Doc's Ebonic Sunday skoo, foo'
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 9 Votes - 4.22 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
12-04-2013, 01:03 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(11-04-2013 10:38 PM)Cardinal Smurf Wrote:  Lol, Mark doesn't know what a virgin is. Laughat

Yeah.....I've only done about 2000 pap smears. I guess when I get a bit more experienced I'll know more.
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like Mark Fulton's post
12-04-2013, 02:04 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Interesting thread and post. Leave my mark here to remind me of coming back often when days seem gloomy.

Want something? Then do something.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
12-04-2013, 05:08 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(10-04-2013 06:14 PM)kingschosen Wrote:  So... what was God's word inspired for ie the reason?

To teach science? No... there is no such attempt in the Bible.
To teach math? Again... no.

...

It teaches us about God, His plan, His characterstics, our covenant relationship with Him, and to a lesser degree; the history of His interactions with us.

Why are you under the impression that "God-inspired" and "factual" are not compatible? If God is omniscient (as I'm sure you believe) and He acted as editor (otherwise "God-inspired" doesn't mean anything to us non-believers) then we should all expect it to be factual. That is his job as "inspirer", is it not?

Furthermore, if the bible "teaches us about God" but hasn't been fact-checked, then why should we expect that it actually teaches us anything true about God? It seems that Christians who don't take the bible literally give certain passages the benefit of the doubt, despite the evidence that they themselves have for not doing so.

My girlfriend is mad at me. Perhaps I shouldn't have tried cooking a stick in her non-stick pan.
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Starcrash's post
12-04-2013, 05:20 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(09-04-2013 10:56 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  
Quote:I was under the impression that judges such as Deborah were picked because of their weaknesses, rather than "strengths and force of personality".

Starcrash,
Please enlighten humble self.

Doc

I listened to a sermon as a child about how the Judges were an example of God using the weakest of the Israelites to lead powerfully. Deborah, being a woman, was seen as unfit to be a leader (from the contemporary point-of-view, not from our own) and so that's why she became a leader. Besides the examples I already provided (The specifically weakest of the weak in family -- Gideon -- and a left-hander named Ehud) there was Samson who had a literal weakness (his hair-cutting) and a more philosophical one (his love of the wrong woman), a foreigner/non-Israelite named Shamgar, a nomadic tribesman named Jair, and a murderer named Abimelech.

There is little said about half the judges, so I'm not sure how this theory holds up given the entirety of the judges, but it was convincing at the time.

My girlfriend is mad at me. Perhaps I shouldn't have tried cooking a stick in her non-stick pan.
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Starcrash's post
12-04-2013, 05:25 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Doc: Class, gather around. Are you ready for your next lesson? Today, we are going to learn about God's love for Job.

JAH (raising a hand): But you were going to tell us how the Israelites found out if the Midnight women were virgins or not.

Doc: You mean Midianite women. Ah yes, you see, there was a very simple way. They would do a "pelvic examination" and look at the woman's private parts (whole class giggling). That would tell them if a woman was a virgin or not.

JAH: These were untrained Israelite soldiers doing the examination, correct? Is that how doctors do it today?

Doc: No, you see, the unbelieving doctors don't think that there is a test for virginity nowadays, but God could reveal to the ancient Israelite soldiers who was a virgin or not. Also, some scholars say that married women could be identified by their clothing and jewelry obviating the need for an exam.

JAH: Do all women wear their finery everyday? What if a married woman was caught wearing her work-a-day clothes? She would have escaped death and God would not have been pleased with that. Also, how long would it take to do one of these "pelvic examinations"?

Doc: Well, a modern doc could do a pelvic exam in 2 or 3 minutes, but maybe the ancient soldiers could do one in 15 seconds.

JAH (counting fingers): But, but... that means if they examined 50,000 women it would have taken them 8 days of cumulative non-stop examination to get through all 50,000 women!

Doc: That's right. Isn't God wonderful, boys and girls? The women got to stand in lines while waiting to be examined and to learn their fates.

JAH: But that's reminiscent of the Nazi selection process! (JAH always did do well in vocabulary and history).

Doc: Yes (thinking to self, "must change topic"). Who wants to learn about Job and God's love?

All: Awww! But what happened to the virgins?

Doc: Next time, kids, next time.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes docskeptic's post
12-04-2013, 11:31 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
OK Doc get to the virgins, I know the males here want to.

But first you must do Job, I had to read that book in a first year college class and all I can remember is he got screwed but ended up liking it. Odd for a very heterosexual god.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
12-04-2013, 12:04 PM (This post was last modified: 12-04-2013 12:44 PM by docskeptic.)
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Doc is discovered at his desk, dreaming of tom yum soup

JAH: Uh, sir?

Doc: Hmmm?

JAH: It's time for our lesson.

Doc: Already? Oh, all right. Turn to the book of Job, boys and girls.

JAH: But you promised you would tell us what happened to the Mi-di-an-ite virgins.

Doc: Yes, I did, didn't I? Oh well, it's time for your math lesson anyway. You see, the Lord told Moses to divide the 32,000 virgins into two groups and give half to the Israelite army and half to the people of Israel. Who can tell me how many virgins were in each group? Yes, JAH?

JAH (brightly): 16,000!

Doc: Very good. God then told Moses to take one out of every 500 women from the army's share and to set them aside for himself (God, I mean). He also ordered one out of every fifty women from the people's share to be given to the Levites. How many is that? Anyone, besides JAH?

HU Junyuan: 32 for the Lord and 320 for the Levites! But who were the Levites?

Doc (impressed): Oh, they were a special tribe that God kept apart for himself. They did the work in his temple and did not go to war.

JAH: But what did God want with virgins? And what did the Levites do with the virgins? Did they... (whispering in Doc's ear)?

Doc (blushing furiously): Of course not! I don't know what they did with them but they did not do that! Maybe they served God in the temple and helped keep the Levites' homes?

JAH: Why did they have to be virgins then?

Doc (despairingly): I don't know! Ask Mr. PleaseJesus, the principal. He might know. That's it for now, boys and girls. Remember to study up on the book of Job for our next lesson.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes docskeptic's post
12-04-2013, 02:59 PM
DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
This is beginning to sound more like math class. I guess I should expect that from the OT.

*sets off to satisfy sudden mysterious craving for Tom Yum Koong*
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
13-04-2013, 06:43 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Doc (a little nervously): Boys and girls, your parents do know that we talk about stuff like this in class, don't they? Did you bring back those permission slips I sent home with you last time?

All: Yes, sir. Here they are

Doc: Thank God. I mean, oh, good. Give 'em to me. Now, are you all ready to start today's lesson about Job?

HU Junyuang (goaded on by Cardinal Smurf and Chas, both enormously titillated by the topic): Uh, sir? Was the story of the Midianite women the only story of virgins in the Bible?

Doc (a guileless soul, walks right into the trap): Why no, my dear. The Bible is full of stories about virgins and how much God loves them. Perhaps you'd like to hear a story about how useful he made a young virgin?

All: Yes!

Doc: Well then, in 1 Kings 1:2 we read about how King David, when he was old, became cold in his bones. So, his advisors advised him to find a beautiful virgin who could lie with him and warm him up. They then held a beauty contest and the winner of the contest got to sleep with King David in his bed and warm him up! See, God loved David so much; he took care of him even when he was old and called him a "man after my own heart".

HU Junyuan: Didn't they have blankets or hot water bottles?

Doc: Of course they did, but a woman could keep the king warmer better than those things could. You'll understand when you are older (sadly underestimating the kids' level of sophistication).

HU Junyuan: Why did she have to be a virgin or pretty then? Wouldn't any old woman do? And wasn't King David already married many times? Why couldn't his wives keep him warm? And didn't King David have Uriah murdered so that he could sleep with his wife? And didn't King David murder two hundred Philistines so that he could cut off their foreskins as a present for his wife (HU Junyuan had recently won the Scripture Knowledge prize)? Why did God care for him then?

Doc (sensing the topic slipping away from him): Never you mind! Go clean the chalkboard and the duster!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes docskeptic's post
13-04-2013, 08:09 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Dear Doc, it's taken me a while to get into the rhythm of your lectures but I'm enjoying them more and more. You have a bit of Twain in you...don't stop.
FC

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Full Circle's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: