Do you think a funeral/ceremony/burial for the dead is important?
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22-05-2014, 06:59 PM
RE: Do you think a funeral/ceremony/burial for the dead is important?
My dad didn't want anything along the lines of a funeral. Kind of like Girly said...dad would still be haunting us if we had spent a bunch of the money he worked hard for on something like that.

He was cremated and we have scattered some ashes though still have a couple more stops to make with that.

We did have a small gathering at the American Legion hall he frequented. Those guys were a huge help to dad and to us during his last months. We had some snacks and adult beverages and swapped stories. We also gave their lending closet a lot of dad's things, especially durable medical goods. It was a great way for us to meet and thank the guys that were there for dad when we weren't there.

We also had a small gathering at the golf course in his home town...as my brother said, golf was dad's religion. He not only loved it but he was on the board of directors for many years and even worked as greens keeper there because he loved that place.

We really didn't spend much at all...but I bet if I ever ran into him again he would still kick my ass for doing anything at all in the way of a memorial.

Sounds like this kind of got dumped on you...go with what your gut.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

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22-05-2014, 07:29 PM
RE: Do you think a funeral/ceremony/burial for the dead is important?
I consider cremation/scattering ashes a 'proper' choice, not just burial.

I would do something (it doesn't even have to be formal), just saying a few words before scattering her ashes. Maybe about the relationship you hoped to have and its unfortunate that it never happened. Tell her children- they might want to say something or just be present.

I would like to think that when I die that at least one person in this world cared enough to say a little something nice.


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22-05-2014, 07:37 PM (This post was last modified: 22-05-2014 07:42 PM by Bucky Ball.)
RE: Do you think a funeral/ceremony/burial for the dead is important?
You should cremate her because that's what reasonable ecologically minded humans do in 2014, (the cost is irrelevant), and return her ashes to the universe, (the sea, a mountain, a flower bed) from where she came, and respectfully, and privately with as much ritual as you care to bring to it, (a poem, some music). Then go eat, and raise a good glass of wine in her memory and know you've done your part.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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22-05-2014, 07:40 PM
RE: Do you think a funeral/ceremony/burial for the dead is important?
Why would I care once I am dead???

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22-05-2014, 07:41 PM
RE: Do you think a funeral/ceremony/burial for the dead is important?
(22-05-2014 07:40 PM)The Germans are coming Wrote:  Why would I care once I am dead???

The OP is wanting to be a decent person. This isn't about the person that died caring one way or another.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

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22-05-2014, 07:56 PM
RE: Do you think a funeral/ceremony/burial for the dead is important?
Welcome to the forum!

So sorry about the loss of your cousin. I wish you strength over the next while, it sounds like it's not easy for you despite your feelings and the terms she left everyone with.

Do what gives you and your family closure. I do think some sort of gesture is important to close her life chapter, but this in no way has to be reflected in how much money is spent on her passing. Like others, I lean toward the most economical and environmental choice as possible. I've always thought bio urns were a good choice, they are about $100US after cremation. http://urnabios.com

I hope you can find a decision that is right for you soon. Smile
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22-05-2014, 08:13 PM
RE: Do you think a funeral/ceremony/burial for the dead is important?
If they were a good person who was important in your life, I think it's best to at least have a wake because you can celebrate the kind of person they were. Cherished memories of my loved ones is the only form of "life after death" that I accept. However, I must say I get pissed off by the way that most funeral homes try to make the occasion as sad as possible by, say, showing pictures accompanied by sad music. It should be a celebration of their life, not the mourning of their death. Irish wake anyone? I personally want to donate whatever organs I can and have the rest cremated. There is no sense in having an expensive casket take up space in an expensive private plot when my body is just going to turn inside out and smell something awful.
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22-05-2014, 08:32 PM
RE: Do you think a funeral/ceremony/burial for the dead is important?
It's always a delicate balancing act between what the deceased wanted, what you want, and what you can pay for.

My parents specifically wanted no service. I had friends of theirs beg me to have something for them. I did not.

My father's ashes were preserved until my mother died. I had to mix them together and spread them in 4 different places. Quite a surprise to me was the sheer weight of the ashes, and the quantity. I had to mix them in a steel bowl, pondering the whole time if that was proper. Should I have used a porcelain bowl? A silver bowl? What's the proper vessel that shows the correct amount of respect? And the four portions for the four places - are plastic baggies too casual? Yeah, stupid questions, but those kind of things run through your mind.

So........ show respect, do the best you can balancing all the choices. Nobody can fault you for that.

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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23-05-2014, 06:13 AM
RE: Do you think a funeral/ceremony/burial for the dead is important?
Like others said the service is for the living, not the dead. It is a time to grieve, say good by, support and be supported by friends, etc. My dad will not have a funeral. He is donating his body to science. My mom is going to have a memorial service. We will probably do the full catholic funerial for her. I am having a going away party. If I die suddenly my wife has aggred to have a party with my friends and famly to let them know one last time I loved them. If I get a termainal desiese I am going to be there and do it in person.

To the OP, do what you feel is appropriate in the constraints of what you can afford.
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23-05-2014, 06:48 AM
RE: Do you think a funeral/ceremony/burial for the dead is important?
Funerals are important ceremonies; they provide closure for survivors. All cultures have specific things that are done to honor the dead, but these ceremonies are for the living--and they are culturally ingrained in us.

That said, there are ways financially strapped families can conduct a family funeral. Conduct a wake with pictures of the deceased and without the deceased's remains--pot luck, everyone bring food--choose someone or many to stand and say something (nice) they know or remember about the deceased or just take turns speaking.

Check with the county coroner and find out how much it will cost for the county to cremate the deceased: regular base funeral cost for cremation, no frills--up to 5,000; county cost maybe 600.00. They are usually willing to release the ashes for this fee.

If no one can come up with the county cremation fee, then leave the deceased unclaimed ( nothing wrong with that) and have a gathering to say goodbye.

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." Orson Welles
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