Desperately need some advice
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07-07-2017, 01:21 PM
RE: Desperately need some advice
(07-07-2017 12:20 PM)deerseed Wrote:  While I don't know the law where you are at or how the will was written, I do know that here in the states many wills are usually drawn up to fully go into effect when both spouses pass away. They are based on the concept of "joint tenancy with rights of survivorship or tenancy by the entirety" and are a way to avoid probate court and taxes with assets. That would mean your mom jointly owned the coins with your father, and she now has any say over them until her death and would not pass through probate.*

*Not a sub for legal advice. I'd advise you seek legal council in this instance to potentially minimize getting fucked over by the executor.

Thank you friend I think our laws are similar.
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07-07-2017, 01:42 PM (This post was last modified: 07-07-2017 01:45 PM by Momsurroundedbyboys.)
RE: Desperately need some advice
I'm confused, did your dad give them to you before he died?

If he did they're no longer considered part of the estate and not subject to probate.

Why isn't your mother executor?

In this country the surviving spouse gets everything, unless it's specifically mentioned in a Will or Trust.

So unless the coins were specifically listed, the executer has no right to ask about them. They belong to your mother, like any other possession or unless your dad gave them to you.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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07-07-2017, 01:50 PM
RE: Desperately need some advice
(06-07-2017 10:50 AM)adey67 Wrote:  Yes I know I have to own up, I just feel so bad, not for selling the coins because they were mine after all and its not stealing per se but its the deceit with my mum that's upsetting I didn't need to do it she's been so good to me. I hate myself.

Work to change what it is in you that drove you to do wrong. Hopefully your mother will see your earnestness and use that to find forgiveness.

But whether she does or doesn't, do the right thing anyway and come clean, with both her and yourself.
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07-07-2017, 01:57 PM
RE: Desperately need some advice
(07-07-2017 01:42 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  I'm confused, did your dad give them to you before he died?

If he did they're no longer considered part of the estate and not subject to probate.

Why isn't your mother executor?

In this country the surviving spouse gets everything, unless it's specifically mentioned in a Will or Trust.

So unless the coins were specifically listed, the executer has no right to ask about them. They belong to your mother, like any other possession or unless your dad gave them to you.
Thanks Mom's, it was a verbal agreement between dad and me nothing is written in the will so technically they belong to mum although she was aware of our gentlemans contract, mom is also an executor, in English law though you still have to put everything in the deed of probate, something to do with transparency and non avoidance of inheritance tax.
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07-07-2017, 03:23 PM
RE: Desperately need some advice
(07-07-2017 01:50 PM)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:  
(06-07-2017 10:50 AM)adey67 Wrote:  Yes I know I have to own up, I just feel so bad, not for selling the coins because they were mine after all and its not stealing per se but its the deceit with my mum that's upsetting I didn't need to do it she's been so good to me. I hate myself.

Work to change what it is in you that drove you to do wrong. Hopefully your mother will see your earnestness and use that to find forgiveness.

But whether she does or doesn't, do the right thing anyway and come clean, with both her and yourself.

Thanks I came clean this morning after a totally sleepless night it was honestly a relief and mum was surprisingly good about it. Obviously she's pissed as fuck but hopefully we'll be ok. I certainly won't be doing that again.
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07-07-2017, 03:25 PM
RE: Desperately need some advice
(06-07-2017 10:09 AM)adey67 Wrote:  Ok, confession time....... My dad collected gold coins mainly sovereigns he and I had a verbal agreement that in the event of his incapacitation or death the coins would go to me, shortly before his death the jewelers said they could no longer keep his collection so mum and I bought a small safe and locked the gold coins away.
Since then I have been surreptitiously selling coins when money has been short but I wasn't honest with my mother about what I was doing, what I failed to realise is that they are of course subject to probate and the executor of dads estate(who used to be a friend but is now a sworn enemy) has made knowledge of the coins public so they must be considered in probate or otherwise its fraud. I've done mental calculations and I've spent nearly £6000 in gold I didn't realise it was so much.
I know I have to be honest and tell mum what I've been doing but I'm really scared I might get chucked out on the street she's going to be so mad she's going to go apeshit. I've also lost the inventory of the coins so I have no idea exactly how many I've used,which creates more stress as I don't want to get done for fraud, life is hard enough at the moment, why was I so stupid. Anyone got any ideas ?
Thanks for letting me vent guys, its a real mess.

Pray about it!
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07-07-2017, 03:31 PM
RE: Desperately need some advice
(07-07-2017 01:57 PM)adey67 Wrote:  
(07-07-2017 01:42 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  I'm confused, did your dad give them to you before he died?

If he did they're no longer considered part of the estate and not subject to probate.

Why isn't your mother executor?

In this country the surviving spouse gets everything, unless it's specifically mentioned in a Will or Trust.

So unless the coins were specifically listed, the executer has no right to ask about them. They belong to your mother, like any other possession or unless your dad gave them to you.
Thanks Mom's, it was a verbal agreement between dad and me nothing is written in the will so technically they belong to mum although she was aware of our gentlemans contract, mom is also an executor, in English law though you still have to put everything in the deed of probate, something to do with transparency and non avoidance of inheritance tax.

England is weird. Tongue

Here it's assumed the surviving spouse just gets everything...they don't inherit it, because they too, worked for it (even if they didn't work a day in their life). Like the clothes in the closet.

I can't imagine when my father in law died my mother in law would have list all his possessions (like the couple hundred baseball caps he had) including their cars and house and pay taxes on it.

She worked just as hard for all that stuff as he did.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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07-07-2017, 05:14 PM
RE: Desperately need some advice
For what it's worth, I would (and have) done far worse things in my life to survive. People do things when they get hard up. Your only option at this point though is to be open and honest about what happened and why and accept whatever happens. The sooner you own it the better in my experience.

My parents like the status symbol of helping a struggling child, so they do help in small ways from time to time. They'll tell me though "Look there's no way I can help you ever again you gotta figure this out on your own" So I do everything I can, and must do to survive and when they eventually find out (cause they nag a lot) they say "Well why didn't you come to us for help?" (Crazy ass stupid fucks, you can't tell someone they are on their own then ask why they didn't come to you for help). Judging by what you said it almost seems like you got a little of this kinda dynamic goin on, if so I really feel for ya dude, it's a real pain to deal with. Especially if those same parents actively do things that cost you employment, savings, housing, transportation ect. You may love your mum for all she does, but the real problem here isn't that you sold the coins, or that you lied about it.... It's that you were in a hard place that made you feel you had to sell the coins in the first place. That's how I see it anyway, so regardless of what happens I'd recommend you take a long hard look at yourself and your life and see what things you can do to find a more stable life. From all I've seen in this world you're on your own, pretty much no one will ever help you except in superficial meaningless ways intended to make themselves feel good. So it won't be an easy road. But the first step is honesty, with yourself and your mum. I hope for your success.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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08-07-2017, 02:34 AM
RE: Desperately need some advice
I'm very sorry to hear this, I hope you can get it all sorted out Heart

Well done for coming clean. The important thing is that your recognized your mistake and that you want to make it right. That's all anyone can do.

I have a website here which discusses the issues and terminology surrounding religion and atheism. It's hopefully user friendly to all.
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08-07-2017, 08:17 AM
RE: Desperately need some advice
Good to see the air getting cleared. I see you mentioned necessities, so that should mitigate the expenditure's magnitude, in terms of your mother being upset. Did you use any of it for hookers and blow?
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