Doc's bishopric Sunday School (Noun or adjective? One word or two?)
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10-05-2013, 08:01 AM
DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(10-05-2013 07:06 AM)hedgehog648 Wrote:  I'm surprised your pop quiz didn't include the question:

Which animal was God hoping Adam would pick as a fuck buddy before Adam was all like "Bitch make me a damn woman, I ain't into this shit"?

Good question. Here's another: what was his penis for before God made woman?
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11-05-2013, 07:20 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Cardinal Smurf: What was Adam's penis for before God made woman?

Doc (embarrassed): Well, I assume that's how he urinated.

Cardinal Smurf: Well, since we are on the topic of Adam, let me ask you this: Since Adam never went through an embryo or fetus stage, did he have a belly button?

Doc: Well, I never...

Cardinal Smurf: And if he had one, what was its purpose? If he did not have one, did he also not have the following:
a. The round ligament, which represents the remnant of the umbilical vein?
b. The ligamentum arteriosum which represents the remnant of the ductus arteriosus which we all have as fetuses but which closes after birth?
c. A foramen ovale, a "hole in the heart" which shunts blood from the right side of the heart to the left, but which closes after birth?
d. Fetal hemoglobin, a type of hemoglobin that predominates in the fetus but levels of which fall rapidly after birth? Did Adam have the genetic code for that type of hemoglobin?
e. Spermatic cords which run from the abdomen to the testicles and which result from the movement of the testicles from the abdomen to the scrotum during fetushood?

Also, what was Adam's genetic code like? The human genome is made up of 3 billion base-pairs. Much of this code represents "fossil" DNA, i.e. viral DNA that has become incorporated into human DNA over evolutionary time scales (believe it or not, we are partly virus). If not, then Adam had a much shorter DNA complement than the rest of us. Did he have DNA deletions, additions, mutations, duplications, etc. like the rest of us? Of course, with the exception of item e., the same argument would apply to Eve as well.

Doc: ¡Ay ¡Ay ¡Ay. No me gusta!
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11-05-2013, 07:39 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Apologist: God made Adam with a penis because he knew he was eventually going to make Eve.

Me: But if He knew this why not make them both at the same time? Why let him go around spilling his seed on the ground or, as someone else suggested, chasing the wildlife? Consider "Ummm' thinks Adam, "I think that Velociraptor is coming on to me with that luscious tail." Yes

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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11-05-2013, 08:34 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
I always found the whole woman-created-from-man deal comical since we women are the ones who give birth. But then we are non-entities in the whole Bibble/Jebus story anyhow except for the virgin who gave birth (ROTFL--imagine your teenage daughter coming home and trying to tell you that this is why she is pregnant. You'd believe it right?! It did happen once, oh wait, no it didn't ...)

I'm gonna join the stoner's back row since I'm joining this class near the end of the semester. Best Sunday school class ever!

Godless in the Magnolia State
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11-05-2013, 03:36 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
cjs, just bring your stash and meet us on the bridge just off campus. doc does not like us smoking in class. I have got papers or a small pipe, your choice.
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11-05-2013, 03:52 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
JAH I'll swing by Copperhead Road on the way to the bridge and pick up some of the good stuff!

Godless in the Magnolia State
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11-05-2013, 04:26 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(11-05-2013 03:52 PM)cjs Wrote:  JAH I'll swing by Copperhead Road on the way to the bridge and pick up some of the good stuff!





Grab some Moonshine while you're there and we can turn this into a party. Granted none of us will remember what the hell happened.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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11-05-2013, 04:41 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Doc, listening to the above exchange, hugs his Bible to his chest: I have a feeling I'm not in Kansas anymore.
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11-05-2013, 04:42 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(11-05-2013 04:41 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc, listening to the above exchange, hugs his Bible to his chest: I have a feeling I'm not in Kansas anymore.

Naw the midwest is Meth country and you don't wanna fool with that stuff.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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11-05-2013, 04:49 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
cjs I am with Revenant77x, let us make a real party out of this. But we must be careful we do not want doc to kick us out of class, we need this to graduate Sunday school. (why does the stupid machinery force me to capitalize Sunday school I will capitalize what I damn well please, maybe it is my machinery, I will try to check)

Oddly enough, I have often thought how different the world might be if a teenager had not found a good story to explain how they got knocked up.
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