Doc's Ebonic Sunday skoo, foo'
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13-04-2013, 11:27 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(13-04-2013 08:09 AM)Full Circle Wrote:  Dear Doc, it's taken me a while to get into the rhythm of your lectures but I'm enjoying them more and more. You have a bit of Twain in you...don't stop.
FC

Full Circle,

Wow, that's quite a compliment! Twain, eh? I was hoping for a Wodehouse, but Twain may be just as good. I will go as long as I can. I have a bit of a confession to make. Some of my posts are minimally reworked missives from a discussion elsewhere, edited and adapted to the current forum. I feel better now that that's off my chest.

Doc
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13-04-2013, 11:34 AM
DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(13-04-2013 11:27 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  
(13-04-2013 08:09 AM)Full Circle Wrote:  Dear Doc, it's taken me a while to get into the rhythm of your lectures but I'm enjoying them more and more. You have a bit of Twain in you...don't stop.
FC

Full Circle,

Wow, that's quite a compliment! Twain, eh? I was hoping for a Wodehouse, but Twain may be just as good. I will go as long as I can. I have a bit of a confession to make. Some of my posts are minimally reworked missives from a discussion elsewhere, edited and adapted to the current forum. I feel better now that that's off my chest.

Doc

I can see Wodehouse too. Well done. Carry on.
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13-04-2013, 11:37 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(13-04-2013 11:27 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  
(13-04-2013 08:09 AM)Full Circle Wrote:  Dear Doc, it's taken me a while to get into the rhythm of your lectures but I'm enjoying them more and more. You have a bit of Twain in you...don't stop.
FC

Full Circle,

Wow, that's quite a compliment! Twain, eh? I was hoping for a Wodehouse, but Twain may be just as good. I will go as long as I can. I have a bit of a confession to make. Some of my posts are minimally reworked missives from a discussion elsewhere, edited and adapted to the current forum. I feel better now that that's off my chest.

Doc

Doc I have a question about the exodus. Since the jews were only freed by a massive showing of El/Yewah's power why did the second Moses stopped to get GPS updates and a new rule book from god did they immediately start worshiping a golden calf? Would not the months of continuous miracles and intervention by a supreme being not be proof enough?

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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13-04-2013, 04:52 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Doc I have a question about the exodus. Since the jews were only freed by a massive showing of El/Yewah's power why did the second Moses stopped to get GPS updates and a new rule book from god did they immediately start worshiping a golden calf? Would not the months of continuous miracles and intervention by a supreme being not be proof enough?
[/quote]

Revenant,

When I was a Christian, I often wondered that myself. I told myself that, if I saw God perform similar miracles, I would never doubt. But, alas, I never saw one.

The situation is analogous to that of the disciples who were with Jesus for approximately three years and saw him perform many miracles, including those of raising the dead, and yet continued to doubt him. Even more astoundingly, in Matthew. 28:17 we read that, after his death and subsequent resurrection, when Jesus appeared to the eleven disciples, "'they worshipped him, but some doubted."' How, in the name of all that is reasonable, could some still doubt?

The Christian answer to your question is that the Jews and the disciples were simply "types" serving as examples for us. As it says in Hebrews 3:8 (the Holy Spirit is speaking): "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion, during the time of testing in the wilderness, where your ancestors tested and tried me, though for forty years they saw what I did."

The more plausible answer is, of course, that the Exodus never happened and that the Resurrection never took place. All doubts on the Jews' and the disciples' parts could then easily be explained.

Doc
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13-04-2013, 05:01 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Raises hand from the Stoner's Row in the back of the room: Dude. What was that Ezekiel cat smoking that made him think he was seeing flying saucers in the sky?





And,





Do you think that Revelatory dude at the end of the tome was doing shrooms or acid, man?

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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13-04-2013, 05:44 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Doc, looking askance at Erxomai and thinking, "Sometimes, I don't know if that boy is coming or going": We will discuss Ezekiel and John in a separate section, and you will please refrain from calling them "dudes". Now, class, open up your Bibles. It's finally time to learn about how much God loved Job.

Full Circle: But we want more stories about virgins.

All (in a preconcerted effort): Virgins! Virgins! Virgins!

Doc (agitated): Shush! Shush! Mr. PleaseJesus might hear you.

Cardinal Smurf: Virgins! Virg... (just noticing that the rest of the class has quieted down)

Doc: Alright, just one more, then do you promise to settle down and behave and let me get on with my lessons?

All: We promise!

Doc (a gullible soul): Well, then. Here's a really good one. It's all about love and sacrifice. In Judges 11, we read about Jephthah. He was the illegitimate son (class tittering) of Gilead by a prostitute (louder tittering). He fought against the Ammonites but before he left for war, he had promised God that if God helped him win the war, he would sacrifice to God as a burnt offering the first living thing that came out of his doors to greet him.

Full Circle: Well, what happened?

Doc: He won! And when he returned, the first thing that greeted him on his return was his only child, a virgin daughter. Although sad, Jephthah fulfilled his vow. Isn't that a wonderful story, kids? God was willing to accept human sacrifice as part of a vow fulfillment. This story also teaches us how to always keep our promises. (Doc, in his enthusiasm, does not notice that the kids have all turned pale).

Full Circle: But don't some scholars say that Jephthah merely condemned his daughter to perpetual virginity, rather than actually sacrificing her?

Doc (outraged): Young man, in this class, we follow the Bible literally! No matter what some namby-pamby liberal scholars may say, Judges 11:39 says that Jephthah "did to her according to the vow which he had made" and that settles that. Now write, "I will only interpret the Bible literally" a hundred times and have it on my desk by noon! (thinking to self, "must keep an eye on that one")
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13-04-2013, 07:34 PM
DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Cardinal Smurf relocates to Stoner's Row, regretting not having realized it even existed before and mulls the words "perpetual virginity" over in his mind for a bit.

Mmmmmm, perpetual virginity.
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13-04-2013, 07:42 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(13-04-2013 07:34 PM)Cardinal Smurf Wrote:  Cardinal Smurf relocates to Stoner's Row, regretting not having realized it even existed before and mulls the words "perpetual virginity" over in his mind for a bit.

Mmmmmm, perpetual virginity.
 Perpetual virginity?
Oh hell no give me a girl who knows her way around a set of jumper cables and a case of oil.... why is everyone looking at me like that? At least pass the bud. Weeping

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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13-04-2013, 08:35 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(13-04-2013 05:44 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc, looking askance at Erxomai and thinking, "Sometimes, I don't know if that boy is coming or going": We will discuss Ezekiel and John in a separate section, and you will please refrain from calling them "dudes". Now, class, open up your Bibles. It's finally time to learn about how much God loved Job.

Full Circle: But we want more stories about virgins.

All (in a preconcerted effort): Virgins! Virgins! Virgins!

Doc (agitated): Shush! Shush! Mr. PleaseJesus might hear you.

Cardinal Smurf: Virgins! Virg... (just noticing that the rest of the class has quieted down)

Doc: Alright, just one more, then do you promise to settle down and behave and let me get on with my lessons?

All: We promise!

Doc (a gullible soul): Well, then. Here's a really good one. It's all about love and sacrifice. In Judges 11, we read about Jephthah. He was the illegitimate son (class tittering) of Gilead by a prostitute (louder tittering). He fought against the Ammonites but before he left for war, he had promised God that if God helped him win the war, he would sacrifice to God as a burnt offering the first living thing that came out of his doors to greet him.

Full Circle: Well, what happened?

Doc: He won! And when he returned, the first thing that greeted him on his return was his only child, a virgin daughter. Although sad, Jephthah fulfilled his vow. Isn't that a wonderful story, kids? God was willing to accept human sacrifice as part of a vow fulfillment. This story also teaches us how to always keep our promises. (Doc, in his enthusiasm, does not notice that the kids have all turned pale).

Full Circle: But don't some scholars say that Jephthah merely condemned his daughter to perpetual virginity, rather than actually sacrificing her?

Doc (outraged): Young man, in this class, we follow the Bible literally! No matter what some namby-pamby liberal scholars may say, Judges 11:39 says that Jephthah "did to her according to the vow which he had made" and that settles that. Now write, "I will only interpret the Bible literally" a hundred times and have it on my desk by noon! (thinking to self, "must keep an eye on that one")


Fine, fine! I'll only interpret the Bible literally. So Doc, why in the hell is Jepthathath, whatever his name is, fighting a bunch of squid-like creatures? I mean what the hell did the cephalopods do to piss Jepthro off? I say leave the fucking Ammonites alone. (sorry for the foul language, Doc, the Stoner's row made me say that).

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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13-04-2013, 09:04 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(13-04-2013 08:35 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  
(13-04-2013 05:44 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc, looking askance at Erxomai and thinking, "Sometimes, I don't know if that boy is coming or going": We will discuss Ezekiel and John in a separate section, and you will please refrain from calling them "dudes". Now, class, open up your Bibles. It's finally time to learn about how much God loved Job.

Full Circle: But we want more stories about virgins.

All (in a preconcerted effort): Virgins! Virgins! Virgins!

Doc (agitated): Shush! Shush! Mr. PleaseJesus might hear you.

Cardinal Smurf: Virgins! Virg... (just noticing that the rest of the class has quieted down)

Doc: Alright, just one more, then do you promise to settle down and behave and let me get on with my lessons?

All: We promise!

Doc (a gullible soul): Well, then. Here's a really good one. It's all about love and sacrifice. In Judges 11, we read about Jephthah. He was the illegitimate son (class tittering) of Gilead by a prostitute (louder tittering). He fought against the Ammonites but before he left for war, he had promised God that if God helped him win the war, he would sacrifice to God as a burnt offering the first living thing that came out of his doors to greet him.

Full Circle: Well, what happened?

Doc: He won! And when he returned, the first thing that greeted him on his return was his only child, a virgin daughter. Although sad, Jephthah fulfilled his vow. Isn't that a wonderful story, kids? God was willing to accept human sacrifice as part of a vow fulfillment. This story also teaches us how to always keep our promises. (Doc, in his enthusiasm, does not notice that the kids have all turned pale).

Full Circle: But don't some scholars say that Jephthah merely condemned his daughter to perpetual virginity, rather than actually sacrificing her?

Doc (outraged): Young man, in this class, we follow the Bible literally! No matter what some namby-pamby liberal scholars may say, Judges 11:39 says that Jephthah "did to her according to the vow which he had made" and that settles that. Now write, "I will only interpret the Bible literally" a hundred times and have it on my desk by noon! (thinking to self, "must keep an eye on that one")


Fine, fine! I'll only interpret the Bible literally. So Doc, why in the hell is Jepthathath, whatever his name is, fighting a bunch of squid-like creatures? I mean what the hell did the cephalopods do to piss Jepthro off? I say leave the fucking Ammonites alone. (sorry for the foul language, Doc, the Stoner's row made me say that).


"Oops, you said Amorites? My bad."

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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