Difficulty Establishing Sense of Worth
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02-01-2014, 12:35 AM
RE: Difficulty Establishing Sense of Worth
(01-01-2014 01:58 PM)djkamilo Wrote:  How should I teach out to him? What should I say and not say? Thanks

I have always followed the rule of "don't ruin a perfectly good apology with an excuse".

In other words don't say I thought you were wrong because I was a fundy. In stead " I was wrong and I'm sorry I hurt you" is sufficient.

I know we want to explain ourselves when we make mistakes but that isn't the purpose of an apology. Apologies are for correcting our errors, explanations are stories.

To the OP- a sincere smile and a hello will take you a long way.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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02-01-2014, 03:28 AM
RE: Difficulty Establishing Sense of Worth
(01-01-2014 07:50 PM)Luminon Wrote:  I think the best atheistic resource you can get out there is Stefan Molyneux. This guy is an authority on relationships, love, self-esteem, parenting and so on

No, Molyneux is not "an authority on relationships, love, self-esteem, parenting and so on". He is nothing more than a manipulative leader of Rand-esque style cult. Molyneux has absolutely no training or qualifications in counselling, mediation, family therapy or psychology. His wife--Christina Papadopoulos--does but her license was suspended by the College of Psychiatrists of Ontario for professional misconduct. That misconduct consisted in giving online advice consistent with Molyneux's psycho-cult which was not based in evidence and consequently in breach of the College's Standards of Professional Conduct.
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02-01-2014, 10:09 AM
RE: Difficulty Establishing Sense of Worth
That's the thing with self-help stuff. That's why I'm asking for science-based recommendations. I don't want to read a self-help book and half-way through start reading about positive and negative energy flows, chakras, hypnosis or stuff like that.

If any of the new members who have joined the conversation want to answer the following question I'd be thankful:

How do you define your sense of worth?

Thanks!
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02-01-2014, 10:15 AM
RE: Difficulty Establishing Sense of Worth
Quote:So you ask about self-worth? That's a difficult one. I always derived my self-worth from my usefulness to the world, for belonging to greater causes and ideas than me. I felt like shit, but on the wings of great ideas I could soar to heavens. A borrowed self-worth, that is. I recognized that wasn't fair.

Thanks, Luminon, for your answer. You are right. When I get involved with stuff at school, for example, producing an event like last semester, I'm so occupied with tasks I don't think about these things. I'm also part of something bigger, my efforts are driven towards a common goal. When I'm involved in something, I definitely feel better than when I'm off from school.
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02-01-2014, 08:21 PM (This post was last modified: 02-01-2014 10:14 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Difficulty Establishing Sense of Worth
(01-01-2014 11:40 AM)IgniteThought Wrote:  I don't know how to find happiness.

Girly don't find it. I make it. Like all the time and shit. Gets depressing when I don't.

Here I give you my phone number when you worried call me I make you happy....



As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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03-01-2014, 03:44 PM (This post was last modified: 03-01-2014 03:50 PM by Luminon.)
RE: Difficulty Establishing Sense of Worth
(02-01-2014 10:15 AM)IgniteThought Wrote:  Thanks, Luminon, for your answer. You are right. When I get involved with stuff at school, for example, producing an event like last semester, I'm so occupied with tasks I don't think about these things. I'm also part of something bigger, my efforts are driven towards a common goal. When I'm involved in something, I definitely feel better than when I'm off from school.
Working for a good and interesting cause is a wonderful thing you can do for yourself. I fully recommend it. Study, learn, immerse yourself in curiosity and ideals. If there's something you like to do, start building your self-worth there. Even if you don't have much knowledge, curiosity is wonderful, I'd consider curiosity or other form of enthusiasm a great virtue and a reason for pride. Only later you should also work on your own additional rounded-out self-worth and self-image outside of any causes or ideas. There are people which may not know your stuff and if you don't work on a self-esteem of your own, you'd have no way of relating to them. Ultimately, anything we do, we do for the people, with the people and so I'd consider that an ultimate goal. No man is an island, as the saying goes. If your hobby takes you to work with people, you can form new relationships, hang out and have a good life.

(02-01-2014 03:28 AM)Chippy Wrote:  No, Molyneux is not "an authority on relationships, love, self-esteem, parenting and so on". He is nothing more than a manipulative leader of Rand-esque style cult. Molyneux has absolutely no training or qualifications in counselling, mediation, family therapy or psychology. His wife--Christina Papadopoulos--does but her license was suspended by the College of Psychiatrists of Ontario for professional misconduct. That misconduct consisted in giving online advice consistent with Molyneux's psycho-cult which was not based in evidence and consequently in breach of the College's Standards of Professional Conduct.
Cult? You can't just throw words like that around. Cults isolate people physically and suck them out of all their money and possessions. Cults aren't donation-based radio shows. With the following he has, if Molyneux was a cult leader, he'd live in a huge mansion with golden toilets.
I think Molyneux is a school of thought. I know he's very radical. And obviously he doesn't do at length therapies with people, he's a freakin' radio guy, so he can't be trusted to get everything right. But he's got a freakin' lot of experience and a very logical way of explaining it.

Yeah, blabbing online and losing license is not good. But it's a ridiculously small thing compared to the damage that for example public schools cause every day on millions of children. If psychology was a real science, it would protest against mass state education just as biologists protest against Creationism. I'd say Molyneux has more useful experience than most psychologists. Most psychologists aim for conformity to social standards, which are an irrational, inherited convention. They'll even drug children to conform.

Modern psychology has countless disorders and countless drugs to treat them. However, none of the drugs actually cure anything, they just suppress symptoms, people often need to take them all their life. And consumption increases rapidly. If psychology was a science, it would treat the causes. Well, it doesn't. It dishes out stigmatizing labels and invents new ones to sell more drugs. It is good to get drugs if the situation is bad and we need to wait something out, but what we need even more is finding a way how to live our life well in spite of the perverted values of the modern society.

For example, I have studied the history of high-functioning autism. (before I heard about Molyneux) Doctors kept misdiagnosing it for decades with widest range of disorders and strong drugs, even though they had all information available. In France they even had until recently some bizarre beliefs about this condition (refrigerator mother theory) and destroyed many families by blaming the mothers. Yes, we should consult our doctor, but we should not trust the doctors as the sole source of information. Never trust someone for which you are just a job and a source of money.
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