Doc's bishopric Sunday School (Noun or adjective? One word or two?)
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25-04-2013, 07:22 AM (This post was last modified: 25-04-2013 08:25 AM by docskeptic.)
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Starcrash: Speaking of circumcision, did you know that Jesus was circumcised too?

Doc (insulted): 'Course, I do. Luke 2: 21 says that 8 days after his birth, he was circumcised and 33 days later was taken to the temple in Jerusalem to be presented to the Lord.

Starcrash: But Matthew 2:13 says that after the visit of the Magi, Joseph was warned in a dream to escape with Mary and Jesus from Bethlehem to Egypt. Herod and all his court were in Jerusalem. It beggars belief that Joseph would first travel north to Jerusalem into the lion’s den, as it were, before heading 300 or 400 miles south to Egypt. Besides, Luke says that after the visit to the temple, the family returned to Galilee to their hometown of Nazareth, about 70 miles north of Jerusalem.

Doc: Yes, well, you see…

Starcrash: There is an interesting sequel to the circumcision as documented in the Arabic Infancy gospel. There it says that an old Hebrew nurse saved Jesus’s foreskin in an alabaster jar of spikenard and told her son, who was an apothecary, to hold fast to the jar even if he was offered 300 denarii for it. Apparently, he did not listen to his mama’s advice for he later sold the jar to Mary (Lazarus’s sister) for a “year’s wages”. She then anointed Jesus’s feet with this concoction, wiping them with her hair. She was censured for this waste by Judas Iscariot.

Doc (blanching): You… you mean Jesus was anointed with his own…?

Starcrash: I call it “Parfum de Prepuce”.
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25-04-2013, 08:00 AM
DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Why not "Parfum de Putz"?
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25-04-2013, 10:55 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Please, please, please (baby please don't go) let doc preach to me. I find that I am on the road to righteousness and you people keep throwing up road blocks. doc, preach to me that I may find the truth of the bible.

Damn this thread is fun, I laugh almost every time I look at it.

Surprised that no theists have jumped in. I suppose the truth hurts.
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25-04-2013, 01:26 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Opps for fun I was rereading some of this, kingschosen did post in a while ago, so at least one theist has jumped in.

I again wait for a sermon. It is hard to believe in myth without the truth of its teachings.
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25-04-2013, 09:34 PM
DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(25-04-2013 01:26 PM)JAH Wrote:  Opps for fun I was rereading some of this, kingschosen did post in a while ago, so at least one theist has jumped in.

I again wait for a sermon. It is hard to believe in myth without the truth of its teachings.

KC: Resident Stealth Theist
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25-04-2013, 10:39 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(25-04-2013 09:34 PM)Cardinal Smurf Wrote:  
(25-04-2013 01:26 PM)JAH Wrote:  Opps for fun I was rereading some of this, kingschosen did post in a while ago, so at least one theist has jumped in.

I again wait for a sermon. It is hard to believe in myth without the truth of its teachings.

KC: Resident Stealth Theist

he's the stealthiest stealth theist Smile

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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26-04-2013, 04:06 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Doc: Starcrash, you are pulling my leg. Shame on you for deceiving your old teacher so.

JAH: No, he's not. The Catholic Church celebrated the Feast of the Holy Prepuce on Jan. 1 until 1900.

Doc: What's that?

JAH: Well, some scholars say that the emperor Charlemagne was praying at the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem when an angel brought him the foreskin of Jesus. Later, he gave it to Pope Leo as a present. After passing through many hands, it finally landed in Calcata, Italy and had its own chapel. The Feast of the Holy Prepuce celebrates the circumcision of Jesus. The foreskin was reported to have been responsible for many wonderful miracles.

Doc: How do we know that the foreskin was authentic?

JAH: Because the ruling pope ruled in favor of its authenticity and his infallibility must put a stop to all discussion. Pilgrims visiting the chapel were even offered a 10 year indulgence! So powerful was the relic that it could reproduce itself and at one point up to 18 foreskins were claimed more or less simultaneously by various churches in Europe.

Doc (impressed): Well, what happened to the relic?

JAH: Oh, in 1900, facing a rival claim from France which claimed to hold another Holy Foreskin, the church banned the worship of the relic. The last known foreskin was stolen in 1983 from its church in Calcata and its current whereabouts are unknown. Some say secret agents from the Vatican pulled off a a daring heist to discourage worship of the relic.

Doc retires with visions of Vatican ninja priests and the theme of Mission Impossible playing in his head.
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26-04-2013, 05:21 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(26-04-2013 04:06 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  So powerful was the relic that it could reproduce itself and at one point up to 18 foreskins were claimed more or less simultaneously by various churches in Europe.

Big Grin I love the sarcasm here. It's subtle.

Not everyone can be content with seeing the Virgin Mary in a piece of toast or some random stain... some people want to claim that they own a piece of the original cross. So many people want to claim it that the chunks of alleged cross would build several crosses, despite the fact that the Romans probably wouldn't let even a single person near their damn crosses that they probably intended to re-use in their entirety.

My girlfriend is mad at me. Perhaps I shouldn't have tried cooking a stick in her non-stick pan.
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26-04-2013, 07:39 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(26-04-2013 04:06 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc: Starcrash, you are pulling my leg. Shame on you for deceiving your old teacher so.

JAH: No, he's not. The Catholic Church celebrated the Feast of the Holy Prepuce on Jan. 1 until 1900.

Doc: What's that?

JAH: Well, some scholars say that the emperor Charlemagne was praying at the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem when an angel brought him the foreskin of Jesus. Later, he gave it to Pope Leo as a present. After passing through many hands, it finally landed in Calcata, Italy and had its own chapel. The Feast of the Holy Prepuce celebrates the circumcision of Jesus. The foreskin was reported to have been responsible for many wonderful miracles.

Doc: How do we know that the foreskin was authentic?

JAH: Because the ruling pope ruled in favor of its authenticity and his infallibility must put a stop to all discussion. Pilgrims visiting the chapel were even offered a 10 year indulgence! So powerful was the relic that it could reproduce itself and at one point up to 18 foreskins were claimed more or less simultaneously by various churches in Europe.

Doc (impressed): Well, what happened to the relic?

JAH: Oh, in 1900, facing a rival claim from France which claimed to hold another Holy Foreskin, the church banned the worship of the relic. The last known foreskin was stolen in 1983 from its church in Calcata and its current whereabouts are unknown. Some say secret agents from the Vatican pulled off a a daring heist to discourage worship of the relic.

Doc retires with visions of Vatican ninja priests and the theme of Mission Impossible playing in his head.

Feast of the Holy Prepuce.

Is there anything more that needs to be said?

How can anyone satire a religion like that? They do such a magnificent job themselves.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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26-04-2013, 08:35 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
What would a movie based on the heist of the Holy Prepuce be named? And who would star in it?
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