Poll: "We accept the love we think we deserve."
Bullshit
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Deserving of Love
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22-12-2015, 01:01 AM
RE: Deserving of Love
BTW Nurse, I'm sure you will find somebody great. I mean, I can't be the only awesome guy out there Tongue, and anybody would be lucky to have you.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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22-12-2015, 01:23 AM
RE: Deserving of Love
Finding THE person is a crapshoot Nurse. That lucky circumstance when you cross paths with someone who is perfect for you and you for them can’t be terribly common.

I do think however that creating the circumstances to increase your chances by looking in the right places is within your control. If I were single today I would make a list of all the activities I enjoy and then seek out like minded individuals, groups, clubs and the places they go to.

You could be the finest person in the world and not have that serendipitous crossing of paths. I say this not to depress you but to let you know that it isn’t your personality, intelligence or looks that is to blame for the situation you find yourself in.

I don’t know if that is of any help Blush I hope it is.

Hug

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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22-12-2015, 05:44 AM
RE: Deserving of Love
I agree with you that the statement is bullshit. I'm somebody whose religious background makes it very difficult for me to have much self esteem or to think that I'm worthy, and after spending a lot of time wishing I could feel differently than I do, I abandoned the quest to feel worthy (now I just try to act as though I do). If I got the love I feel I deserve, there would be billboards all over Boston warning people not to date me, or I would be in a relationship with somebody like Charlie Sheen.

A good thing IMO is that you've been able to learn from divorce and your relationships about what kind of guys it's better to cut loose, but it still sucks not to be in a relationship around holidays like New Year's. I hope you find a great person soon. The person you reveal in your posts sure deserves and is worthy of a prince.
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22-12-2015, 09:17 AM
RE: Deserving of Love
The statement is pure bullshit. Don't give it a 2nd thought.

The holidays are tough on a lot of people. You're single and this is the time of year that pushes you to dwell on that. I get that. But, dont let it get you down.

When you were posting about your divorce, at one point you had second thoughts and approaches your ex about reconciliation. He was not interested and you were upset. I said at the time that he was giving you a gift and the chance to be awesome again. I stand by that. My only mistake was in implying you were not awesome already. What I meant was it's the chance to be awesome with someone else. And, you will be.

Don't let the holidays get you down. It's a made up time on the calendar. It's all out there for you, you just need to find it. Please don't give up or ever doubt you deserve to be happy and loved. You do. Don't ever, ever doubt that.

And, until you find it all, we're here when you need us. Always.

Shackle their minds when they're bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
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22-12-2015, 12:17 PM
RE: Deserving of Love
(21-12-2015 09:20 PM)Nurse Wrote:  I'm not sure about this. If I'm being short sighted. Is it just clever phrasing or is there some truth behind this? "We accept the love we think we deserve."

Reads like a meaningless platitude to me. I prefer a different meaningless platitude, "And in the end, the love you take. Is equal to the love you make." Big Grin




#sigh
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22-12-2015, 12:26 PM (This post was last modified: 22-12-2015 12:29 PM by The Organic Chemist.)
RE: Deserving of Love
Hug

Sorry you're down in the dumps. I personally have little experience with this but I kind of think there is a nugget of truth to it but for the most part it is bullshit. I.E. if you don't know what a loving relationship is, it makes it very difficult to see an unhealthy one. I think that if you have always been treated poorly, that can make you think that you are the problem. I bet that in your case, that isn't true. It totally sucks and I wish I could help somehow.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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22-12-2015, 12:30 PM
RE: Deserving of Love
(21-12-2015 09:20 PM)Nurse Wrote:  [Image: 7000-sam-why-do-i-and-everyone-i-love-pi..._width.png]

I'm not sure about this. If I'm being short sighted. Is it just clever phrasing or is there some truth behind this? "We accept the love we think we deserve."


*I put this in the P&I section so no one will come along and be a trolling dick on a sensitive topic, but I'd love a discussion.


Why this topic is on my mind and why it is sensitive:
I'm not being treated well, like I'm someone. Like I'm valuable. I just have so little and so few people in my life right now it's better than absolutely nothing. At least I think it's better than nothing. And I keep getting my hopes up thinking things are going to change.

I'm not crazy, I'm not terribly eccentric, I'm not ugly, I like to have a good time and have a wide variety of interests, I'm intelligent, I'm kind to everyone I meet until they're an asshole first. So what the fuck gives? Why is it that I'm spending my fourth New Year's in a row alone? Well, I say alone, I may be crashing my parents' NYE they've done with my aunt and uncle every year for the past 27 years.

Personally, I think the quote is bullshit. I asked for a divorce because he treated me poorly (that he was able to jump into a "serious" relationship with a girl he "started" dating a week after he moved out speaks volumes). A quote that does have merit - "nice guys finish last." But then why am I putting up with my current scenario? Do I really think nothing of myself? Until this, I was convinced I was self absorbed.

Part of me wants to say I don't "deserve" shit, it is what it is and it's how the chips fall.

I think that quote is drivel. In some way there might be truth to it, but I can't help to think that the woman who's husband starts abusing her and or her children doesn't deserve that.

Or the woman who's beaten her husband down emotionally for years...I don't see how deserves it either.

I've seen too many relationships, some people do make mistakes others see a mile away. But do they do because they think they deserve it...

I don't know.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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22-12-2015, 12:37 PM
RE: Deserving of Love
(22-12-2015 12:30 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  I think that quote is drivel. In some way there might be truth to it, but I can't help to think that the woman who's husband starts abusing her and or her children doesn't deserve that.

Or the woman who's beaten her husband down emotionally for years...I don't see how deserves it either.

I've seen too many relationships, some people do make mistakes others see a mile away. But do they do because they think they deserve it...

I don't know.
Of course they don't "deserve" that. But the quote is talking about what people *think* they deserve, not what they actually deserve.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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22-12-2015, 12:40 PM
RE: Deserving of Love
Maybe I am misreading the quote? I totally agree no one deserves to be mistreated or abused in any way, shape, or form.

When I read the quote, I take it to mean that if someone has low self-esteem or a low sense of self-worth, etc.--that person *could* attract the type of person who treats them in that type of fashion. In that sense, you are attracting the type of love you *think* you deserve. I think the silver lining to that quote is that you can change your perception of yourself, thereby attracting healthy and emotionally fulfilling love, one that you do deserve.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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22-12-2015, 01:39 PM
RE: Deserving of Love
(22-12-2015 12:40 PM)jennybee Wrote:  Maybe I am misreading the quote? I totally agree no one deserves to be mistreated or abused in any way, shape, or form.

When I read the quote, I take it to mean that if someone has low self-esteem or a low sense of self-worth, etc.--that person *could* attract the type of person who treats them in that type of fashion. In that sense, you are attracting the type of love you *think* you deserve. I think the silver lining to that quote is that you can change your perception of yourself, thereby attracting healthy and emotionally fulfilling love, one that you do deserve.
I agree with that interpretation. And I add: it can work in the positive sense too. "I only deserve the best." "I deserve a man who treats me like a queen." "I deserve somebody who covers my life expenses." etc. It's not always a reasonable expectation, obviously. If lower self esteem, or a lower assessment of your own self worth makes you think you are undeserving of your ideal love, I think it can affect your relationship choices.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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