Doc's bishopric Sunday School (Noun or adjective? One word or two?)
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 9 Votes - 4.22 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
07-04-2013, 05:48 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(06-04-2013 06:22 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc: Let's move on to question number 2 which asked, “Name at least three of Jesus's four brothers and explain how this is compatible with the Roman Catholic theory of Mary's perpetual virginity.”
The answer is NOT Larry, Curly and Moe (looking disapprovingly at Cardinal Smurf). I don’t believe those are even Semitic names. According to Matt. 13:55, Jesus had 4 brothers named James, Joseph, Simon and Judas and at least 2 unnamed sisters.

Cardinal Smurf: What about the issue of Mary's virginity?

Doc: Well, according to the Protoevangelium of James 20: 1-4, the infant Jesus was responsible for the cure of Salome, a Hebrew woman in attendance upon Mary at her delivery. Her disbelief at the midwife's statement that Mary was delivered of a child despite being a virgin led to her insisting upon performing a pelvic examination on Mary to confirm the fact. For this act of impiety, the offending hand was in danger of falling off as if by fire. Salome was told by an angel to hold the baby Jesus; upon doing so, she was cured. This proves that Mary remained a virgin even after delivery. Here’s the portion (Joseph is speaking):

"I saw a woman coming down from the hill-country, and she said to me: O man, whither are you going? And I said: I am seeking an Hebrew midwife. And she answered and said unto me: Are you of Israel? And I said to her: Yes. And she said: And who is it that is bringing forth in the cave? And I said: A woman betrothed to me. And she said to me: Is she not your wife? And I said to her: It is Mary that was reared in the temple of the Lord, and I obtained her by lot as my wife. And yet she is not my wife, but has conceived of the Holy Spirit.

And the midwife said to him: Is this true? And Joseph said to her: Come and see. And the midwife went away with him. And they stood in the place of the cave, and behold a luminous cloud overshadowed the cave. And the midwife said: My soul has been magnified this day, because my eyes have seen strange things- because salvation has been brought forth to Israel. And immediately the cloud disappeared out of the cave, and a great light shone in the cave, so that the eyes could not bear it. And in a little that light gradually decreased, until the infant appeared, and went and took the breast from His mother Mary. And the midwife cried out, and said: This is a great day to me, because I have seen this strange sight. And the midwife went forth out of the cave, and Salome met her. And she said to her: Salome, Salome, I have a strange sight to relate to you: A VIRGIN HAS BROUGHT FORTH- a thing which her nature admits not of. Then said Salome: AS THE LORD MY GOD LIVES, UNLESS I THRUST IN MY FINGER, AND SEARCH THE PARTS, I WILL NOT BELIEVE THAT A VIRGIN HAS BROUGHT FORTH.

And the midwife went in, and said to Mary: Show yourself; for no small controversy has arisen about you. AND SALOME PUT IN HER FINGER, AND CRIED OUT, AND SAID: WOE IS ME FOR MINE INIQUITY AND MINE UNBELIEF, BECAUSE I HAVE TEMPTED THE LIVING GOD; AND, BEHOLD, MY HAND IS DROPPING OFF AS IF BURNED WITH FIRE. And she bent her knees before the Lord, saying: O God of my fathers, remember that I am the seed of Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob; do not make a show of me to the sons of Israel, but restore me to the poor; for You know, O Lord, that in Your name I have performed my services, and that I have received my reward at Your hand. And, behold, an angel of the Lord stood by her, saying to her: Salome, Salome, the Lord has heard you. PUT YOUR HAND TO THE INFANT, AND CARRY IT, AND YOU WILL HAVE SAFETY AND JOY. And Salome went and carried it, saying: I will worship Him, because a great King has been born to Israel. AND, BEHOLD, SALOME WAS IMMEDIATELY CURED, and she went forth out of the cave justified. And behold a voice saying: Salome, Salome, tell not the strange things you have seen, until the child has come into Jerusalem."

See, class? With God ALL things are possible! If Mary could remain a virgin after delivering Jesus, she certainly could have remained one after delivering at least 6 other of his siblings.

Cardinal Smurf: But you're quoting from a pseudo-gospel!

Doc: It was scripture for somebody! Besides, the Catholic Church relies on statements like these to maintain its doctrines.

Lucky she didn't drop little baby Jesus. Not easy picking a kid up with one hand.
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
07-04-2013, 08:32 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(07-04-2013 11:07 AM)DLJ Wrote:  Do women and slaves count as people or possessions?

DLJ,
The answer to your question is long and complex and will follow soon. Meanwhile, here's something for you to ponder. While sitting at church today (yes, I still attend church. I am nothing if not uxorious. It promotes domestic felicity, don't you know), I came across this in the church bulletin (I copied it verbatim):

Gluten-Free communion wafers
We are now offering a gluten-free option for communion. Pick them up at the Information Center or see an usher before the service


While I am glad to see the church keeping up with the times, it does raise some issues. Although this may prove of no consequence to Protestant denominations which believe that communion is merely symbolic, it does put the Catholic Church, which believes in the transubstantiation of the host and the wine into the actual body and blood of Jesus Christ, in a bind. Has the body of Christ been responsible for gastric upset and diarrhea in a host of gluten-sensitive people through the ages?

Doc
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes docskeptic's post
07-04-2013, 09:47 PM
DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
So, how does the removal of wheat gluten from wafers affect transubstantiation?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
07-04-2013, 09:48 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(07-04-2013 09:47 PM)Cardinal Smurf Wrote:  So, how does the removal of wheat gluten from wafers affect transubstantiation?

Skinny Jesus Slices?

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Revenant77x's post
07-04-2013, 09:57 PM
DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(07-04-2013 09:48 PM)Revenant77x Wrote:  
(07-04-2013 09:47 PM)Cardinal Smurf Wrote:  So, how does the removal of wheat gluten from wafers affect transubstantiation?

Skinny Jesus Slices?

Filleted or deli sliced?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
07-04-2013, 10:08 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(07-04-2013 09:57 PM)Cardinal Smurf Wrote:  
(07-04-2013 09:48 PM)Revenant77x Wrote:  Skinny Jesus Slices?

Filleted or deli sliced?

Chipped

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Revenant77x's post
08-04-2013, 12:18 AM (This post was last modified: 08-04-2013 12:22 AM by Bucky Ball.)
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(07-04-2013 08:32 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  
(07-04-2013 11:07 AM)DLJ Wrote:  Do women and slaves count as people or possessions?

DLJ,
The answer to your question is long and complex and will follow soon. Meanwhile, here's something for you to ponder. While sitting at church today (yes, I still attend church. I am nothing if not uxorious. It promotes domestic felicity, don't you know), I came across this in the church bulletin (I copied it verbatim):

Gluten-Free communion wafers
We are now offering a gluten-free option for communion. Pick them up at the Information Center or see an usher before the service


While I am glad to see the church keeping up with the times, it does raise some issues. Although this may prove of no consequence to Protestant denominations which believe that communion is merely symbolic, it does put the Catholic Church, which believes in the transubstantiation of the host and the wine into the actual body and blood of Jesus Christ, in a bind. Has the body of Christ been responsible for gastric upset and diarrhea in a host of gluten-sensitive people through the ages?

Doc

No. Oh ye of little faith. It's "substance under the *accident*" don't cha just know.
I mean really. How many hundreds of years ago did humans stop talking about "substance" vs accident. I always wanted to axe ask , "so do the atoms change, or do the electron orbits change, and if not, what ARE you talking about ?". It's one of the things I very early on thought, "these people are just making this shit up, cuz it's their job, and the bishop will fire them if they don't toe the line".

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Bucky Ball's post
08-04-2013, 03:11 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(08-04-2013 12:18 AM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  
(07-04-2013 08:32 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  DLJ,
The answer to your question is long and complex and will follow soon. Meanwhile, here's something for you to ponder. While sitting at church today (yes, I still attend church. I am nothing if not uxorious. It promotes domestic felicity, don't you know), I came across this in the church bulletin (I copied it verbatim):

Gluten-Free communion wafers
We are now offering a gluten-free option for communion. Pick them up at the Information Center or see an usher before the service


While I am glad to see the church keeping up with the times, it does raise some issues. Although this may prove of no consequence to Protestant denominations which believe that communion is merely symbolic, it does put the Catholic Church, which believes in the transubstantiation of the host and the wine into the actual body and blood of Jesus Christ, in a bind. Has the body of Christ been responsible for gastric upset and diarrhea in a host of gluten-sensitive people through the ages?

Doc

No. Oh ye of little faith. It's "substance under the *accident*" don't cha just know.
I mean really. How many hundreds of years ago did humans stop talking about "substance" vs accident. I always wanted to axe ask , "so do the atoms change, or do the electron orbits change, and if not, what ARE you talking about ?". It's one of the things I very early on thought, "these people are just making this shit up, cuz it's their job, and the bishop will fire them if they don't toe the line".

But I think this might explain why I'm an atheist...

I must be corpus-christi-intolerant.

Big Grin

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like DLJ's post
08-04-2013, 03:14 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(07-04-2013 08:32 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  ...
I came across this in the church
...

Good shot Doc.

I hope you wiped up after yourself.




Schoolboy humour... your fault... you created the role play!

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like DLJ's post
08-04-2013, 05:38 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(03-04-2013 08:32 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  For example, Matthew quotes Zechariah during Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem. Zechariah 9:9 says, "Rejoice greatly, O Daughter of Zion! Shout, Daughter of Jerusalem! See, your king comes to you, righteous and having salvation, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey."

Yeah, the author of Matthew was a bit of a con artist. One might also notice Zechariah 9:10 while looking up Matthew's citation and wonder if Jesus "ruled from sea to sea" or "from the ends of the Earth". The author of Matthew was the worst kind of cherry-picker.

My girlfriend is mad at me. Perhaps I shouldn't have tried cooking a stick in her non-stick pan.
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Starcrash's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: