Divorce and Prenups
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17-11-2015, 12:35 PM
Divorce and Prenups
Hey all,

I was hoping to get some input on prenups and/or divorce. I figure there is a wealth of experience here (not a bad thing) and tapping into it would be a good thing.

I personally think prenuptial agreements make great sense. I never have been somebody who felt like they are owed another person's resources. I don't even really think about what my parents might leave me when they die.

I'm currently in a relationship with a great woman...but as happy as she makes me, the fact is I am far beyond her in both income and money management. I'm very realistic/pessimistic in that I don't believe in fairy tale outcomes. A long happy marriage might be the ideal/goal, but life happens and you really never know what a person might be like 10 years from now, 20 years from now, and so on (let alone what they might DO in that time). And with divorce rates being what they are I just don't think it's logical to discount that as a possibility, and therefore protect yourself should that outcome happen.

*Note that we are NOT engaged, nor am I starting this thread to discuss an engagement.*

So, a brief summary of our situation. Her net worth is probably close to $0, while mine is in the 6 figures. My current income is about 9 times her current income and my likely future income is going to be at least 4 to 5 times her maximum income given her career path. We are open about money, and she knows I am especially frugal and a huge saver. I honestly would not be offended if the situation was reversed and I was asked to sign a prenup.

Because of this income/asset disparity I think a 50/50 split in the case of divorce would be hugely unfair.

So what prenup options are you guys familiar with? Anything that you think would be particularly useful in my situation?

Note that if I do ever get engaged, I will look into this much more thoroughly, but getting bits of info early on is really helpful Smile.

I know there is a camp of people that says, "If you want a prenup you might as well forget about marriage, because you aren't ready for it." And I just don't get that. Isn't that like saying if you want car insurance you may as well not drive? I guess I am also interested in your opinions on prenups as well.

Looking forward to seeing what you all have to say.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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17-11-2015, 12:37 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
BTW, I was looking for a relationship section but I couldn't find one so I posted this here. This probably works fine.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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17-11-2015, 12:47 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
I'm fine with the idea of prenuptial agreements to protect both sides. But I also feel after a certain number of years they should be vacated.

However. The longer you're with a person the harder it is to enforce. After 20 or more years is it exactly fair to just be able to walk away and say all this is mine, leaving the other person with basically nothing?

Also you will likely acquire assets together, like at some point you might want to sell your house or add her name to the title (This is often done to protect the spouse in the event something happens to you).

People are fucked up when money involved. I've seen go to blows over essentially nothing.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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17-11-2015, 12:48 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
I'm a very independent person. I'm well-educated. I don't need someone else's money to survive. I was dating someone who made much more money than I did. If we got married and he asked me to sign a prenup, I would have. I am really not a person who cares about money. I would rather live a simple life than a lavish existence anyway.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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17-11-2015, 12:57 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
(17-11-2015 12:48 PM)jennybee Wrote:  I'm a very independent person. I'm well-educated. I don't need someone else's money to survive. I was dating someone who made much more money than I did. If we got married and he asked me to sign a prenup, I would have. I am really not a person who cares about money. I would rather live a simple life than a lavish existence anyway.

I would never ask anyone to sign a pre-nup.

Mostly because I want to have 50% of everything THEY have!

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17-11-2015, 01:02 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
(17-11-2015 12:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  I'm fine with the idea of prenuptial agreements to protect both sides. But I also feel after a certain number of years they should be vacated.

However. The longer you're with a person the harder it is to enforce. After 20 or more years is it exactly fair to just be able to walk away and say all this is mine, leaving the other person with basically nothing?

Also you will likely acquire assets together, like at some point you might want to sell your house or add her name to the title (This is often done to protect the spouse in the event something happens to you).

People are fucked up when money involved. I've seen go to blows over essentially nothing.
Well I certainly wouldn't advocate somebody leaving with "basically nothing" I think something close to an amount proportional to their contributions plus or minus childcare costs or something of that sort. Initial net worth would also need to be taken into account. Probably also a modifier for child-rearing choices.

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17-11-2015, 02:18 PM (This post was last modified: 17-11-2015 02:48 PM by Can_of_Beans.)
RE: Divorce and Prenups
Prenups don't have to be all about what your spouse doesn't get - you can also specify what they do get (like incremental payments for the number of years married for example). A 50/50 split might not be fair, but leaving one spouse with nothing probably isn't either. The beauty of a prenup is that you can work that out ahead of time, and if you can't come to an agreement, don't get married. That is probably best thing about them - they force you to work through a lot of things most couples take for granted.

I also think that sunset provisions are a terrible idea. It creates a situation where one spouse might have an incentive to divorce early to avoid the expiration date or for the other spouse to hold out just long enough to get a bigger payday. Dodgy

And if you get one, be sure to sign it well in advance of the wedding (6 months to a year) to avoid any claims of signing it under duress. I'd also sign it in the presence of a judge so no one can claim they didn't understand what they were agreeing to.

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17-11-2015, 02:26 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
(17-11-2015 12:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  I'm fine with the idea of prenuptial agreements to protect both sides. But I also feel after a certain number of years they should be vacated.

However. The longer you're with a person the harder it is to enforce. After 20 or more years is it exactly fair to just be able to walk away and say all this is mine, leaving the other person with basically nothing?

Also you will likely acquire assets together, like at some point you might want to sell your house or add her name to the title (This is often done to protect the spouse in the event something happens to you).

People are fucked up when money involved. I've seen go to blows over essentially nothing.


Isn't that the truth.

DJ

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17-11-2015, 02:45 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
What's fair so very much depends on what happens in your life. If you have offspring and she stays home to care for kids and clean and wash and and and, she deserves to be recompensed.

If she spends life sitting on the sofa eating bonbons, she doesn't.

In my marriages, the first one we were young and neither had anything worth worrying about, and the second one I made the money but was happy to give him half should the marriage fail. A happy marriage was a lot more important to me than the money, and even if we had parted ways, I would have wanted him to be ok financially.

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17-11-2015, 02:45 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
I think prenups are an okay idea, but I've heard of many going wrong. I don't have one--I've been married for 20 years--and probably wouldn't have been willing to enter into one, personally. My husband and I went into our marriage with roughly equivalent financial assets, though.

The words "far beyond" in your post stuck out to me as hinting at a lack of respect for your partner. If she's someone who you basically feel superior to, maybe it would be a good idea to look instead for a person you can wholeheartedly admire and respect. (as it's hard enough to stay married even in that circumstance)
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