woman like you.

You will be happy one day because THAT is what you deserve.

Check out my now-defunct atheism blog. It's just a blog, no ads, no revenue, no gods.
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Atheism promotes critical thinking; theism promotes hypocritical thinking. -- Me
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21-12-2015, 11:48 PM
RE: Deserving of Love
I don't think there is any profoundness to that proverb. Love is just the byproduct of chemicals that drive life-forms to mate.

Anyway, it is my observation that good people who serially pair with bad people are usually of a reserved disposition. Due to their shy nature they don't pusue their own mates; The mates they pair with choose them. Shy and lonely; the only standard for mates is their pursuit - their interest - in you. With that being the only condition it is likely that a pairing of largely conflicting minds will result.
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22-12-2015, 12:16 AM
RE: Deserving of Love
God, I'm the luckiest woman in the world. My husband worships the ground I walk on. He's actually blind to my faults even though they are numerous. I point them out but he even thinks my damn faults are wonderful. Huh What' a girl to do.

Even so I sometimes wonder why I deserve this kind of love. What did I do? I'm an ok person but I'm not that much better than other women. So how did this this happen?

So it goes to show you... no matter what you do, if no one loves you then you wonder why you don't deserve love, if someone loves you unconditionally then you wonder why you deserve such undieing love. It's crazy.

I'm generally pretty happy with life though. I wish other people could experience this kind of love. It's pretty neat.


But I still don't know why I deserve it

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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22-12-2015, 01:01 AM
RE: Deserving of Love
I agree with the statement. Kind of. Now that I think of it...the word deserve is kind of weird to me. I don't really know if I deserve anything. That's an entitlement type of thing. But I think people who do believe they deserve only the best, or that they barely deserve grade C love tend to accept what they think they deserve (and better).

My first relationship was semi-emotionally abusive. I don't know why the eff she did, but she enjoyed making me jealous. At the time, I didn't tolerate it because I thought I deserved to be mistreated...it was because I couldn't bear the thought of being without her. After that I basically promised myself I would never let myself get mistreated.

I think the better outlook..which is my current outlook..is to accept the love that you want. I know I want to be happy, and I know what makes me happy, therefor I want those things. I don't necessarily deserve them (not that I am undeserving), but dammit I want them anyways because it is my life and I'ma make the best of it Tongue.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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