Doc's bishopric Sunday School (Noun or adjective? One word or two?)
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14-07-2015, 11:07 PM
RE: Doc's climactic Sunday School (Jesus is coming...again)
(13-07-2015 01:41 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  
(04-07-2015 08:20 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc: That’s quite enough of the divine derriere. From now on, the only Holy Ass I want to hear about is the one Jesus rode into Jerusalem on. Now, its time for a pop quiz. Bucky, put down the straw and spitball and pay attention. Here are the questions:

1. Who killed Goliath the giant?
a. David, in the Valley of Elah, with a sling and a stone (1 Sam. 17:41-51)
b. Elhanan, at Gob, with a (possibly) sword (2 Sam. 21:19)
c. Colonel Mustard, in the library, with a lead pipe

So, here's an interesting conundrum. How many Christians know that in 2 Samuel it was Elhanan that slew Goliath the giant, not David? Not one of my Christian relatives was even aware of this contradiction.

So, how do the cognoscenti get past this verse? Simple. By changing the verse.

Here's the literal translation (ERV):
"And there was again war with the Philistines at Gob; and Elhanan the son of Jaare, a weaver, the Bethlehemite slew Goliath the Gittite, the staff of whose spear was like a weaver's beam."

Here's the NIV (along with most modern translations):
"In another battle with the Philistines at Gob, Elhanan son of Jair the Bethlehemite killed the brother of Goliath the Gittite, who had a spear with a shaft like a weaver's rod."

Voila! Problem solved. Now when a Christian reads the Bible, there is no discrepancy. Ingenious, no?

Doc

TOC (gingerly raises hand for question): Question, Doc. In 1 Samuel, it says Goliath was from Gath and the one in 2 Samuel was a Gittite. How do we know that these are the same guy and not two different Nephilim with the same name?

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
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15-07-2015, 08:24 AM
RE: Doc's climactic Sunday School (Jesus is coming...again)
(14-07-2015 11:07 PM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  
(13-07-2015 01:41 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  So, here's an interesting conundrum. How many Christians know that in 2 Samuel it was Elhanan that slew Goliath the giant, not David? Not one of my Christian relatives was even aware of this contradiction.

So, how do the cognoscenti get past this verse? Simple. By changing the verse.

Here's the literal translation (ERV):
"And there was again war with the Philistines at Gob; and Elhanan the son of Jaare, a weaver, the Bethlehemite slew Goliath the Gittite, the staff of whose spear was like a weaver's beam."

Here's the NIV (along with most modern translations):
"In another battle with the Philistines at Gob, Elhanan son of Jair the Bethlehemite killed the brother of Goliath the Gittite, who had a spear with a shaft like a weaver's rod."

Voila! Problem solved. Now when a Christian reads the Bible, there is no discrepancy. Ingenious, no?

Doc

TOC (gingerly raises hand for question): Question, Doc. In 1 Samuel, it says Goliath was from Gath and the one in 2 Samuel was a Gittite. How do we know that these are the same guy and not two different Nephilim with the same name?

TOC,
I wondered that myself since that would be a reasonable response to expect from a Christian convinced of the infallibility of God's word. However, the Hebrew for Gittite is "ha-gitti" meaning "of Gitti". Gitti is derived from the root word Gath (meaning "winepress") and was transliterated by the KJV translators. Maybe Gittite sounded better than Gathite to them.

Also, it would be past belief that there would be two giants from the same general area, with the same name and with spears "like a weaver's beam".

Doc
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15-07-2015, 08:56 AM
RE: Doc's climactic Sunday School (Jesus is coming...again)
(15-07-2015 08:24 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  
(14-07-2015 11:07 PM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  TOC (gingerly raises hand for question): Question, Doc. In 1 Samuel, it says Goliath was from Gath and the one in 2 Samuel was a Gittite. How do we know that these are the same guy and not two different Nephilim with the same name?

TOC,
I wondered that myself since that would be a reasonable response to expect from a Christian convinced of the infallibility of God's word. However, the Hebrew for Gittite is "ha-gitti" meaning "of Gitti". Gitti is derived from the root word Gath (meaning "winepress") and was transliterated by the KJV translators. Maybe Gittite sounded better than Gathite to them.

Also, it would be past belief that there would be two giants from the same general area, with the same name and with spears "like a weaver's beam".

Doc

To be fair though, would it really be THAT much of a stretch if one believes in giants to begin with?

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
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15-07-2015, 10:20 AM
RE: Doc's climactic Sunday School (Jesus is coming...again)
[align=center]
(15-07-2015 08:56 AM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  
(15-07-2015 08:24 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  TOC,
I wondered that myself since that would be a reasonable response to expect from a Christian convinced of the infallibility of God's word. However, the Hebrew for Gittite is "ha-gitti" meaning "of Gitti". Gitti is derived from the root word Gath (meaning "winepress") and was transliterated by the KJV translators. Maybe Gittite sounded better than Gathite to them.

Also, it would be past belief that there would be two giants from the same general area, with the same name and with spears "like a weaver's beam".

Doc

To be fair though, would it really be THAT much of a stretch if one believes in giants to begin with?

Are Christians that gullible?

Doc
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16-07-2015, 06:15 AM
RE: Doc's climacteric Sunday School (change of life through Jesus)
(15-07-2015 10:20 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  [align=center]
(15-07-2015 08:56 AM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  To be fair though, would it really be THAT much of a stretch if one believes in giants to begin with?

Are Christians that gullible?

Doc

Is that a trick question? Consider

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16-07-2015, 07:21 AM
RE: Doc's climacteric Sunday School (change of life through Jesus)
(16-07-2015 06:15 AM)Chas Wrote:  
(15-07-2015 10:20 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  [align=center]
Are Christians that gullible?

Doc

Is that a trick question? Consider

That's why I didn't answer. I have to make up for the F on the last quiz.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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16-07-2015, 11:34 AM
RE: Doc's climacteric Sunday School (change of life through Jesus)
A page or so ago, I raised the issue of the Nephilim and the Cainites surviving the Flood. Here's another point to consider:

In the Septuagint version of the Old Testament, it says that Methuselah was 167 years old when he had his son Lamech. Lamech lived for 188 years before he had his firstborn, a certain Noah. Lastly, Noah lived for 600 years before God threw a hissy fit and drowned the whole earth in a Flood (with a capital F).

Totaling up the ages given (167+188+600) gives us 955 years, which was how old Methuselah was when the Flood happened. Here's the problem. The Bible specifically says that Methuselah was 969 years old when he died, which means that he outlived the Flood by 14 years!

That's the last straw. 1 Peter 3:20 specifically says that only 8 people survived the Flood - Noah, his wife, their 3 sons and 3 daughters-in-law. How did grandpa Methuselah survive? I can understand 8 people in the Ark. Millions of animals? Fine. Provender for a year for the humans and the animals? OK. T-Rexes? No problemo. Nephilim? Cainites? Bring 'em on. But a 969 year old male? Where would they find room for him?

I may have to stop believing in the Bible if this keeps up.

Doc
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16-07-2015, 11:49 AM (This post was last modified: 16-07-2015 12:00 PM by Bucky Ball.)
RE: Doc's climacteric Sunday School (change of life through Jesus)
(16-07-2015 11:34 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  I may have to stop believing in the Bible if this keeps up.
Doc

To say nothing of the room a year's Depends would take up.
I guess you just have to accept that humans are responsible for climacteric change.
Weeping

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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16-07-2015, 12:07 PM
RE: Doc's climacteric Sunday School (change of life through Jesus)
(16-07-2015 11:49 AM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  I guess you just have to accept that humans are responsible for climacteric change.
Weeping

The Flood. A climacteric finish to the whole bloody problem.

Doc
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16-07-2015, 11:17 PM
RE: Doc's climacteric Sunday School (change of life through Jesus)
(16-07-2015 11:34 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  A page or so ago, I raised the issue of the Nephilim and the Cainites surviving the Flood. Here's another point to consider:

In the Septuagint version of the Old Testament, it says that Methuselah was 167 years old when he had his son Lamech. Lamech lived for 188 years before he had his firstborn, a certain Noah. Lastly, Noah lived for 600 years before God threw a hissy fit and drowned the whole earth in a Flood (with a capital F).

Totaling up the ages given (167+188+600) gives us 955 years, which was how old Methuselah was when the Flood happened. Here's the problem. The Bible specifically says that Methuselah was 969 years old when he died, which means that he outlived the Flood by 14 years!

That's the last straw. 1 Peter 3:20 specifically says that only 8 people survived the Flood - Noah, his wife, their 3 sons and 3 daughters-in-law. How did grandpa Methuselah survive? I can understand 8 people in the Ark. Millions of animals? Fine. Provender for a year for the humans and the animals? OK. T-Rexes? No problemo. Nephilim? Cainites? Bring 'em on. But a 969 year old male? Where would they find room for him?

I may have to stop believing in the Bible if this keeps up.

Doc

Thinking about it, wouldn't there have been a few people in possession of boats at the time of the flood, other than Noah? I mean, Noah had to save the whole world but one woulda thought that a few enterprising humans would have scratched together some sorta survival solution without too much of a problem while the bathtub was filling up? We're not that fucking dumb, even if we're super sinful. Maybe God just sank those other boats... can't have anyone escaping that loving father's genocide.

Second question: where the fuck did all the water go afterwards?
First question: where the fuck did all the water come from?

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(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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