Doc's Ebonic Sunday skoo, foo'
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03-06-2013, 05:13 PM
RE: DOC'S TITANIC THUNDAY THCHOOL (ITS UNTHINKABLE)
Cardinal, there is plenty of all that in the bible. Surely doc can find something in there to add to his proto-rap.
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03-06-2013, 05:24 PM
RE: DOC'S TITANIC THUNDAY THCHOOL (ITS UNTHINKABLE)
Haiku, anyone?

Doc
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03-06-2013, 05:39 PM
RE: DOC'S TITANIC THUNDAY THCHOOL (ITS UNTHINKABLE)
(03-06-2013 05:24 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  Haiku, anyone?

Doc

I am the Lord God
I am the Ultimate Source
I am a phantom

Call Me as you will
I respond as does the wind
I am never there

A Figment of Yours
A Curse upon all the land
Evil has become Me

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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03-06-2013, 05:50 PM
RE: DOC'S TITANIC THUNDAY THCHOOL (ITS UNTHINKABLE)
(03-06-2013 06:13 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Kim: But didn't he flee to Egypt as an infant to escape the wrath of Herod the Great?

Doc, gingerly placing an ice-pack on his head: Ah, yes. I'd forgotten that. Matthew 2:15 says that he did so to fulfill the prophecy in Hosea 11:1 which says, "When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son."

Kim: Apropos of that portion, how can it be Christ that was the object of the prophecy when Hosea goes on to say in verse 2, "But the more I called Israel, the further they went from me. They sacrificed to the Baals and they burned incense to images"?

According to the Skeptics' Annotated Bible, these verses are about Israel's past (a literal Israel, not the Messiah). Man, the writer of Matthew sucked at understanding the Old Testament.

Also, in the spirit of the past post, a haiku:

Haiku to a Taco

Tomato, Lettuce
What meat art thou concealing?
Who cares? It's tasty.

(Stolen from an old video game -- Under a Killing Moon)

My girlfriend is mad at me. Perhaps I shouldn't have tried cooking a stick in her non-stick pan.
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04-06-2013, 07:55 AM (This post was last modified: 04-06-2013 08:50 AM by docskeptic.)
RE: DOC'S CACOFONIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (MAKING A JOYFUL NOISE UNTO THE LORD)
Karaoke night.

Soulful piano music.

God, in a breathy voice:

The Bible sounds dramatic
But I'm bad at writing words
If you don't speak Hebrew
This probably sounds pretty good.

You'd probably think I'm talking
'Bout some pretty serious stuff
But in reality I'm talking about
The lack of stuff I'm talking 'bout
This part's intense, and emotional!
As long as you don't understand it.

Your goyim grandma would love this book
Please send it to her and she'll probably
Tell her goyim friends about the book
Her grandson or daughter sent her today.
This book might hit the charts in her country
If parts sounded like Thacker-ay-ay-ay.
If the theme sounds like Thacker-ay-ay-ay.
Then I put some lo and beholds in there
Lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo and behold
Thacker-ay-ay-ay!

Hopefully your goyim grandma
reads this book everyday
and if she asks you to translate
This is what you say:
"A perfect translation does not exist,
Well at least, not in your language.
But if you must know, well picture this:
Fifty billion rainbows and the sun is setting
And the moon is setting also and you're there
In a gazebo, and then God descends from heaven
and he gives you a million dollars.
Take that feeling, and put it into a book
I could translate word by word
But that'd take too long.
And I've got stuff to do, Grandma
I don't have time for this
You gotta trust me
You gotta trust me, Grandma
This freakin' book is brilliant."

Fade to silence.


Doc, with apologies to Tobuscus
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04-06-2013, 04:56 PM
RE: DOC'S CACOFONIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (MAKING A JOYFUL NOISE UNTO THE LORD)
Can we write based on tv theme songs? Here's one to the Gilligan's Island theme.


Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful god
Who some folks say wrote a book I think it's rather odd (echo I think it's rather odd)

This god they say he knows it all and is omnipotent too,
But he made people he knew would f up, what was he to do??

The people started getting rough, the human race was lost,
And those pour souls who won't believe, into hell are tossed...

No water, no relief, and no parole for all eternity
For using reason and not swallowing inanity

So this is the tale of us atheists, we just won't fall in line
We much prefer our warped humor to religious whine.
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05-06-2013, 10:48 AM
RE: DOC'S MYOPIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (FOCUSSING ON GOD'S WORD)
Doc, picking his teeth, is interrupted by cjs: Since we were talking about the miracles of Christ, may we discuss the healing of the royal official's son who suffered from a fever as described in John 4:46-54?

Doc, in an expansive mood: Certainly, young lass, certainly. What do you wish to speak of?

cjs: The royal official's son had a fever and was close to death when his father set off from Capernaum to Cana to beg Jesus to heal his boy. Upon meeting Jesus and presenting his request, he was chastised by Jesus for seeking "a sign and wonder".

Doc: Well, yes. See, Jesus was being pestered by people asking for favors, like this man and the Canaanite woman in Matt. 15:8.

cjs: Yes, he compared her to a dog before granting her request, didn't he? In any case, Jesus grants the official's request and he sets off back to Capernaum. On the way, he meets his servants who tell him that his son was healed "yesterday, at one in the afternoon," which the father then interprets as a miracle, as that was the exact time at which he had the interview with Jesus.

Doc: Yes. Isn't that marvelous?

cjs: There's just one teensy-weensy problem. The distance from Capernaum to Cana is only about twenty miles. Since the Jews reckoned the start of a new day at six o'clock in the morning, by the time the official met his servants on the road, at least seventeen hours (possibly many more) had passed since his interview with Jesus, and he was not even all the way home yet! How is that possible? He should have covered the twenty miles in 5 or 6 hours. As a royal official, he may even have had a conveyance, further shortening the travel time. If his son was at the point of death (John 4:47), why did he not hurry home with all possible speed?

Doc: Scholars say that the man simply took Jesus at his word, believed implicitly that his son was cured, and took his time returning home, maybe even transacting some royal business in Cana. Another solution is that John may have used Roman time.

cjs: How, then, do we account for the statement that it was only after the official heard from his servants that his son was cured that "he and his whole household believed". Also, the Romans began their day at either midnight or at dawn (and not at noon as this solution would have us believe). Isn't it more likely that the author of John was not familiar with the geography of Galilee and may have assumed that the distance involved was much greater than twenty miles?

Doc (thinking to self): Darn Socratic method! Should'a stuck with the cane and rod method.
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05-06-2013, 11:31 AM
RE: DOC'S MYOPIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (FOCUSSING ON GOD'S WORD)
(05-06-2013 10:48 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc, picking his teeth, is interrupted by cjs: Since we were talking about the miracles of Christ, may we discuss the healing of the royal official's son who suffered from a fever as described in John 4:46-54?

Doc, in an expansive mood: Certainly, young lass, certainly. What do you wish to speak of?

cjs: The royal official's son had a fever and was close to death when his father set off from Capernaum to Cana to beg Jesus to heal his boy. Upon meeting Jesus and presenting his request, he was chastised by Jesus for seeking "a sign and wonder".

Doc: Well, yes. See, Jesus was being pestered by people asking for favors, like this man and the Canaanite woman in Matt. 15:8.

cjs: Yes, he compared her to a dog before granting her request, didn't he? In any case, Jesus grants the official's request and he sets off back to Capernaum. On the way, he meets his servants who tell him that his son was healed "yesterday, at one in the afternoon," which the father then interprets as a miracle, as that was the exact time at which he had the interview with Jesus.

Doc: Yes. Isn't that marvelous?

cjs: There's just one teensy-weensy problem. The distance from Capernaum to Cana is only about twenty miles. Since the Jews reckoned the start of a new day at six o'clock in the morning, by the time the official met his servants on the road, at least seventeen hours (possibly many more) had passed since his interview with Jesus, and he was not even all the way home yet! How is that possible? He should have covered the twenty miles in 5 or 6 hours. As a royal official, he may even have had a conveyance, further shortening the travel time. If his son was at the point of death (John 4:47), why did he not hurry home with all possible speed?

Doc: Scholars say that the man simply took Jesus at his word, believed implicitly that his son was cured, and took his time returning home, maybe even transacting some royal business in Cana. Another solution is that John may have used Roman time.

cjs: How, then, do we account for the statement that it was only after the official heard from his servants that his son was cured that "he and his whole household believed". Also, the Romans began their day at either midnight or at dawn (and not at noon as this solution would have us believe). Isn't it more likely that the author of John was not familiar with the geography of Galilee and may have assumed that the distance involved was much greater than twenty miles?

Doc (thinking to self): Darn Socratic method! Should'a stuck with the cane and rod method.

The problem here is that the new day starts in the evening, not the morning. Drinking Beverage

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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05-06-2013, 11:57 AM
RE: DOC'S MYOPIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (FOCUSSING ON GOD'S WORD)
[/quote]

The problem here is that the new day starts in the evening, not the morning. Drinking Beverage
[/quote]

Chas,

The situation is complex. If we use standard Jewish time, then the father met Jesus for the first time at "the seventh hour" which is 1:00 am, John 4:52. A strange time for Jesus to conduct business, but not unheard of. However, he then would have to wait till after 6:00 pm the same day for the servants to call it "yesterday". It seems in this case anyway, John started the day at 6:00 am. In either case, there had to be an inexplicable 17 hour delay.

Doc
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05-06-2013, 12:10 PM
RE: DOC'S MYOPIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (FOCUSSING ON GOD'S WORD)
I have an atheisthigmatism, and I can't "thee" a thing, and a lithp.
Doc I need to know 1 thing.
Why oh why, did god put an "s" in the word "lisp".
Does the Bible have an answer for my ontological *quetht* ?

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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