Doc's bishopric Sunday School (Noun or adjective? One word or two?)
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02-07-2015, 11:43 AM
RE: Doc's archaic funday fchool
(01-07-2015 09:36 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  
(01-07-2015 06:57 AM)Chas Wrote:  Who's to say he doesn't? Consider


Oh! That would explain Exodus 33: 22-23. When Moses asked to see God face to face, God said, "(I) will cover thee with my hand while I pass by: And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts."

One wonders. What did Moses see?

Doc

This maybe?

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"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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02-07-2015, 11:53 AM
RE: Doc's archaic funday fchool
(01-07-2015 09:36 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  
(01-07-2015 06:57 AM)Chas Wrote:  Who's to say he doesn't? Consider


Oh! That would explain Exodus 33: 22-23. When Moses asked to see God face to face, God said, "(I) will cover thee with my hand while I pass by: And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts."

One wonders. What did Moses see?

Doc

God created man in his image, did he not? If so then one can easily guess what did Moses saw.

The first revolt is against the supreme tyranny of theology, of the phantom of God. As long as we have a master in heaven, we will be slaves on earth.

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02-07-2015, 12:13 PM
RE: Doc's archaic funday fchool
(01-07-2015 09:36 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Oh! That would explain Exodus 33: 22-23. When Moses asked to see God face to face, God said, "(I) will cover thee with my hand while I pass by: And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts."

One wonders. What did Moses see?

Doc

Well, if his hand was big enough to cover Moses, and we are created in his image, he is one big dude and Moses would have seen what I suspected all along - one big asshole.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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04-07-2015, 08:20 AM
RE: Doc's archaic funday fchool
Doc: That’s quite enough of the divine derriere. From now on, the only Holy Ass I want to hear about is the one Jesus rode into Jerusalem on. Now, its time for a pop quiz. Bucky, put down the straw and spitball and pay attention. Here are the questions:

1. Who killed Goliath the giant?
a. David, in the Valley of Elah, with a sling and a stone (1 Sam. 17:41-51)
b. Elhanan, at Gob, with a (possibly) sword (2 Sam. 21:19)
c. Colonel Mustard, in the library, with a lead pipe

2. How did Judas Iscariot die?
a. He hanged himself (Matt. 27:5-8)
b. He fell and his abdomen burst open (Acts 1:18-19)
c. He played drums for Spinal Tap

3. How many brothers did David have?
a. Six (1 Chron. 2:13-15)
b. Seven (1 Sam. 16:10-11)
c. √-1

4. Which of the following is true?
a. God killed all the Egyptians' beasts in the fifth plague (Exodus 9:6)
b. God killed some of the Egyptians' beasts in the seventh plague (Exodus 9:25)
c. God kills.

5. Which of the following is true?
a. God killed all the Egyptians' beasts in the fifth plague (Exodus 9:6)
b. God killed only the firstborn of the Egyptians' beasts in the tenth plague (Exodus 12:29)
c. Umm... a. No, wait, b. No, no, both. Dude, you’re sure both verses are in the Bible?

6. In Exodus 14:9 we read that the “Egyptians pursued after (the fleeing Israelites with) all the horses and chariots of Pharaoh, and his horsemen.” Keeping no. 3 and no. 4 in mind, write a 500 word essay on why horses are not beasts.

7. Where did Jesus feed the 5,000?
a. Bethsaida, following which he went to Capernaum (John 6)
b. Capernaum, following which he went to Bathsaida (Mark 6)
c. Who cares? But can we get him to cater the next TTA annual gathering?

8. Where and when did Jesus walk on water?
a. On the Sea of Galilee, en route to Capernaum from Bethsaida (John 6)
b. On the Sea of Galilee, en route to Bethsaida from Capernaum (Mark 6)
c. Jesus could always walk on water (Mary, mother of Jesus, personal communication)

You have one hour. Your time starts... now.
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04-07-2015, 08:24 AM
RE: Doc's archaic funday fchool
(04-07-2015 08:20 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc: That’s quite enough of the divine derriere. From now on, the only Holy Ass I want to hear about is the one Jesus rode into Jerusalem on. Now, its time for a pop quiz. Bucky, put down the straw and spitball and pay attention. Here are the questions:

1. Who killed Goliath the giant?
a. David, in the Valley of Elah, with a sling and a stone (1 Sam. 17:41-51)
b. Elhanan, at Gob, with a (possibly) sword (2 Sam. 21:19)
c. Colonel Mustard, in the library, with a lead pipe

2. How did Judas Iscariot die?
a. He hanged himself (Matt. 27:5-8)
b. He fell and his abdomen burst open (Acts 1:18-19)
c. He played drums for Spinal Tap

3. How many brothers did David have?
a. Six (1 Chron. 2:13-15)
b. Seven (1 Sam. 16:10-11)
c. √-1

4. Which of the following is true?
a. God killed all the Egyptians' beasts in the fifth plague (Exodus 9:6)
b. God killed some of the Egyptians' beasts in the seventh plague (Exodus 9:25)
c. God kills.

5. Which of the following is true?
a. God killed all the Egyptians' beasts in the fifth plague (Exodus 9:6)
b. God killed only the firstborn of the Egyptians' beasts in the tenth plague (Exodus 12:29)
c. Umm... a. No, wait, b. No, no, both. Dude, you’re sure both verses are in the Bible?

6. In Exodus 14:9 we read that the “Egyptians pursued after (the fleeing Israelites with) all the horses and chariots of Pharaoh, and his horsemen.” Keeping no. 3 and no. 4 in mind, write a 500 word essay on why horses are not beasts.

7. Where did Jesus feed the 5,000?
a. Bethsaida, following which he went to Capernaum (John 6)
b. Capernaum, following which he went to Bathsaida (Mark 6)
c. Who cares? But can we get him to cater the next TTA annual gathering?

8. Where and when did Jesus walk on water?
a. On the Sea of Galilee, en route to Capernaum from Bethsaida (John 6)
b. On the Sea of Galilee, en route to Bethsaida from Capernaum (Mark 6)
c. Jesus could always walk on water (Mary, mother of Jesus, personal communication)

You have one hour. Your time starts... now.

Child's play. The answers are all "C" as in "context."

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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04-07-2015, 08:31 AM
RE: Doc's archaic funday fchool
(04-07-2015 08:24 AM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  
(04-07-2015 08:20 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc: That’s quite enough of the divine derriere. From now on, the only Holy Ass I want to hear about is the one Jesus rode into Jerusalem on. Now, its time for a pop quiz. Bucky, put down the straw and spitball and pay attention. Here are the questions:

1. Who killed Goliath the giant?
a. David, in the Valley of Elah, with a sling and a stone (1 Sam. 17:41-51)
b. Elhanan, at Gob, with a (possibly) sword (2 Sam. 21:19)
c. Colonel Mustard, in the library, with a lead pipe

2. How did Judas Iscariot die?
a. He hanged himself (Matt. 27:5-8)
b. He fell and his abdomen burst open (Acts 1:18-19)
c. He played drums for Spinal Tap

3. How many brothers did David have?
a. Six (1 Chron. 2:13-15)
b. Seven (1 Sam. 16:10-11)
c. √-1

4. Which of the following is true?
a. God killed all the Egyptians' beasts in the fifth plague (Exodus 9:6)
b. God killed some of the Egyptians' beasts in the seventh plague (Exodus 9:25)
c. God kills.

5. Which of the following is true?
a. God killed all the Egyptians' beasts in the fifth plague (Exodus 9:6)
b. God killed only the firstborn of the Egyptians' beasts in the tenth plague (Exodus 12:29)
c. Umm... a. No, wait, b. No, no, both. Dude, you’re sure both verses are in the Bible?

6. In Exodus 14:9 we read that the “Egyptians pursued after (the fleeing Israelites with) all the horses and chariots of Pharaoh, and his horsemen.” Keeping no. 3 and no. 4 in mind, write a 500 word essay on why horses are not beasts.

7. Where did Jesus feed the 5,000?
a. Bethsaida, following which he went to Capernaum (John 6)
b. Capernaum, following which he went to Bathsaida (Mark 6)
c. Who cares? But can we get him to cater the next TTA annual gathering?

8. Where and when did Jesus walk on water?
a. On the Sea of Galilee, en route to Capernaum from Bethsaida (John 6)
b. On the Sea of Galilee, en route to Bethsaida from Capernaum (Mark 6)
c. Jesus could always walk on water (Mary, mother of Jesus, personal communication)

You have one hour. Your time starts... now.

Child's play. The answers are all "C" as in "context."

You missed the 500 word essay - F.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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04-07-2015, 08:42 AM
RE: Doc's archaic funday fchool
(04-07-2015 08:31 AM)Anjele Wrote:  
(04-07-2015 08:24 AM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  Child's play. The answers are all "C" as in "context."

You missed the 500 word essay - F.

I PM'd it to doc. Big Grin

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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04-07-2015, 05:26 PM
RE: Doc's archaic funday fchool
(04-07-2015 08:20 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc: That’s quite enough of the divine derriere. From now on, the only Holy Ass I want to hear about is the one Jesus rode into Jerusalem on. Now, its time for a pop quiz. Bucky, put down the straw and spitball and pay attention. Here are the questions:

1. Who killed Goliath the giant?
a. David, in the Valley of Elah, with a sling and a stone (1 Sam. 17:41-51)
b. Elhanan, at Gob, with a (possibly) sword (2 Sam. 21:19)
c. Colonel Mustard, in the library, with a lead pipe

2. How did Judas Iscariot die?
a. He hanged himself (Matt. 27:5-8)
b. He fell and his abdomen burst open (Acts 1:18-19)
c. He played drums for Spinal Tap

3. How many brothers did David have?
a. Six (1 Chron. 2:13-15)
b. Seven (1 Sam. 16:10-11)
c. √-1

4. Which of the following is true?
a. God killed all the Egyptians' beasts in the fifth plague (Exodus 9:6)
b. God killed some of the Egyptians' beasts in the seventh plague (Exodus 9:25)
c. God kills.

5. Which of the following is true?
a. God killed all the Egyptians' beasts in the fifth plague (Exodus 9:6)
b. God killed only the firstborn of the Egyptians' beasts in the tenth plague (Exodus 12:29)
c. Umm... a. No, wait, b. No, no, both. Dude, you’re sure both verses are in the Bible?

6. In Exodus 14:9 we read that the “Egyptians pursued after (the fleeing Israelites with) all the horses and chariots of Pharaoh, and his horsemen.” Keeping no. 3 and no. 4 in mind, write a 500 word essay on why horses are not beasts.

7. Where did Jesus feed the 5,000?
a. Bethsaida, following which he went to Capernaum (John 6)
b. Capernaum, following which he went to Bathsaida (Mark 6)
c. Who cares? But can we get him to cater the next TTA annual gathering?

8. Where and when did Jesus walk on water?
a. On the Sea of Galilee, en route to Capernaum from Bethsaida (John 6)
b. On the Sea of Galilee, en route to Bethsaida from Capernaum (Mark 6)
c. Jesus could always walk on water (Mary, mother of Jesus, personal communication)

You have one hour. Your time starts... now.

You inspired me to read John 6 and Mark 6. It is amazing how incredibly childish these verses are. Here is a section from John six

"47 Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life.

48 I am that bread of life.

49 Your fathers did eat manna in the wilderness, and are dead.

50 This is the bread which cometh down from heaven, that a man may eat thereof, and not die.

51 I am the living bread which came down from heaven: if any man eat of this bread, he shall live for ever: and the bread that I will give is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.

52 The Jews therefore strove among themselves, saying, How can this man give us his flesh to eat?

53 Then Jesus said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except ye eat the flesh of the Son of man, and drink his blood, ye have no life in you.

54 Whoso eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, hath eternal life; and I will raise him up at the last day.

55 For my flesh is meat indeed, and my blood is drink indeed.

56 He that eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, dwelleth in me, and I in him.

57 As the living Father hath sent me, and I live by the Father: so he that eateth me, even he shall live by me.

58 This is that bread which came down from heaven: not as your fathers did eat manna, and are dead: he that eateth of this bread shall live for ever.

59 These things said he in the synagogue, as he taught in Capernaum.

60 Many therefore of his disciples, when they had heard this, said, This is an hard saying; who can hear it?

61 When Jesus knew in himself that his disciples murmured at it, he said unto them, Doth this offend you?

62 What and if ye shall see the Son of man ascend up where he was before?

63 It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.

64 But there are some of you that believe not. For Jesus knew from the beginning who they were that believed not, and who should betray him.

65 And he said, Therefore said I unto you, that no man can come unto me, except it were given unto him of my Father.

66 From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him.

67 Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away?

68 Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life.

69 And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God."


Here we have an obviously Roman author ("John") putting words in this Jesus character's mouth. He makes out that Jesus had to explain his weird theology to unbelieving Jews.

The reader is expected to believe the rather bizarre idea that this Jesus advocated to his fellow Jews that they should eat his body and drink his blood to attain eternal life. This nonsensical idea would have been just as preposterous to Jews then, as it is, or should be, to thinking people today.

What is more, Jews never ate (or drank) blood... It was non-kosher!

The author makes out that the ancient Jews who ate bread from heaven are now dead (ie implying that Judaism is now defunct) and he (John) thinks the readers are credulous enough to believe that eating Jeebus' body and blood will grant them eternal life.

Note how the author has to repeat the same message again and again. It's like he's talking to kindergarten children.

I am surprised that Christians reading this sort of drivel with rose coloured glasses believe it.

Don't want to do derail your thread, doc. Carry on Thumbsup
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04-07-2015, 05:31 PM
RE: Doc's archaic funday fchool
The answers are all A and B, except for the essay, which I can't do just now.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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04-07-2015, 05:41 PM
RE: Doc's archaic funday fchool
(04-07-2015 08:20 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  6. In Exodus 14:9 we read that the “Egyptians pursued after (the fleeing Israelites with) all the horses and chariots of Pharaoh, and his horsemen.” Keeping no. 3 and no. 4 in mind, write a 500 word essay on why horses are not beasts.

Trick question; we should be keeping 4 and 5 in mind, not 3 and 4.
Cool

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