Do I tell my son?
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03-01-2015, 03:11 AM
RE: Do I tell my son?
(02-01-2015 03:53 PM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  Sounds like he's a really smart kid. So I say tell him, as it will be a revelation, and a relief, to himself why's he's different. My little brother was diagnosed with Autism, pretty early, and has done amazingly well. Better than anyone ever thought. He knows he's different, and it's almost a non-issue now. In the same way it's a relief to you, it can be (but probably on a different level) to him. He can read about it, see where he fits in, how and why he fits the mold, and (as always), he can say "Well I don't have that part, but I do have that part". He's old enough now he may discover it on his own, soon. You can offer to guide him with resources you know about, so he gets that there are some very positive aspects of it.

Thank you so much for sharing, this is the kind of anecdotal knowledge I need.

Smart? Absolutely. At 13 he won a Maths prize from a reknowned UK mathematical institution (I won't name it). He's also uncommonly good looking, which he has his mother to thank for. Smile

What resonates so much about your post here is the "Well I don't have that part, but I do have that part": he, like other AS people, strives to find rules by which to live by (because they cannot intuit it). I can see him thinking this way and yes, it does give me more assurance that it would be the right thing for him.

Thanks.

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03-01-2015, 12:19 PM
RE: Do I tell my son?
I say tell him, if nothing else, to help him.

I'm an introvert. That's been true all my life and I've always been aware of it, but I never really understood that there was a name for it. When people used the word I thought they were just talking about someone who was socially inept or apathetic -- broken, in a sense. It wasn't until this past year that I got prodded into researching introversion, to understand what it actually is. When I finally did the research, it was a hugely cathartic experience. I was able to recognize my tendencies and preferences as signifying that I was not broken, so much as working in a different way. Having the weaknesses of introversion spelled out in detail, combined with an analysis of the underlying causation, allowed me to approach them rationally and address them in a way I'd never been able to before. Seeing the strengths spelled out not only helped me realize that the weaknesses had offsetting advantages, but helped me be less frustrated with and more tolerant of people who did not share those strengths.

I don't know much about Asperger's (and I would never wish to suggest that everyday introversion is as serious), but what little I do know suggests that the same understanding might reap similar benefits.
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03-01-2015, 12:34 PM
RE: Do I tell my son?
(03-01-2015 12:19 PM)Reltzik Wrote:  I say tell him, if nothing else, to help him.

I'm an introvert.......It wasn't until this past year that I got prodded into researching introversion, to understand what it actually is. When I finally did the research, it was a hugely cathartic experience.

There is definitely a theme developing here. Thanks for sharing this, it adds weight to feeling that this is the right thing to do...

"I don't mind being wrong...it's a time I get to learn something new..."
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N.B: I routinely make edits to posts to correct grammar or spelling, or to restate a point more clearly. I only notify edits if they materially change meaning.
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03-01-2015, 12:39 PM
RE: Do I tell my son?
(03-01-2015 12:34 PM)gofish! Wrote:  There is definitely a theme developing here. Thanks for sharing this, it adds weight to feeling that this is the right thing to do...

If he had been diagnosed with a physical condition that could affect his development would you tell him that?

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03-01-2015, 12:47 PM
RE: Do I tell my son?
(03-01-2015 12:39 PM)unfogged Wrote:  
(03-01-2015 12:34 PM)gofish! Wrote:  There is definitely a theme developing here. Thanks for sharing this, it adds weight to feeling that this is the right thing to do...

If he had been diagnosed with a physical condition that could affect his development would you tell him that?

An interesting question that helps me focus mine.

Which is this: does the benefit of telling him about his condition outweigh the possible downsides?

For me, this is therefore all about how he receives the news (badlly/stoicly/indifference, etc) and what he does with it (adjust better/lose confidence, etc).

I then look at the delta with how things are now. And actually, that's the nub of the question: things are pretty good now. If telling him makes things better, it may be hugely beneficial but, equally, it might not make a huge impression.

However, if it upsets the reasonably well balanced apple-cart we have now?

Basically, it's a risk assessment.

In your example, I'd say it depends on the condition, but let's say it was, for example, motor neuron disease. Yes, I think I would tell him, because in that case, he'd need every minute available both to live his life and prepare.

"I don't mind being wrong...it's a time I get to learn something new..."
Me.
N.B: I routinely make edits to posts to correct grammar or spelling, or to restate a point more clearly. I only notify edits if they materially change meaning.
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04-01-2015, 07:36 AM
RE: Do I tell my son?
Just a quick post to thank you all for your input. Between you all, you've given much for my wife and I to think about and much to hope for.

It may be a little while, but I promise to necropost this thread (with advanced apologies to KC Smile ) with an update when I have one.

Once again, thank you. You guys are proof positive that it is the human mind that is capable of all the good things for which religion falsely takes credit.

And that is a far more beautiful thing to contemplate than any guy-in-the-sky.

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04-01-2015, 07:49 AM
RE: Do I tell my son?
When you know that you aren't quite the same as most other people it can be a comfort to not only know why but to know that you aren't the only one. I think this applies to a lot of things.

Talk to him, open the door to questions and then find the answers together.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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04-01-2015, 10:03 AM
RE: Do I tell my son?
(02-01-2015 12:36 PM)gofish! Wrote:  ...
my research into his condition, as well as a strange familiarity about some of his experiences is leading me to the conclusion that I may well be an undiagnosed Asperger case.
...

I seem to be late to the party and others have already said what I would have said so all I want to add is...

In this, you are not alone.

And, the bit about the good-looking-genes coming from the mother's side... that too.

There are some on-line tests for Aspie self-diagnosis that you might like to try. And don't forget that genes are inherited from both mother and father so maybe your wife could try the test too.

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04-01-2015, 10:23 AM
RE: Do I tell my son?
(04-01-2015 10:03 AM)DLJ Wrote:  
(02-01-2015 12:36 PM)gofish! Wrote:  ...
my research into his condition, as well as a strange familiarity about some of his experiences is leading me to the conclusion that I may well be an undiagnosed Asperger case.
...

I seem to be late to the party and others have already said what I would have said so all I want to add is...

In this, you are not alone.

And, the bit about the good-looking-genes coming from the mother's side... that too.

There are some on-line tests for Aspie self-diagnosis that you might like to try. And don't forget that genes are inherited from both mother and father so maybe your wife could try the test too.

Would you be so kind as to provide link(s) to tests that you think are credible?

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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04-01-2015, 10:44 AM (This post was last modified: 04-01-2015 10:49 AM by DLJ.)
RE: Do I tell my son?
(04-01-2015 10:23 AM)Anjele Wrote:  ...

Would you be so kind as to provide link(s) to tests that you think are credible?

I've been trying to find the one (or two) that Luminon posted. My search criteria abilities are failing me.

EDIT: Found it. Link embedded in post #3

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