Desperately need some advice
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
06-07-2017, 10:09 AM
Desperately need some advice
Ok, confession time....... My dad collected gold coins mainly sovereigns he and I had a verbal agreement that in the event of his incapacitation or death the coins would go to me, shortly before his death the jewelers said they could no longer keep his collection so mum and I bought a small safe and locked the gold coins away.
Since then I have been surreptitiously selling coins when money has been short but I wasn't honest with my mother about what I was doing, what I failed to realise is that they are of course subject to probate and the executor of dads estate(who used to be a friend but is now a sworn enemy) has made knowledge of the coins public so they must be considered in probate or otherwise its fraud. I've done mental calculations and I've spent nearly £6000 in gold I didn't realise it was so much.
I know I have to be honest and tell mum what I've been doing but I'm really scared I might get chucked out on the street she's going to be so mad she's going to go apeshit. I've also lost the inventory of the coins so I have no idea exactly how many I've used,which creates more stress as I don't want to get done for fraud, life is hard enough at the moment, why was I so stupid. Anyone got any ideas ?
Thanks for letting me vent guys, its a real mess.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
06-07-2017, 10:28 AM
RE: Desperately need some advice
I would come clean to your mom. She's going to find out eventually anyway. Then set up a meeting with the executor and let him know what happened--that you didn't know it was subject to probate since you had the coins in your possession and a verbal agreement with your dad that they would go to you. Therefore, you did not keep track of how many you sold as you had no reason to.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 8 users Like jennybee's post
06-07-2017, 10:28 AM
RE: Desperately need some advice
You only really have the one option: Flat out own up about it, and take whatever punishment comes your way. It'll be a tough one, but looks like you have little option but to be honest.

If only you and your mum know about the safe thing, then she'll know when that comes around to check.

"I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner" - Rick
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes OakTree500's post
06-07-2017, 10:50 AM
RE: Desperately need some advice
Yes I know I have to own up, I just feel so bad, not for selling the coins because they were mine after all and its not stealing per se but its the deceit with my mum that's upsetting I didn't need to do it she's been so good to me. I hate myself.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes adey67's post
06-07-2017, 11:19 AM
RE: Desperately need some advice
(06-07-2017 10:50 AM)adey67 Wrote:  Yes I know I have to own up, I just feel so bad, not for selling the coins because they were mine after all and its not stealing per se but its the deceit with my mum that's upsetting I didn't need to do it she's been so good to me. I hate myself.

Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect. Instead of hating yourself, put your energy into making things right. Your mom loves you, I'm sure that while she won't be delighted, she'll forgive you and love you still, you're her son.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes jennybee's post
06-07-2017, 11:29 AM
RE: Desperately need some advice
Thanks Jen, I'm choosing my moment, trouble is I've given her soooo much stress there has to be a cut off point and I'm afraid I've met it. Its my own fault no one else to blame it me and me alone.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
06-07-2017, 11:37 AM
RE: Desperately need some advice
(06-07-2017 11:29 AM)adey67 Wrote:  Thanks Jen, I'm choosing my moment, trouble is I've given her soooo much stress there has to be a cut off point and I'm afraid I've met it. Its my own fault no one else to blame it me and me alone.

It might feel that way now and your mom may very well be angry with you for some time, but I think if you can work on repairing things and work on regaining her trust, I think you'll find she comes around.

I think you need to breathe and take everything that comes in stride. Let your mom react as she is going to react and respect that she is going to be upset. Meanwhile, come up with a plan to work on yourself--if there are aspects of your personality that you feel need working on. What can you do to make sure this type of thing doesn't happen again? What can you do to work on rebuilding a level of trust with your mom? One of my yoga teachers once said "Make a map to do better." I think that's good advice.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
06-07-2017, 11:47 AM
RE: Desperately need some advice
(06-07-2017 11:37 AM)jennybee Wrote:  
(06-07-2017 11:29 AM)adey67 Wrote:  Thanks Jen, I'm choosing my moment, trouble is I've given her soooo much stress there has to be a cut off point and I'm afraid I've met it. Its my own fault no one else to blame it me and me alone.

It might feel that way now and your mom may very well be angry with you for some time, but I think if you can work on repairing things and work on regaining her trust, I think you'll find she comes around.

I think you need to breathe and take everything that comes in stride. Let your mom react as she is going to react and respect that she is going to be upset. Meanwhile, come up with a plan to work on yourself--if there are aspects of your personality that you feel need working on. What can you do to make sure this type of thing doesn't happen again? What can you do to work on rebuilding a level of trust with your mom? One of my yoga teachers once said "Make a map to do better." I think that's good advice.

Thanks Jenny I will do that I just hope its not too late, there's plenty to work on believe me Wink
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
07-07-2017, 12:20 PM
RE: Desperately need some advice
While I don't know the law where you are at or how the will was written, I do know that here in the states many wills are usually drawn up to fully go into effect when both spouses pass away. They are based on the concept of "joint tenancy with rights of survivorship or tenancy by the entirety" and are a way to avoid probate court and taxes with assets. That would mean your mom jointly owned the coins with your father, and she now has any say over them until her death and would not pass through probate.*

*Not a sub for legal advice. I'd advise you seek legal council in this instance to potentially minimize getting fucked over by the executor.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
07-07-2017, 12:30 PM
RE: Desperately need some advice
Hug

Heart
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Peebothuhul's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: