Divorce and Prenups
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17-11-2015, 09:04 PM (This post was last modified: 17-11-2015 10:47 PM by Full Circle.)
RE: Divorce and Prenups
Q
(17-11-2015 08:42 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(17-11-2015 08:20 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  Same for me and Mrs. FC but we both started with nothing, it would different if there was a large discrepancy from the get go.

So did GirlyManlyManGirl Inc. Don't see why a large discrepancy would influence my decision. If I don't completely trust my spouse then why would I enter into such a binding full partnership contract?

I understand your POV Girly just as I can appreciate bemore’s. Perhaps if you had more information on my situation you might appreciate mine as well...and maybe it woudn’t make any difference to you anyway.

It is my sincere hope that I’m never in the situation of starting over. Mrs. FC and I joke that we won’t have the patience to train another spouse. Tongue

Back to Adriamine, the guy has some money and wants to protect it for his own reasons, I can’t fault the guy.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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17-11-2015, 09:08 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
(17-11-2015 08:58 PM)julep Wrote:  And I'm not trying to analyze your relationship, but that fact that you are evidently spending a bunch of time talking about her flaws--unless she is spending an equal amount of time talking about your flaws and all the things you need to do to bring yourself up to her level in other areas--makes me think a prenup is a good idea for your relationship, if you get married. Eventually, people get tired of being told how much they need to improve by their spouses. And if you both spend lots of time analyzing one another's flaws--marry that girl, you've found your soulmate.
Hmm, that was a little biznatchy of you, I gotta say. I didn't spend a bunch of time pointing out her flaws? I said one/two fact(s) about her (income disparity and money habits). Would it be better if I lied and said she was great with money? I don't know what kind of "my partner is perfect" fantasy world you live in, but there is no reason for me to not acknowledge something that just IS. If you acknowledge that your partner isn't a great cook (and say it once) are you all of a sudden spending a bunch of time talking about your partner's flaws?

I don't know how to clear up your misunderstanding, but I always try to be positive and fair. I hate seeing her feel bad, and I hate relationships where one partner tries to control the other or exerts any amount of superiority. *sigh*, even though you are completely wrong in your analysis you still have my blood boiling a bit haha. I guess that is the result of somebody insulting what you consider most precious in your life..

Quote:In the case of the spouse writing the book and becoming a multimillionaire from it, the other spouse is certainly entitled to compensation for making it possible for the writing spouse to devote the time to writing and marketing of said book. Half of the proceeds? Maybe not. But having a moral and legal right to share in the rewards of two people's hard work? Yes.
Fair enough depending on the situation.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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17-11-2015, 09:15 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
(17-11-2015 08:55 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(17-11-2015 08:46 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  Hmm, why would having a prenup indicate distrust?

Why wouldn't it? The opt-outs are what you distrust.
I don't quite understand. But it's not a matter of trust, it's a matter of what I find fair and principled.

(17-11-2015 08:55 PM)bemore Wrote:  I take my inspiration of life and wisdom from various places. One of these is the regrets that people have spoke about who are dying. These include regrets of working too much or put too much emphasis on material possessions.

Money to me means nothing. It doesn't factor into love anywhere with me. If I had the choice between living a half happy life and being rich, or living a fully happy life and being a pauper. I would be a pauper.

I understand that you wish to protect yourself and your investments, I get that. It just complicates matters for me, that's all.

It's just the person I am and thats where we will have to agree to disagree.
For the most part I completely agree with you. But for me, money is a tool of security. I expect to live a "poorer" life than all my friends, even if I earn more. I don't think buying things is useful or brings happiness. My money primarily is for food, shelter, and medicine. I save hard because I want to retire as soon as I can. I consider time the most precious commodity, and with money I can buy time. I can buy an early retirement, where I can just live simply and enjoy the small things each day.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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17-11-2015, 09:35 PM (This post was last modified: 17-11-2015 10:44 PM by Full Circle.)
RE: Divorce and Prenups
@ Adrianime

I’m sure you’ve already familiarized yourself with the overall workings of a prenup but I found this useful.

http://www.investinganswers.com/personal...ement-2732

ps http://family.findlaw.com/marriage/pros-...tials.html
http://www.wsj.com/articles/is-a-prenupt...1425271056

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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17-11-2015, 10:01 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
(17-11-2015 09:08 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  
(17-11-2015 08:58 PM)julep Wrote:  And I'm not trying to analyze your relationship, but that fact that you are evidently spending a bunch of time talking about her flaws--unless she is spending an equal amount of time talking about your flaws and all the things you need to do to bring yourself up to her level in other areas--makes me think a prenup is a good idea for your relationship, if you get married. Eventually, people get tired of being told how much they need to improve by their spouses. And if you both spend lots of time analyzing one another's flaws--marry that girl, you've found your soulmate.
Hmm, that was a little biznatchy of you, I gotta say. I didn't spend a bunch of time pointing out her flaws? I said one/two fact(s) about her (income disparity and money habits). Would it be better if I lied and said she was great with money? I don't know what kind of "my partner is perfect" fantasy world you live in, but there is no reason for me to not acknowledge something that just IS. If you acknowledge that your partner isn't a great cook (and say it once) are you all of a sudden spending a bunch of time talking about your partner's flaws?

I don't know how to clear up your misunderstanding, but I always try to be positive and fair. I hate seeing her feel bad, and I hate relationships where one partner tries to control the other or exerts any amount of superiority. *sigh*, even though you are completely wrong in your analysis you still have my blood boiling a bit haha. I guess that is the result of somebody insulting what you consider most precious in your life..

Quote:In the case of the spouse writing the book and becoming a multimillionaire from it, the other spouse is certainly entitled to compensation for making it possible for the writing spouse to devote the time to writing and marketing of said book. Half of the proceeds? Maybe not. But having a moral and legal right to share in the rewards of two people's hard work? Yes.
Fair enough depending on the situation.

Well, I guess the both of us are blood-boiling a little bit, me from the impression I got from your first and subsequent posts about the relationship and how disrespectful you seemed to be when writing about your partner. I'll take your word for it that you guys are copacetic and apologize for getting testy in tone.

While I understand that reasons for prenups vary, I would never agree to enter one, and it would feel to me as though there were trust and power issues in play that would make me reluctant to continue the relationship in any form.
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17-11-2015, 10:33 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
(17-11-2015 12:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  I'm fine with the idea of prenuptial agreements to protect both sides. But I also feel after a certain number of years they should be vacated.

However. The longer you're with a person the harder it is to enforce. After 20 or more years is it exactly fair to just be able to walk away and say all this is mine, leaving the other person with basically nothing?

Also you will likely acquire assets together, like at some point you might want to sell your house or add her name to the title (This is often done to protect the spouse in the event something happens to you).

People are fucked up when money involved. I've seen go to blows over essentially nothing.

I thought prenups only effected what you have before you got married?
ie: if you're worth $1mill before you get married and become worth $5mill after. If you get divorced you keep $1mill as per the prenup and you split the $4mill.

Where's BnW when you need him?

Quote:Prenups undermine the basic contractual foundation of marriage.

No they don't.

Quote:If you had to choose between all of your money or your girlfriend, what would you choose?

If its your money, dont get married.

That doesn't relate at all. Like.. at all...
Prenup is choose between having it all, money and girlfriend, and if shit hits the fan he doesn't end up with nothing, neither the girlfriend or the money.

There's no choice between one or the other, your question makes no sense.

Quote:Joint ownership of everything for me and Manly regardless of who was bringing what then and what we have since. Easiest for estate purposes and shit. If we die simultaneously then the feeding frenzy of the heirs will be hilarious. Big Grin

I feel like in your situation it would be a death sentence to ask her for a prenup.
So is this a "this is what I do and think" situation or a "this is what I do because I'm terrified she'll kill me" situation? Consider

Quote:I just said I wouldn't personally agree to one.

Because you're probably poor/average and aren't a good saver.
Easy for you to say when you married someone close to you in wealth.
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18-11-2015, 05:51 AM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
I'm not a fan of marriage, so I'm not a fan of prenups. What does love have to do with paperwork? I don't see why anyone should get married, unless they want to have kids (and even then I'd personally think about it a lot before deciding anything). When there are kids in the picture, money is important.

In the case of no kids though, I don't understand the logic of "I love you and I want to spend my life with you, but in case things go wrong, I really want to keep my money." You're basically telling the person you love that you think there's a chance they may turn into a horrible person in the future. Maybe it's because I'm still too young, but that's how I feel.

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18-11-2015, 06:26 AM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
Marriage is a contract.

You don't sign a contract that favors the other person, just to prove you love them. This is akin to driving a high dollar car without insurance, to prove you're a good driver.

If she's unwilling to sign a pre-nup ---- run, don't walk away -- run....

.......................................

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18-11-2015, 06:41 AM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
Never married. Never divorced.

Is there a prize I win?

YES! Freedom. Wink

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
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18-11-2015, 12:08 PM
RE: Divorce and Prenups
(18-11-2015 05:51 AM)undergroundp Wrote:  I'm not a fan of marriage, so I'm not a fan of prenups. What does love have to do with paperwork? I don't see why anyone should get married, unless they want to have kids (and even then I'd personally think about it a lot before deciding anything). When there are kids in the picture, money is important.

In the case of no kids though, I don't understand the logic of "I love you and I want to spend my life with you, but in case things go wrong, I really want to keep my money." You're basically telling the person you love that you think there's a chance they may turn into a horrible person in the future. Maybe it's because I'm still too young, but that's how I feel.

The divorce rate is what? 50%?
It's realistic to look at all the possible outcomes, we put a lot of thought into all major life decisions such as buying a car or house and other things so why not marriage?

You can't tell what people are gonna like down the road. You and your partner might just simply drift apart and mutually decide to divorce or you might have a massive spat and it might break up nastily.

I really don't see the harm in being realistic. You don't get house insurance because you know or want your house to burn down, you do it because it's a possibility and you want cover in case that horrible thing happens.
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