Divorce and Prenups
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17-11-2015, 03:03 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
(17-11-2015 02:18 PM)Can_of_Beans Wrote:  (like incremental payments for the number of years married for example).
What does this entail?

(17-11-2015 02:45 PM)julep Wrote:  The words "far beyond" in your post stuck out to me as hinting at a lack of respect for your partner. If she's someone who you basically feel superior to, maybe it would be a good idea to look instead for a person you can wholeheartedly admire and respect. (as it's hard enough to stay married even in that circumstance)
Nah, it's just a fact that I make a lot more money than her and that she isn't great with money. There are many people who are "far beyond" me in both income and money management skills, just as there are many who are far beyond me in handiness or survival skills. I'm just stating the facts. We've talked a bit about her money management skills, and she knows she has much room for improvement. We all have strengths and weaknesses, that just happens to be one of her "weaknesses".

Even if we were making the same, a prenup isn't unreasonable. For instance if one spouse wrote a book that made them a multi-millionaire, should the other spouse be entitled to a large piece of that success if they divorce? I think no, I believe the law thinks yes.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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17-11-2015, 03:05 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
(17-11-2015 02:45 PM)Dom Wrote:  If you have offspring and she stays home to care for kids and clean and wash and and and, she deserves to be recompensed.
I agree, I wonder if there are standard prenup elements that address this.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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17-11-2015, 07:26 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
(17-11-2015 03:03 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  
(17-11-2015 02:18 PM)Can_of_Beans Wrote:  (like incremental payments for the number of years married for example).

What does this entail?

Basically, you just agree on some kind of settlement based on how long the marriage lasts. You can add modifiers for kids, net worth, etc. So a short marriage with no kids would have a smaller payout, while a long marriage with kids would have a higher payout. For example...

0 - 1 years = nothin'
1 - 5 years = 10,000 per year
6 - 10 years = 15,000 per year
11 - 15 years = 20,000 per year

I just made up those numbers, so I have no idea if they're anywhere close to reasonable. You'll have to rely on your lawyer for that.

And speaking of lawyers, make sure she has her own lawyer too. It will cost more up front, but the agreement is no good if it gets thrown out when it's needed, and that's less likely to happen if you both have you own lawyers.

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17-11-2015, 07:36 PM (This post was last modified: 17-11-2015 07:39 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Divorce and Prenups
Prenups undermine the basic contractual foundation of marriage. If you ain't gonna be full partners in the contract without all these opt-outs, then why you even signing up?

There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. -Camus
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17-11-2015, 07:41 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
(17-11-2015 02:45 PM)julep Wrote:  I think prenups are an okay idea, but I've heard of many going wrong. I don't have one--I've been married for 20 years--and probably wouldn't have been willing to enter into one, personally. My husband and I went into our marriage with roughly equivalent financial assets, though.

The words "far beyond" in your post stuck out to me as hinting at a lack of respect for your partner. If she's someone who you basically feel superior to, maybe it would be a good idea to look instead for a person you can wholeheartedly admire and respect. (as it's hard enough to stay married even in that circumstance)

I got the same impression.

You you feel you are superior to your other half (which is very condescending btw) you don't have a very healthy relationship.

At least that's how the post comes across.
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17-11-2015, 07:49 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
This may sound harsh but try finding an SO that is roughly on equal financial footing with you. At the very least someone who thinks about money the same way you do. My definition of a mixed marriage is a frugal person marrying a spendthrift. The number one cause of divorce is money issues.

"In a poll conducted by http://www.DivorceMagazine.com this summer, the leading cause of divorce was found to be financial issues, followed closely by basic incompatibility. “During the divorce, the two most contentious issues are usually finances and children – in that order,” says Dan Couvrette, publisher of Divorce Magazine. “If there are no children, then basic incompatibility and communication problems follow on the heels of money problems.”
https://www.institutedfa.com/Leading-Causes-Divorce/

I think a prenup in this situation is a very smart idea. Include the equity in your home and whatever other equity in fixed assets you own and what you have in your bank accounts, retirement savings etc.

Once you marry however, whatever the two of you bring in, a lot or a little, is 50/50.

Hire a lawyer that specializes in pre-nups and divorce.
If your SO has a problem with the pre-nup this might be an early warning sign.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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17-11-2015, 07:58 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
If you had to choose between all of your money or your girlfriend, what would you choose?

If its your money, dont get married.

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17-11-2015, 08:11 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
(17-11-2015 07:49 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  This may sound harsh but try finding an SO that is roughly on equal financial footing with you. At the very least someone who thinks about money the same way you do. My definition of a mixed marriage is a frugal person marrying a spendthrift. The number one cause of divorce is money issues.

"In a poll conducted by http://www.DivorceMagazine.com this summer, the leading cause of divorce was found to be financial issues, followed closely by basic incompatibility. “During the divorce, the two most contentious issues are usually finances and children – in that order,” says Dan Couvrette, publisher of Divorce Magazine. “If there are no children, then basic incompatibility and communication problems follow on the heels of money problems.”
https://www.institutedfa.com/Leading-Causes-Divorce/

I think a prenup in this situation is a very smart idea. Include the equity in your home and whatever other equity in fixed assets you own and what you have in your bank accounts, retirement savings etc.

Once you marry however, whatever the two of you bring in, a lot or a little, is 50/50.

Joint ownership of everything for me and Manly regardless of who was bringing what then and what we have since. Easiest for estate purposes and shit. If we die simultaneously then the feeding frenzy of the heirs will be hilarious. Big Grin

There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. -Camus
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17-11-2015, 08:18 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
(17-11-2015 07:58 PM)bemore Wrote:  If you had to choose between all of your money or your girlfriend, what would you choose?

If its your money, dont get married.

I don’t think it’s that uncomplicated bemore.

I’ve spent my entire life working my ass off, living below my means, taking financial risks, starting and running companies and saving money so I can live comfortably.

A long lasting relationship is a rare animal, I am incredibly lucky to be in one, married 26 years. We started with nothing and together we arrived where we are today.

If tomorrow I found myself a widower would you suggest the same thing you suggested to Adrianime?

I am a careful and conservative man when it comes to finances and I am of the opinion that the choice is not one or the other but instead a compromise (what that compromise looks like depends on many factors). I would not hold it against my new SO if she had me sign a prenup for similar reasons. It is not a question of love, it is a question of being prudent and acknowledging that somewhere between 40 & 50% of all marriages end in divorce. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_in...ted_States

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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17-11-2015, 08:20 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
(17-11-2015 08:11 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Joint ownership of everything for me and Manly regardless of who was bringing what then and what we have since. Easiest for estate purposes and shit. If we die simultaneously then the feeding frenzy of the heirs will be hilarious. Big Grin

Same for me and Mrs. FC but we both started with nothing, it would different if there was a large discrepancy from the get go.

ps We have seriously considered putting in our will that the last person to visit us gets it all Big Grin

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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