Doc's bishopric Sunday School (Noun or adjective? One word or two?)
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 9 Votes - 4.22 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
15-04-2013, 04:53 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Doc: Starcrash, I am astonished at your assertion! As I've said before, evil is NOT God's plan. For your impertinence, you are to memorize all the 42 names in the genealogy of Christ in Matthew 1:1-17.

Starcrash: Excuse me, sir, I think you mean 41 names.

Doc (thunderstruck): I beg your pardon? I meant 42 names! Matthew 1:1-17 lists all the names of Jesus's ancestors and divides them into 3 groups. Matthew says that there are fourteen names in all from Abraham to David, fourteen from David to the Babylonian exile, and fourteen from the exile to the Christ, making....

Cardinal Smurf (brightly): 42 names!

Starcrash (unfazed): But, in order to make 14 names in each group, Matthew repeated the name of Jeconiah twice, once at the end of the second group of fourteen and again at the beginning of the third group. The third group actually only contains thirteen names. The total is 41 names. I believe Matthew made a simple but understandable counting error.

Doc (infuriated at being shown up by a student): In that case, your punishment will be to memorize all the names in Matthew AND the 77 names in Luke's genealogy of Christ in Luke 3:21-38! Perhaps that will teach you to doubt apostolic authority. Also, report for detention after class.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
15-04-2013, 07:42 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Hey Prof, when you gonna talk about them harlot chicks? I want to hear about the harlots! heh heh heh heh.

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
15-04-2013, 08:34 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(15-04-2013 04:53 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  ...your punishment will be to memorize all the names in Matthew AND the 77 names in Luke's genealogy of Christ in Luke 3:21-38! Perhaps that will teach you to doubt apostolic authority.

...but probably not. Wink

My girlfriend is mad at me. Perhaps I shouldn't have tried cooking a stick in her non-stick pan.
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Starcrash's post
15-04-2013, 10:34 AM (This post was last modified: 15-04-2013 12:20 PM by docskeptic.)
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(15-04-2013 07:42 AM)Erxomai Wrote:  Hey Prof, when you gonna talk about them harlot chicks? I want to hear about the harlots! heh heh heh heh.

Doc (rubbing his temples): Erxomai, how many times do I have to tell you? Dulce et decorum is what I want your attitude to be in class. And, for your information, there are no "chicks" in the Bible. However, since you brought up the issue of harlots and since we are talking about the genealogy of Christ, let me tell you the story of Judah.

Erxomai: Gnarly, dude!

Doc (wincing): Turn to Genesis 38, where we read that Judah, one of the sons of Jacob and the father of the tribe named after him, had 3 sons. The eldest was wicked and was slain by God and left a widow named Tamar. According to custom, the second son married the widow but knowing that any children would be brought up in his brother's name, refused to impregnate Tamar, by.., by..., by (rushing) spilling his semen on the ground. For this heinous act, the lad was slain by God. His name now lives for ever in the word onanism, which is a synonym for mast..., mastur..., you know what I mean.

Erxomai: Righteous, dude!

Doc: Yes, well, Tamar now was widowed twice and expected Judah to give her his third son as a husband but Judah refused as he was afraid that Tamar was cursed and that he would lose his third son as well.

Erxomai: So what happened, man?

Doc: Well, one day Judah, who was widowed, went looking for a harlot. Tamar, dressed herself as one and succeeded in getting Judah to "lie with her" and was impregnated. 3 months later, when Judah found out that she was pregnant, he was furious and ordered her execution. He relented when she showed him proof of his complicity in the matter. She had previously extracted his ring and staff as a pledge. She went on to bear twins, one of whom, Perez by name, became an ancestor of Christ.

Erxomai: But, dude, if Judah did not marry Tamar, the twins were bastards and doesn't God say in Deut. 23:2 that bastards were not allowed in the congregation of God? And did not God forbid a man to sleep with his daughter-in-law in Lev. 18:15? Since Perez was the product of an incestuous relationship and a bastard to boot, he should have been doubly ineligible to become an ancestor of Christ.

Doc: Ay, caramba!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like docskeptic's post
15-04-2013, 11:39 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Whoa, that's some gnarly shit right there.

So, Doc, you sayin' when I jerk my jizz into a sock I'm one of them Onanite Dudes? I'm thinking about gettin one of them Frankie Goes To Hollywood 80's shirts and have it say,

RELAX
DON'T DO IT!

UNLESS YER AN ONANITE!

You want I should order you one too, Doc Ock?



Oh, and I do love me some of that Dulce de Leche! You sayin you're gonna start bringing that to class, cuz I think I've got the muy mucho munchies, Dude.

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
15-04-2013, 11:47 AM
DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
I heard The Harlots were going to be at Coachella this year.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
15-04-2013, 11:53 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(15-04-2013 11:47 AM)Cardinal Smurf Wrote:  I heard The Harlots were going to be at Coachella this year.

Dude, let's load up the RV and go!

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
16-04-2013, 01:53 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Oh Judah St. she was a fun fuck, particularly before a 49er game. Wait is this a class on god. I may have wandered.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
16-04-2013, 05:28 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Doc (in a much better mood): Well, Starcrash, I hope you learned a lesson and will think better of questioning your superiors next time. You're a bright boy, aren't you? Get it? Bright boy? See, when you crash two stars together you get a ... (Starcrash rolls his eyes. If he hears that joke one more time ...). Now, let's hear that list of 77 names from Luke 3: 21-38.

Starcrash: Excuse me, sir, I think you mean 75 names.

Doc (reeling): What? But I checked the names myself! There were 77 names in the list with no repetitions.

Starcrash: The name Cainan in Luke's list is not present in Genesis 11 or 1 Chronicles 1 which also repeat the genealogy and which otherwise agree with Luke's list upto David's name. Also, the name Rhesa before the name Zerubbabel in Luke's list is not a name but a title meaning "Prince". The meaning to be conveyed is Prince Zerubbabel, NOT Rhesa the son of Zerubbabel. These errors appear to be scribal mistakes which were incorporated into the text and received as Holy Writ.

Doc (dismayed): That can't be! There are no errors in the Bible.

Starcrash (relentlessly): Also, the lists in Luke and Matthew do not agree at all after David's name except when they converge at Zerubbabel. They then diverge and do not meet again till Joseph, the father of Jesus. Some scholars say that Matthew follows Joseph's ancestry while Luke follows Mary's ancestry, but that would not explain the divergence before and after Zerubbabel. Also, both lists explicitly claim to represent Joseph's lineage, not Mary's.

Doc (thinking of the implications of what he has just heard, totters unsteadily on his feet): I... I don't feel well. I think I'll lie down. Class dismissed.

Chaos as children pile out with Alice Cooper's "School's out" playing in the background.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like docskeptic's post
16-04-2013, 08:21 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(16-04-2013 05:28 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc (in a much better mood): Well, Starcrash, I hope you learned a lesson and will think better of questioning your superiors next time. You're a bright boy, aren't you? Get it? Bright boy? See, when you crash two stars together you get a ... (Starcrash rolls his eyes. If he hears that joke one more time ...). Now, let's hear that list of 77 names from Luke 3: 21-38.

Starcrash: Excuse me, sir, I think you mean 75 names.

Doc (reeling): What? But I checked the names myself! There were 77 names in the list with no repetitions.

Starcrash: The name Cainan in Luke's list is not present in Genesis 11 or 1 Chronicles 1 which also repeat the genealogy and which otherwise agree with Luke's list upto David's name. Also, the name Rhesa before the name Zerubbabel in Luke's list is not a name but a title meaning "Prince". The meaning to be conveyed is Prince Zerubbabel, NOT Rhesa the son of Zerubbabel. These errors appear to be scribal mistakes which were incorporated into the text and received as Holy Writ.

Doc (dismayed): That can't be! There are no errors in the Bible.

Starcrash (relentlessly): Also, the lists in Luke and Matthew do not agree at all after David's name except when they converge at Zerubbabel. They then diverge and do not meet again till Joseph, the father of Jesus. Some scholars say that Matthew follows Joseph's ancestry while Luke follows Mary's ancestry, but that would not explain the divergence before and after Zerubbabel. Also, both lists explicitly claim to represent Joseph's lineage, not Mary's.

Doc (thinking of the implications of what he has just heard, totters unsteadily on his feet): I... I don't feel well. I think I'll lie down. Class dismissed.

Chaos as children pile out with Alice Cooper's "School's out" playing in the background.

Hey Doc, what's with the authors of the bible and arithmetic? Was it 10 commandments or 613? 77 or 75 names ? 42 or 41 on the list? Fuggedabouit...let's go back to the virgins, do we get 72 or what?

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: