Doc's Parks and Rec Sunday School
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 9 Votes - 4.22 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
13-04-2013, 10:35 PM
DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(13-04-2013 08:35 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  (sorry for the foul language, Doc, the Stoner's row made me say that).

'S'all good dude.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
14-04-2013, 05:51 AM (This post was last modified: 14-04-2013 08:34 AM by docskeptic.)
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Doc is consoling himself after a meager lunch by listening to his pride and joy, a Walkman.

Erxomai: Dude, what are you listening to?

Doc: Oh, just my favorite song, "Sodom and Gomorrah" by the Village People. Perhaps you've heard of them? YMCA? (doing the motions).

Erxomai, mystified, shakes his head.

Doc: I'll never understand why this song never made it to the Top 10. It's catchier than their other songs and besides, disco sounds much better than that rock and/or roll or rape music that you kids listen to. What's more, the song is based on a true Bible story.

Erxomai (rolling eyes): Whatever.

The kids, sensing that a story is forthcoming, clamor for it.

Doc (pleased that the topic has nothing to do with virgins): See, in Genesis 19 we read about Sodom and Gomorrah, two of the wickedest cities that ever were. God sent two angels to investigate the towns and they stayed in Sodom in the house of Lot, the nephew of Abraham. That night, however, the men of the town crowded around Lot's house. They wanted to sleep with the angels.

Cardinal Smurf (winking at Chas): Why, were they sleepy?

Doc (ignoring the question): Lot told the men to spare the angels and to sleep with his daughters but they did not listen. For this act of hospitality, God called Lot "righteous". To punish the men, God struck them blind and made Lot and his family leave Sodom and destroyed both towns. On the way, Mrs. Lot looked back toward Sodom and was turned into a pillar of salt! That night, Lot and his daughters found a cave and moved into it. But see, there were no men left and the two daughters, who were virg... (realizing that it was too late to turn back, Doc plunges on) wanted children so badly that they slept with their father after getting him drunk.

Erxomai: But, dude, didn't God say that was a wicked
thing to do?

Doc: Well, yes. But God must have meant for that to happen, because the children that resulted were named Moab and Ben-Ammi and eventually, they became the ancestors of Jesus Christ! So it must have been alright.

Erxomai: But, dude, doesn't that mean that, if Jesus was always meant to come to earth, God also always meant to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah and that the two cities never stood a chance?

Doc: Yes. Any other questions? No? Back to work then. Break's over.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
14-04-2013, 07:22 AM (This post was last modified: 14-04-2013 08:33 AM by docskeptic.)
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(14-04-2013 05:51 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc is consoling himself after a meager lunch by listening to his pride and joy, a Walkman.

Erxomai: Dude, what are you listening to?

Doc: Oh, just my favorite song, "Sodom and Gomorrah" by the Village People. Perhaps you've heard of them? YMCA? (doing the motions).

Erxomai, mystified, shakes his head.

Doc: I'll never understand why this song never made it to the Top 10. It's catchier than their other songs and besides, disco sounds much better than that rock and/or roll or rape music that you kids listen to. What's more, the song is based on a true Bible story.

Erxomai (rolling eyes): Whatever.

The kids, sensing that a story is forthcoming, clamor for it.

Doc (pleased that the topic has nothing to do with virgins): See, in Genesis 19 we read about Sodom and Gomorrah, two of the wickedest cities that ever were. God sent two angels to investigate the towns and they stayed in Sodom in the house of Lot, the nephew of Abraham. That night, however, the men of the town crowded around Lot's house. They wanted to sleep with the angels.

Cardinal Smurf (winking at Chas): Why, were they sleepy?

Doc (ignoring the question): Lot told the men to spare the angels and to sleep with his daughters but they did not listen. For this act of hospitality, God called Lot "righteous". To punish the men, God struck them blind and made Lot and his family leave Sodom and destroyed both towns. On the way, Mrs. Lot looked back toward Sodom and was turned into a pillar of salt! That night, Lot and his daughters found a cave and moved into it. But see, there were no men left and the two daughters, who were virg... (realizing that it was too late to turn back, Doc plunges on) wanted children so badly that they slept with their father after getting him drunk.

Erxomai: But, dude, didn't God say that was a wicked thing to do?

Doc: Well, yes. But God must have meant for that to happen, because the children that resulted were named Moab and Ben-Ammi and eventually, they became the ancestors of Jesus Christ! So it must have been alright.

Erxomai: But, dude, doesn't that mean that, if Jesus was always meant to come to earth, God also always meant to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah and that the two cities never stood a chance?

Doc: Yes. Any other questions? No? Back to work then. Break's over.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
14-04-2013, 07:34 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(14-04-2013 07:22 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  
(14-04-2013 05:51 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc is consoling himself after a meager lunch by listening to his pride and joy, a Walkman.

Erxomai: Dude, what are you listening to?

Doc: Oh, just my favorite song, "Sodom and Gomorrah" by the Village People. Perhaps you've heard of them? YMCA? (doing the motions).

Erxomai, mystified, shakes his head.

Doc: I'll never understand why this song never made it to the Top 10. It's catchier than their other songs and besides, disco sounds much better than that rock and/or roll or rape music that you kids listen to. What's more, the song is based on a true Bible story.

Erxomai (rolling eyes): Whatever.

The kids, sensing that a story is forthcoming, clamor for it.

Doc (pleased that the topic has nothing to do with virgins): See, in Genesis 19 we read about Sodom and Gomorrah, two of the wickedest cities that ever were. God sent two angels to investigate the towns and they stayed in Sodom in the house of Lot, the nephew of Abraham. That night, however, the men of the town crowded around Lot's house. They wanted to sleep with the angels.

Cardinal Smurf (winking at Chas): Why, were they sleepy?

Doc (ignoring the question): Lot told the men to spare the angels and to sleep with his daughters but they did not listen. For this act of hospitality, God called Lot "righteous". To punish the men, God struck them blind and made Lot and his family leave Sodom and destroyed both towns. On the way, Mrs. Lot looked back toward Sodom and was turned into a pillar of salt! That night, Lot and his daughters found a cave and moved into it. But see, there were no men left and the two daughters, who were virg... (realizing that it was too late to turn back, Doc plunges on) wanted children so badly that they slept with their father after getting him drunk.

Erxomai: But, dude, didn't God say that was a wicked thing to do?

Doc: Well, yes. But God must have meant for that to happen, because the children that resulted were named Moab and Ben-Ammi,the founders of the Moabites and the Ammonites respectively and eventually, they became the ancestors of Jesus Christ! So it must have been alright.

Erxomai: But, dude, doesn't that mean that, if Jesus was always meant to come to earth, God also always meant to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah and that the two cities never stood a chance?

Doc: Yes. Any other questions? No? Back to work then. Break's over.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
14-04-2013, 08:45 AM (This post was last modified: 14-04-2013 08:52 AM by JAH.)
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Doc, Hey can I join stoner's row, all my other suppliers have disappeared.

Did I miss something is Job Jephthah do I need extra work, and could I get a virgin to help me.

I love how this repressive moral god loves his fucking in all forms. Must be the reason priests are so celibate.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes JAH's post
14-04-2013, 09:20 AM
DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Why would an omniscient deity need to send angels to "investigate"...anything?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
14-04-2013, 09:27 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
No, No, No Cardinal Smurf, the omniscient deity needs his angels to "investigate" because he needs the extra information they can get. He may be omniscient but sometimes he does miss things around the edges, imagine the data coming in every second. Besides since he can't have sex himself he likes to watch.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
14-04-2013, 09:58 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
My apologies for the duplicate entries. I... I was overcome from the strange fumes emanating from the back row over there.

Doc
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
14-04-2013, 10:06 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(14-04-2013 09:58 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  My apologies for the duplicate entries. I... I was overcome from the strange fumes emanating from the back row over there.

Doc

Ok we're gonna need to set up a cover charge if people are getting a contact high. Though I must admit ever since I was handed that tab of paper the concept of the bible makes more sense. "Like what if god was a plant, man, and it was like on fire"

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
14-04-2013, 09:35 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(14-04-2013 05:51 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  But, dude, doesn't that mean that, if Jesus was always meant to come to earth, God also always meant to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah and that the two cities never stood a chance?

If the bible is to be believed, then everything that happens is within God's control and all part of His plan. The creation of Hell... God's plan. Allowing the Earth to become so wicked and/or angel-fucked that it needed a flood... God's plan. Jersey Shore... God's plan. If it's all part of His plan, then no one ever "stands a chance" because their evil is (all together now) God's plan.

My girlfriend is mad at me. Perhaps I shouldn't have tried cooking a stick in her non-stick pan.
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Starcrash's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: