Doc's bishopric Sunday School (Noun or adjective? One word or two?)
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19-12-2014, 11:23 AM (This post was last modified: 19-12-2014 12:12 PM by docskeptic.)
RE: Doc's onomatopeic Sunday School (wah! wah! wah! It's my thread! I pick the name)
Doc: Listen up, kids. Time for another pop quiz! Quit griping. It's been months since your last one. So, without further ado, here we go:

1. In Isaiah 38: 7, Isaiah tells Hezekiah that God will grant him a sign by moving the shadow on a sundial back by 10 degrees, perhaps 40 minutes. Isaiah achieved this time-travel feat by:
a. Praying to God
b. Pushing the Delorean to 88 mph

2. In 1 Kings 18:46, after defeating the prophets of Baal at Mt. Carmel, it says that “The power of the Lord came on Elijah and, tucking his cloak into his belt, he ran ahead of Ahab (who was riding a chariot) all the way to Jezreel” (about 18 to 25 miles). How did Elijah achieve this remarkable feat?
a. God did it
b. “The power of the Lord” is an energy drink
c. Elijah's nickname in high school was “Flash”

3. In John 6:21, after walking on the water, Jesus got into the disciples' boat and “immediately the boat reached the shore where they were heading.” How did Jesus achieve this remarkable feat?
a. God did it
b. Tractor beam
c. Floo powder

4. In Daniel 10:13, Jesus appears to Daniel in a pre-Incarnation theophany but says that, “the prince of the Persian kingdom (the devil) resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes (an angel), came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia.” How did the devil detain Jesus for 21 days?
a. He ran around in circles saying “Nyah, nyah, nyah! Can't catch me”
b. He told Jesus in excruciating detail the problems he'd been having with his bowels lately.
c. An extraordinarily long time-share presentation.

5. In a fight between Jesus and Superman, who would win?
a. Jesus, because he wears secret kryptonite underwear, like the Mormons.
b. Batman, because Superman would get beaten to a pulp.
c. Madison Square Garden. Just think of the pay-per-view fees, baby!

6. In a moral dilemma, what would Jesus think?:
a. Worship the Father (WTF)
b. Would Moses disapprove? (WMD)
c. What would I do? (WWID)

7. What would Jesus pick?
a. PC
b. Mac
c. Linux
d. Etch-a-sketch

You have 1 hour. Your time starts...now.
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19-12-2014, 11:52 AM
RE: Doc's onomatopeic Sunday School (wah! wah! wah! It's my thread! I pick the name)
1. Cloud cover changed.
2. c
3. Waves were high already. He was really just walking on the beach. They were drunk.
4. Cyrus OWNED the time-share. He said "Get off my damn lawn already".
5. Neither. Jesus would say "Where did you get the *fabulous* cape, dear. It's stunning. and I *love* those boots". Then they would go off to Caribou for a mocha latte.
6. d. He would think : "I'm so glad I'm not Japanese and have to try to say "moral dilemma". ("molar diremma .. ah Thumbsup )
7. e. amazon kindle android app downloader (get with the program).

If you fuck with my 4.0 average, there will be hell to pay. Just sayin'.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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19-12-2014, 11:52 AM
RE: Doc's onomatopeic Sunday School (wah! wah! wah! It's my thread! I pick the name)
The Bible...the more you read the less you know. Blink

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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19-12-2014, 01:24 PM
RE: Doc's onomatopeic Sunday School (wah! wah! wah! It's my thread! I pick the name)
(19-12-2014 11:52 AM)Full Circle Wrote:  The Bible...the more you read the less you know. Blink

And vice versa Drinking Beverage

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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19-12-2014, 01:42 PM
RE: Doc's onomatopeic Sunday School (wah! wah! wah! It's my thread! I pick the name)
D: All of the above?

Blush

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23-12-2014, 12:44 PM (This post was last modified: 23-12-2014 01:47 PM by docskeptic.)
RE: Docstoevsky's Slavic Sunday School
So, I'd like to focus on item no. 4 in the quiz above. The question read as follows:

4. In Daniel 10:13, Jesus appears to Daniel in a pre-Incarnation theophany but says that, “the prince of the Persian kingdom (the devil) resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes (an angel), came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia.” How did the devil detain Jesus for 21 days?
a. He ran around in circles saying “Nyah, nyah, nyah! Can't catch me”
b. He told Jesus in excruciating detail the problems he'd been having with his bowels lately.
c. An extraordinarily long time-share presentation.

Christian commentators seem to be confused as to who this person talking to Daniel is supposed to be. Roughly half of them consider the person to be Jesus, while the remainder think that he is Gabriel, another angel of God.

The problem seems to be the verse where the Prince of Persia (no, not that Prince of Persia. This one is a euphemism for the devil), resists or detains the speaker for 21 days. Commentators realize the problem of the Devil being able to detain Jesus for any length of time. Even worse, the speaker has to enlist the assistance of Michael (a chief prince among angels) to disentangle himself from the devil. Worst of all, at the end of Daniel 10, he tells Daniel, “Do you know why I have come to you? Soon I will return to fight against the prince of Persia", indicating that the fight was not over.

For all the reasons above, some commentators feel that the speaker is an angel, not Jesus, since the circumstances are less ignominious when applied to an angel.

However, the description of the person, as wearing "a belt of fine gold from Uphaz around his waist" and "His body was like topaz, his face like lightning, his eyes like flaming torches, his arms and legs like the gleam of burnished bronze, and his voice like the sound of a multitude" resembles (but is not identical to) the men seen by Ezekiel in Ezekiel 8:21 and by John in Revelation 1 which commentators have no difficulty identifying as theophanies.

What does it mean that the Devil was able to detain the Lord for 21 days who had to call for help from an angel? What battle was going on that the Lord had to return to the fight after talking to Daniel? Any comments?

Doc
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23-12-2014, 01:04 PM
RE: Docstoevsky's Slavic Sunday School
Hey Doc, wow, I learned something new today! Thanks a lot.

Tell me something. Daniel's a fake right? I'm sure I've heard that before. So... was it faked after Jesus was born, is that why it includes this theo-whatsit? Is the theo-thingy in the Jewish text? Is there a Jewish text? I realise I could go look this stuff up... argh. I hate giving me homework Sad Will report back later.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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23-12-2014, 01:57 PM (This post was last modified: 23-12-2014 03:22 PM by Full Circle.)
RE: Docstoevsky's Slavic Sunday School
(23-12-2014 12:44 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  So, I'd like to focus on item no. 4 in the quiz above. The question read as follows:

4. In Daniel 10:13, Jesus appears to Daniel in a pre-Incarnation theophany but says that, “the prince of the Persian kingdom (the devil) resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes (an angel), came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia.” How did the devil detain Jesus for 21 days?
a. He ran around in circles saying “Nyah, nyah, nyah! Can't catch me”
b. He told Jesus in excruciating detail the problems he'd been having with his bowels lately.
c. An extraordinarily long time-share presentation.

Christian commentators seem to be confused as to who this person talking to Daniel is supposed to be. Roughly half of them consider the person to be Jesus, while the remainder think that he is Gabriel, another angel of God.

The problem seems to be the verse where the Prince of Persia (no, not that Prince of Persia. This one is a euphemism for the devil), resists or detains the speaker for 21 days. Commentators realize the problem of the Devil being able to detain Jesus for any length of time. Even worse, the speaker has to enlist the assistance of Michael (a chief prince among angels) to disentangle himself from the devil. Worst of all, at the end of Daniel 10, he tells Daniel, “Do you know why I have come to you? Soon I will return to fight against the prince of Persia", indicating that the fight was not over.

For all the reasons above, some commentators feel that the speaker is an angel, not Jesus, since the circumstances are less ignominious when applied to an angel.

However, the description of the person, as wearing "a belt of fine gold from Uphaz around his waist" and "His body was like topaz, his face like lightning, his eyes like flaming torches, his arms and legs like the gleam of burnished bronze, and his voice like the sound of a multitude" resembles (but is not identical to) the men seen by Ezekiel in Ezekiel 8:21 and by John in Revelation 1 which commentators have no difficulty identifying as theophanies.

What does it mean that the Devil was able to detain the Lord for 21 days who had to call for help from an angel? What battle was going on that the Lord had to return to the fight after talking to Daniel? Any comments?

Doc

The suspense is killing me Doc. Is this anything like
[Image: hobbit-battle-five-armies-banner-thranduill-banner.jpg]

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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23-12-2014, 01:58 PM
RE: Docstoevsky's Slavic Sunday School
Morondog,
Daniel was written before the birth of Christ but well after the supposed period in which it is set. It is supposed to describe the actions of a certain Daniel during the initial Babylonian captivity, i.e, ca. 600 BCE. It more likely dates from the 160-200 BCE period and was composed post-hoc to explain the crisis brought about by the invasion of the land (and desecration of the temple) by Antiochus Epiphanes. Christian commentators (especially the prophecy nuts) have made much of the symbolic imagery that pervades the book, since you can make symbolism fit any preconceived notion.

Doc
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23-12-2014, 02:02 PM
RE: Docstoevsky's Slavic Sunday School
(23-12-2014 01:57 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  
(23-12-2014 12:44 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  So, I'd like to focus on item no. 4 in the quiz above. The question read as follows:

4. In Daniel 10:13, Jesus appears to Daniel in a pre-Incarnation theophany but says that, “the prince of the Persian kingdom (the devil) resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes (an angel), came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia.” How did the devil detain Jesus for 21 days?
a. He ran around in circles saying “Nyah, nyah, nyah! Can't catch me”
b. He told Jesus in excruciating detail the problems he'd been having with his bowels lately.
c. An extraordinarily long time-share presentation.

Christian commentators seem to be confused as to who this person talking to Daniel is supposed to be. Roughly half of them consider the person to be Jesus, while the remainder think that he is Gabriel, another angel of God.

The problem seems to be the verse where the Prince of Persia (no, not that Prince of Persia. This one is a euphemism for the devil), resists or detains the speaker for 21 days. Commentators realize the problem of the Devil being able to detain Jesus for any length of time. Even worse, the speaker has to enlist the assistance of Michael (a chief prince among angels) to disentangle himself from the devil. Worst of all, at the end of Daniel 10, he tells Daniel, “Do you know why I have come to you? Soon I will return to fight against the prince of Persia", indicating that the fight was not over.

For all the reasons above, some commentators feel that the speaker is an angel, not Jesus, since the circumstances are less ignominious when applied to an angel.

However, the description of the person, as wearing "a belt of fine gold from Uphaz around his waist" and "His body was like topaz, his face like lightning, his eyes like flaming torches, his arms and legs like the gleam of burnished bronze, and his voice like the sound of a multitude" resembles (but is not identical to) the men seen by Ezekiel in Ezekiel 8:21 and by John in Revelation 1 which commentators have no difficulty identifying as theophanies.

What does it mean that the Devil was able to detain the Lord for 21 days who had to call for help from an angel? What battle was going on that the Lord had to return to the fight after talking to Daniel? Any comments?

Doc

The suspense is killing Doc. Is this anything like
[Image: hobbit-battle-five-armies-banner-thranduill-banner.jpg]

No. There's more action in the movie. Legolas, flitting from falling brick to falling brick, while combatting Bolg is a better fight sequence than the devil taunting Jesus.
Doc
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